Before - Legends Shadows Of Betrayal (young knight Qui-Gon, OCs) - UPDATED 7/4 with author's note

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Master_Noi, Feb 5, 2005.

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  1. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Shadows Of Betrayal
    Author: Master_Noi
    Timeframe: Qui-Gon as a young knight
    Characters: Qui-Gon, OCs
    Disclaimer: The usual disclaimers apply.

    Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn and others must determine the identity of a ruthless murderer after a series of attacks against Jedi. Will they realize the motive behind the attacks and the consequences for the future before it is too late?

    While this story will feature Qui-Gon in his early knighthood, it will also heavily revolve around OCs. I plan to update once a week. :)

    Thanks to Layren for encouraging me to go ahead with this and helping me think things through as I started outlining it.
  2. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Chapter 1

    ?We are thankful for your services throughout these negotiations honorable Jedi. I don?t think peace would have come so easily in this situation without your wisdom and insight. We are in your debt.?

    ?Our hope is that your people can now move forward together, Governor Karick,? was the humble reply. ?I am sorry that Knight Birel could not come and personally say his farewells, but our transport required attention before we could depart.?

    ?We wish you both a safe journey home.? The governor paused for a moment. ?May the Force be with you.?

    ?And with you minister,? said the young knight, smiling at the minister?s acknowledgement of the Jedi phrase.

    The young knight bowed to his host, then turned and started in the direction of the hangar. He was relieved to see a close to negotiations that had consumed most of the previous two months. Both sides were stubborn and unmoving, but had miraculously decided on compromise.

    It is a beautiful world, he mused. Perhaps it would be spared the turmoil of war and destruction. Their role here was complete, and now it was time to return home. Home ? neither knight had spent more than a couple of days at the temple in nearly a year. The thought of rest and refuge within its confines was a soothing balm to his weariness. He smiled slightly as he pulled out his comlink.

    ?Birel here,? came a clipped, tired reply.

    ?Tell me we are ready to go.?

    ?Everything looks good. I?m just waiting on you. See you in a few minutes??

    ?I?m on my way now.

    Qui-gon quickened his steps as the hanger came into view. He didn?t see the sniper on the roof taking aim at him. He didn?t need to. The Force surged with warning as the sniper fired his shot off and within seconds, Qui-gon had drawn his saber and expertly deflected it. There were a few seconds of pause; pedestrians turned and began to flee the streets. The surge of warning in the Force began to build, reaching a crescendo as blaster fire poured down from the roof tops above. Qui-Gon cursed inwardly. He was on an open street with little or no cover.

    Jayden Birel pocketed his comlink after talking with Qui-Gon, then began the process of powering up the small transport. He was glad to be leaving soon. He had been distracted and uneasy all day as he made some needed repairs. He had tried, unsuccessfully, to release his unease into the force figuring exhaustion was finally taking its toll on him.

    He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Qui-Gon would be there momentarily and they would be going home. Pale blue eyes snapped open as he rose to his feet in one swift move, lightsaber already in hand. Qui-Gon was in danger.

    Jayden exited the hanger into heavy fire. He made his way unnoticed at first as the fire was all directed down the street. Through the flurry of blaster fire, he saw Qui-Gon only as an emerald blur as the knight elegantly deflected each blow. From a distance it appeared to be a graceful dance; in reality, it was a fight for survival. Jayden saw a break in the knight?s fluid movements, and then Qui-Gon began to falter. He ignited his blue blade and immediately came under heavy fire as snipers realized they had a second target. Repelling fire as he went, he made his way to Qui-Gon as quickly as he could. Once there, he stood back to back with Qui-Gon ,sensing the other knights complete confidence in diverting his attention away from what was behind him. They began to beat their way back towards the hanger.

    ?I?m really hoping the transport is ready to lift off immediately,? said Qui-gon, obviously in pain.

    ?Yes, assuming we can get there,? said Jayden as a shot barely cleared them both.

    Both knights continued the deadly game of deflecting and inching forward, growing more hopeful as the hanger entrance came into view. A few armed men attempted to block their entrance into the hanger, but were quickly cut down. Finally reaching the minimal shelter of the hanger, both dropped their defensive stances and made a run for the
  3. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Yay! You did post it!!!! [face_dancing] [face_dancing]

    I really love how you portray Qui-Gon here in his early knighthood -- not enough good stories about his early days :)

    Ouch poor Qui-Gon.. trouble seems to follow him around doesn't it?

    Looking forward to the next bit .. love your oc Jayden :)

    Looking forward to more development of him :)
  4. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Okay, I have to stop thinking of Governor Karick as the painfully thin, really tall bad dresser who accompanies our choir...

    Sorry, his name's Karick, too.

    Anyway, cool OC in Jayden. And, since you know Layren, of COURSE you can't go a post without doing permanent damage to Qui-Gon. :)
  5. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4

    Well, I've started it now.:) Kind of scary and kind of fun at the same time to delve into OCs and to write a younger Qui, but this bunny has been biting for a long time. Qui will see his share of trouble. I'm glad you like Jayden.


    You never know what's going to happen when you choose a name. You won't have to think about it too long, he's not central to the story.

    As far as permanent damage to Qui - Layren can tell you that I am more of a mental angst person. He'll see his share of trouble, but I'll try not to damage him too much. [face_mischief] So far so good with Jayden.
  6. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Noi You posted it. I always like young Knight Qui-Gon fics. Poor guy. He's always getting hurt and I'm sure that the bacta consortium thanks him for that...LOL.

    Good job so far. Looking forward to more.
  7. CodeName_Targeter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2003
    star 5
    Ooo, very cool story so far, Master_Noi! Poor Qui always seems to end up with the healers. :p

    Very interesting character with Jayden, he seems really neat.

    Hope to see more soon! :)

  8. BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2004
    star 2

    I'll be following this one with great interest! I like seeing Qui-Gon in his pre-Obi days. Very nice work!
  9. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Great work :D Love seeing Qui in his early days! =D=

    Can't wait for more! :D
  10. PadawanKitara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Qui is a blaster target even as a young knight- what fun!
  11. tangled_sphere Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2003
    star 4
    I knew Qui would not be getting much rest! ;) I'm so glad to see Qui-Gon back in action.

    Very exciting start Noi! Count me in :D
  12. Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Ha! [rubs hands in glee] Another one...with Knight Qui to boot. Couldn't ask for anything better. And Jayden sounds a great OC. Looking forward to more...mental angst :D
  13. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    diane - [face_laugh] I have this picture of the bacta consortium giving him some sort of life-time acheivement award.

    Targeter - Thanks for reading! Glad you like Jayden.

    BrokenNose -:_| It is kind of hard to write Qui without Obi, but this bunny really nagged.

    Kynstar - Thanks!

    Kitara- Oh I have had a lot of fun with what I've written on this so far. [face_mischief]

    t_s - Yes, decided to go with an action-packed first post. Glad to have you along for the journey. :p

    P_A - You forgot to mention the cliffies!! But, I guess that's the part you're not looking forward to.

  14. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Chapter 2

    Yadira Nuran finished fastening an immobilizer on her patient?s small arm. She shook her head and chuckled as she looked up from her work. The young boy?s face was tense and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

    ?You can open your eyes Erkin.?

    He relaxed his scrunched up face. Small eyelids fluttered open revealing clear dark green eyes.

    ?Didn?t I tell you it wasn?t going to hurt?? she said rising from her seat by the examination table.

    The small boy shrugged up his shoulders until they almost touched his ears, not saying anything. He looked down and moved his stiffened arm around a few times, scowling at the awkward movements.

    ?Why do I have to wear this? You said my arm was fixed.?

    ?I fused the break, but it still isn?t strong yet. You could hurt it or even break it again if you?re not careful.?

    ?I can be careful,? he said eagerly.

    The young healer smiled, shaking her head. Little boys were all the same in some ways. He was pouring on all the charm he could, flashing his biggest, brightest smile.

    She had been a healer too long to fall for it.

    ?I have learned that it is impossible for little boys to be careful, Erkin? she said still smiling.

    The young boy?s face fell as his lower lip came out to pout.

    ?That?s okay. She doesn?t think the big boys can be careful either,? came a deep voice from the doorway.

    Yadira spun around, her face bright with excitement.

    ?Cohl!? she said, throwing her arms around his neck. Embracing her, he picked her up, holding her for a moment, and then set her feet back on the floor.

    ?I wasn?t expecting you for another week.?

    ?A small surprise. It?s been too long sis. I?m glad to be home.?

    She smiled at the small term of affection. At four years her senior, Cohl Talis had been like an older brother from as early as she could remember.

    ?Is she really your sister?? came a small voice, interrupting the happy reunion.

    ?No, but almost like one. I?ve known her since she was a baby.?

    ?Erkin, you can go now,? she said, lifting the small boy off the examination table. ?Master Dak will bring you back early next week and we?ll see about getting that thing off your arm.?

    She stood at the door watching the young boy scamper off to his caretaker.

    ?And tell Xanatos that I said Jedi can?t fly,? she called out earning a frustrated smile from Master Dak as the two left the healers? ward.

    ?He tried to fly?? Cohl asked.

    ?Qui-Gon Jinn brought this little brat named Xanatos back from his one of his first missions a couple of years ago.?

    Cohl raised his eyebrow.

    ?Brat? Is that any way for a healer to talk about an initiate??

    ?You judge for yourself after you meet him,? she muttered. ?Anyway, he?s quite a charmer and has the entire crèche worshipping the ground he walks on. He convinced Erkin to jump from a rather high ledge in one of the gardens, saying that real Jedi could fly.?

    ?And Erkin believed him??

    ?He?s five years old, Cohl. I seem to remember believing anything a certain adored older brother said when I was that age.?

    ?True.? He paused, amused at the emotions rolling off of the young woman in front of him.

    ?You know ? you?ll be rid of this by the time he?s old enough to be chosen as a padawan,? he said fingering the slender long braid that ran down from behind her ear.

    ?I?ve thought about that,? she said, picking up a datapad and exiting the exam room. ?But, I don?t sense he?s destined to be a healer.?

    ?There?s a connection there,? he said, following her.

    ?There has been since Master and I brought him back to the temple. I can?t explain it, but I feel like he?s destined to be a knight.?

    She paused and eyed Cohl mischievously.

    ?All he needs is a capable master.?

    Cohl rolled his eyes at her, earning a giggle that reminded him of a much younger girl.

    ?So, if you have a break soon, I was wondering if you might like to get something to eat,? he said changing the subject.

    ?Sure. I need to finish up a couple of reports and check in with Master, but that shoul
  15. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Uh-oh... another ambush.. [face_worried]

    Xani causing trouble even in the creche` why does that not surprise me? :p

    Great job!
  16. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ohhh this was great! Seeing life of a healer :) loving it!

    Hmmm ambushes, eh? Definitely the suspense is growing! :D
  17. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    This is a great start Master_Noi :D and I've enjoyed your OC's too - very likable.

    Looking forward to more - you've got me hooked!
  18. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Another ambush. The Council should really look into it and make sure that it isn't becoming a pattern - a bad one.

    I liked the young boy trying to get out of the ward by using his charms, even if they didn't work. It was cute. And Xan is up to his young tricks, is he? I liked the dynamics of this post.

    Keep going. I look forward to seeing what's next!
  19. Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Cliffies! I was sort of hoping you wouldn't land me/us in more. Couldn't expect that to happen, I suppose. :D

    Xanatos brewing mischief in the creche, more Jedi getting Perfect.
  20. PadawanKitara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    ambushes around every corner

    loved that little comment about Xan the bratman
  21. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Layren - Uh-oh... another ambush.. The trouble is just beginning. Yes, I imagine Xan as a charmer and a trouble-maker.

    Kynstar - Yes, I've always imagined the life of a healer as interesting and busy, especially with all of us writing. :p

    Rogue_JediKnight - I am glad you are hooked. You never how OCs will go over, so I'm glad you are liking them.

    diane - The Council should really look into it and make sure that it isn't becoming a pattern - a bad one. Yes, they should. It is fun to write little boys, probably because the three I have give me plenty of insight.

    P_A - It's me you're talking about.[face_mischief] And yes, expect more trouble, after all, it's only chapter 2.

    Kitara - bratman [face_laugh]
  22. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Chapter 3

    The tall, slender Jedi slowed her long strides, allowing the young boy walking to the right and behind her to catch up. She looked to the side, catching sight of the small sprig of braid tucked behind his ear, a reminder that their journey together had just begun.

    ?What did you think of the first session of negotiations, Padawan??

    She stifled a wave of giddiness as the last word flowed from her lips. It wouldn?t do for her new apprentice to sense his serene, proper master behaving like one of the little girls in the crèche.

    ?I found them very interesting,? the young boy said, furrowed brows giving him a serious expression that seemed better suited to an older face.

    ?Really?? she said, trying to mask her shock as to not squelch his observations.

    ?I mean, I haven?t had much experience in other cultures, and the fact that each delegate had to dictate his genealogy to prove he qualifies as a delegate is interesting ? even if the actual dictation was very boring,? he finished with a shy smile, craning his neck to look up. The new master chuckled slightly.

    She looked ahead as they approached the three-story lodge building nestled between lofty evergreen trees in the foothills, overlooking the capital city. The delegates had unanimously chose to hold negotiations at a ceremonial meeting ground outside the main urban areas and had agreed to have the Jedi lodge with them.

    ?Enjoy the atmosphere Padawan; not all mission will have such beautiful scenery,? she said, looking up into a pristine cobalt sky.

    They entered the cozy lobby of the lodge and started down the first floor corridor.

    ?I?ll race you master,? the young boy said, taking off down the hall.

    Realizing she had already lost the race, the young master decided to be content with watching the new addition to her life sprint down the hall, stopping in the middle where their room was located. A harsh warning surged through the Force as the young boy reached up, placing his palm on the pad that would open the door to their quarters. Instinctively, she gathered the Force around her and pushed the boy further down the corridor as the door to their room blew outwards and the floors above came crashing in on them.


    The small transport was eerily quiet; only the low hum and subtle vibrations of engines reminded Jayden he was on a ship in the vastness of space. He blinked his eyes several times as he emerged from his meditations. He had succeeded in releasing much of his unease into the force, but was still left with many questions. A quick glance at his chronometer showed that they still had about an hour until Coruscant. He gracefully rose to his feet and walked to the small room where Qui-Gon was resting.

    ?Did your meditations go well?? came a sleepy voice.

    ?I?m sorry, I didn?t mean to wake you, Qui-Gon.?

    ?You didn?t.?

    ?How are you feeling??

    ?Better than I expected I would. The pain isn?t that bad.?

    Jayden dipped his head, hiding the guilt creeping across his face. Qui-Gon never had to know he had drugged him.

    I suppose someone wasn?t as happy with our services as the governor,? Qui-Gon said as his lip turned into a small grin.

    ?No, they were actually after you.?

    Qui-Gon flashed him a look of mock hurt. ?This was a team effort, so if someone was unhappy the blame should go to both of us ??

    ?I?m serious, Qui-Gon,? Jayden interrupted, his expression very sober. ?I?ve been in communication with Governor Karick. Apparently two of the snipers were taken into custody and have confessed that they were hired to make sure you didn?t survive.?

    ?You?re sure??

    ?Well, assuming you are the tall Jedi they were talking about. I spoke with the council and they are sending another knight to investigate.?

    Qui-Gon hesitated a moment.

    ?Why would the council get involved?? he asked. All traces of humor had left his voice.

    Jayden slid down to sit against the wall, resting his elbows on his knees, trying to figure out how to summarize what he was about to say.

    ?We hav
  23. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh no!! :( I truly hope somebody does find them soon! Hang on you two!

    Poor Qui... he didn't think that they'd be after juz him.

    Interesting that they're hitting prime targets that could/might/would be future Councilors. [face_thinking] Wonder if they'll catch on to that eventually.

    Great chapter! Hehehe Mace wanting to race his Master ;) ahhh youth! :D
  24. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, I loved the way you introduced Mace. Showing him as a small boy, racing his Master for fun and then having it all blow up (literally) in their faces. And then changing the scene so that we know what's happening with Qui-Gon. You have quite a deft hand at scene changes. Great job so far. Go, Noi [face_dancing]
  25. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    I really enjoyed this particular post. It's very interesting to see Mace as a padawan being so carefree and the same for Qui-Gon, joking with a friend..

    Very good job! Looking forward to more :)
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