Shades of Gray -- NJO -- (links pg. 1)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by LadyMairead, Sep 13, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    So?it?s been like two weeks since I?ve posted. Ooops.

    The two weeks have been spent attempting to beat this post into submission. I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to accomplish with this chapter, and it just wouldn?t happen once I tried to put it on paper. The characters wouldn?t say or do what I wanted, and the scene kept twisting away from me. Has anyone else ever gotten that feeling? I?ve been really frustrated with this story in general as of late, and I find myself taking breaks from for days at a time. That?s sort of what happened here. Anyway, I?m not at all happy with the way it?s turned out, but here?s the first half of this scene. It hasn?t been betaed, so excuse any mistakes.

    ******************************************************

    Jaina burst through the lounge door, breathless and flushed. Her eyes scanned the room, and upon locating him, seated in the corner chair, flipping through an aviation holomag, she grinned broadly.

    ?Come on,? she demanded impatiently, waving her hands.

    ?Are we going somewhere??

    Jag ignored the way his chest tightened with delight at the sight of her, vivid and smiling, like she hadn?t smiled in so long. He would follow her wherever she wanted to go and ask not a single question if she would only keep that expression on her face and that glow in her eyes.

    ?Yes!? The exclamation was victorious and pleased, as if she was thrilled with him for so quickly comprehending the situation. He wanted nothing more than to grin back, but he felt he should question her again, if only for appearance?s sake.

    ?And where are we going, if I may ask?? He raised his eyebrows a little at her to complete the look.

    A fresh grin broke out upon her face, slightly abashed this time as she recognized her own excessive exuberance but was unable to seal the luminosity, helpless to keep it from overflowing.

    ?Anywhere...somewhere...everywhere!? She threw up her arms and raised her face to the ceiling, beaming. He couldn?t hold in his laugh this time, and he tossed the holomag aside, crossed the room, and wrapped his arms around her waist.

    ?All three this afternoon?? he asked as he pressed his smiling lips against her neck. She laughed, loudly, tipping her head back and letting the sound ring against the walls. Pulling away, her hands clutching his shoulders, she nodded impulsively.

    ?All three, this afternoon,? she confirmed and then kissed him full on the mouth. She tasted sweet like a bright summer day and when he drew away, he could feel his own face glowing with that impossible smile.

    ?You?re contagious,? he declared, a little out of breath, and she grinned again, then pulled him, hand-in-hand, out of the door, down the hall, and into her quarters. She pushed him onto the bed, kissed him so hard he saw a rushing explosion of stars, and then darted into the refresher.

    A cloud of silk and colors preceded her out of the chamber a few minutes later, billowing in a rainbow of yellows and blues and purples from the vibrant dress she had donned, matching the bright hues of her newly-dyed hair. Recovering from his surprise, he grabbed her hands and pulled her near, kissing that red mouth.

    ?A disguise??

    ?No one will bother us this way,? she agreed, stepping back and spinning in a circle. The fabric fanned out around her in brilliant strips of color that seemed to be melting down her body, born from the radiance inside her, an extension of her joy.

    ?You look like?? He leaned back and considered her. ?A merchant princess.?

    ?Then you can be my slave,? she informed him, pulling him to his feet and spinning around again. Her hair and dress floated, twisted, twirled around them, in a wild array of color, like a storm of firestars. When they stopped, he grasped the small of her back and pulled her close, fit her tight against his body.

    ?You?re beautiful,? he whispered.

    ?Love is blindness,? she countered in a low, teasing voice.

    Then she kissed him, hard, and he wove his fingers through the bright strands of her hair. He tugged o
  2. Utuu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2002
    star 2
    Awwww, how sickeningly sweet. Isn't that just lovely. The happy couple at play. ;) Actually it's good and I actually kinda liked it. It is nice to see a break from pathosyness every once in a great while. And that shopkeeper arouses much suspiscion. Can't wait for the next one.
  3. Rogue_of-Peace Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2002
    star 4
    Hmm.............................

    Hmm.............................

    Hmm.............................

    Very interesting. What's going on?
  4. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    Utuu: *hugs* Thank you.

    ROP: That's the question, I suppose. ;)
  5. jedishellyskywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2002
    star 4
    You look like?? He leaned back and considered her. ?A merchant princess.?

    ?Then you can be my slave,? she informed him


    I liked that bit, a lot. It made me smile, and after the day I've had, that's saying a lot. As to why my day sucked...don't ask! You really don't want to know!

    But anyhoo, unfinished or not, that was agreat post, LadyM!

    That bit with Jag wanting to be a security officer because of the shiny badge= :p

    And as for that shopkeeper guy, he kinda freaks me out!

    Good luck counting all the votes!

    Shelly
    :D
  6. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    shelly: Thank you. :) I'm glad I could brighten your day, because your comment certainly made me feel better.

    Fortunately, I have five other lovely people helping me count votes, but it's still going to take forever...
  7. Lt_Jaina_Solo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 27, 2002
    star 5
    Awesome postie, LM! Loved Jaina's brightly colored clothes! Can't wait to find out what happens next!

    *LtJS*
  8. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
  9. Xaara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 3
    What grace! What beauty! What description! I'm jealous! (I've also reached critical mass where exclamation points are concerned.) :)

    First Part: You've really gotten into Jag's head, a feat which I admire greatly, as he's always seemed a bit flat in the novels. Of course, since the three R's--reading, writing, and 'rithmetic...excuse me, Remnant, Refugee, and Reunion--came out, I've seen a whole new side to the "novel" Jag. I was always rather indifferent to the canon Jag, but now I'm beginning to like him.

    Jaina is just a tad frightening, however. This little exchange:

    ?Then you can be my slave,? she informed him, pulling him to his feet and spinning around again.

    -=snip=-

    ?You?re beautiful,? he whispered.

    ?Love is blindness,? she countered in a low, teasing voice.


    was just downright scary. You've developed an awful habit of telling just enough to satisfy the superficial questions while leaving the deeper ones unanswered. (Or that might just be me. As a result of my complete inability to actually perceive symbolism as the author intended--I'm sorry, but a potted plant is really nothing but a potted plant--I've developed the art of making up symbols. My teachers love it. My friends hate it. I live with it. ;) )

    Second Part: Although this doesn't really reflect the overall mood of the post, I had to say I loved this bit:

    ?I always wanted to be a Security Officer,? he said finally, firmly. She grinned, gauging his sincerity, then snorted. He adopted an offended expression.

    -=snip=-

    ?What??

    ?It?s just that?? She halted and shook her head again. He bumped his shoulder against hers. Raising her head slowly, she asked with an air of innocent inquiry, ?You just liked the uniforms, didn?t you??


    We all know Jag just wants the shiny badge...what took you so long, Jaina?

    Ha! *points at LM's fudging of a date* What sort of number is 1}~`, may I ask? (Actually, I'm rather guilty of the same thing myself, as I'm sure I've mentioned. ;) )

    Then, once we're inside J. Conrad and Sons, the description just takes off. From the initial depiction of the "odd assortment of baubles and treasures" to the dagger and necklace:

    Inside the dome, atop a raised platform, rested an ivory knife with a silver handle. Engraved upon the handle with magnificent skill was a serpent whose body was wrapped around the hilt, tail near the blade and its snarling head positioned near the top of the dagger, so that the serpent?s fangs looked as if they would sink into the wrist of the person foolish enough to wield the weapon.

    You're going all Gothic-y on us, LM...I don't suppose any of this could possibly be foreshadowing? Then we meet the little hunchback with horrible fashion sense--related to Sharr, perhaps?--who's just freaky. The entire scene, though broken by occasional bits of humor like Jaina's observation of the man's shoes, gave me the creeps.

    You accomplished something, all right, and I hope you have time to write more soon--I can't wait to see where you're going with this.
  10. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    Xaara: *clings*

    You always make me feel so much better. I know I owe you a return PM, and a long review on your wonderful fic, but I've been feeling so out-of-sorts the last few days, that I just ignored everything. Sorry. And now with this vote-counting thing... *huffs* Anyway, thank you so much for your comments.

    That's supposed to be a smudged number, but it also serves the convient purpose of helping me avoid figuring some kind of date system. :p

    J. Conrad and Sons was my little shout-out to Joseph Conrad. I love that man. Heart of Darkness is one of my favorite books ever. I'm glad you enjoyed the description. I want to say more, but I'm slumping over the computer as we speak from fatigue, so I'll speak with you later. Thanks again. [face_love]
  11. jedishellyskywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2002
    star 4
    Up again, for the great LadyM
  12. JediWarriorYoda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2002
    star 4
    Purple shoes? Is he some kind of creepy Elton John fan?- assuming Elton John wears purple shoes, of course...
  13. JAGSGURL15 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2003
    star 4
    hey that was pretty good but i got me a ???


    it says on ur thing faturing jaina and jag


    well its really featuring jacen

    i need mush


    love lots tiff
  14. Rogue_of-Peace Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2002
    star 4
    Hey LM, you liked HoD? Have you read Shatterpoint yet, very much like it.
  15. LonErianMustDie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2003
    Hello,

    I just wanted to say that I'm really enjoing this fanfic, and i'd like to read some more of it real soon!
  16. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    *hugs shelly*

    JWY: Maybe he is Elton John. 0_o

    JAGSGURL: Heh. Well, what I meant was the last post was featuring Jag and Jaina. In general, yes, I would agree that there is more Jacen in the story. And I loathe mush, so if that's what you're looking for, there won't be much of it here. Sorry. ;)

    ROP: I adore HoD! I can't remember if I've read Shatterpoint... Give me another clue. :p

    Lon: Thanks! I'm very glad you're enjoying it. :)

    Also, I want to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to Xaara and Tenel_Ka, because my love for them is epic. [face_love]

    And now...another post. Am so productive. Yay me.

    ***********************************************

    Jacen flipped absently through the entries on his datapad as he strolled down the shadowed corridors toward his quarters. Most of the base was on its sleep-cycle, which was why he had chosen this moment to make his escape from the med-ward. The doctors had suggested he rest there for another night, but he was feeling so monumentally improved already that he had taken it upon himself to relinquish the use of his cot, for the betterment of the med wing as a whole. It was a small sacrifice to make.

    Besides, he was anxious to see Vergere again, and to pry what information he could from her regarding the Jedi artifact she had taunted him with prior to his trip to Ylesia. So intent was he upon his thoughts that, when he felt himself collide with another person after turning the corner, he would have merely apologized and continued walking without looking up if it wasn?t for the sharp suck of air he heard in his wake.

    Turning back, he was startled to see a familiar face framed by short flaxen ringlets that had escaped from a messy leather tie.

    ?Arête,? he blurted, surprised, and then, not really knowing what to say, he continued, ?what?what are you doing here??

    He knew exactly how late it was, as he had timed his departure from the med wing to coincide precisely with the changing of the nurses from the night staff to the morning. Then he remembered Arête mentioning something about intelligence business she had to ?attend to? off-planet.

    ?Did you just get back from your assignment?? He knew he was prying, but he was curious as to why she had returned at such an odd hour.

    ?Yes, I just docked my ship,? she answered shortly, her eyes darting down the hallway as if she was desperate to get away from him.

    He noticed then that she was standing sideways, and holding the arm farthest from him at an awkward angle, cradling her hand against her chest. She caught his scrutiny and made to move away, but not before he saw the white rag wrapped around her palm, soaked through with blood.

    His lips parted in surprise and he leaned closer. ?Are you alright? What happened??

    ?No?it?s nothing, I?m fine.? She shook her head a few times, staring at the ground. It occurred to him that she was pale, paler even than the usual whiteness of her skin, an intense bloodlessness that seemed unnatural. And her words came slowly, unsteadily, as if she was disoriented.

    Without another thought, he grabbed her arm and led her over to a bench in the docking bay. She allowed him to guide her without protest, and it was that more than her demeanor or appearance that gave him a clue as to how serious her injuries must be affecting her.

    ?Let me see,? he commanded gently, reaching for her hand. But she turned her shoulders away from him, shaking her head even as she dropped it heavily into her other palm.

    ?No. I just need to sit for a minute, I?ll be alright??

    ?Let me call someone from the med ward then,? he suggested, pulling out his comlink. But she shook her head again, emphatically, exhaling harshly through her nose. He paused, waiting for an explanation, but none was forthcoming.

    ?I can fix it,? he blurted instinctively, after a moment?s silence. Arête was quiet, her forehead resting in one hand and the other laying curled on her lap. He took this lack of protest as encou
  17. Utuu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2002
    star 2
    Uh, nope, I guess I blinked. Shoulda paid attention, huh? Oh well next time.

    Well, I was hoping that Arete would turn out to be a vampire, but I should have realized that that's too much to ask for. ;) Well, this was just as good, all in all. It seems Arete has some issues, after all, and it seems Jacen will probably be caught in the middle, natch. Smells like a ruthlessly thickening plot. Hmm, guess I was wrong above.

    It's good to have Jacen back at the front of things again, and his interaction with Arete is gripping as always. I was somewhat surprised to see Arete accepting his help with the Force. Sh must have really been desperate. Now then, when will we be finding out about Vergere's toy? I've been a very patient young man, and I think I deserve at least that much, don't I?

    PS: Shatterpoint is the new Mace Windu Clone Wars Era epic. It does look good though, and it might be worth breaking your policy about prequel-era fiction.
  18. JAGSGURL15 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2003
    star 4
    sorry in the thing saying jaina and jag i thoughtit ment mush


    sorry for ur inconvience
  19. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    Utuu: *rolls eyes* Anyway, you'll find out about Vergere soon enough. That will be the post after next; I still have to finish the Jaina/Jag scene. Thanks for the rec, but I'm actually giving up on SW books altogether. I just don't enjoy them.

    JAGSGURL: Hey, no problem. :) Sorry about the lack of mush. It's just not my thing.
  20. Utuu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2002
    star 2
  21. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
  22. JAGSGURL15 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2003
    star 4
    hey awesomejob on this story keep up the good work


    everybody i started my own story love withstands everything and i was wondering if some one could read the bit i posted and give me some tips that would help me a lot

    http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12598317

    is where u can read it at

    thanks for ur help
  23. Saber-of-Light Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    **sigh** I'm an intern. I'm not supposed to be goofing off. But I just had to say nice posts!

    Yours DRL-ly, Kit
  24. JediWarriorYoda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2002
    star 4
    If it was Elton John, could he break out in "Your Song" -you know the one Ewan sang in Moulin Rouge- that would be great fun, good times.

    Why oh why do the posts have to read so fast? They take so long to write, but when you read them they are gone in less than a minute, give or take. Jacen isn't my favorite character in the land of canon, but when I read your story I always like him a little more. Something that is always so nice about reading anything that you write, LM, is that you write the picture so damn well that we get it inside our heads. Other authors on the boards don't know how to do this, so they leave you scrambling to create a visual, but with you it is laid out for us. I'm really liking how you've worked out Arete, the "problem" i had with her before isn't there anymore... a true sign of a great author is that they can tweak the "problems" and you've done that... In the next post does Jacen, get to see Vegere, he didn't quite make his objective, but somehow I think he kind of did... Kudos! Great post and can't wait to see more.
  25. Xaara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 3
    I'm afraid I only have a minute, but since you shouted, I figured the least I could do was whisper back. (Anyone else think I'm addicted to the Boards?)

    Loved it! Jacen and Arete, huh? Do I feel vibes here, or is that just my subwoofer? :) Their interaction was very realistic and engaging, and I especially liked this little indicator of a plot lurking in the shadows:

    ?You can?t tell anyone about this,? she told him in a low, urgent voice. ?It?s very important that you don?t say anything.?

    I think the one thing I liked best about this post was that there was no one thing to like best. The whole scene flowed smoothly, with no snags or really bright shiny parts that cast the rest in shadow. (I'm trying to explain this in a way that makes it sound like a good thing; alas, I don't think I did a very good job. Rest assured, this flowyness is a good thing.)

    Oh, and I agree with everything JWY says. You da bomb! *looks at last sentence, sighs* That's it. I've hit bottom. :D

    Great job on this post--keep up the good writing.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.