Short Attention Span Theater Presents...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by BlindMan, Jan 26, 2002.

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  1. quietlunatic Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 13, 2001
    star 3
  2. val solo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2000
    star 4
    Super job, Blindman! :D

    As a teacher, I can sympathize with poor Mace. And being a substitute must be worse!
  3. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    LOL!!!!!!! "There is no spoon." HA HA HA!! "We're going to play Quidditch? Cool!" [face_laugh] Oh man, that was hilarious!
  4. Denny Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2001
    star 3
    bloody brilliant! :D :D Loved the Matrix and Harry Potter references!


    UP!
  5. Malz4JESUS Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 5
    LOL! All of these are awesomeness! You're hilariousness BlindMan!
    God bless!
    <3-Moose
  6. Malz4JESUS Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 5
  7. triggerfinger Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 3
    yeah, listen to the majarly religious dude, and give us more
  8. Malz4JESUS Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 5
    you talkin' about me? Whoa...
    ok, Up!
  9. Whoever Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 1
    Flaming is not allowed
  10. BlindMan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Okay, I'm back. :) This one probably only makes sense if you've played the games...



    Short Attention Span Theater Presents:


    THE INCREDIBLY AMAZING ADVENTURES OF THE ONE AND ONLY KYLE KATARN



    (An aged KYLE KATARN is sitting in a chair in his Coruscant apartment, with his two grandsons--DERIC and GALEN--and his granddaughter ALLYANA sitting at his feet, listening to him spin his tales. JAN ORS is straightening knick-knacks on a shelf behind KYLE.)

    KYLE: --and that's how I defeated Mohc and destroyed the Dark Trooper project, saving the galaxy.

    (The children look at each other, then GALEN--the youngest--looks to JAN.)

    GALEN: Grandma Jan, is Grandpa Kyle crazy?

    KYLE: What?!

    JAN: (smiling) No, he's not crazy, dear. He does have a tendency to exaggerate, though...

    KYLE: I most certainly do not!

    DERIC: You took on all of those Imperials and Dark Troopers and dianogas and even Boba Fett--by yourself--and lived? C'mon, grandpa.

    KYLE: I did! And a whole lot more!

    ALLYANA: Did you really fight a Kell dragon with your bare hands?

    KYLE: Yes, I did. I've still got the scars to prove it.

    DERIC: And what was the deal with those personal shield thingies? I've never heard of those before.

    KYLE: They were...experimental. Yeah. I had the only one.

    DERIC: And you kept finding recharges for the shields--and your weapons--just lying around all over the place?

    KYLE: Yes. I'd hate to think what might have happened if the Imperials hadn't been so careless with their ordinance.

    GALEN: Where'd you put all the guns?

    KYLE: What?

    GALEN: You said you kept picking up new weapons as the mission went along--where'd you put 'em all? They must have weighed a ton! How'd you sneak around with all of that?

    KYLE: I'm...just that good.

    (The children look at him skeptically.)

    KYLE: (throwing up his arms) I saved the freakin' galaxy, and all I get is people looking at me like I'm crazy? Why'd I even bother? (he slumps back in his chair)

    ALLYANA: Don't get mad, grandpa. Please? Tell us another story.

    KYLE: (folding his arms on his chest) I don't feel like it. Since nobody wants to listen, anyway...

    JAN: Don't pout, dear.

    KYLE: I'm not pouting. I'm sulking. There's a difference.

    JAN: Kids, did you know that your Grandpa was a Jedi?

    (The kids' eyes light up.)

    ALLYANA: A Jedi? Really?

    GALEN: With a lightsaber and everything?

    KYLE: (smiling, warming up a bit) Yeah, I was. You guys want to hear about it?

    DERIC, GALEN and ALLYANA: (in unison) Yes!

    KYLE: You're sure?

    DERIC, GALEN and ALLYANA: (in unison) YES!

    KYLE: (grinning) Well, all right, then. There was this place called the Valley of the Jedi--where the spirits of fallen Jedi resided. A place of great power, but its location was a secret. And there was an evil, dark Jedi named Jerec, who was trying to find it. I had to try and stop him and his evil minions of the Dark Side--and along the way, I discovered my own Force abilities.

    DERIC: Grandpa, if this Jerec was so big and bad, how come I've never heard of him?

    KYLE: Because you're stupid?

    (Jan smacks KYLE in the back of the head.)

    DERIC: Was he badder than Darth Vader?

    KYLE: Yes.

    GALEN: Badder than Darth Maul?

    KYLE: Yes.

    ALLYANA: Badder than Darth Tyranus?

    KYLE: (rolling his eyes) Yes!

    GALEN: Badder than Darth Jar Jar?

    KYLE: Yes! Well, no. But he was bad, all right? Bad! Anyway, he captured your grandma, and, as usual, I had to go rescue her.

    JAN: Hey...(she gives him a playful shove on the shoulder)

    KYLE: I fought and defeated all of Jerec's minions, then faced Jerec himself in the heart of the Valley of the Jedi. Lightsaber against lightsaber. Good versus evil with the fate of the galaxy at stake! And of course, I won.

    ALLYANA: Wow. What'd you do then?

    KYLE: Well, then I took on an apprentice. Maybe you've heard of her--Mara Jade?

    GALEN: Luke Skywalker's wife?!

    KYLE: Yep.

    DERIC: Wait a minute, I saw her on "Galactic Biography" the other night, and she didn't mention being your student.

    KYLE:
  11. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
  12. jedi7 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2002
    star 4
    I'm reading those Dark Forces book's, and you could possibly call Katarn, the Macgyver of the Jedi.
    BlindMan I'm eagerly awaiting your next installment. :) 7
  13. PeterTutham27 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2001
    star 4
    DERIC: And what was the deal with those personal shield thingies? I've never heard of those before.

    KYLE: They were...experimental. Yeah. I had the only one.

    DERIC: And you kept finding recharges for the shields--and your weapons--just lying around all over the place?

    KYLE: Yes. I'd hate to think what might have happened if the Imperials hadn't been so careless with their ordinance.


    ROFLOL!!!!!!!!! Exactly!!!
  14. quietlunatic Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 13, 2001
    star 3
    That's just great.

    No need to respond to flamers.
  15. BlindMan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Short Attention Span Theater Presents:


    STAR WARS MEETS EARTH


    (STAR WARS and EARTH bump into each other unexpectedly.)

    EARTH: Oh, hello, Star Wars.

    STAR WARS: Hello, Earth.

    (pause)

    EARTH: Well, goodbye, Star Wars.

    STAR WARS: Goodbye, Earth.

    (They wander away...)



    :) Blind Man
  16. triggerfinger Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 3
  17. The Butler Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 1999
    star 4
    Wouldn't be surprised if it happened. :)
  18. BlindMan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Thanks, folks! :)

    triggerfinger: It's just a little something to keep myself amused. Kind of an "intermission" between the main stories...


    :) Blind Man
  19. jendiggity Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 4
    it was cute! i liked it! :)
  20. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    (Dr. Evil) Riiiigggghhhhttt...
  21. inez_the_swampgirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 4
    *giggling maniacally* hehehehhehehehehehehe

    inez
  22. jedifighter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Excellent! Fanstic! Can't think up any more!

    Ouiditch? I play it meself I so gooooood at.



    *pause*



    I said to much.
  23. kimbilili-k-s Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2002
    star 2
    man, everything's so funny...how about a disco session~ lol!
  24. BlindMan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Intermission...(just for me! :p)


    STAR WARS MEETS STAR TREK:


    STAR TREK: Hello, Star Wars.

    STAR WARS: Hello, Star Trek.

    (pause)

    STAR TREK: You're stupid.

    (STAR WARS whips out a baseball bat, cracks STAR TREK over the head with it. Then, leaning the bat against one shoulder, STAR WARS walks away, whistling.)


    :) Blind Man

    (There'll be a real story soon--maybe this weekend...)
  25. jedifighter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Star Wars got baseball bat? I prefear a wand.

    *pause*

    I said too much again.
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