Before - Legends Shadows of a Lost Padawan - Sian Ny - OC viggie series

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Sep 2, 2005.

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  1. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Title: Shadows of a Lost Padawan
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, OC
    Summary: A friend?s troubles can distract us from our own.
    Notes: Here is my challenge response. Evil Layren?

    A Qui-Gon torture / hurt/ comfort fic with no clear cut ending allowed

    Must include the following words:

    light (apart from saber of course)

    Must have at least one OC.

    Part of the story must take place in the wee hours of the morning and it must be sunny and raining at the same time at an odd hour of the day. Birds must also be singing

    The archives of the Temple must also be mentioned

    Shadows of a Lost Padawan

    He was going to kill those kriffin? birds.

    They insisted on singing right outside his window. His head was already pounding enough as it was and those blasted birds were not helping matters. Qui-Gon rolled over and buried his head under the pillow, giving a melancholy sigh. It was hours yet until first light, and still the stupid birds chirped outside. He wondered why they did not sing at dawn like most birds.

    He hated birds. He hated their cheerful sound, the way they acted as if nothing had changed.

    Humming softly to himself, trying to drown out the insistent tweeting outside, he remained in the comforting darkness under the pillow. He needed to sleep, longed to lose himself in the forgetfulness of dreams.

    But even his dreams had proven traitorous of late. Perhaps it would be a mistake to fall asleep, for then he could not push away the memory, the terrible sight of Xan?s face as he pressed the ring to his cheek, the horrible smell of burning flesh, the blazing hatred in Xanatos? eyes.

    So much had been lost in that moment; so many dreams had been shattered when Xan had scarred himself. All of his Qui-Gon?s hopes for the boy he had loved like a son, the Padawan of whom he was so proud. Even Qui-Gon?s hopes for himself, of spending his twilight years vicariously enjoying the daring exploits of his Padawan, experiencing pride in the skills he had taught him ? that dream, too, had disappeared.

    All those dreams had been burned along with Xan?s flesh, leaving behind nothing but ashes and regrets ? and scars.

    Scars that were visible and those that were not.

    Qui-Gon rolled over, facing the shadowed room. He covered his face with his hands.

    You?ll do no one any good if you drop dead of exhaustion. He told himself. You need to sleep.

    With determination, he assumed a relaxed position and slipped into meditation.

    But sleep, when it came, was disrupted by dreams he did not remember.


    Qui-Gon woke, not refreshed, but the sharp edge of his fatigue gone.

    It was mid-morning by the position of the sun outside. He could not spend an entire day in this apartment, facing a thousand different memories. Everywhere he looked there was a memory of Xanatos to confront. Xanatos laughing at a joke there by that chair, Xan making tea in the kitchen, Xan sick with some childish ailment and feverish on the couch.

    Xanatos was everywhere.

    He threw back the covers and put his feet on the floor, sitting there for a moment, trying to find the will to actually stand up and face the day. The act of getting showered and dressed seemed a lofty goal from where he sat.

    Deciding to get up was one thing, deciding what to do to pass the hours was another. Then he brightened, realizing that there was someone to whom he could speak freely and perhaps lance the wound that festered within him.

    A short while later, he was standing before a door. He smiled at the chime that sounded when he pressed the button. It seemed that Sian had reconfigured the chime yet again. This time it pounded out the heavy beat of a song popular among the Padawans.

    The door slid open and Qui-Gon looked down to see his friend scowling at him. ?I was wondering when you?d show up!? Sian said sharply.

    Qui-Gon leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. ?I didn?t know you
  2. BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2005
    star 4
    Loved it! Good characterization for such a confining amount of space!/>/>
  3. lost_jedii Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Excellent job, purely excellent =D= =D= You did it so well, especially with all those rules you had to abide! Sian was really touching, he reminds me a bit of Tahl :D Do you have any other fics on him? He's a great OC :) I felt for Qui-Gon a lot too, musta been really hard to lose Xanatos, poor Qui :( Poor Sian too.

    Anyways, great job! ;) Really enjoyed it.
  4. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Great job. I really felt for Qui and Sian. I liked Sian a lot and how he was able to show Qui-Gon what he needed to do.
    Hah, I wanted to cheer at this line. :)
  5. JOINME Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Sian's cool :D

    Poor Qui! :( But I'm so glad Sian had a nice 'girly' chat with him.. :D

    What a fantastic little fic.
    (its amazing how you abided by all the rules! lol!)

  6. stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 2005
    star 4
    This is great! I love what you've done with your dare; it's a wonderful mix of humor and melancholy, and your writing is excellent!

    ?I?m not sulking,? he snapped.

    Sian nodded and took another swig from the bottle. ?All right then, indulging in a fit of melancholia more suited to a lovesick teenage girl from Alderaan,? he said. ?Is that more accurate??


    I acutally woke up my roommate because of my laughter, but too bad. This just cracked me up! :D

    Great job! =D=
  7. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    I know this isn't what Layren had in mind with hurt/comfort. But in our home we heal with laughter. So, I hope she will forgive me. :D
  8. maychorian Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Excellent, excellent vig. Characterization was absolutely marvelous. I really liked Sian! A man who has a great deal of pain in his past, and continues to live with it. But he LIVES. And that takes more strength than some of us have.

    Great job with this challenge! You made it into a good story!
  9. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Great job with this. I like Sian's cheeky humor and yet he has that underlying sadness from the death of his Padawan. You did everything in the challenge and so darn fast.

  10. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    There you go with the mental angst again ;) :p

    But it's so lovely that I forgive you anyway. Sian is such a wonderful character -- I feel like you created him just for me :D You really should do more with him ;)

    =D= =D=
  11. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    [face_laugh] I bet Sian's also the kind of manly man to give those really painful back-slapping hugs. :p Healing with laughter he does very well! :D
  12. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    BrentusofGath Thank you! :D

    lost_jedii Sian is a brand new OC created just for this challenge. But I don't think we've seen the last of him. ;)

    Lovely-in-Orange Well, they are very manly men, you know! [face_whistling]

    JOINME It was hard, but then it got easier as I met more of the restrictions. I just marked them off! :p

    stormqueen874 Thank you very much! It was fun to write.

    maychorian Actually, Sian didn't turn out the way I planned. Originally, I had planned to have him kill himself. But he didn't cooperate! :cool:

    dianethx The other challenge won't go quite so fast! o_O

    Layren Well, I couldn't TRULY torture him and risk ruining that face! [face_batting]

    JadeSolo Laughing at the worst hurts works best. At least in our family! [face_laugh]
  13. obi_ew Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  14. VadersMistress Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    Great job! But the challenge wasn't as evil as mine! [face_devil]
  15. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    What a wonderful story! =D=

    I loved your OC! And Qui-Gon's feelings were nicely done, subtle. I liked the interaction between Qui-Gon and the other master. (I'm not good at remembering names!) ;) Their bantering friendship is the heart of this story and provides a good counter to the dreary mood that Qui-Gon's in. (and offers a good laugh) :D I got the sense that they had been friends forever, which is when you know your OC is well conceived. :)

    And I loved the last line! Qui-Gon wondering if such a friend can really exist. :_|
  16. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    I loved the imagery of Qui-Gon seeing Xanatos everywhere. I'm glad he had a friend to go to so he could talk.
  17. Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Lovely, lovely work, m'dear. Qui-Gon seeing Xan everywhere was so heart-breaking. And Sian is a great friend!

    Bravo! =D=
  18. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh that was great! Those poor two guys :( One lost his Padawan to the darkness while the other to the Force due to death. :( They both need some TLC!

    Loved it! :D
  19. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    obi_ew Xan is fine, remember? He's on that island...

    VadersMistress Can anyone be as evil as you? [face_devil]

    Nienna_Narmolanya The last line was for two reasons, 1) I could not give it a definite ending, and 2) Sian was supposed to kill himself. :p

    Master_Noi Sian was a good friend, huh? Thanks for reading!

    Princess_Arulmozhi I ended up falling in love with Sian. [face_love]

    Kynstar But at least they have each other! :D

    Title: Plan Interrupted
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: OC ? Sian Ny
    Timeframe: Pre TPM
    Summary: A man broken in more ways than one learns to come to terms with his new life.
    Notes: This character was originally conceived for the ?I Dare You? challenge. But I seem to have developed a crush on him and I think he may be showing up again. So, Layren, thank you for insisting on an OC!

    Plan Interrupted

    The dream is always the same.

    A low rumble, deep in the earth, the tilting and cracking of the ground beneath their feet that pitched them forward, the feel of Trin?s sweaty hand in his as Sian desperately tries to keep them both from falling.

    Dangling hundreds of feet in the air, Trin holds onto Sian?s hand. Sian feels his own precarious purchase on the bucking ground giving way. He knows he will not be able to hold on long because soon he?ll be taking that plunge himself.

    He cannot save them.

    Trin?s blue eyes staring trustingly up into his, a low grunt in his Padawan?s throat as he feels himself slipping, his eyes widening slightly in acknowledgement of his death. They do not have time to speak, there are no comforting words exchanged in their last moments together. There is only that last frantic touch, their fingertips brushing against each other and?

    And then comes the remarkably exhilarating sensation of falling?

    Tumbling and falling so far down that it seems they will never stop. Trin hits first, with a muffled thump that Sian still hears in his sleep. He winces at the wet, broken sound. Sian remembers nothing after that, nothing after that last quick glimpse, as he hurtles toward the ground, of his Padawan?s body, lying shattered on the rocks.

    Sian always awakens before he hits the ground, but never before Trin dies. He can still feel the rush of the wind as he falls, hear it roaring in his ears. The sound and sensation follow him from his dream.

    Once again, the nightmare has cast him from the lovely shores of forgetful sleep and into the troubled sea of memories. Sian sighs with regret and sits up, grateful once more that he has retained some use of his body.

    There is a delayed reaction now, his body finally responding to the terror of that day.

    He gasps for breath against the cloying memory of his dream; he feels unable to draw enough air into his lungs and it is only with the most concentrated of efforts that he brings his breathing under control.

    A swift feeling of shame rushes through him. He is a Jedi, he is better than this.

    But his body argues with him, the cold sweat that now bathes his flesh in stark contrast to the Jedi serenity he strives so hard to achieve. There were times, however, when it seemed as far out of his reach as walking again.

    With a sigh of resignation, knowing that he will not be sleeping again tonight, he lifts his useless legs over the edge of the bed and slides into his hoverchair.

    He maneuvers the chair next to the window that overlooks a tiny garden below. Sian had tried to enter the garden, but the doors were too narrow for his chair. Therefore, he has to be content to enjoy it from above. If he opens his window on a breezy day, sometimes he can catch a hint of fragrance waft up from the flowers that bloomed there.

    Pushing open the window, he inhales deeply. The winds, however, are calm tonight, and nothing sweet drifts up to make his nose twitch in delight. The ubiquitous lights of Coruscant illuminate the garden just enough so that he can identify what blooms.

    He sees the pale, fragile wisteryls, the h/>
  20. maychorian Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4

    That was so heartbreaking. What a terrible dream, and more terrible to wake knowing that it was true. I loved the images of the different flowers and what they mean to Sian. And quite chilling to realize that Qui-Gon stopped him from making a terrible decision.

    I hope he finds some peace and joy in his new life.
  21. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh Mama Vader that was so heart wrenching! :_| How sad!! Loved how you did the dream! Poor guy... seeing his Padawan that way for the last time...not being able to help him... :(

    I'm glad he realizes that throwing his life away would indeed dishonor his Padawan that living would be the most honorable thing to do - to live on for his Padawan. [face_love]

    Touching! So touching! Oh if you do a few more with him in won't hear me complain! ;)
  22. Jennifer_Lyn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    How do you do it? You must share your sithy secret for coming up with amazing stories, fully developed OC and all, in such a short amount of time!
    Great work!
  23. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    Amazing! Heart-wrenchingly beautiful! :_|
  24. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    maychorian Aw, shucks! Thank you! [face_blush]

    Kynstar I got attached to Sian. I feel plot bunnies nibbling at my heels. Argh! I even got a nasty one for the Purges... Don't let me do it! [face_not_talking]

    Jennifer_Lyn Well, I read some great OC stories and that taught me a few things. ;) Yep, obi_ew is the person responsible for making me write my first OC!

    Nienna_Narmolanya Thanks! But it was hopeful, too. Right? I hope so! [face_praying]
  25. Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Oh, that was so very heart-wrenching. :_| So very beautifully done. Sian is such a great OC, m'dear. And that description of Trin's last moments, before he plunges to his death... :_|

    Oh, I am in envy. Wonderful, wonderful work. [face_love]
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