Beyond - Legends Sides of a Coin (Z/J/K; romance, angst)

Sides of a Coin
by Trickster_Jaina_Fel


Disclaimer: George Lucas owns the galaxy and characters. I own the plot. I?m not making any money out of this, please don?t sue
Summary: A Lady of the Sith recounts how she fell to the Dark side, who she loved, and how, in the end, the two are basically the same thing.
Keywords: short story, Lords and Ladies of the Sith
Genre: AU, angst, romance
AN: trust me when I say this is dark






?Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.?


I should have known from the beginning that something was wrong. ?Sith do not know love, or even compassion,? he told me the first time he met me. But his grin sent electricity soaring through my veins and his eyes smouldered with something that seemed to contradict his words ? something that added a ?but? to what he said. So, in my naïveté and attraction, I ignored his words.

How could I know, then, that by forgetting his warning I gave him the only key he would ever need to destroy my heart from the inside?

I accepted his offer to train me and received a kiss in return. Now I know how pathetic I was ? trading my life and my loyalty for a kiss that he could easily give to any other girl. But I had lost faith in the Jedi, in my family; I had been betrayed by those I tried to save. And this man ? a Sith Lord ? offered me something more. He presented ? I thought ? a shot at acceptance, refuge and maybe even ? someday ? love.

I trained under him for years, striving to be exactly what he wanted me to be. I thrived on even the smallest gesture of affection, lived off his praise. When I caught him watching me, I shivered and worked harder, concentrating on even the most painful task, hoping that he would see my loyalty to him in my effort.

I backed away from a task that he set before me only once. When I was eighteen, he demanded that I destroy Yavin 4 with the recently created second Sun Crusher. I almost went through with it ? really, I did, pitiful fool that I was ? but I fell back at the last moment.

Yavin 4 had been one of my most cherished childhood homes; not even my eagerness to please my master could make me go through with destroying it.

I had returned to him, eyes downcast, knowing that he would be greatly disappointed. ?I will not stand for failure,? he had told when I first came to him. ?Your only choices are these: perfection or death.?

He knew immediately that I had not gone through with it ? he could feel it, smell my failure, see my shame. ?I couldn?t,? I whispered inadequately, crumbling under his displeasure.

He didn?t respond for hours and I did not dare to so much as flinch, let alone look him in the eye. So I huddled on the stone floor before him, waiting for the blow, for the torture, for the slow death that ? I believed ? was warranted by my inexcusable failure.

Finally, he grabbed me by the hair and jerked my head up. ?You have disappointed me, my sweet rose,? he said, his voice twisting the endearment so that it grated on my ears.

I had disappointed him. I wonder now, knowing what I do, if he knew just how painful it was to hear that from him. To listen as the man I loved ? yes, loved ? denied me even his pride. How could I earn his affection when I was this frail excuse of even an apprentice? I was nothing. I was clumsy, weak, inadequate. Undeserving of his attention, of his tutelage.

?I?m sorry,? I whispered, too distraught even to weep. His response was to throw me away from him and leave my presence, not looking back.

Leaving. He was always so good at that.

I didn?t leave that hard, cold chamber for three weeks. One servant ? a woman about my mother?s age, whose maternal side I seemed to bring out ? brought me food and wine, but I refused it. She returned several days later, telling me that He commanded I take water. So I did. But that was it.

My bruises yellowed and my knees became used to the stones I knelt on, but the agony in my heart did not abate. He had not even come t

 

Wow. Amazing. That was totally amazing. Lots of Darkness. Not to much romance though what there was was wonderful. Am I making sense? I don't think I am. I'm half asleep. I think I'm gonna go to bed now because otherwise I will be totally incoherant and fall asleep on the keyboard. Very uncomfortable. 'Night!

 

Not to much romance though what there was was wonderful.

lol, thanks i put romance in the thread title because the whole thing was affected by jaina's romance with zekk

'night

~TJF

 

bump^

~TJF

 

i put romance in the thread title because the whole thing was affected by jaina's romance with zekk
Oh okay. That makes sense now. I was a little out of it last night.

 

So i notice. lol ANyway, that was awesome TJF. I loved it. Great job! *praises and praises and...*

 

Oh No what have you done to my Kyp...he's all evil [face_shocked]

But it was still a good story and sweet in some way

 

WOW! That was good. Dark, yes, but interestingly insightful. Is this a one-poster?

~Ambyr-Rose~

 

Wow! That was really dark, and sad, and great! But poor Zekk! He left Jaina all alone!

 

Awesome job on that, TJF! [face_shocked] That was absolutely amazing!

*LtJS*

 

Whoa..that was really really good tjf! Really dark too...

 

J&J: yes you were

Elu: thanks

Elfsheen: Oh No what have you done to my Kyp...he's all evil

no kidding -- i had a hard time going to sleep after writing this *shivers* i didn't want to romanticize kyp as a villain though....i do that too much already

But it was still a good story and sweet in some way

in some way thanks

Ambryr_Rose: thank you! and yes, this is a one-poster...originally, there would have been a possible sequal, but the story morphed since i planned that....kyp's betrayal and jaina's pain are too great for there to be any doubt as to how it'll end

Sword: But poor Zekk! He left Jaina all alone!

i have a confession to make...Zekk was *never* supposed to be in this...so poor zekk indeed -- yet another victim of my muse

Lt:

y2:

~TJF

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Why haven't I read this before????



Dark was an understatement.

And you KILLED Zekk again!!

Very nice though, do a sequal!

Kyp and Jaina, one on one.

 

And you KILLED Zekk again!!

i know! the odd thing is, he wasn't even supposed to be in this one....kyp's betrayal was supposed to be either completely impersonal (well, for him) or just him casting her aside.....zekk's too nice for his own good

Very nice though, do a sequal! Kyp and Jaina, one on one

i would......but kyp's betrayal was just too great -- there can't be any doubt of what will happen in the end.

thanks

~TJF

 

Awwwww... You made me cry *again*, TJF... That was so great... *sniffle*

I absolutely loved it. Thanks for this, btw. It pulled me off the edge of K/J ness... for a little while, at least...

Although, I have a bone to pick with you. I leave for two weeks and you post how many new stories??? *sigh* I guess I'll just have to go drown myself in heavenly TJF romangst fics...

 

Awwwww... You made me cry *again*, TJF...

i expected that *hands 06 a tissue*

I absolutely loved it. Thanks for this, btw. It pulled me off the edge of K/J ness... for a little while, at least...

happy to oblige

Although, I have a bone to pick with you. I leave for two weeks and you post how many new stories???

um...*counts* 3. i think. *checks* yep. though i updated two things *halo*

*sigh* I guess I'll just have to go drown myself in heavenly TJF romangst fics...

lol -- strangely enough, not all are romangst...more like humour

~TJF

 

*bawls head off*

 

Did I never reply to this? *slaps forehead* What was I thinking?

Babe, you are AMAZING! Literally everything I read of yours I love. Yeah, it's mostly dark and angsty, but somehow you manage to make me like it! And this was no exception. Brilliant, I say! (Can you tell I'm in a mood today? ). Really, I loved it!

Kudos!

 

Jaid: *pats Jaid's head consolingly*

JJD: thank you

~TJF

 

bump^

~TJF

 

WOW...I absolutely love it...all

 

thank you

~TJF

 

bump^

~TJF

 

But his grin sent electricity soaring through my veins and his eyes smouldered with something that seemed to contradict his words ? something that added a ?but? to what he said. [/]i *but, it always works out anyway, because people like Kyp and Jaina can break all the rules, because they are only really guidlines, anyway...*

I thrived on even the smallest gesture of affection, lived off his praise. *is laughing at Jaina so hard she can't breath*

for the slow death that ? I believed ? was warranted by my inexcusable failure.

How could I earn his affection when I was this frail excuse of even an apprentice? I was nothing. I was clumsy, weak, inadequate. Undeserving of his attention, of his tutelage. HAHAHAHA!!!!! *laughs at Jaina's pain* ... *feels guilty about finding Jaina's pain so humorous*... *bangs her head against the desk to compensate*

Truly, he knew how to punish me in a way befitting my betrayal of his trust.

I didn?t know what to make of this kindness. *dies laughing* Zekk, the nice guy, even as a sith

Zekk was scared ? but it was an unnaturally calm panic. That is a truly excellent line...

?At least he taught you something. I was beginning to think he was a complete waste of time.? OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!! ANGER!!!!!!!! ANGER ANGER ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!

The worst part of it was that I knew he was right. ... and here I didn't think I could smirk any more happily...

It didn?t matter that the looks, the praise, the momentary caresses were bitter to me and served only to remind me what I was missing ? a part of me still belonged to ? still loved ? my master. *laughs at Jaina's pain some more*

Oddly, my master took pleasure in hearing me curse him, in feeling my fist break his nose, in the way I pulled away from him more and more each night. Ah, gotta love them masochistic sith...

The rooms had been nice before they were torn apart by my pain-triggered Force vortex. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...oh force, I'm being so sadistic to poor little Jaina...

Immediately he pulled the desk off me and tried to help me to my feet, but I pulled away, my first movement in a lifetime. PULLED THE DESK OFF OF HER??? ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

?Nothing I could have said or done would ever have made this great a transformation in you, my little one, my sweet rose.? OH HOW I LOVE THE SITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREAT!!!!!!!!! GOOD BETTER BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY EVIL WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ah, gotta love them masochistic sith...


Uhh.... No you don't......