Oceania Shara sucks!

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by jaimini, Mar 31, 2003.

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  1. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    NEWBIE: None shall pass.
    MOD: What?
    NEWBIE: None shall pass.
    MOD: I am King of the Boards, Sir Newbie. Will you stand aside?
    NEWBIE: I move...for no man.
    MOD: So be it!

    *cue badly-done music and short fight scene, culminating in Mod giving Newbie a day ban.*

    MOD: Victory is mine!
    NEWBIE: Come on, then!
    MOD: What?
    NEWBIE: 'Tis but a scratch.
    MOD: A scratch? Yer username's off!
    NEWBIE: No it isn't!
    MOD: Look!
    NEWBIE: (looks)...just a flesh wound.
    MOD: You liar!
    NEWBIE: Come on, ya pansy!

    *cue badly-done music and short fight scene, culminating in Mod giving Newbie a week ban*

    MOD: God be praised! *drops to knees* We thank thee, O Lord--
    *Newbie kicks Mod*
    NEWBIE: Come on, then!
    MOD: (incredulous)You are indeed brave, Sir Newbie, but the fight is mine!
    NEWBIE: Oh, had enough, eh?
    MOD: Look, you stupid bustard, you've got no socks left!
    NEWBIE: I've had worse!
    *kicks Mod*
    MOD: Stop that!
    NEWBIE: Chicken!
    *kicks Mod again*
    NEWBIE: Chicken!
    MOD: Look, I'll have your leg!
    *kicks Mod a third time*
    MOD: Right!

    *4 week ban*

    NEWBIE: Right, I'll do you for that!
    MOD: You'll what?
    NEWBIE: Come on!
    MOD: What're you going to do, bleed on me?
    NEWBIE: I'm invincible!
    MOD: You're a loony.
    NEWBIE: The Black Newbie always triumphs! Have at you!

    *permanent ban*

    NEWBIE: (looking at stumps) All right...unban me and we'll call it a draw.
    *Mod shakes his/her head and clip-clops onward*
    NEWBIE: Oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bustards! Come back and get what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
  2. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    Monty Python is sooooo cliched. I'm going one step further.

    SAINTHEART: I'm glad to say, I don't think you'll be needing those pills, Mr Sai...

    ENDER_SAI: I'm I jumping the gun, Sainty, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

    SAINTHEART: They certainly are!

    ENDER_SAI: Well, forgive me if I don't jump up and down with glee -- your record in this department is not exactly a hundred percent. So, what's the plan?

    SAINTHEART: We do...nothing.

    ENDER_SAI: Yep, that's another world-beater.

    SAINTHEART: Wait, I haven't finished. We do nothing until our heads have actually been cut off...

    ENDER_SAI: ...and then we spring into action?

    SAINTHEART: Exactly! You know how, when you cut a chicken's head off, it runs round and round the farmyard?

    ENDER_SAI: Yyyyyyyeah...

    SAINTHEART: Well, we wait until our heads have been cut off, then we run round and round the farmyard, out the farm gate, and escape. What do you think?

    ENDER_SAI: Yes, my opinions are rather difficult to express in words, so perhaps I can put it this way... [tweaks Saintheart's nose]

    SAINTHEART: It doesn't really matter, 'cause SHARA_82 will save us, anyway.

    ENDER_SAI: No she won't, Saintheart. Either I think up an idea, or, tomorrow, we die -- which, Saintheart, I have to tell you, I have no intention of doing, because I want to be young and wild, and then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf. Just be quiet and let me think.

    ______________________

    OR

    ENDER_SAI: Your Highness: Teknobabel the Younger.

    SAINTHEART: Why, hello there, young saber, m'lad! I say, here's one: I've a shiny sixpence here and for the clever fellow who could tell me which hand it's in.

    (Teknobabel just stares.)

    SAINTHEART: Hmm? Oh, school, school! On half hols, is it? Yeah, I bet you can't wait to get back and get that bat in your hand and give those balls a good walloping, eh?

    ENDER_SAI: Teknobabel is the Prime Minister, sir.

    SAINTHEART: Oh, go on! Is he? What, young Snotty here?

    Teknobabel: I'd rather have a runny nose than a runny brain.

    SAINTHEART: Eh?

    ENDER_SAI: Umm, excuse me, Prime Minister, but we do have some lovely jelly in the pantry, I don't know if you'd be interested at all...?

    Teknobabel: Don't patronize me, you lower middle class yobbo! (aside) What flavor is it?

    ENDER_SAI: Blackcurrant.

    Teknobabel: eeeeuuuuuaaaghhhh!

    SAINTHEART: I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? Seems like a bit of an oily tick, to me. When I was at school, we used to line up four or five of his sort, make them bend over, and use them as a toastrack.

    Teknobabel: You don't surprise me, sir -- I know your sort. Once, it was I who stood in the big, cold schoolroom, a hot crumpet burning my cheeks with shame. Since that day, I have been busy, every hour God sends, working to become Prime Minister and fight sloth and privilege wherever I found it.

    ENDER_SAI: I trust you weren't too busy to remove the crumpet...

    Teknobabel: You will regret this, gentlemen. You think you can thwart my plans to bankrupt the Prince by fixing the Dunny-on-the-World bye-election, but you will be thrashed! I intend to put up my own brother as a candidate against you.

    ENDER_SAI: Oh, and which Teknobabel would this be? Teknobabel the Toddler? Teknobabel the Embryo? Teknobabel the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?

    Teknobabel: Sirs, as I said to Chancellor Messenec at the Congress of Strasbourg: `Pooh to you with nobs on!' We shall meet, sirs, on the hustings. (exits)

    SAINTHEART: I say, ENDER, what a ghastly squit! He's not going to win, is he?

    ENDER_SAI
  3. Teknobabel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2000
    star 5
    I'll get around to posting something from futurama when i get time to do so, and Ender, the odds of anyone finding me wearing a horsehair wig are extremely remote, although i wouldn't mind being the prime minister at such a young age.
  4. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    What about being used as a toastrack? :D

    E_S
  5. Pigalek Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 5
    I walked in this thread because I thought it would be good for a laugh and whaddya know! I was right!
    *Applauds everyone*
  6. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    [face_blush] Awwww, I take credit for it all... ;)

    E_S
  7. Teknobabel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2000
    star 5
  8. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
  9. Pigalek Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 5
    *bashes enders and teks brains together*
    shut up :p
  10. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    *pops up*

    [Nelson]HA-HA![/Nelson]

    :D

    And now...
    How to recognise different kinds of mods from quite a long way away!

    Number One...

    The Hawk. Theee Hawk.

    :D
  11. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    [face_laugh] @ Saintheart!!! :D

    [Ender removes helmet. Saintheart is quiet for a few seconds.]

    SAINTHEART: Crikey, but what a show it was, Sir. Lord HawkNC's Flying Aces. How we cheered when they spun. How we shouted when they dived. How we applauded when one chap got sliced in half by his own propeller. Well, it's all part of the joke for those magnificent men in their flying machines.

    [Sound of plane plummeting, then crashing outside.]

    ENDER_SAI: For `magnificent men', read `biggest showoffs since Lady Godiva entered the Royal Enclosure at Ascot claiming she had literally nothing to wear'. I don't care how many times they go up-diddly-up-up, they're still gits!

    MarvinTheMartian: Oh, come on, Sir! I'd love to be a flier. Up there where the air is clear.

    ENDER_SAI: The chances of the air being clear anywhere near you, Marv, are zero!

    MarvinTheMartian: Oh, Sir. It'd be great, swooping and diving.

    [MarvinTheMartian starts his impression of a Sopwith Camel.]

    ENDER_SAI: Marvin . . .

    [MarvinTheMartian drones on . . .]

    ENDER_SAI: Marvin . . .

    [Marvin stops droning on as Ender interjects a third time.]

    ENDER_SAI: MarvinTheMartian, what are you doing?

    MarvinTheMartian: I'm a Sopwith Camel, Sir.

    ENDER_SAI: Oh, it is a Sopwith Camel. Ah, right, I always get confused between the sound of a Sopwith Camel and the sound of a malodourous runt wasting everybodys time. Now if you can do without me in the nursery for a while, I'm going to get some fresh air.

    [Ender leaves the dugout, picking up his pipe on the way out.]


    [As he emerges from the dugout Ender sighs ;) and prepares to light his pipe. Squadron Commander Lord HawkNC jumps down from his crashed plane.]

    HawkNC: Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!

    [HawkNC knocks Ender to the ground with his pistol, then puts a foot on Ender's chest.]

    HawkNC: Aha! How disgusting. A Boche on the sole of my boot. I shall have to find a patch of grass to wipe it on. Probably get shunned in the Officers' Mess. Sorry about the pong you fellows, trod in a Boche and can't get rid of the whiff.

    [Ender rises.]

    ENDER_SAI: Do you think we could dispense with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor for a moment? I'm not a Boche. This is a British trench.

    [Hawk puts his pistol away.]

    HawkNC: Is it? Oh, that's a piece of luck. Thought I'd landed sausage-side! Ha!

    [Hawk picks up the receiver of a field-telephone lying by the dugout entrance.]

    HawkNC: Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face! Huh!

    [Hawk kicks the phone into action.]

    HawkNC: Hi, Hawk here. Yeah, cancel the state funeral, tell the King to stop blubbing. Hawk is not dead. I simply ran out of juice! Yeah, and before all the girls start saying "Oh, what's the point of living anymore", I'm talking about petrol! Woof, woof! Yeah, I dumped the kite on the proles, so send a car. Er, General Melchett's driver should do. She hangs around with the big nobs, so she'll be used to a fellow like me! Woof, woof!

    ENDER_SAI: Look, do you think you could make your obscene phone call somewhere else?

    [Hawk is still on the phone and ignores Ender]

    HawkNC: No, not in half an hour, you rubber-desk johnny. Send the bitch with the wheels right now or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on. [Hawk throws down the receiver.]

    HawkNC: Okay, dig out your best booze and let's talk about me 'til the car comes. You must be pretty impressed having Squadron Commander the Lord HawkNC drop in on your squali
  12. HawkNC Former RSA: Oceania

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2001
    star 6
    You didn't make me Flashheart. See you in 24. :p
  13. kahli Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 1, 2000
    star 5
    he he - he called marv malodourous!
  14. MarvinTheMartian Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 31, 2002
    star 5
    Doh, I've been made an ass of :(





    *Slaps Ender_Sai really hard!*
  15. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    LOL at HawkNC/The Larch. :D :D


    And now...

    Number Three...


    The Shara_82!

    *insert scenes of Wembley Stadium on a Derby day*
  16. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    What, you mod-arms broken HawkNC? :p

    MarvinTheMartian - [face_laugh] :p

    kahli - yes, yes I did. Works, doesn't it. Especially when he's pretending to be a Sopwith!!! :D

    E_S
  17. HawkNC Former RSA: Oceania

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2001
    star 6
    You actually want me to ban you? Alright, technically you did ask for it, so don't go arguing. :p
  18. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    You're Lord Flashheart now HawkNC. That means you have to say "Woof!" after every post. :D

    Let's recap our Blackadder Goes Forth cast:

    Captain Edmund Blackadder = Ender_Sai
    Lieutenant the Honorable George Colhurst St. Barleigh = SAINTHEART
    Squadron Commander Lord Flashheart = HawkNC
    Private S. Baldrick = MarvinTheMartian

    Right, so we need a General Melchett, a Captain Darling, and a Bob the Driver. Any nominations? [face_devil]

    E_S
  19. Shara_82 Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 10, 2001
    star 5
    Captain Darling: PoT. ;)
  20. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    [face_laugh]

    Nah, PoT has a high rank here in the JCC and a sense of humour. I'm marking him for General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett! :D

    Oh, and HawkNC you can call me Slackbladder if you want, to be in character! :D

    E_S
  21. HawkNC Former RSA: Oceania

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2001
    star 6
    That's a funny name. The last person I called "darling" was pregnant 2 minutes later. Woof! :p
  22. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    Atta boy! :D

    Can you see the following take place:

    (Ender is informed that a German spy is stealing battle plans]

    Protege_of_Thrawn: You look surprised, Ender.

    Ender_Sai: I certainly am, sir. I didn't realise we had any battle plans.

    Protege_of_Thrawn: Well, of course we have! How else do you think the battles are directed?

    Ender_Sai: Our battles are directed, sir?

    Protege_of_Thrawn: Well, of course they are, Ender, directed according to the Grand Plan.

    Ender_Sai: Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise, Alan?

    Protege_of_Thrawn: Great Scott! Even you know it!

    :D

    CAST RECAP:

    Ender_Sai.... Capt. Edmund Blackadder
    MarvinTheMartian.... Pvt. S. Baldrick
    Protege_of_Thrawn .... Gen. Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett
    SAINTHEART .... Lt. the Honorable George Colhurst St. Barleigh
    ??? .... Capt. Kevin Darling
    HawkNC = Squadron Commander Lord Flasheart (Woof! "Hey, hey! Any girl who wants to chain herself to my railings and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!")

    E_S

    EDIT: How about Nyder for Capt. Darling? [face_devil] :D
  23. Teknobabel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2000
    star 5
    I have a feeling that someone is going to have haul out the upper class twit of the year award and award it to someone.
  24. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
  25. Teknobabel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2000
    star 5
    That's right Gervaise Brook Hampster ( aka Ender Sai), I award you the upperclass twit of year award, you managed to beat Vivian Smith Smythe Smith ( aka HawkNC) and Nigel Incubator Jones ( aka Saintheart).

    Now get back to work as your father's wastepaper basket.
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