FF:NSW Simpsons Quote-A-Thon

Homer: If I wanted to see Japanese people, I'd go to the zoo!

 

Comic Store Dude: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote ultimate belt.
Other Guy: I see, you do have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?
Comic Store Dude: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt.
Other Guy: Whoa, whoa, a fat, sarcastic Star trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies.
Comic Store Dude: Hey ... I ... dee-ohh...
Other Guy: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Store Dude: Huuuh. Very Well. I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store - where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them!

 

MARGE: As long as there's gas in the car, I'll be happy.
HOMER: Well you can count on that!
(Homer looks at the car nervously)

 

Mr. Burns: *having cut off the top of Homer's head* Now, get me the ice-cream scoop!
Smithers: Ice-cream scoop?
Mr Burns: Come on Smithers, it not rocket science. It's brain surgery. *pulls out brain and puts it on his head* Look at me, I'm Davey Crocket!

 

Homer: What would Zorro do in this situation?
*Zorro waves his sword around and gets shot by the Southerner*
NOOOOO! ZORRO!!!

 

HOMER: Nobody ruins my vacation except for me! And maybe the boy!

 

HOMER: I'm only going to be using this bed for sleeping, eating, and maybe building a fort.

 

Gecko inspired me for this one.

BART: Hey dad. Heard ya swearing. Mind if I join you? CRAP! BOOBS! CRAP!

 

No! Homer Simpson never apologizes! I'm sorry, that's just the way I am ...

 

SMITHERS: Sir...I...love you.

BURNS: Huh?

SMITHERS: In that shirt!

BURNS: Oh...

SMITHERS: Who am I kidding? The cabin was the best time to tell him!

 

Frink: Sorry I'm late, there was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying; one of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head!

 

Chief Wiggum: Looks like you got a taillight out.

Homer: where?

Chief Wiggum: *smashes taillight with baton* There!

Homer: you know, one day, the average citizens will stand up against you crooked cops!

Cheif Wiggum: Uh, they will?! have they set a date?!

 

(upon seeing the sillhoutte of Homer in the clouds)
Lisa: Hey, isn't that Dad?
Bart: Either that or Batman's really let himself go ...


*hopes she isn't repeating stuff, because she's to darn lazy to go through the whole thread again*

 

Lisa: But dad, if cartoons were meant for adults, they'd be put on at prime time.

 

Sorry. No Homers!

 

We must crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoia ... In that I mean, it's time for the worker of the week award.

 

BART: No offense Homer, but your half-arsed under-parenting was a lot better than your half-arsed over-parenting.

HOMER: But I'm using my whole arse!

 

Dr. Nick: These gloves came free with my toilet brush ...

 

"Mmmmmmmmmmm...........free goo" -Homer

 

Abe Simpson: We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like that time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville; I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickle, and in those days, nickles had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war; the only thing you can get was those big yellow ones.

 

Film Critic: Your shoes are untied!
*runs off
*McBane looks at shoes for hours*
McBane: On closer inspection, these are loafers

 

Homer: Pornography. I was buying porongraphy

 

Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near ...
Bart: Uh-huh.
Some guy: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Nimoy: Surprise me!

 

Brit: The 64th Street Bridge just collapsed
Indian: Maybe it collapased on its own
Brit: We cant take that chance
Indian: You always say that, I want to take a chance

 

Film Critic: I vote for Barney's unfortunately titled movie, Pukeahontas.