Short Attention Span Theater Presents...

*Laughs so hard she spits COKE on walls. Then dies* OMG!! hil-AIR-rious

 

I love this, this is all so, great, you really re a pro.

whens the next installment?! Soon?

 

thankyou to whoever posted something saying 'happy imperial brithday to you!'. i read it, but it took awhile to get this posted. sry dude.
Darth Reality sucks. how's everyone else?
(conversation starter while BlindMan works his magic...

STAR WARS 3 ROX!!!!! they fixed anakin's hair, i was so happy...
if u weren't obsessed like i was BEFORE episode 3, u will be now!

 

JediCallista_1_6_e54: Thanks! And welcome!

sheep21: Thank you! More is coming soon...

MasterBriseisKenobi1: Happy (belated?) b-day!


New story should be coming soon, folks! Saw "Episode 3" the other day, and it sparked a bit of an idea. Just have to figure out what to do with it, then I'll get it posted...


Blind Man

 

BlindMan: thanks bunches! my b-day was may 18th (blushes) i feel so special...
ooo, we're poking at REVENGE are we? (evil laugh)
can't wait....

 

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Do you like?

 

I love this stuff. It's great

Please write some more, that computer database thing was hilarious

 

MasterBriseisKenobi1: Well, not so much poking fun *at* it, as inspired by its carnage.

JediCallista_1_6_e54: Nice arrow!

Black_Scout: Welcome!


New story's here--with a SPOILER WARNING regarding "Revenge of the Sith":




Short Attention Span Theater Presents...


A WELL-DESERVED BREAK


I hate the Jedi.

Or, hated, I suppose I should say. Frankly, I'm glad they're gone. Yeah, yeah, I know all about that whole "guardians of peace and justice" thing, but they made my life so difficult, swinging those lightsabers around all over the place. "An elegant weapon for a more civilized age"? Please. Only if you consider hacking off various body parts to be civilized.

And who had to deal with all those sliced-off bits and bobs? You're lookin' at him, buddy.

What? Who am I? Hell, I'm the Severed Appendage Fairy.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: the Severed who? My cousin, the Tooth Fairy, is the one who gets all the good press--but she's got it easy; all she has to do it pick up some teeth and leave a few credits under the pillow. Me? I have to leave those credits, too, but I've gotta carry around a much nastier--and heavier--load. And let me tell you, it ain't easy, McGeezy! (Besides, if you knew what the Tooth Fairy was actually using those teeth for, you wouldn't be so eager to have her visit.)

Pit droid cut your foot off with a welding torch? I'm there. Lost a digit or two in a thumbwrestling mishap? I'll take care of it.

My job sucks. But it was even worse when the Jedi were around. For starters, those idiots gave lightsabers to their younglings! That's just mutilation waiting to happen. Those kids practically bankrupted me over the years. And then you've got all the knights slicing and dicing their way across the galaxy. I mean, what's wrong with a trusty old blaster? Pow! Blam! Nice, neat and clean. But no, the Jedi just had that whole dismemberment fetish going on. Kind of creepy, if you ask me...

But the worst offender by far was Anakin....friggin'...Skywalker. Not just because of all the people he sliced up--and let me tell you, that boy sent a *lot* of business my way. No, it was because of what he did to himself. I mean, first he lost an arm, which wasn't that big a deal for me. It happens. Then the guy goes and loses the other arm *and* both legs! At the same time! Huh? Does he think I'm made of money? That's just abusing the system...

I suppose I can't complain about him *too* much, though. He did help get rid of all the other Jedi, and that cut my workload down a *huge* amount. No pun intended. Past eighteen years or so have been pretty cushy, to be honest. Oh, I still get the occasional call--last week some Toydarian got his wings pulled off by a pretty teed-off Wookiee--but for the most part I've got a lot of free time on my hands these days. I finally have the luxury to just relax, and see the sights, and visit places like this delightful cantina. I--

Oh, great--looks like there's another fight brewing across the room there. Some farmboy getting roughed up by the local thugs, by the looks of it. And now some old man is stepping in? This just gets better and better. Whoa! Blaster's out and the old man's pulling a...lightsaber?! That can't be--

It...that...he...

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

*sigh*

Well, so much for my vacation. Been nice talking to you.

I *hate* the Jedi--have I mentioned that...?



Blind Man

 

*snort* fantastic, BlindMan

All of the Short Attention Span Theater provided much amusment...

but the Severed Appendage Fairy? ... classic...

 

BlindMan, I have been a lurker on this thread for a very long time but for that last installment I just have to say something....

That was incredibly hilarious. The Severed Appendage Fairy? You have never failed to make me laugh, you're awesome.

 

I hate it when people torture me...It gets so annoying! hey since when did they start making clones of me? Can anyone answer me that?

Obi Wan

P.S anyone who loves obi wan say I

 

HAHAHAHAAH!! OMG BlindMan! You're HILARIOUS!

 

sheleigh: Thanks!

Ashamaphone: Thanks! Good to see you!

-_-_ObiWanKenobi_-_-: Nope, can't answer that.

JediCallista_1_6_e54: Thank you!

Healer_Leona: Thank *you*!



Blind Man

 

very nice!


*applaudes*

now get with the vader monologues!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh my goodness! The Severed Appendage Fairy! Truly hilarious!

 

The Severed Appendage Fairy?? Wow...next time I'm in need of some quick cash I guess I'll just chop off my pinky toe or something...

 

sheep21: Thanks!

amidalachick: Thank you!

Laura_Anu: That might net you a few bucks...




Short Attention Span Theater Presents:


TRUMP CARD


The seven members of Green Squad--clones, all--stood about the small, silent room. Some cleaned their helmets, some checked their weaponry. But all were ready, as always, for anything.

Green Six approached Green Leader.

"She's been gone a long time," Six said, gesturing toward the closed doorway nearby.

"I know," Green Leader nodded. Their squad's Jedi commander, a petite woman named Betyn, had ventured through that door alone; they'd heard nothing since.

"You think we should go in after her?" Six said.

"No," Green Leader answered. "She ordered us to stay out here, remember?"

"But if she's in trouble..." Six said.

"We'll give it five more minutes," Green Leader said.

Just then, Green Leader's comlink sounded, and he heard the voice of Emperor Palpatine: "Execute Order 66."

"It will be done, my lord," Green Leader responded automatically.

He nodded to his men, and they started toward the door. They'd barely gone two steps, however, when the door slid open, and the Jedi started to emerge.

The troopers raised their weapons.

Jedi Betyn raised a laden tray. A delicious aroma wafted up from the tray--and from the kitchen behind Betyn. The woman grinned, and said in a sing-song voice, "Who wants fresh-baked cookies?"

"Men," Green Leader said, "open f--Ooh, are those chocolate chip?"

"With walnuts," Betyn beamed. "Just a little something to show my appreciation for all your hard work."

The clones all regarded each other, then Green Leader shrugged and holstered his weapon.

"Stand down, men," he said.

"Sir," Green Four said, "what about Order 66?"

"Shut up, Larry..." Green Leader hissed. "Cookies, man!"

And, as Green Leader took his first bite of delicious baked goodness, he felt the compulsion of Order 66 melting away. He knew he and his men might be hunted down as traitors for this...but these were some damn good cookies.



Blind Man

 

Hehe! Not even Palpatine would be able to resist that!

 

My God! That was truly hilarious!


"Sir," Green Four said, "what about Order 66?"

"Shut up, Larry..." Green Leader hissed. "Cookies, man!"


Too funny, way to funny!

 

LOL, so sweet! Cookies! More cookies to the people!

She should have offered some to old Palps...

 

"Men," Green Leader said, "open f--Ooh, are those chocolate chip?"

Typical males; always thinking with their stomachs

 

Sir," Green Four said, "what about Order 66?"

"Shut up, Larry..." Green Leader hissed. "Cookies, man!"

MUSN'T....LAUGH TOO LOUDLY....WILL WAKE....EVERYONE....ELSE....UP IN....MY...DORM...

Im ok now. thats really funny, liked the part about the severed appendage fairy too.

*ohh, looks like theres a fight brewing in a cantina. Some farm boy got roughed up, oh, an old man just stepped in. Ohh, the blasters are up and all, and the old man pulls out...a lightsaber?!

that..it..he...

did i mention that I *hate* the Jedi?*

cant remember all of it, but thats damn hilarious!

*chants* UPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPUPU *WAKES DORM MATES, WHO JOIN IN* UPUPUPUPUPUPU

 

JediCallista_1_6_e54: Yep. The power of cookies might be the only thing that would trump the power of bacon...

sheep21: Thanks!

Enji: You can never have too many cookies...

Ashamaphone: Guilty!

Master_Chris: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it...



Blind Man

 

Chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven?...It's impossible to refuse!

Great writing, Blindman!