1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Silly Episode 1 Titles

Discussion in 'Prequel Trilogy' started by Paul, Sep 3, 1998.

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  1. Leia's Starboard Hair Bun

    Leia's Starboard Hair Bun Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 21, 1999
    Wow, talk about a flashback! Quaff-Down Gin and I worked on this a loooong time ago. However, we've some new ones fresh from a similar thread in the Basherboards. Here're some of my newer ones:

    Honey, I Blew up Porkins
    Chilly Wampa and the Jedi Hangery
    The Nightmare Before Intermission
    Sleepy Hollow-eyed Audience
    The Bridges of Coruscant City
    (Please Let's Get) Back to the Future
    Eyes Cried Shut
    A Clockwork Collage
    The 'Wizard!' of Blahs
    The Rare Sith Project
    Jar Jar Hears a Who
    Titanic II: The Quickening
    Sith Park: Bigger, Longer, and Unconscionable
    The Last Darklighter

    and my personal favorite for no apparent reason:

    Rancor & The Hendersons

    How-to/Infomercial/Technical Reports

    "Just Press the Damn Button: A Motion Economy Study of Reducing Death Star Firing Sequences"

    "If It Doesn't Compute, Then Just Start To Shoot: Software Upgrade Pak for Battledroid models II-VI"

    "Hmm, Perhaps I Should Evacuate: An Imperial Officer's Pocketguide to Listening To Advisor's Advice"

    "Is There Evil Nearby or Is It Just Cold Out: The Jedi Padawan Guide To Not Making An Arse Of Yourself By Shouting 'Sith!' All The Time"

    New from the Naboo Park Service Press Office!

    "Crushing Gungan Eggs: Family Fun and Civic Duty Together at Last"

    "Human Sewage Outlets Contaminating Gungan Cities: Should We Care?"

    "Wastrel Or Cannon Fodder? Know Your Gungan!" [reprint]

  2. Paul

    Paul Jedi Youngling

    Apr 30, 2000
    Where did you dig up this old fossil?
  3. Jedi Juju

    Jedi Juju Jedi Youngling

    Nov 16, 1999
    hee.. hee... I luv it!

    Out of Endor: An Ewok's Tale
    Death of a Stormtrooper
    On Palpy's Pond

  4. Mister Darth Taffy

    Mister Darth Taffy Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jul 27, 1999
    Yeah, I know that so far it's been limited to TV and Movies, and not song titles,
    and I ALSO know that these aren't that funny, but I just feel the need to put them out.

    Prince-'Little Red Correllian Corvette'
    Sex Pistols-'Qui-Gon Save the Queen'
    Shmi Skywalker-'Like a Virgin'
  5. Leia's Starboard Hair Bun

    Leia's Starboard Hair Bun Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 21, 1999
    How did this thing jump areas in the forum? It completely predates the Ep II & III section, and I am positive we wrote most of it in TPM(SA). Anyway, I've a few more I'll add in a bit.
  6. Darth Binky

    Darth Binky Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 24, 1999
    how about this:

    Star Force
    The Force Strikes Back
    Return of the Force

    The Phantom Force

    no wait those have already been used haven't they.

    I want to get my hands on a copy of "Just Push The Damn Button"; that one struck me as being very very funny. "Hmm Perhaps I Should Evacuate" was good too.

    now I'm a part of TF.N history. It's all falling into place mwahahahaha
  7. Paul

    Paul Jedi Youngling

    Apr 30, 2000
    LSHB:If memory serves, this thread predates (Spoilers Allowed).

    All the Emperor's Men
  8. Darth Binky

    Darth Binky Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 24, 1999
    Upcoming Star Wars books:

    "The Art Of Throwing Grenades: A Stormtrooper's Guide to Fighting Against Someone Who Uses A Lightsaber"

    "Hot Feet: How to Torture Droids and Get Away With It"

    "Don't EVER Investigate The Meteor: Luke Skywalker's Travel Guide To Hoth"

    "Unlearn What You Have Learned: Master Yoda's Guide To Grammar"

    "Zap! - The Emperor's Journal of Making and Keeping Friends"

    "Let's Do Lunch- How To Lose Friends, By Lando Calrissian"

    "The Original Kenobi-Skywalker Guide To Hanging From Stuff"

    "Smash It Really Hard With A Hammer- Chewbacca's Ship Repair Handbook"

    "The Stormtrooper Marksmanship Guide" (it's not a very big seller)

    "My Counterpart Has A Slight Flutter: How to Tell When A Droid Is Trying To Get Away With Something" (a popular companion to "Hot Feet")

    "Incredible Smells You Don't Want To Discover"

    "Ok I Don't Got It: Han Solo's Guide To Hotwiring Doors"

    "Your Skills Are Now Complete: How to Build A Lightsaber In Less Than One Episode"

    "Han's Big Book O' One Liners"

    "Chewie's Bigger Book O' One Liners"

    "My Point of View: The Life and Times of Obi-Wan 'Old Ben' Kenobi"

    "Never Underestimate The Blind Guy: The Unauthorized Biography of Boba Fett"

    Now if only I can get elected Chancellor....mwhahahahaha

    [This message has been edited by Darth Binky (edited 02-01-2000).]
  9. Quaff-Down Gin

    Quaff-Down Gin Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 28, 1999
    These are some of mine from a similar thread we have on the Basher Boards. A few are a bit harsh but it's all in good fun!

    The Sith Sense

    For the Love of the Video Game Market

    The Fart Element

    The Dummy (Jar's life story pre-Jedi Anakin)

    The Mummy (Jar's life story post-Jedi Anakin)

    Gungan Din

    For the Love of Ben

    George Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest



    The Little Annoying Mermaid

    Don't Tell George My "Inner-child's" Dead

    I Know How Much Cash You Wasted on TPM Last Summer



    Chasing Ami

    Maul Rats

    In The Name Of There Was No Father

    Bowen (Buck) Roger Rogers and the 25th Viewing




    No Way Out (of the Theatre)

    All of Pad-Me

    Field of Cartoon Dreams

    The May-Tricks

    Titanic Bomb

    The Bodyguard II: How to Botch a Life Debt

    Top Gungan

    Peter Panaka

    Rude Awakenings

    Pain Man

    Cheesey Writer

    The Adventures of Robbed 'n Hoodwinked

    Metropolos II: The Whole Planet Is One Giant City

    Gross Encounters of the 3rd Degree

    (TPM Gets The) Hook

    The TrueFan

    Rocky: The Future of the SW Franchise

    Superfania and the Theatre of Doom

    Rumble in the Binx

    TrueFans Die Hard

    Who Phrased Roger Roger ?

    Maul on the Moon


    Space Jar

    For Four-Year-Old Eyes Only

    Oh Heavenly Dug

    Foul Playstation

    The Princess and the Pooper


    The Jark

    "Inner" Children of the Corn


    Uncommon Valorum

    That's (Children's) Entertainment!

    Throw JaJa Down The Drain

    Resevoir Dugs

    Knight Breed

    The Wrong Stuff

    (What's Up With George) Lucas

    How To Succeed In The Toy And Video Game Business Without Really Trying

    CGI Ghost and the TPM Darkness

    A Jar Is Born

    Pretty In Binks

    Gungan T2

    The Rodian Warrior


    The Last Jarfighter

    Honeymoon In Mos Eisley

    Gungans Just Wanna Have Fun

    Take This Jar And Shove It


    (Jar Jar's) Better Off Dead

    Gungan With The Wind From His Rear

    Jar Wars: Episode I - A New Hopelessness

    Jar Wars: Episode II - The Empire Strikes Out (JJ Caps Homestand with Perfect Game)

    Jar Wars: Episode III - Return of the Jardi

    High Toon

    The Wild Bunch of Suckers


    Force 10 From Bashertopia

    MASH Gungans

    Jarassic Park: TPM Lost World

    Natural Born Fan-Killers

    Screen-Time Bandits

    Force Your Eyes Closed Only

    12 Monkeys: Bowen and His Buddies See TPM (Again)

    Grosse Pointe Blank: The TPM 15-Minute Mark

    Yes-Man on the Moon

    He Said TPM Stunk, She Said It Did Too

    The Jar Jar Breakfast Club Sandwich

    [This message has been edited by Quaff-Down Gin (edited 02-01-2000).]
  10. Quaff-Down Gin

    Quaff-Down Gin Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 28, 1999
    TV Shows:

    Nass Bridges

    E.R. - TrueFans Check In

    Happy Gusher Daze

    Who's The Boss Nass?

    "YIPPEEE"-Wee's Playhouse

    Lateknight With David-Gonn Letterman

    GL Get Smart

    The Wacky Pod Racers

    Party To The Dive

    Maul In The Family


    No Father Knows Best

    Dork & Windy: JJ's Adventures at Tosche Station


    Scream: A Study of Jar Jar's Affect on the Human Psyche


    #1 on the NY Times Best-seller List!

    Tuesday's With Maulie

    The definitive SW Sequel Trilogy novelizations are here!!!!

    STAR WARS: The Wheel of Cheese Trilogy
    By Robert Jordan

    Reserve your copies NOW!!!!!
  11. Leia's Starboard Hair Bun

    Leia's Starboard Hair Bun Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 21, 1999
    Before I continue, anyone know what the following link is?

    I bet that show was (is?) a hoot. Anyway

    Das Pod
    Plot 9 From Outer Space
    The Emotional Strain
    Doctor Why
    The Six Million Midicholorian Man
    The Hitchhiker's Guide To Star Wars
    Dependence Day
    Planet of the Jawas
    Return to the Planet of the Jawas
    The Hand That Rocks The Senate
    Johnny Catatonic
    Sinbad and the Annoying Frog Creatures
    The Emperor, the Brat, his Queen, and her Lover
    The Guns of Naboo
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Gungans: The Next Mutation
    Journey to the Center of My Childhood
    A Kid in Queen Amidala's Court
    The Princess' Bride
    Hairspray II: Judgment Day
    Manos II: Ric Torgo's Revenge
    McCallum's Navy
    The Swiss Family Skywalker
    Everything To Lose
    The Land The Awards Forgot
    The Man in the Jar Jar Mask
    Quantum Leap of Faith


    "Bad Motivators And Death Warrants: The Perils of Buying Droids From Jawas"

    "Master Luke, You're Standing On A--! The Jedi Guide to Detecting Rancor Pits and Carbon Freezing Chambers"

    "Try Some Walls: The Imperial Engineer's Guide To Properly Protecting Vital Reactor Equipment From Rebel Attack"

    "Exterminate All Cute Indigenous Creatures Instantly: The StormTrooper Pocket Guide To Occupying And Pacifying A Planet"

    "Farts In THX Dolby Surround Sound: The Technical Wonders of The Phantom Menace"

    "The Infallability and Longevity of the Duel/Ground Battle/Space Battle 3-Tiered Film Finale", an 11th grade English report by R. McCallum


    I Will Make It Legal
    The Death Toll Is Catastrophic
    Are You An Angel?
    It's Blowing Up From The Inside
    No One Can Kill A Jedi
    Chewing On the Power Cables
    The Guns, They've Stopped
    Vader, Release Him
    I Will Not Fight You, Father

  12. Quaff-Down Gin

    Quaff-Down Gin Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 28, 1999
    More Game shows:

    I'll See You In Hell!
    I Thought They Smelled Bad On The Outside!
    You Don't Need to See My I.D.
    Sorry About The Mess
    Never Tell Me The Odds
    Look At The Size Of That Thing!
    I Call It Luck
    Republic Credits Are No Good Here
    Boring Conversation Anyways
  13. Leia's Starboard Hair Bun

    Leia's Starboard Hair Bun Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 21, 1999

    I See You Have Constructed Your Own Lightsaber
    Remember Your Failure At The Cave
    Mudhole? Slimy? My Home This Is!
    The Shield Will Be Down In Moments
    How You Get So Big Eating Food Of This Kind?
    You're Braver Than I Thought
    Where Are You Taking This....Thing?
    We're Just A Coupla Shooting Stars, Biggs
    Hold Your Fire: There Are No Lifeforms Aboard
    What's Your Operating Number?
    He Tricked Me Into Going This Way
    Lock The Door, And Hope They Don't Have Blasters
    You May Fire When Ready
    Where'd She Go? Bring Her Back!
    You'll Be Dead!
    You Fool! He's Using An Old Jedi Mind Trick
    You Have Hibernation Sickness

    Annnd my still reigning personal favorite:

    I Know That Laugh
  14. Leia's Starboard Hair Bun

    Leia's Starboard Hair Bun Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 21, 1999
    A gameshow sub-category.

    Jerry Springer Show Topics:

    You have a twin sister!
    I'd rather kiss a Wookie.
    I don't know who his father is.
    Had you been there, you would have been killed too.
    No, you have that power too.
    It is against my programming to impersonate a Diety.
  15. Admiral Maciejewski

    Admiral Maciejewski Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 9, 1998
    Knights of the New Republic: Darkness in the Shadows

    It has been a thousand years since the Battle of Endor. The Empire is all but a remnant of its former self, and much of the Unknown Regions remain unexplored.

    It is a time of civil unrest in the restored Republic. The senate has degenerated into a body filled with corruption and incapable of action. Poverty and unhappiness has taken over what was once a prosperous era.

    While the Jedi Council debates the Republic's clouded future, rumors of a new army massing near the Imperial regions have plagued the underworld. As the Republic fears of a movement against them, an assassin on the planet Cornerat plans to make his move on an unsuspecting target...

    * * *

    Looking through the scope on his rifle, the lonely Matavian assassin gazed down at Prime Minster Makal. Makal had been under fire recently due to some questionable activities involving the planet and its wavering economy.

    The Minster had severed the peace talks between the Cornerat and the Matavians, making the assassins' plan that much more sweet.

    Now he was going to show him the error in his ways. Vengeance was at hand!

    Makal stood on the podium, overlooking a mass of his people, preparing for his speech, his eyebrows knotted together in a look that could only be read as worrisome. The declaration of war against Matava was only seconds away and Gorba Makal knew the reaction was not going to be pleasant.

    The assassin could not allow a war to happen. The Matava were a peaceful people, preferring knowledge over stamina. So, when the Cornerat had begun colonizing their planet several centuries ago they stole the few natural resources they had, all but ruining their trade industry. The Matava had fought for their freedom, and the rights of their people. Now, the Cornerat wanted to take it away from them.

    The Matavian assassins' were the few that were experienced in stamina. They were the best of the best and were only chosen for those missions that were considered impossible by most.

    "My people," Matava said. "Peace cannot be reached with those savages, the Matavians, so now we must fight for peace..."

    A blaster bolt shot through the air, hitting the Prime Minister in the head, with Matavian accuracy, taking him down. The convulsing body of the Minister fell forward into the crowd, taking the podium and his carefully organized notes with him. His body began to shake and shiver, mucus sprouted from every orifice, drenching the terrified crowd.

    Then, Gorba Makal's body started to vaporize before the eyes of the already panicking people in attendance. Like sand on a Tatooine storm, the fibers of the Ministers' body vanished into oblivion, leaving only a pool of yellow slime.

    The Matavian smiled to himself as he watched the crowd scream in horror at the demise of their leader. That'll teach them for trying to destroy our race! he thought to himself with triumph.

    The Matavian shook his head at the small puddle that was all that remained of the Minister, wondering if there was something to the Cornerat anatomy that he had missed...

    It can't be possible! Oh my gods...

    "Look, up there," a guard yelled, spotting the shooter on the roof of a building with a dumbfounded look on his face. The guards ran into the building, running up the stairs, two at a time, to the roof., blasters at the ready.

    When they opened the door, the assassin they had expected to be standing there with a triumphant grin on his face wasn't. Instead, standing there with a puzzled look on his face, looking down at amazement at what had just happened, was a terrified Matavian. He was in a state of shock.

    * * *

    The huge ship hung over a planet, like something out of a nightmare. It was several kilometers long, with weapons covering every inch of its Gothic-like hull. Small black fighters left the hanger, heading down towards the planet's atmosphere.

    The planetary turbolasers fired up through its shields towards the large capital ship, but it absorbed the blasts with ease.

    The large military base on the planet la
  16. stinrab

    stinrab Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 9, 1998
    ?You really are pathetic,? Came a voice from the doorway

    Ryder looked up from his packing to note that Wort Skeesh had entered the room. Skeesh was easily one of the most prominent padawan?s in the Jedi Temple, excelling in all areas of the force with relative ease. He was, however, rather proud of it and wasn?t afraid to show it.

    Ryder Sh?kai spun his tiny legs around so they were at the far edge of his small bunk and gently folded his hands on top of his knees. His apartment was relatively small in comparison to the other padawan?s but, considering he was a member of one of the smallest species in the galaxy, Ryder found it rather spacious. It consisted of his bunk, a fresher and a small chest of drawers, where he kept all of his important things- like noogi treats

    Swivelling his large pointed ears in Wort?s direction, the tiny little blue Shodai bowed his head in welcome. At the small of his back, Ryder?s tiny undeveloped wings were folded delicately, waiting for the day to come when they would be put to use. Eyes glowing a calm blue, Ryder looked up at the large figure of Wort Skeesh towering over him.

    Wort was, in human terms which Ryder could never understand, considered quite handsome. A strong jawline rounded off his striking face with brilliant hazel eyes and daringly spiked hair, which was unusual for a padawan. Ryder himself, being all but bald, had synthetically grown a padawan braid out of the top of his smooth blue head.

    Opening his mouth, filled with razor-sharp fangs, Ryder gave a Shodai sound of acknowledgement. ?I am honoured by your presence, Mr Wort.?

    ?Pity, I don?t feel likewise about you,? Wort grinned, placing his hands firmly on his muscular hips, ?Notice anything different about me, little elf??

    Ryder hated that nickname- little elf- feeling that it was rather rude to try and demean someone like that. ?Not really?

    ?Well, look harder then,? Wort growled cruelly, his impatience betraying the calm that had previously dominated him

    Ryder looked the taller padawan up and down, noting small imperfections in his jedi robe. ?You spilt some juri juice on your tunic? Mr Skywalker will be super angry!?

    ?No, you fool!? Wort snapped, digging a long hilt out of his robes and thrusting it in front of the little Shodai, ?This!?

    Ryder had been a padawan for the longest time and currently held a record of thirty five years- although he considered that he was learning at his own pace- so naturally recognised the saber of sith design. ?A double sided lightsaber! Mr Skywalker outlawed dem! You be in big trouble when he finds out!?

    ?Skywalker! Hah! Nuts to Skywalker,? Wort puffed up his chest proudly, spinning the saber around in a brilliant arc in front of Ryder?s head, ?I laugh in the face of trouble, while you cower from it.?

    ?I?.I?I do not!? Ryder spat back weakly, suddenly feeling like this was going to be another demeaning prank. His size, and the fact that he had a reputation for being a padawan for the longest time ever, had made him the receiver of many jokes and pranks which Ryder found cruel and childish. ?Don?t you speak back to your elders like that!? Ryder continued meekly, ?And you call him Master Skywalker, Mr Wort!?

    Wort tapped the low roof with the hilt of his saber and threw Ryder a triumphant grin, ?I wonder who lives upstairs.?

    ?Mr Karhn, actually,? Ryder answered, decidedly pleased that the subject matter had finally changed, ?Why you ask??

    A large grin passed over Wort?s face as lit one end of his saber, casting a red glow in the small apartment. Moving his blade upwards, stopping mere centimetres from the roof, ?Mind if we pay him a visit??

    Ryder gave out a worried squark, jumping up from his bunk, he started to wave his tiny arms around frantically, ?You knock on his door the old fashioned way! No go through ceiling! No go!!!?

    Wort gave a smug shrug and brought his saber downwards, stopping just above Ryder?s single braid. The defenceless Shodai started quivering, giving Wort instant satisfaction before he deactivated his saber. ?I do have manners, Sh?kai! Pity you don?t hav
  17. stinrab

    stinrab Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 9, 1998
    ?Jedi Micheal, welcome,? Jonah Skywalker, leader of the Jedi Council, smiled as the Hylian Knight entered the circular room. After the Empire had annihilated the old Jedi Council spires, the New Republic had erected a new, more grand, version which still kept the same air of mystery about it.

    Micheal stepped into the centre of the room, facing the three Jedi Master?s present. Outside the viewport behind them, Micheal watched as the rays of morning cast a glow over Coruscant. ?You wanted to see me about the mission, Masters??

    ?Indeed we did,? Jonah nodded, his long brown hair tousled down his large shoulders, ?You are aware of the assassination of the Minister Makal??

    ?I got your holo-message,? Micheal said, patiently, his red eyes focusing momentarily on Horskla Horn, one his old bitter rivals. Micheal and Horskla had competed for a place on the Jedi Council but, much to Micheal?s disappointment, Horn had won.

    ?A dark force is massing, Jedi Micheal,? Horn broke in, his dark brown hair trimmed neatly around his head, ?The force screams with it.?

    ?I have noticed,? Micheal nodded, ?Dark times are ahead of us but that shouldn?t mean we lose focus of our goals.?

    ?Our goals are to bring light to an otherwise dark galaxy, Micheal,? Horn smiled back, looking at Jonah for some support but finding nothing but an emotional wall.

    ?Bickering like children is not the way of the Jedi,? Came the serene voice of the Quarren, Ditrab, a long lost relative of a great Jedi Knight known as Stinrab. ?This will get us no where. The Republic is in chaos and falling apart once more- the Jedi can not allow the same to happen to them. We must stand strong and unite the people like those Jedi which preceded us.?

    Jonah nodded in agreement, ?Well put, Master Ditrab. The galaxy is in turmoil, Micheal and we need you. You can not allow emotions to cloud you?

    ?I?m at your service, Master Skywalker.?

    ?Good,? Skywalker let a smile rise on his face, ?As you already know we have assigned a small group of other Jedi to accompany you.?

    ?I know, Master Skywalker,? Micheal said, ?But I must disagree- I work best alone.?

    ?That is why you aren?t sitting here with us, Micheal,? Ditrab broke in, his tentacles quivering slightly, ?The force binds all life forms together. You, as in opposition to this, push all life away.?

    ?That is not the way of the Jedi,? Horskla put in

    Micheal nodded in defeat, frowning inwardly to himself, ?If you must, Masters of the Council.?

    Pressing a button on his chair, one of the doors to the spire opened, admitting a large hairy wookiee dressed in jedi robes, a lightsaber hanging on each side of her hips. A voice box was attached to her throat which, Micheal assumed, would allow it to speak in basic.

    ?Micheal Maciejewski meet Labalser Mallan,? Jonah said, ?She is strong in both the phyical and mental aspects of the force and will be a great asset to the mission.?

    Micheal shook hands with the female wookiee, noting that the force was indeed very strong in her presence. ?Pleased to meet you.?

    ?Likewise,? replied the wookiee, smiling gently

    The doors to the chambers opened again, admitting a small blue alien with pointed ears and glowing blue eyes, carrying a small travel pack over his shoulder. The tiny creature panted nervously as he rushed in and stood next to Micheal who towered over him.

    ?Sorry about my lateness, Masters,? the creature panted, a pair of small wings at his back twitching nervously, ?Ran into some, ah, difficultly.?

    Micheal looked at the Council in astonishment. This creature- this thing- couldn?t be a Jedi! The force around it screamed coward. Jonah ignored Micheal?s expression and waved a hand in the blue thing?s direction.

    ?This is Ryder Sh?kai, a Shodai from YuanSix,? Jonah introduced the creature who was now smiling at Micheal and Labalser weakly, ?I?m sure his in depth knowledge of the force will be a bonus to the mission.?

    ?Nice to meet you,? Ryder grinned, showing a terrifying mouthful of fangs on an otherwise innocent face. ?You was a member of the Gal-ack-tick adven-chers! I?ve read all ?b
  18. Jaycen_Kayde

    Jaycen_Kayde Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 14, 2000
    I've posted the new revision to my script at

    Please give it a looksee and let me know how you feel about it.

  19. Loso Idanian

    Loso Idanian Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 5, 2000
    (I'd like to apologize in advance to any who are offended by the sarcasm contained in this post. Jaycen_Kade, it's nothing personal, it's just my way. As I am so fond of saying "I'm an equal opportunity smart-@$$. I'll kid anyone.)

    Okay, if I may be the first. I thought it was good, at the beginning. The end, though... I'll get to that later.

    First of all, the names: the minor villain figure is named Sataan? An obvious reference to what is arguably the best-known name for the Devil. It's sort of... corny. Although he does strike me as being a corny, stereotypical kind of villain, so if that's what you were shooting for then go for it.

    The major villain is named Nemesis. Oh, I get it... because he's the enemy, right? A more original name might not hurt. (From one writer to another, let me give you some advice: invest in a thesaurus.)

    The name of the hero: Hero. Wow, that's originality for you. He needs an actual name, or no one's going to give a swut about him.

    The hero's partner, Dax, shares a name with one of my favorite Star Trek characters, but that's cool.

    The name of the planet: Anacksunasun. Anakin + Son of the Suns, I presume? Since the movie has seemingly nothing to do with Anakin Skywalker or the Son of the Suns prophecy, I'd change it.

    I didn't really understand the title, Homage, but maybe that's just my fault. I understand that it's an "homage" to SW, but the title should sort of reflect the storyline just a little, I think.

    The hero's relationship with the king. It's been done to death, man. The hero glares at the villain and growls, "You killed my father/ brother/ wife/ girlfriend/ best friend/ dog/ goldfish..." Wouldn't it be just as good if not better to have the hero as some royal guard who's anguished over his failure to do his duty? (Which has actually been done its own fair share of times, but not as much as the other one.)

    I liked the Praxes character, even though he had... what, three lines? I don't know, just have a special affinity for the small-role lackey characters, for some reason. I liked the "Many Bothans died" comment by him as well. That was always one of my favorite lines in Jedi.

    I also enjoyed the Nemesis character, and I really like the idea of (Just skip to the next paragraph to avoid spoilage) of him being the inventor of the lightsaber. The idea that that weapon's creator living forever just like the lightsaber being used by the Jedi forever is just really cool.

    All right, now for the ending. You start out with this really cool, dark story about this enigmatic bad@$$ who did something horrible enough (don't want to ruin it for everyone else, but its a good idea) to warrant this eternal imprisonment. Then you have the quintessential villain (who, besides the name, I liked to hate) who's an idiot but no less evil for it. Love that. Love the hero and his partner and I sort of like the personal twist you put on the death of the king (my previous comments notwithstanding: I never said that it was a bad idea, just a weary one.) The battle starts out great and then... Nothing.

    I wrote something like this myself once, only it was a wacky comedy the whole way through, and once the "production" fell apart, it just got funnier (not to toot the proverbial own horn, but it won me an award.) But you go from darkness to comedy in a matter of seconds. It's jarring because you had me really interested in the story, and to be honest, I felt the slightest bit cheated. But, if that's the way you want to go, then go that way. (Maybe if I knew how the thing actually ends, I'd prefer it, I don't know.)

    Though it may not sound like it, I really did enjoy your script. Even if you don't make any changes, I still think it would make a very good film.

    May the Force be with you.

    P.S.: This is my longest post ever.

    P.P.S.: What's a "classic Mummy shot"?

    P.P.P.S.: Were Sataan and Praxes Jedi or Sith or Force-adept or anything?

    P.P.P.P.S.: I presume that the question marks (?) in place of apostrophes (') was some kind of conversion error?
  20. Jaycen_Kayde

    Jaycen_Kayde Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 14, 2000
    WOW! I really enjoyed reading your comments.

    First of all, of course I didn't take offense to what you said. I would've done the exact same thing. Now, just te ease your mind on some things.

    1) Those names are not set in stone. I used them to fill places for now. As you can see, there are several times where Dax says (fill in name) because Hero has no name yet. They are simply working titles. I usually allow my actors to have first dibs on names. If they can't choose one, they can always use their star wars name. Mine is Jasko Denew. Works for me

    2) The reason this is called "Homage" is because it is a hybrid of Lucas, Sommers, and several other directors. Again, that is a working title, but it may change a bit.

    3) Anacsunasun is NOT Anakin+Sun of Sons. But it's funny you caught that. It's actually a play on the name Anch-Su-Namun. The name of the lover from the Mummy. I wanted to see if anyone would catch that. You did, but not correctly. Kudos anyway.

    4) You say the Hero's relationship is done to death and I agree, but I'm at an impasee here. If Nemesis simply destroys the king, story over. If he battles the king and the king wins, story over too quickly.

    5) I agree, the ending is whacked. Just to get an idea, how would you end it? As I said, this is a work in progress, so it's not set in stone.

    And some replies to your PS comments:

    P.S.: This is my longest post ever.

    P.P.S.: What's a "classic Mummy shot"?
    It's a personal note to me. It's the scene in the Mummy where Imhotep takes Evi. The look he guves O'Connel and the way the shot tracks is Classic moviemaking. Very old fashioned.

    P.P.P.S.: Were Sataan and Praxes Jedi or Sith or Force-adept or anything?
    I wasn't even leaning towards that, since this is a hybrid. Sataan was originally a Jedi when I first wrote the script, but now he's become more of a fortune hunter. When I finalize the thing, I'll know for sure.

    P.P.P.P.S.: I presume that the question marks (?) in place of apostrophes (') was some kind of conversion error?

    Yup, thanx for pointing that out. I'll fix it.

    [This message has been edited by Jaycen_Kayde (edited 06-21-2000).]
  21. Darth Milarc

    Darth Milarc Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 25, 2000
    I really enjoyed the story at the beginning, but what was up with the ending????

    In the beginning you had a serious, kind-of emotional story, and it was very enjoyable. But suddenlt, out of the blue, you switched your movie right over to comedy, having actors check there scripts out, and argue meaninglesly. Definetly change that.

    The names! My oh my, change the names! Sataan and Nemisis are the only ones I really had a problem with. They just don't sound original. (especialy Sataan!)

    The story seems a little too short. I'd put a little more depth into it.

    The story was really good! Just fix up those little things.


    I think this is my longest post. Probably not...
  22. Loso Idanian

    Loso Idanian Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 5, 2000
    I caught the fill in name when I re-read it. Sorry.

    I didn't mean that the king shouldn't die. He should. But maybe some other type of relationship, like the royal guard thing I suggested. Or maybe the King could be Dax's father, and Hero could fight Nemesis to both rescue her and avenge her father.

    As for how I would end it? Well, here's the thing. Most of these fanfilms seem to end with the good Jedi vanquishing the bad ol' Sith. If only for the sake of being different, I'd have Nemesis win.
  23. Saeed

    Saeed Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 11, 2000
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Loso Idanian:
    ... If only for the sake of being different, I'd have Nemesis win.

    Or alternatively, you could do things the 'Monty Python' way and just end it where you already have - no climax, no epilogue, no credits...

    Seriously though, some good points have been brought up, but what's important is that this draft is a HUGE improvement over your first. If you take some of these points on board, you should be onto a real winner!

    BTW I thought I was the King of long posts?

    Saeed TTC
  24. Jaycen_Kayde

    Jaycen_Kayde Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 14, 2000
    These are some great ideas. I'm getting a little more hesitant to use the funny ending also. I'm gonna rework it some more taking these suggestions into account. Thanx a lot guys/gals.


  25. Grand Admiral Reese

    Grand Admiral Reese Jedi Knight star 6

    Sep 1, 1999
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