Silly question, but would anyone be interested if I posted a rewrite of The Phantom Menace on here?

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Oakessteve, May 1, 2001.

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  1. sith_lady17 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2001
    star 3
    Very good story Oakes... You did a wonderful job! ;)
  2. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Thanks, sith_lady17. And if anyone else out there wants a copy of this rewrite send them, please email me, so I send them all of to you :D.
  3. QueenSabe7 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2001
    star 5
    LOL, I feel weird because everyone is finished reading this and Im only on page 3! :eek: ;)

    Steve, I just wanted to let you know that Im loving it! Ill let you know when Im fifnished. :)
  4. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Glad you're enjoying it, Sabe. It's taken me about six months to write, I think! That's quite a long time. Actually, it's very short indeed, as there's one story that took me about three years to write, and I'm still tinkering with it now.

    Anyway, this is really both an attempt not to let this thread die yet, and for my own indulgence, but here are all the films abd stuff my rewrite references! If you guess what the references are, you'll....err....win some money. Here we go:-

    Jaws
    Raiders of the Lost Ark
    Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
    Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    Jurassic Park
    The Lost World
    Back to the Future Part III
    The King of Comedy
    The Sixth Sense
    Doctor Who
    The Omen
    The Final Conflict

    I think there are more, but I won't bore you all....
  5. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Cheers, cbjedi. I just need to work out the minium amount of posts I can do it in!
  6. Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 8
    Again, I'll just mention that this was an excellent rewrite. Enjoyed it immensely. :D
  7. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    GREAT FINISH OAKES!!!!!!!!

    And I would have been here before, but out of town and computer problems prevented it.
  8. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Cheers, cbjedi :D, and thanks for your kind comments, Rogue...Jedi.

    For anyone who's interested, the complete rewrite is up on-line, over in The Phantom Menace forum. It's slightly different from the version that you've all read, as I've rewritten a few of the lines, too. Please take a look at it, as no one else is!
  9. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    Heading over there now, Oakes. :)
  10. Emperor_Kefka Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2001
    star 1
    Marvelous ending, oakes. Lucas couldn't have written it better. Wait, he did write it...um...

    I have a grandfather that lives in Britain, less than an hour away from London. Surrey, I think. He's Danish. Finn Kalledsoe. Where do you live, Oakes?

    Surely, that counts for something?

    Please?
  11. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Poole. If there's a bright centre to England, Poole is the place farthest from it.

    *C-3PO: I see, Sir Oakessteve*

    You can call me Steve

    *C-3PO: I see, Sir Steve*

    No, no. Just Steve.


    Well, that was exciting.

    Anyway, very annoyingly, my AOL account has gone all curwazy, so those people who want copies of my rewrite, please can you either PM me, or email me again. Terribly sorry!
  12. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Sorry, just upping this thread incase anyone's missed it :D.
  13. Obi-Dawn Kenobi Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2000
    star 4
    Wow! I was gone for two weeks and it's all finished! :eek:
    It was wonderful Stephen! I liked your ending a lot. I really enjoyed all the extra interaction between Obi-Wan and Anakin too. Great job!
    Cheers!
    :)
  14. Scarr1106 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2001
    star 3
    Posted my review on TPM page, Oakes.
  15. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Welcome back, Dawn, and I'm glad you liked it. You don't fancy doing a nice long review for me, too, do you ;)?

    Thanks, Scarr1106. I just read it, and thanks for the very useful comments you made :D.

    Keep the reviews coming, by the way. Don't let this thread sink yet.
  16. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    I plan to get some of my SW friends here to read it (I think they'll like it too)
  17. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    Well, let me know what they think of it, Rogue...Jedi. I hope they enjoy it :D.
  18. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    Sure, I'll let you know.
  19. quietlunatic Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 13, 2001
    star 3
    Excellent job, Oakes! It's perfect - doing more to make Jar Jar less annoying, explaining why the Gungan's "no care about the Naboo", etc.

    ql
  20. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    Oakes, I managed to print your story on 39 pages. 1-side only. as opposed to the 160 pages you sent me. :D
  21. Emperor_Kefka Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2001
    star 1
    I check in and out of here more frequently than George Bush in a motel.(get it, roach motel? ? ? Bah, Republicans will be hopping mad over it)

    is your Prime Minister as dumb as our President was before 9/11, when he got heroified, just like Woodrow Wilson who was a racist, and Helen Keller, who was a Communist?
  22. Senator Lorena Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2000
    star 4
    Wonderful ending. Having Obi-Wan and Anakin's confirmations as the ending was a fantastic idea. I especially like the last few words referring to Anakin's destiny.

    Thanks for writing this, Oakes. I will keep an eye out for any other stories penned by you!
  23. Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 8
    A quick review:

    In this rewrite of The Phantom Menace, Stephen Oakes has done a wonderful thing. He has remade a movie that was by turns effective and weak. In this remake, one of the few that is actually better than the original, much of this weakness is gone and the effective moments remain.

    For instance, what Oakes has done is return to the swashbuckling feel of the original trilogy and no one will argue that this is a bad thing.

    Background characters in the original trilogy? There were none. Beru and Owen were just as interesting as Obi-Wan and Luke. The villians also captured our imaginations. Remember Jerrjerrod and Piett? Ozzel and Veers? Of course you do, because they were real.

    In the same manner, Oakes has breathed life into the cardboard cutouts of the Phantom Menace. Ric Olie is a schemer, Panaka is a bigot, Jar Jar is a thief, Maul is sadistic and cruel, and the Nemodians are more than puppets, they have machinations of their own.

    Death plays a major role here, as in the original trilogy. Whoever saw so many minor characters survive a film as in the Phantom Menace? Lucas never used to have a problem with death, as evidenced by Owen, Beru, Veers, Ozzel, even Obi-Wan. If the rest of the prequels are going to be dark, it's going to be a severe departure from the light of this film. Oakes, however, has corrected that as well. It wouldn't do to give too much away, but there are plenty of deaths here among the minor characters.

    The villians too are back to their old flair, sadistic, cruel, scheming and cold. A return to the original trilogy that is most welcome that is most evident when Palpatine blows up a ship using only the power of the Force and when Maul cold-bloodedly murders a group of civilians. Finally, truly threatening villians. Nice touch.

    One negative: the moving of Qui-Gon to the background. I rather liked Neeson's performance as Jinn so I was rather dissappointed to see the focus so sharply shifted. This isn't so bad though, since as I mentioned, the background characters are full fleshed. Qui-Gon's wry humour comes out and this simple humour is much preferred to the ludicrous style of Jar Jar.

    Another interesting plus: a tie in to another of Oakes' works that should be coming soon, we hope. An attempted murder on the podrace track leaves us with many unanswered questions. We look forward to the answers, come when they may.

    In the end, Oakes has done a blisteringly good job. Breathing new life into old characters, a return to the swashbuckling feel, threatening villians, foreboding foreshadowing and unanswered questions. What more could a fellow want really?
  24. Rogue...Jedi Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 7
    Not much more. And Oakes, I want to know when you start your next story :D
  25. SiriGallia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Wonderful job!

    Altogether a great story with extreamly intertaining added parts and exciting changes.

    I liked all the changes you made to the end, with Anikan seeming older, Obi-Wan seeming maturer and! I also thought it was INGENIOUS of you to have Yoda make sure that Obi-Wan was going to take full responsibilty, then later Obi-Wan's blaming himself for Ani's turn to Luke.

    I really liked the ending scene, beautifully done, wonderful explaination, and fantastic delivery!

    Charectors:

    Qui-Gon: His charecter was much improved in the area of caring for Obi-Wan, I appreciated how you elaborated on it without making it out of the relm of possiblilty.

    Obi-Wan: I liked how he seemed a little more 'reckless' I mean, both Qui-Gon and Yoda have said much the same things about Obi-Wan, with a couple exceptions though, he seemed like a quiet (sometimes sullen) 'seen and not heard' apprentice. GREAT improvment on him.

    Anikan: He seemed older than he was, it improved on his wisdom and skill, it appeared more like he was the Chosen One. I liked that.

    Padme: She was so cool! She had fights! And she had spunk! And she had more lines than before! And she had that great scene with 'Frog Face' ;)

    Darth Maul: .......to a BOY.....he was cool ;)

    Rune/Nute: Great impovment, Nute was a little snake! Also that scene with Rune and Amidala, was very cool!

    Fight Scenes: SSSOOOOOOOOOOO good! I really liked how you could visulize what was happening, in the space battles AND in the lightsaber battles.


    In the end it was a terrific rewrite! I really enjoyed the read, and almost all the changes were terrific and really added to the story! ********************stars!

    --SiriGallia
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