Silent Storm (JA) - On Hold Until July 10 -

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Kade, Jun 6, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    Title: Silent Storm
    Author: Kade
    Rating: PG-13 for violence
    Timeframe: Obi-Wan is 19
    Spoilers: None
    Disclaimer: Star Wars is George Lucas' universe, I'm just borrowing it for awhile
    Commentary: Please

    I meant to add some more but some circumstances have come up that are beyond my control, so I'll have to postpone the story for a couple of weeks. Sorry everyone!! :(

    +++

    I doubled over and placed my hands on my knees in an attempt to catch my breath. Today I had run only 15 miles and was winded. I was losing my touch. I shook it off and sighed.

    I headed for the room I shared with my brother at the back of the dump I called a home. Even though most people wouldn't have stepped foot into it, I enjoyed my room immensly. It had papers all over the dirty, rat infested floor, and a few bugs skittered along the walls. My room had four gray stone walls and not even a bed, but it contain my prize possessions.

    An entire set of weights.

    Though it might not seem like much to most people, these weights were what kept me alive. Where I live, it's survival of the fittest. If you aren't strong, you'll die. I had seen that. In only the thirteen years I had been living I had seen many die because of weakness, including most of my own family.

    I live with my older brother Wasin, my only surviving relative. He's seventeen, and one of the best theives the planet Nibues had ever seen. He can sneak into any store undetected and get whatever goods we need to make it through another week. He had even stolen most of these weights for us, just a few at a time of course, but over the years we had developed quite a collection.

    Sometimes, if it was a particularly hard place to get into, I would act as his running decoy. If an alarm went off, he would calmly walk one way while I ran the other. At the age of eight I could outrun any officer on the street. I had only been caught once, at the age of nine. But the law officers had let me go seeing that I had no goods on me. They even bought that I had seen them come after me and gotten scared. I had choked up some fake tears and they had let me go home. Some people are so easy to fool.

    "Anna!" Wasin called from the other room in our home. "You'll never guess what I picked up today!"

    I grinned and ran into the next room. Wasin smiled slyly at me and held up a set of expensive watches. He handed one to me and I fingered it gently. "This is an authentic, Wasi."

    He gave me a dark look. "Don't call me that."

    I shrugged. He took the watch from me. "You're right, though. This is authentic. It won't be too long until we can afford to get out of here."

    I nodded. Wasin smiled. "You want to go do some pick pocketing? It's a good day. Lots of tourists."

    "Sounds great. It's been awhile since I've done that."

    "You remember how?"

    "Sure do. I learned from the best."

    Wasin winked at me.

    +++

    "See him over there, Anna?"

    "The one in the red turban?"

    "Yeah. Easy target. Looks rich, but not smart enough to put his wallet in a safe place. Look, it'll be an easy pick. You want to?"

    "Nah. I've all ready picked out my target. It's that lady over there in the furs. You go ahead with that guy."

    Wasin nodded and we moved off in separate directions as if we didn't know each other.
    I moved through the crowd as if I knew where I was going. I stopped beside the fruit stand she was at and pretended to examine the fruit. I even asked how fresh she thought it was. She was courteous enough, but obviously in a hurry.

    I examined an orange carefully and shook my head. I moved off and pretended to trip over a leg of the stand, and sprawled almost on top of the lady, while slipping my hand into her purse and grabbing her coin purse. I apologized profusely and made my face turn bright red. I made my eyes get wide and look scared. Wasin always said that armed with that look I could get away with anything.

    As I hurried away and called out to my nonexistent mother, I heard a sound behind me. I whirled around to see a figure on top of my brother, an
  2. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: Wow.. Great beginning! A very interesting point of view, too. But I can't believe she shot Obi-Wan! At least I guess it was him, as the other one was bigger...

    You've got to continue this! :)
  3. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Kade - I'm with Nat - Wow! But, what really happened?

    You're doing a great job - please don't leave us hanging :D.

    Rogue
  4. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    AHHHHHHHHHHH! She shot Obi!!!! You must continue! I love the 'jedi travel in pairs' line. Great beginning.


    Obi
  5. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Wow, what a beginning! Anisa is a strong character! I absolutely loved the paragraph where she was thinking about the Jedi, and their 'advanced technology' by which they could sense you anywhere, and how you didn't survive if you were caught by a Jedi. But now Anisa's shot one at point blank range, and has run into another one, a big, angry Jedi. UH OH! Write more soon, please!
  6. Jadis_Ionian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 27, 2001
    star 4
    Wow, this is really intriguing! I can't wait to find out what happens. :D

    *Jadis*
  7. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Great start, and interesting POV. :)
  8. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Whoa! What a start! I like your characters. Nice POV, also. It's always nice to get on the boards and see that a new author and story has appeared.

    Waiting for more! :)

    KenobisGirl :p
  9. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    Really great start :)

    What really happened in that scuffle before Anna stuck her head out from behind the crates?

    Can't wait for more.
  10. Kade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    Thank you all for the encouraging replies!! They mean a lot, they really do. Feel free to offer any constructive critisism as well. :)

    +++

    My head is pounding. I can't see anything. Why can't I see anything? My eyes aren't open. I try to open them. No, I don't want to open them, they hurt too much. But I have to know where I am.

    I force my eyes open and flinch and the added pain from the light. I blink a few times and focus.

    A Jedi.

    The big one I had run into. When did I run into a Jedi? Oh yes. Right after I ran out of the shop. Why was I running out of the shop? Oh yes... I killed a Jedi. Because the Jedi killed Wasin.

    The realization made my head pound even harder. I fought back tears.

    "You're awake."

    The big Jedi was looking at me now. I choked back my tears and tried to hide how scared I was. What did he do to me?

    "You are in pain. I had to hit you. You put up quite a fight."

    My hand found my forehead, and I could feel a bandage there. I immediately started to claw at it. Who knows what a Jedi might have put in there. If my head was cut, he might have put in a drug that would kill me slowly and painfully. Or worse, it could be a mind control drug.

    My head started to hurt even more intensely as I clawed at it. The Jedi stared at me.

    "Don't try to take it off."

    I stopped clawing at it, afraid what he would do to me if I didn't obey. I didn't have the energy to fight him. I would go back to sleep. Yes, that sounded good. Better to die in my sleep.

    ***

    Qui-Gon kept his hand on his Padawan's hand on his forehead and sent healing energy to his body continually. It was draining him, as he had been doing it for thirty-six hours, but it was necessary to keep him alive.

    Obi-Wan had an ugly wound to the chest. He was lucky to be alive. The blow had been from point blank range. It should have killed him. The only explanation the Master could think of for his survival is that the force had decided it was not yet his time. Still, it would be touchy until they could get him into a bacta tank.

    Qui-Gon's attention went to the girl he had locked up on the floor as she moaned. Fierce anger washed over him in waves, and he let it roll off of him. Anger was not appropriate for a Jedi. But, oh, how he wished he could get angry.

    She had done this to his Padawan. This girl who couldn't have been more than 14. He had seen it for himself on the store surviellance cameras. The boy had started the fight. He had grazed Obi-Wan in the shoulder. Obi-Wan had groaned in pain and had drawn out his lightsaber to protect himself. But one blaster bolt he had deflected had hit the boy in the chest. By the looks of it, he had been killed instantly.

    What the Jedi Master couldn't figure out was why Obi-Wan had killed him. His Padawan could have disarmed the boy or just grazed him to stop the fight. It would not have been hard for him. The killing was not needed.

    Maybe Obi-Wan had just been surprised, or maybe he sensed something that Qui-Gon could not see from the holocam. Unless he woke up, they would never know.

    The girl on the floor stirred again. She hadn't been asleep long. She grabbed her head and started to cry softly. Blood was starting to seep through again, probably from when she had been clawing at it.

    Knowing what he had to do, but not particularly liking his task, he took her out of her energy cell. She was only half conscious. Carefully he removed the bandage from her forehead. The skin beneath it was quickly becoming inflamed. It was becoming infected, which was dangerous for a head wound.

    Not at all gently, he applied some aniseptic. The girl screamed. Her eyes flew open, and when they focused on him she began to struggle. It was all he could do to hold her down.

    "Hold still. Your wound is infected," he said, keeping his voice calm. He felt a pang of guilt for not at least trying to do it so that it would not cause her more pain. For a moment he locked on to the force and let it once again take away his anger. While she may have tried to murder his Padawan, she
  11. TheFallen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2001
    star 4
    Oooh! I'm definitely in for this one. Keep on writing!
  12. PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Interesting start. Keep going :)
  13. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    This girl really needs to stop listening to rumours! Killing Obi-Wan... What a crazy idea! :D

    I love this story!
  14. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    I don't know - I'm thinking maybe we need the crime scene investigators - was it really Obi-Wan that did it? :eek:

    This is great Kade - and 2 posts in one day makes it even better :D.

    Rogue
  15. Kade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    I can't belive people are actually reading and liking this!!! Thank you so much for all the feedback!

    +++

    I am an idiot.

    Wasin always said my mouth would be the death of me. I just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. Wasin wasn't like me. He was quieter. He kept his feelings to himself, and I never could tell exactly what he was thinking. Unlike me. Controlling my feelings of sadness or disappointment or even happiness has always been easy for me. It's my anger I can't get a hold on.

    I know I have most likely killed any chances of him just handing me over to the authorities or even just letting me die quickly. No, I will most likely be tortured and starved and made to die slowly and very, very painfully.

    The thought scares me to death, but I refuse to let them see me cry again. No, I won't let them have that satisfaction. The animals.

    The larger one is sitting on the floor a few meters away. His eyes are closed, and he appears to be sleeping sitting up. Strange creatures, these Jedi.

    I turn my head to the left. I can see the other Jedi, the one I thought I had killed. His face is ashen, and he's surrounded by various tubes. How I wish I could reach over and disconnect them, but I am held in my cage by energy bars.

    My brother's face keeps flashing before my eyes. But I can't think of him right now. Tears have been shed over him all ready. I don't want to shed anymore, especially in front of the Jedi. They would take sadistic pleasure in that.

    The younger Jedi groans, and in an instant the bigger one has bounded up from his place on the floor. He takes his hand and brushes a stray peace of hair from his forehead.

    "Obi-Wan," he whispers. "I am here."

    "M-Master."

    "Shh... don't speak."

    "Di-Didn't mean t-t-to kill him."

    "Shhh... we'll talk about it later."

    "Please don't leave," the younger boy says, his voice barely able to be heard.

    "I won't, Obi-Wan. I'll be right here. Always."

    The tenderness I witness between them shocks me. Jedi are heartless Barbarians. They care about no one but themselves. Yet as I watch them together they look like... well... Father and son. It reminds me of my own father.

    My dad died when I was little. He murdered a shopkeeper while trying to steal food for our family. The Nibuesian government had found him and sentenced him to life in a solitary prison. But my daddy couldn't stand being away from us and not being free. He hung himself with his blanket.

    Most people would say my dad was a horrible person. But he wasn't, not really. He was kind and loving to my mother and all his children. I had two more brothers and a sister then too. My other brothers, Kaelib and Ephisam, died in a sniper raid trying to capture Nibues' governor. I found my sister Tuni in an alley when I was four. She was beaten and naked. I still have nightmares about that. Mom died in childbirth after my dad went to jail. And the baby, who Wasin and I never did name, died a month later because we couldn't feed her.

    Wasi was my brother, and the only dad I ever knew. He taught me how to survive. I'd been told by some of our neighbors (Sort of, they lived in a shack by our 'house' made of various pieces of scrap metal) that he was quite handsome. But he never had time for girls. He told me that I was as much as he could handle just being a sister. He didn't even want to try a girlfriend.

    I started to tear up again at the thought of Wasin, but I quickly pushed them back. I didn't want them to see me cry. I turned my thoughts to other things.

    The big Jedi, the one called 'Master' was still holding the younger one's hand. He looked like he was hurting just as much as the other. Did he care about the younger? Surely not. Jedi have no feelings. Not those kind of feelings, anyway. It puzzles me.

    I love my family. I still think of them even though they are all dead. Jedi have no concept of family, do they?

    And compassion. I may not be the best person in the world, but I couldn't ever stop myself for giving at least a little money to kids I see who are worse o
  16. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Wow, powerful posts! This is an intense and gripping story! Definitely a whole lot of fun! (Especially with the Obi-hurt and the Qui-angst! [face_devil])

    MORE!

    KenobisGirl :p
  17. TheFallen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2001
    star 4
    Excellent post! I can't wait to see how this develops.
  18. PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    WOW I like the writing from the girls point of view. It's sad that she thinks jedi are barbarians without emotions until she watches them.
  19. sheleigh Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    oh wow... this is an excellent story... hope to see more soon! :)
  20. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    Impressive! Most impressive... This point of view is fascinating!

    And... guys, I think we actually found someone whose childhood was even crappier than Obi-Wan's! :eek:
  21. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    I loved the way Anisa was comparing the Jedi and their behaviour to what she remembered from her own family, and then commenting on what she thought she knew about the Jedi. Sounds like she's suffering from a lot of misconceptions. Will she keep trying to kill Obi-Wan, or will she open her eyes and see that the Jedi aren't so bad after all?
  22. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Oh, very good!!! The idea of her seeing the Jedi as unfeeling and unemotional is an excellent touch! Great job!
  23. Kade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    The next few days of space travel were miserable for all three humans. Obi-Wan was alive for the moment, but Qui-Gon feared for him. His wound was not healing properly. Infection had set in, and his entire chest was a fiery red. His temperature was several degrees higher than it should have been. They were fighting a losing battle.

    They would enter Coruscant's atmosphere in a few hours. The Jedi Master made a call to the healers to tell them of Obi-Wan's condition. The healer said a bacta tank would be ready for the young Jedi upon their arrival.

    When Qui-Gon had made sure his apprentice was resting soundly, he decided to find out who the girl was. He knew nothing about her, not even her name. He retracted the energy bars from around her while she slept, and searched her pockets.

    Her first pocket had contained little but lint, but he had found an Nibuesian I.D. card in the second one. Her name was Anisa-Gorbech Sakarof Malenske. Logging into his datapad, he had searched the Nibuesian government files he had had access to. He found her with little difficulty.

    She was nearing her fourteenth birthday. She had no living relatives. He was able to find out the name of the person that Obi-Wan had killed by the date-of-death by his name. He was her older brother. Wasin-Jimach Dandidor Malenske.

    Running a hand through his long graying hair, he sighed. No wonder she was so angry with his padawan. He had killed her only living relative. And still, Qui-Gon could not figure out why.

    It didn't make sense. He had thought this thought many times since it had happened, and it still was a mystery to him. He would just have to trust Obi-Wan's judgement and get an explaination when he was well again. If he got well again.

    The girl suddenly screamed, startling him. She grabbed her head with both hands. Tear cascaded down both cheeks. Sobs shook her body.

    He rushed to her side and retracted the energy bars. Gently, he lifted her up onto the medic table. For the first time she didn't fight him. The force didn't have to tell him that she was in great pain.

    He sighed. It was his fault she had this wound in the first place. He hadn't hit her that hard, he had only wanted to knock her out. But when she had fallen she had hit her head on a piece of scrap metal. It had been rusted and filthy. He had cleaned it out the best he could, yet the infection had come. It had probably not helped things when she had pulled at it with her dirt caked hands, either.

    After prying her hands from her wound and tying them beside her, he set to cleaning it up. The ugly wound was a bright, fiery red, and it was bleeding again.

    He cleaned it up as best he could. He clipped away the dead skin and applied a strong aniseptic to it after giving her a large dose of sedatives. He rewrapped it and put her in a bad rather than in her cell. The force had helped him release his anger at her, and even if had been angry with her he didn't have the heart to leave a human being in her condition on a pallet on the floor.

    The ship beeped, announcing that they were entering Coruscant's atmosphere. Qui-Gon made his way into the cockpit to start the descent.

    +++

    I feel like a heard of banthas just tapped danced on my head.

    I am exhausted. I have no energy whatsoever. What did they do to me? Have they all ready started their torture? My head didn't hurt this much when I went to sleep.

    I force my eyes open. It hurts so bad just open to them. I try to raise my head up to look around but it screams protest and I fall back on my pillow and nearly pass out.

    "Don't move. It will only cause you more pain," says a gentle voice.

    I force my eyes back open. A man is standing over me. He is smiling. I'm rescued! I'm rescued from the Jedi! Wait... no. He is wearing the robes of the Jedi. The only reason he smiles is because he gets to torture me. Why not just let me die now? Or do they want me alive and well so I can feel every pain they inflict on me?

    "You have a nasty head wound, Anisa-Gorbech. It will take some time to heal. But you'll
  24. PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Poor Anna- she really believes all the stories she has heard.
  25. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    Maybe she needs to get hit on the head a little harder. :D Helloooooo, these are Jedi!

    Poor Obi... I hope he'll be all right. :(
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.