Sex: How much does physical love mean to you?

I also would like to come back in 5 years or so and see how many virgins will stay that way before marriage. Frankly I dont know anyone who made it through college without having sex. I am not saying everyone should go out and have sex, i am saying that priorities change as we age.

Ditto to what Ariana said. Except I'll make it $10,000. That's how strong my conviction is. That's how sure I am of what I want, and that my decision is right for me and what will make me happy.

 

Folks relax, I am just saying i knew alot of people whose convictions were very strong yet still they changed their minds as they got older. There is no need for sarcasm Ariana, i wasnt attacking anyone or saying they have week characters. Things change that you cant forsee and these things alter your views on life. I'm not predicting anything, i am just offering my experiences and those of others i have known in my life. Some of you may remain virgins, some of you may not.

I happen to agree with Saint of Killers on the origins of the virtues of female virginity and the fact that it is not something to be taken or given. As a personal choice it really is not anybody's business what you do.
Personally I would never want to deny myself the pleasure of sex. There really is no substitute for it. It has enhanced every relationship i have been in.

 

Well I happen to think there are a lot more important things in life than physical pleasure. I'd rather have the pleasure of spending the rest of my life with someone I truly love, if given the choice. You know what sucks? I want to date in college, but I'm afraid I won't find a guy who just wants to hang out. Ugh. Well, I'd rather not date at all than date someone who is going to try to pressure me into having sex. Someone like that, who doesn't want to respect my choice, is not worth the time.

 

Rebecca191 - don't worry! Those guys - ones who respect your choice - are out there. I have dated a few It isn't always easy to find them - but honestly, the ones who are there, I think, sometimes wonder if they will find any women who respect *their* choice! Just have faith it will work out the way it's meant to.

sleazo -

I'm not predicting anything, i am just offering my experiences and those of others i have known in my life.

That's fair, and I don't think anyone took your comment the wrong way. I, at least, was just saying that it is more than merely possible that some people with convictions on this matter will hold to those convictions - I happen to be one example.

 

Well, I hope that's true for me, then. I hope I can find a guy like that.

 

sleazo, I have one year of college left and I'm still a virgin.

But I will admit that it is the minority in colleges. However, they may be harder to find, but there are people out there who don't mind and even admire it.

 

I still say that between two people who truly love each other, marrage is just formality; paperworkl; just making their love offical. If two people truly love each other and marrage is truly as I said above, then sex is fine.

When asked for advice, I tell people to either wait for marrage or till as I said above.

You can have sex with people you dont want to spend your life with, and that is fine (I should not and dont care). I just want to be loyal to whatever woman I love and woman who loves me.

 

"I want to date in college, but I'm afraid I won't find a guy who just wants to hang out."

If you just want to hang out why call it dating? Why not just call it "being friends"?

 

Sleazo -- actually, I wasn't being sarcastic. I meant it. If I don't come out of college a virgin, I will give you 1,000 dollars.

 

Okay, let's say it like this:

Let's say you love everything about a person in every way except for the way they view religion, as it counters yours (no matter what your religious views are). Do you see a future with someone like that? Can you work through that if you are someone who believes strongly in God and you find someone that is perfect for you in every way other than that they do not believe in God at all? Okay, now that you've answered that.......what would you do if you didn't find out about their views until after you were married?--yodafett999


Okay, first off, one of the best teachers I've ever had is married to someone with very different religious beliefs than her. I know I can't see into their private lives but knowing her personality I highly doubt that she would remain in an unhappy marriage. She's also a psychology teacher as well and that probably helps.

Personally I see myself being able to love someone with different beliefs very easily as long as they love me back. I breaks my heart when spiritual beliefs tear people apart. I hate seeing people fight wars over books written tousands of years ago! If I had any power at all I would work something like that out. I'm too young, in my opinion, to worry about marriage. But as far as relationships go I don't see eye-to-eye with my boyfriend spiritually. We have very different beliefs. But we talk about them and have never been angry with each other for them. I know this is different than marriage, in marriage you have kids to worry about, but it shows that I can care about someone despite their beliefs.

And say I did have sex with them "just to make sure." I just can't see myself ceasing to love someone just because the sex wasn't spectacular! That's insane to me. And I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who would cast me aside just because I couldn't give them perfect sex. What happens when I'm older? What happens if I'm critically wounded and can't preform?! If you're all right with the idea your spouse would leave you then thats up to you, of course. Personally I'd rather mean more to them. My mom once told me of two ducks she saw. The female had been severly wounded but the mallard was still by her side. That's what I want.

Also, I don't equate virginity with purity. If someone's raped I don't think that makes them less pure. Or if they can't get married, or they are like my friends and simply have no desire to, but still truly care about the person. It's intents that are unpure. Not actions.

And, Rebecca191, don't fear. They exist. I didn't think I'd find one in High School but my boyfriend is great. We often get in trouble for being affectionate, even. There was a friend of his that said only handholding is permitted in public and only hot sex in private. So we're just breaking rules wherever we go! We snuggle in public and don't have sex in private! Sigh...but now I'm ranting.

Oh, and, sleazo, my e-mail's in my bio. Go ahead and ask me in five years. Short of being raped or early marriage I don't think I'll be at all changed. Heh, heh, and I'd bet the same for my sister whose alredy in her sophmore year. Of course, she's just very...unique. She's already married to her computer. Like, Ariana, I'm not being sarcastic. I just want to show you that there are people who can do this without it being a big deal. It's just the way we see things.

 

If you just want to hang out why call it dating? Why not just call it "being friends"?

Because I don't want to have sex until I'm married, I can't have a boyfriend? Sheesh. Do you actually think the only difference between dating and just friends is whether there's sex? *Rolls eyes* How the hell else am I supposed to meet someone to marry someday, if not dating?

 

I don't think he meant it that way. The way you worded it -- hanging out -- made it sound like there was nothing romantic about it and you were just hanging out like friends.

 

Fair enough, Teniel, and I respect your opinion. As I respect all the opinions of the people here. I just like to point out that some people have different priorities and that no certain aspect of a relationship necessarily makes it more important than another.

I'm just a perfectionist and want everything to be perfect in my relationships. It's tough going but I won't settle for less than the best of all possible worlds. If it means I'm alone for the majority of my life, so be it. I haven't been so far.

 

Perfection never really happens, and indeed, the best kind of relationship takes mistakes and human errors as part of the growing process.

 

I think any relationship I had would have to start out with just hanging out, seeing how we got along. I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with someone I couldn't even manage to be friends with.

 

I think that's a pretty good policy, Rebecca .

 

You can get really, really close KW

I've been there.

 

I wouldn't "date" anyone if I wasn't seeing them naked.

 

Good call, Rebecca. That is so totally awesome, I'm currently doing the same thing. I figure if I can't stand to be around someone a lot when we aren't even dating, I don't see dates with them being very fun. My best relationships have been with people who I developed friendships with first, then allowed my interest in them to get a little more serious. It's cool to know there are girls who think the same way.

 

Are we allowed to discuss masturbation in this thread? I mean, not implicitly, but as it relates to the discussion?

EDIT: Damn you, royalguard. I didn't see that there.

 

Are we allowed to discuss masturbation in this thread? I mean, not implicitly, but as it relates to the discussion at hand?

Was there a pun intended somewhere in there??

Sorry, couldn't help but appreciate the choice of words in there!!

Anyway, it's cool everyone is being so honest about their views in here. One of the things that makes this place great is the acceptance of different points of view.

 

I think sex is too important to be divorced from the total commitment, trust, love and devotion that comes with marriage

You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but to quote one of the great recent comedic american classics:

"It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex"



V-03

EDIT: In reference to the above posts: I don't know about you, but I find the idea of getting involved with someone I've been friends with first kind of awkward. There have been girls that I've wanted to date, but have not had interest back, and we've been 'friends'. And vice versa. But to me, if I call a girl 'friend', it's because I'm not attracted to them and do not think of them in that way. This may be an unpopular viewpoint here, but rarely has an attraction for someone I don't view 'in that way' turned into one. To me, dating a friend that I was interested in from the get-go wouldn't really be dating a friend, because I would have always wanted something more; on the flip side, the idea of dating/hooking up with girls whom I've never even thought about it with is kind of....weird.

Does that make any sense?

 

In a way there is a closeness between two friends that is many times missing between two lovers. With a friend, there is less at stake. You can joke around with less fear of messing up the relationship. Just it seems to me it is easier to talk to friends about some things than between lovers.

However, if a bf/gf relationship exists where they romantically love each other, but are still friends in other respects, that sort of make the relationship that much stronger. It may be harder to talk about big things, but with a strong foundation as friends, it makes it that much easier.

Am i making any sense?

 

In a way there is a closeness between two friends that is many times missing between two lovers.

When you are having sex with someone, if it starts early on in the relationship, it tends to create a false intimacy of heady emotions and feelings that can, unfortunately, replace the true intimacy that comes from getting to know someone over a period of time. One day you find yourself fighting voraciously over something you can't believe you disagree on after all that wonderful 'intimacy' in the bedroom.

Ultimately, the relationship will fail if you don't make an effort to nurture the real intimacy that exists in a friendship. Closeness of genitals has nothing to do with closeness of hearts and minds.