Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by jaimini, Mar 31, 2003.
[Plays along with Ender_Sai's bizarre machinations]
This place really is degrading itself to VicFF levels.
Which is great!
Scene 10: A German Prison Cell ------------------------------
[Ender is pacing about the cell. Marvin is seated.]
Ender_Sai: I don't believe it. A German prison cell. For two and a half years the Western Front has been as likely to move as a Frenchman who lives next door to a brothel, and last night the Germans advance a mile and we land on the wrong side.
MarvinTheMartian: Ooh, dear, Captain E, my tummy's gone all squirty.
Ender_Sai: That means you're scared, Marvin, and you're not the only one. I couldn't be more petrified if a wild rhinoceros had just come home from a hard day at the swamp and found me wearing his pyjamas, smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife.
MarvinTheMartian: I've heard what these Germans will do, Sir. They'll have their wicked way with anything of woman-born.
Ender_Sai: Well, in that case, Marvin, you're quite safe. However, the Teutonic reputation for brutality is well-found: their operas last three or four days; and they have no word for `fluffy'.
MarvinTheMartian: I want my mum!
Ender_Sai: Yes, it'd be good to see her. I should imagine a maternally- outraged gorilla could be a useful ally when it comes to the final scrap.
[Footsteps are heard outside the cell.]
Ender_Sai: Prepare to die like a man, Marvin.
Ender_Sai: Or as close as you can come to a man without actually shaving the palms of your hands.
[The door opens and Oberleutnant JEDIPAULAW enters.]
JEDIPAULAW: Good evening. I am Oberleutnant JEDIPAULAW. I have a message from the Baron von Richthoven, the greatest living German.
Ender_Sai: Which, considering that his competition consists entirely of very fat men in leather shorts burping to the tune of `She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain', is no great achievement.
[JEDIPAULAW slaps Marvin across the face. Marvin falls against the wall.]
Ender_Sai: And what is your message?
JEDIPAULAW: It is: Prepare for a fate worse than death, English flying fellow.
Ender_Sai: Oh. So, it's the traditional warm German welcome.
JEDIPAULAW: Correct. Also, he is saying: Do not try to escape or you will suffer even worse.
Ender_Sai: A fate worse than a fate worse than death? Sounds pretty bad.
* * * * * * *
Will HawkNC save Ender_Sai and MarvinTheMartian from certain Teutonic discomfort? Will Saintheart rally General Protege_of_Thrawn's support?
Will we cast a Captain Darling? All may be revealed if I get bored enough later!
Good Golyl! I am in total anticipation