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Before - Legends Sith Wars: A Hero's Legend Ends, Chapter 1 new edit 5,6 update 2-14-06

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediMasterGaraceDane, Jan 17, 2006.

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  1. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Well this is my first time writing and posting in the fan fic area i hope this is as entertaining as it was and is still for me.....this is a short story series novels(about 10-12 chapters when done.)

    Book Series: Sith Wars

    Title: A Hero's Legend Ends

    Characters - Garace Ryn: Jedi Knight, Rom Onis: Republic Admiral, Izak Vopak: Jedi Padawan, Farrik Grubri: Jedi Master, Darth Vlug: Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Traag Sithlord-Asassin.

    Timeframe - 1000 years before Episode I, last Great Sith War...

    Rating: PG (chapter 5 PG-13)

    Disclaimer - All rights of Star Wars and characters, vehicles, etc. are properties of George Lucas creator and master of the Star Wars galaxy.




    Preface

    A Long Time Ago...In A Galaxy Far Far Away......


    It is a perilous time in the galaxy. The jedi the constant protectors of the galaxy are under constant threat from the sith and their dark jedi. Most jedi are assigned now to a battalion of Republic Soldiers and are advisors to their Commanders. The Sith on the other hand are always on the move using Sentry Droids and Sith Elite shock troopers to attack the Republic strongholds and have even succeeded in taking over some of the core worlds.

    The Sith are lead by a villainous Darklord of the Sith named Darth Vlug. Vlug has created yet another Sith fleet and continues his war against the Jedi. As the Sith Fleet looms over the core worlds of the Republic, another evil looms in the distance as another Dark Lord is hunting jedi down for sport and is interfering in the battle for the galaxy. This sith named Darth Traag takes the heads from the jedi he kills and sends them to the newly formed Jedi Council on Coruscant. He also keeps their Lightsaber and feeds off of the dead body?s force power.

    Though the sith threat has become very real with the Republic crumbling, the jedi are holding their own with the help of the Republic soldiers and their starships. The jedi number around 5,000, around 1,000 years before the events of ?The Phantom Menace?. While the sith under the Dark Lord Vlug and his apprentice Darth Strijder number in the range of 9,000 Dark Jedi. While the jedi numbers seem small they are well trained in the jedi arts and are well trained in Lightsaber arts.

    Meanwhile out on the Outer Rim territories, on a darkened planet named Velmor IV, two Jedi, Garace Ryn and his Padawan Izak Vopak check out a report form the jedi council about a secret sith base being built.....





    Chapter 1

    Garace and his apprentice Izak land in their newly designed jedi fighters on the outskirts of the capital of Velmor IV, Vijjun City. The city was very small all that was the true city was but a small town. Most of the city was being built by the Sith.

    Garace now a jedi knight of the order, wears somewhat different clothing from traditional knights. He is draped in Dark Brown shirt, tunic and overtunic. And over that is a lighter brown jedi cloak. His pants are black as are his boots. His hair in traditional jedi code was longer but not too long. He had spiked up hair look.** He also had the usual jedi utility belt with a lightsaber on both sides of the belt. They were purple for Garace had always wanted uniqueness. He traveled far and wide and his travels ended on a planet called Belkadan on the farthest reaches of the galaxy. It was here were he found his crystal that would come to symbolize him. Garace at the temple had studied and mastered: Form I, III, IV and studied form VII but with limited success. With the out break of war, he had little time to try and master the form. Vaapad of course is a dangerous form to master. It harnesses darkside energies along with lightside energies and can only be mastered with years of physical and mental training. The hardest part for Garace was the mental training for he had already mastered the physical aspects of the Form. And that is what he's been working on with every free moment he has. He has also incorperated the Form
     
  2. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004


    Hello JediMasterGaraceDane [face_dancing]

    Your first Story? Good start. Maybe try breaking up the chapters a bit more.

    The jedi are outnumbered [face_worried]
    and Garace has a Padawan who doesn't take orders
    very well[face_shame_on_you]
    He is already outnumbered if his Padawan doesn't listen
    They need to stick together.

     
  3. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    I concur, for a first stoy this sounds very intriguing. :)

    Welcome to fanfic JediMasterGaraceDane. :)
     
  4. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Thanks for the comments you two they are very appriciated.

    And without further a do....the Continuation....


    Chapter 2

    While the two jedi head back to the jedi council and to inform the Galactic Senate, the Sith Wars rage on and on the populace planet of Munnilist in the Raioballo Sector the republic fleet makes urgent calls to the newly formed banking clan to sign on with the Republic to push sith forces off their home world. The Republic forces are led by war hero Rom Onis, Firehawk of Space. Rom set of a meeting on the planet of Sinsang far from war torn Dantooine and Munnilist. Rom meets up with the Senator form Agamar a system that just recently joined the Republic. Rom sets down in his republic transport and meets up with Adli Kana Senator from Agamar. The Banking Clan sits down at the table and demands are set.

    Rom replies,? These demands are bit much for the Republic to handle right now, we cannot spare too many credits because of the war effort. Even if we did give you these credits and whatever else you asked for how much help would you really be for the Republic.?

    Banking Clan member Sana Bilta added, ?I have legends of droid starfighters we just constructed over our secret base at Morishim. They are top of the line units, the sith will never know what hit them.?

    Rom was baffled by this information. Never had he thought that the Muun?s would be able to develop technology to have Droid Starfighters. Rom then replied, ?In that case we accept your aid.

    However Sith intelligence gets wind of the meeting on Sinsang and send a force of 20 Starships to bombard the already worn torn planet. This fleet was headed by none other then Scourge of Jagga Two, Admiral Bagra. Rom gets the signal from the fleet, that there is a battle under way and the sith are under the command of Bagra. Rom rushed out.

    Rom shouted, ?Make way to your ships make and wait for the Republic to punch a hole in their line so they could get to lightspeed.?

    The delegates got out of there and the battle was under way. Republic ships now under Admiral Rom immediately formed up. Two Capital Coruscant class cruisers and 7 Destroyer class Vilar cruisers formed up on 20 Star Triard Destroyers. Though the Republic Fleet was out gunned Rom was known as the most spectacular tactician the Republic has known since Carth Onasi. The republic ships struck right through the head of the Star Triard formation, destroying two Triards with main cannon fire and ship blasters. The space was wide enough apart for the delegation to get to lightspeed.

    ?Now go you guys and get your armies ready Sana and we shall see you on the battlefield.? Yelled Rom as the delegation went to Lightspeed.

    The other Star Triards reformed and opened fire on the 3 destroyer class Republic ships. This attack disabled 2 of the 3 cruisers and destroyed the other. Rom had to make a run for it otherwise the fleet and he would be destroyed. He quickly made a decision to split the fleet up to confuse the enemy. Admiral Bagra wasn?t so easily fooled and instead attacked both capital starships as they split. The Berserker got away while the Chancellery the flagship of the Republic took heavy damage. The other ships stood their ground in order to help the Chancellery.

    Rom ordered, ?Get out of here! Your doing no good here go get help.?

    The other captains reluctantly obeyed and made a run for it and escaped. The admiral was going self destruct the ship before she would go down but the Star Triards fired two new Ion Torpedoes and disabled the Chancellery. Rom was in disbelief and offered unconditional surrender. Admiral Bagra accepted and took the entire crew hostage.



    Chapter 3


    Meanwhile, Garace and Izak two jedi coming back from their expedition into sith territory landed on the Jedi Temple landing platforms and exited.

    "Izak quickly make your way to Master Tri-Uk to see if you can get an information on the disappearances of two padawans Diark, and Dorike."

    Izak obeyed his master and ra
     
  5. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    here ya go yet another chapter in my exciting Fan Fic.

    Chapter 4

    The battle reached the office of the Chancellor which was Chancellor Yalina. Yalina was horrified by the news of the Chancellery?s capture and destruction that she immediately informed the Jedi Council. In a closed session of the Senate the Jedi and the Chancellor immediately called for rescue attempt for Admiral Onis on the Vanguard. Special Envoy to the Supreme Chancellor Noss Grathor suggested a diplomatic solution or a surrender to the sith.

    ?That?s something we cannot allow Noss,? said an outraged Senator Organa I.

    ?Giving in to the sith would invite certain destruction, just as in the years of the First Great Sith war with Darth Malak.

    ?I must concur with the Senator.? said Farrik.

    There was much mumbling going on in the senate. Many wanted to rescue the admiral but some already weary of war wanted to surrender and be under sith rule. There was also a shroud of the dark side surrounding the senate a great deal of corruption and black market dealings have made the Senate look weak to too many member worlds and made the Sith Empire look very strong compared to the Republic.


    Jedi Master Li-Kida and Jedi Knights Ulic Dealn and Garace Ryn were outside the closed session awaiting the fate of the brilliant General. To rescue or not to rescue.

    Farrik exited the floor. ?The Senate has given the go ahead on the rescue but barely,? said Farrik. ?

    Master, why is the Senate like this, cant they see if we give in we give up our way of life,? insisted Garace.

    ?Yes my friend but the Senate is very war wary and is ready to give in to Sith demands. This cannot happen." said Ferrik

    Senator Organa walks out. ?Ah, Master Garace how are you doing, this situation must have you upset? asked Galdin Organa.

    ?Yes sir it does, but now that the Senate has given the go ahead for a rescue, the Jedi can implement our plan,? said Garace Ryn.

    ?Yes I believe you guys can do it and then bring this war to a close. There has been too much death and we need to win. I put my full faith into the Jedi Order and our brave military. Good day to you all,? Senator Organa nods and leaves the floor.


    Later the jedi order plans their assault on the Vanguard Triard. The plan calls for 20 jedi to sneak into the Vanguard while a Republic Taskforce takes on the main Sith Fleet outside the Contruum Shipyards where the main sith fleet lay in wait. The fleet will consist of 50 Raidiant Cruisers, and 20 Harbinger Capital starships, and the newly developed Ultima Star Dreadnaught. A simple three step process is drawn up which was devised by the Strategist on the Jedi Order Master Farrik. Strike, Rescue, and Escape. Many were skeptical about the plan but knew that even if the assault fleet did escape Coruscant would be the next target. There, laying in wait, would be the biggest fleet of all of the Republic?s history gathered to defend Coruscant, 1000+ starships.

    Garace boarded the Ultima, the biggest starship to ever roam the galaxy with amazement in his eyes.

    ?Master Farrik, this is unbelievable. To build such a ship in ultimate secrecy is?.wow.? exclaimed Garace.

    ?Yes my young friend. It is a grand ship capable of destroying entire continents with its firepower. But to my distain it still won?t dent the Battle fortress on Velmor IV,? said Farrik.

    Garace was stunned but then again It was armed beyond anything anyone one of them has seen. Garace gave the council their wish to have Garace accompany another jedi padawan on a Harbinger Capital ship as Izak would be under the watchful eye of Jedi Master Farrik on the Ultima. Garace was to accompany Farrik in the rescue operation. But something that Garace didn?t like was that the shroud of the Dark Side really was falling on this mission. Garace looked back when he was discussing the situation in front of the Jedi Council in the Chambers.

    "But Masters surely you know that a padawan should never leave his master's side especiall
     
  6. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Dont get upset mods at this post...just saying I revised some editing and some parts of the storyline for Chapters 1-4 and updated a new title for the fan fic. And feedback is great....also Chapter 5 will be posted later one today 1-30-06.
     
  7. Alley_Skywalker

    Alley_Skywalker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2005
    Not bad especially for a first story ;) I like Garace.
    izak is very naughty as i can see[face_shame_on_you] garace is going to have his hands full.

    Oh..and maybe make your paragraphs less chunked, especially in diologue. It's easier to read that way. :p
     
  8. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Very interesting. Very much would like to see more of this, JediMasterGaraceDane! (Welcome to the boards, by the way.)

    Good story. :)
     
  9. Dos_Venn

    Dos_Venn Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Great story, keep up the good work!
     
  10. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    I like Garace and his Padawan a lot and you're right that he seems to be a quiobi in style. While I have a bad feeling about what's coming up, I have a good feeling about this fic. :)
     
  11. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Again posting to say i have edited a little of chapter 1 because it needs to link to a certain chapter thats coming up soon....anyhow also finally got done with chapters 5 and 6 tonite/morning watever lol......they will be up as soon as i get it beta approved from Ishtar.
     
  12. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Chapter 5- This chapter is rated as PG-13 for graphic cotent(description of character)

    Meanwhile on a not so decent world, where the air is thickly polluted and the ground is wet, and all there is is mud and smell every which way, three jedi look for a powerful sith. This world is none other then Nal Hutta. The jedi, Tra?ri Crajo, and two padawans, Dorike and Diark are searching for the a former jedi knight named Kevde Cripra. He left the order after he killed his master over greed and jealousy of his love for Ali-Menal. Tra'ri a human women in her mid 20's is a hardened jedi knight and has been fighting the sith for around 12 years. The two padawans fresh from their masters arms were to accompany Tra'ri on this mission to destroy the sith that was killing jedi.

    ?Man, Tra'ri what are we looking for. I'm sure if he's a true sith he's definitely changed his looks.? said Dorike.

    ?Yes you are telling the truth Dorike but none the less what the council gave us is what we have to work with.? said Tra'ri with confidence in her voice.

    Lurking in the shadows was a figure that was following our three heroes.

    ?Well I don't know Tra'ri does the council know what its doing sending fresh field padawans and a lone jedi knight on such a dangerous mission?? said Diark.

    ?You are right, young padawan. I am the most dangerous thing on this planet!? said a dark and disastrous voice.

    ?you are Kevde Cripra jedi padawan to....?said Dorike before he was cut off by Traag.

    ?That name no longer has any meaning to me!? said Traag. ?I am now and always have been a Darklord of the Sith, Darth Traag.? said Traag in a stern evil voice.

    Traag had skin that would make chills go up and down your spine. The skin was hard and flaky like dead skin. His eyes were all black with sith eyes and had a scar that was open and never seemed to heal. It was a deep gash across the face from left eyebrow down to the right side of the jaw. Nasty wound from one of the jedi he has killed. He was draped in all black, cape metallic boots and thin metal pipes integrated into his skull almost like his jaw was taken from him or incinerated.

    "This is our Sithlord we are hunting!?!? exclaimed Tra'ri.

    ?Yes I am the sith you are hunting and the very last person you are going to see!? shouted Traag.

    ?Prepare yourselves guys!? yelled Tra'ri.

    Traag leaped into the air and connects his red short-lightsaber with Tra'ri yellow double-bladed lightsaber. As they clashed Diark came running into the fray to help Tra'ri, only to get electrocuted by Traag's force lightening. Dorike came in as soon as Diark was thrown back by the force power. His blue lightsaber ignited as he clashed with Traag's other red short-lightsaber. As the three warriors battled Traag was holding his own. Traag was blocking all attacks and thrusts the two jedi were giving him. He was thwarting all attacks from the two jedi's lightsabers. Traag then unpredictably back flipped and used his force powers to throw steel objects at the two jedi. As they fell back Traag flipped and came down for the kill, but to his dismay Dorike came to the rescue using force push he learned and improved under the guidance of Master Gada. Traag was slammed into 4 buildings in the Nal Hutta main starport. Dorike then passed out from the amount of force he used and the wounds he sustained from the force lightening.

    ?We must get out of here and report back to the council.? said Tra'ri putting Dorike on her back.

    ?He's too powerful for us to even keep up.? said Diark.

    ?Agreed,? said Tra'ri.

    With that the 3 jedi made their way to the space pad where the Republic shuttle was lying there in wait.

    ?Quick we are almost there,? said Tra'ri. With Dorike on her shoulder.

    Traag swoops down on the unsuspecting jedi as they make their way over to the shuttle.

    ?I will let you go. But be known that there is a price to pay,? as he steps off their shuttle and ignites a single lightsaber.

    "Traag take me, kill me, do whatever, just le
     
  13. JediMasterGaraceDane

    JediMasterGaraceDane Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Added some detail to my characters descriptions in chapter 1 and chapter 5,6 still being beta read. other then that have a joyful read.
     
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