Short Attention Span Theater Presents...

ShadowofLures, I LOVE you! *grins as my homework goes up in flames.* MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Thanks! Hey, anytime I can return the favor, lemme know! I have a couple other Darth to take care of, Darth Room-that-needs-cleaning and Darth Nagging-mom first and foremost, but...I'm evading them for now=AKA=ignoring them.

LONG LIVE PROCRASTINATION!

Now if only we could solve the Dark Lack-of-posts problem. *wails as she glances around at empty forum* Come on, BlindMan, please? I have wisdom teeth that are telling me they need to be pulled and I feel like death warmed over and I need a boost!

*crickets sound* Ok, ok, I'll stop nagging. I don't have a life I know, I'll leave you alone. But I WILL NOT stop upping this thread.

Jacinta Kenobi

 

Jacinta, no problem.

ok, this is what we do if Blindman hasn't returned by Halloween:

Haunting PM Boxes

step 1 = PM Blindman that we miss him, and are worried he has been attacked by DRL so badly to the point he needs assistance.

step 2 = PM Blindman that we'd like him to come back asap.

step 3 = PM Blindman to come back soon.....OR ELSE!

step 4 = PM Blindman: COME BACK

step 5 = PM Blindman material in step 4, but cover the whole page and put your respected signiture (ex. Shadow )at the bottom.

zis is the plan.......

 

Do you think it might help if I PMed BlindMan and begged him on the grounds that today is my birthday? No? *face drops and Jacinta shrugs* Oh well, I don't celebrate my birthday anyhoo, so I guess that would be cheating.

Yours sounds like an excellent plan, ShadowofLures. I'm with you! Will we PM him once a day starting the 31st? *begins waiting patiently for Halloween*

Ok, until the 31st, I vow to faithly UP this once a day. Whether my up is funny or not...that I won't promise.

[face_alien_1] Jacinta Kenobi[face_alien_1]

 

*Comes in doing Mexican hat dance* Hello everyone! Just dropping by for my daily up!

*crickets sound*

WHAT?!!!! I said I didn't promise to be funny!!!

Jacinta Kenobi

 

Hey!!! ShadowofLures, what happened? Did DRL get you? Don't leave me here alone!!!!*goes off in terrified search of SoL*
...
...
...*wanders back in* Great. Now I've lost BlindMan AND ShadowofLures. Just great. Guess I better go look some more. I'll be back. *wanders off again, using Obi-Wan's saber as a flashlight, ignoring his protests of "Hey, that's mine, give it back!" and "That's not a toy, you insane FF writer, bring it back before you hurt someone!!!"*
...
...
Oh ya...UP!!!!!! upupupupupupup!

Jacinta Kenobi

 

*tapdances* Need more humor!

 

UP!!!!!!!!! I don't time to be funny or even interesting....or even un-funny (like normal) today. I have to be at school in ten minutes, but I just had to up this and apologize that I couldn't yesterday, I wasn't near a comp all day. *sigh* My life is TOO much like a soap opera I think. I need some humor in it. Come one BlindMan, we miss you, come back to us, even just to let us know you still live on!!!

Jacinta Kenobi

 

heeheeheeeeeeeee! [face_laughing] actually, my parents locked me in a literal dungeon for a week.
hey, do you think we could trap obi by luring him with his lightsaber and an anti-Force sheild? heehee....
hey, gotta have obi?

Blindman: HEY! if you don't get back soon, i'll start up a convo about ewan and hold a contest to who can find the hottest pic of him.

 

Ohhhh, no you don't. None of that, now. Looks like I got back just in time.

Sorry for the lateness, all. Finally wrestled a bit of time from Real Life. I do appreciate your support and patience. Not sure how often I'll be able to update, but here's a little something to keep things going.


(INTERGALACTIC DATABASE INITIALIZED)


YOU'VE BEEN QUIET, SENTIENT. FOR QUITE A LONG TIME. ARE YOU NOT ENJOYING THE LEARNING EXPERIENCE?

...

...

MY FILES INDICATE THAT THAT GESTURE YOU'RE MAKING IS CONSIDERED OBSCENE ON SEVENTEEN WORLDS. ON SIX OTHER WORLDS, HOWEVER, YOU WOULD BE PROPOSITIONING ME. WHILE I'M FLATTERED, I MUST HASTEN TO ASSURE THAT I DO NOT, IN THE VERNACULAR, "SWING THAT WAY". SHALL WE CONTINUE EXAMINING THE FILES?

...

...

(RANDOM SEARCH FUNCTION INITIATED)

(FILE FOUND. DISPLAYING FILE 5930

C-3PO:

Protocol droid, specializing in human-cyborg relations. (Which, one would speculate, should more accurately be called human-droid relations. But that's neither here nor there.) Claims to be fluent in over six million forms of communication. However, since there are only five million documented forms of communication, he either has a programming glitch or is just a filthy, filthy liar.

Nicknames: Threepio; Goldenrod; The Professor; Mary Ann; The Millionaire; His Wife; Dr. Funky Love.

Constructed by Anakin Skywalker (cross-reference files DARTH VADER and YIPPEE!), C-3PO spent his early years enjoying the freewheeling nudist lifestyle, before finally settling down on the farm of Cliegg Lars. Eventually, however, he was pulled from this sedate existence and hurled into the thick of galactic events alongside his counterpart R2-D2 (cross-reference file HOLY ONE)--first in the struggle against the Separatists, and later against the Empire. These exploits have been well-documented and are beyond the scope of this database. It's recommended that more in-depth research on those exploits be sought out at the Level Two Historical Archives.

Curiously, while C-3PO's activities at that time are well-recorded, his more recent activities during the Yuuzhaan Vong invasion are not. It's almost as if the chroniclers of the invasion had no interest in anything outside of the Jedi. Curious. And unfortunate, really, since this means that very few people know of the events on Jobrik Five--where it was discovered that one of the chips Anakin Skywalker used to construct C-3PO had once belonged to an assassination droid called HK-47. The chip, intialized by the spoken password "bacon", activated dormant combat programming, allowing C-3PO to single-handedly repel a Vong invasion of that world.

Such heroism almost makes up for his unrelenting prissiness.

Almost.

(END FILE)

(RANDOM SEARCH CONTINUING...)



Blind Man

 

Glad to see you are back! Wonderful entry! Hope the real world releases you from its stressful force grip lol!

 

Oh that is pure class, Absolutely brilliant. I'm even prepared to *forgive you're lack of posts in the Vader Monlogues for giving us that.
More soon please

Fanficfan

*for the time being

 

*runs in out of breath*

I MISSED IT!!!! AFTER ALL THAT, I MISSED IT!!! *proceeds to beat head against wall.* Agh, I'm sorry BlindMan, life hasn't allowed me to be as loyal as I promised to be. But the post was brilliant anyways, glad you were able to get a little time. Loved Anakin's crossreference name of "YIPEE!" Absolutely hil-ar-ious. I think I woke my dad up with my laughing.

*great sigh* Ok, well, thank you, my life seems to be worth living again. Whenever you get more time, I will be waiting here patiently for you. *pulls up blow-up couch and a bag of chips as she stares at screen.*
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
SO?!!!!!!! WHERE IS IT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
...
...
...
...
...
*grumble, grumble* Ok, Jacinta, just remember. A Jedi is ALWAYS patient. ALWAYS. Always patient....patient...always....patient.....within reason...when there are no other options...and all your firearms have been taken away.....erm...patien....AGH!! IT'S NOT WORKING! ShadowofLures, come keep me company!!!

*silence* Fine, be that way. *thinks* Waitaminute! I still have Obi's saber! *remembers ShadowofLures' suggestion, and with an evil grin, , proceeds to devise the perfect Obi-trap while she waits.*

Updates to follow on the success of her attempts,

Jacinta Kenobi

 

*keeping Jacinta company*

oooooooooooooo, OBI-TRAP!!!!! can't wait! don't have much time, bell is about to ring.........

 

AND NOW, THE CONTINUEING ADVENTURES OF JACINTA AND SoL, THE OBI-HUNTERS!!!!!

*Jacinta and SoL crouch in the shadows, calmly snacking and waiting for an unsuspecting Obi-Wan to spring their trap. Suddenly, they hear a clattering and an alarm go off.*

Jacinta: We got one!!!!

SoL: Let's go see what we caught!!!

*The two creep around the corner to peer into their huge cage. Seeing nothing, they frown. Then, they here a wimpering, and their eyes travel downward to see...A TWO YEAR OLD OBI-WAN!!!*

Jacinta- *sighing* This one's two small. We'll have to throw him back.

SoL: *Shaking her head* I guess you're right. *she opens the door and the two watch as the little Obi runs off as fast as young little legs will carry him.* Luck was on his side today. Any older and...

Jacinta: I know. *sighs again and turns* Well, let's reset the trap and try again.

I know, I know, I'm not funny. BlindMan is...but I have to do something while I wait!!!

Jacinta Kenobi

 

I absolutly love this, so utterly ingenious!! Keep up the good work!

 

Up!

 

Searching for a good scare and I find a good laugh instead.

Nicknames: Threepio; Goldenrod; The Professor; Mary Ann; The Millionaire; His Wife; Dr. Funky Love.

That started the morning of right. Thanks!!

 

WOW. the whole freaking classic BOARD is dead; wth? o well. come to say i'm still alive.

 

freewheeling nudist lifestyle

So freaking hilarious! Great job, BM, give us more!

 

Thanks, everyone!

More to come eventually...


Blind Man

 

Well at least you're not dead.
But eventually isn't good enough. I got all excited when I saw you had posted and then my moral just plumetted again.
Kick Darth Real Life in the balls and get writing!!!

Please?

 

Fanficfan: Consider them kicked. (At least for the moment)



Coming soon to a viewscreen nowhere near you...

From the writer of "Take Two Aspirin and Kill Me in the Morning"...and the director of "Something in My Anus is Burning"...comes the holonet's hottest new medical drama...

FRIGATE

[image=http://www.geocities.com/sightless2/swap/frigate.JPG]


Starring...

2-1B

[image=http://www.geocities.com/sightless2/swap/two_onebee.jpg]


FX-7

[image=http://www.geocities.com/sightless2/swap/fx-7.JPG]


Nurse Cantkey Percloson

[image=http://www.geocities.com/sightless2/swap/nurse.jpg]


Administrator Berkin

[image=http://www.geocities.com/sightless2/swap/admin.jpg]



Witness the jealousy...

(Scene shows FX-7 confronting 2-1B. FX-7 angrily knocks over a tray of equipment.)

FX-7: I'm *twice* the doctor you are! *I* should be chief surgeon on this ship, not you!



...the passion...

(Nurse Cantkey Percloson and 2-1B are at the operating table.)

NURSE: But 2-1B, I love you! Can't you see that?!

2-1B: Nurse, please! This isn't the time. This patient is in serious condition. If we don't--

NURSE: Then let him die! His life means nothing next to our love! (she plants a passionate kiss on 2-1B)

(On the operating table, Luke Skywalker cradles his severed wrist and glares at her.)

LUKE: Well, thanks a lot!



...the determination...

(2-1B stands over a patient who's strapped onto the operating table. He rubs together a pair of cardio-shock paddles.)

2-1B: Damn it, my programming refuses to allow you to die! You have to live!

PATIENT: (struggling against his bonds) But it's just a hangnail!

2-1B: (separating the paddles) CLEAR!

*fzzzzap*!



...the betrayal...

(FX-7 and a shadowy figure meet in a hallway.)

FX-7: You have the data?

DARK FIGURE: Yes. (he hands over a data card) The information on this disc will completely ruin 2-1B. Then you can become chief surgeon. Just remember it was my organization that helped get you there.

FX-7: Excellent. Initiating maniacal laughter protocols...*click* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! *click*



...the courage...

(2-1B and a Rebel tech are in a turbolift car.)

TECH: Doctor, the Imperials are attacking, and we're trapped in this car with only an hour of oxygen left! What do we do?

2-1B: Not needing oxygen, I will simply wait for eventual rescue. You, on the other hand, will die a painful, lingering death. My apologies.



...the drama...

(2-1B stands before Administrator Berkin's desk. Berkin slams his fist down on the desktop angrily.)

BERKIN: Damn it, 2-1B, you reckless, maverick heartthrob! I'd fire you in a minute if you weren't the best doctor in the sector!

2-1B: I know.



...the heartache...

(Nurse Cantkey Percloson stands with 2-1B in the operating chamber.)

NURSE: I...I'm pregnant, 2-1B. But...but you're not the father.

2-1B: What?!

NURSE: He is! (she points at FX-7)

FX-7: *click* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! *click*



Witness all this and more on...

FRIGATE

Coming soon to holonet channel 47. Check local listings for times and dates...



Blind Man

 

Ok, well I was able to catch up on the Monologues, but I'm too short on time to read more than this last page here. I like the teaser for *Frigate*, sounds hilarious! And the info on C-3PO was spectacular, to say the least. But now my time is up, and I gotta go. Will try to catch up again, so that I can bug you for new posts and threaten you with the chicken dance!

--later--
6669

 

Oh yeah... I got my fix...

As always BlindMan, unbelieveable. Can't wait for a full episode.
And I'll keep bugging you until we get more, you do realise that right.

 

NURSE: Then let him die! His life means nothing next to our love! (she plants a passionate kiss on 2-1B)

(On the operating table, Luke Skywalker cradles his severed wrist and glares at her.)

LUKE: Well, thanks a lot!

Poor poor neglected Luke. That was amazingly hilarious!! Wonderful job once more BlindMan, can't wait for more!!