Saga Shattered Spirits: An Alternate Universe Dooku Story; Chapter 1

Shattered Spirits is an AU story that asks the question;
What if Yoda WAS too late to save Anakin and Obi-Wan? What if Dooku slaughtered them and escaped?


Spell checked, so it should be fine, but tell me about ANY errors, please.


Shattered Spirits
by RogueBoga1138


Chapter 1

The hum of the lightsabers echoed through the empty chamber as Obi Wan Kenobi dueled with the malicious Count Dooku. Dooku's curved lightsaber twirled in a graceful arc and met Obi Wan's bright blue weapon. The clash sounded through the room as young Anakin Skywalker awakened from a horrible force lightning attack. His energy rushed to him. Patience, he told himself, I am too weak to fight. But another voice inside him fought back. No, I can take him, right here, right now!

Anakin ignited his lightsaber, and leapt into battle. Dooku immediately caught Anakin off guard, launching into a whirlwind attack that sliced off both of Anakin's arms. " Your anger makes you powerful, Skywalker", taunted Dooku. Dooku raised his lightsaber, but Obi Wan blocked the killing blow. Dooku whirred around and decapitated Obi Wan in a stunningly quick move. Anakin screamed as his master's headless body fell to the ground. He had no time to weep, for Dooku quickly struck him down as well. The Count smiled in homicidal glee. His mission was complete. He climbed into his ship and departed.

The gunship raced toward Dooku's hangar, Yoda was standing on the edge, his lightsaber clenched in his tiny green fist. He was ready to leap into action. The gunship came to an abrupt stop and landed. Yoda jumped out and raced towards the hangar. When he saw the scene of carnage laid out before him, he fell to his knees. A tear fell from his eye down his green, weathered face. The Jedi Order had lost Anakin. They had lost the Chosen One.

 

Wow, this is really good, an interesting change to the storyline, but, since you asked to point out any mistakes, I found a few: You might try to put Anakin's actual thoughts into italics, that just separates third person and first person visibly. "Leapt" is actually spelled "lept". "A force lightning attack" you might try to reword, and other than that, it's only the part where Anakin thinks "I can give into my hatred!" that's a problem. you might want to either reword that or cut it altogether, stories always seem better when the emotions aren't blunt. I'm sorry if I sound mean, I really did love your story, just trying to help Keep me posted if you make this into a series.

 

Thanks!

I do plan to make a sequel to this, but not a series. The sequel will be really dark, I might even give it a PG-13.

Oncemore, thanks for your feedback!

 

Here it is; not quite as good as Ch 1 in my humble opinion, but contains important info!

Chapter 2

Dooku accelerated his Solar Sailor, a broad smile on his face. Lord Sidious would be delighted. Dooku felt his ship shake as it entered the dense atmosphere of Coruscant. He maneuvered the craft deep into the abandoned industrial area of Coruscant, where his master awaited him. As Dooku pulled the ship into a dark, rusty hangar, he was greeted by Lord Sidious, who donned a black hooded cloak and an evil smile. ? Greetings, Darth Tyranus?, said Sidious, using Dooku?s his Sith name. ? I presume your mission is complete? ? Indeed?, Dooku responded, ? Skywalker and Kenobi are finished.? ? Skywalker?? Sidious asked. ?Yes?, said Dooku, a maniacal gleam in his eyes, ? Skywalker is dead. They are dead. Both of them. At last, the wars have begun! The Sith shall have-AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!? Dooku shrieked as Sith lightning pulsed through his body. ? I TOLD YOU TO BRING SKYWALKER TO ME ALIVE!!!!!!? Sidious screamed, intensifying the lightning so that Dooku fell to his knees in pain. Dooku screamed until Sidious cut off his attack. Dooku struggled to his feet, his hands straying toward his lightsaber hilt. He would kill Sidious for what he had done to him. No sooner had he struggled to his feet than another wave of the horrid lightning hit him. ? You will pay a grave price for your blunder, Tyranus!? Sidious screamed, force pushing Tyranus? smoking body out of the hangar and down into the lowest levels of Coruscant. Sidious screamed in fury. His only hope was lost. He would have to utilize his last resort. Taking out his holoprojector, he quickly contacted the only one who could resurrect his plans to wipe out the Jedi and rule the Galaxy.
? General Greivous? he said ? Meet me on Polis Massa. My plan has failed. We must take aggressive action.?