Before - Legends Sithy Sithy Heart - KotOR Humor

Title: Sithy Sithy Heart
Author: Sabyne Amberle
Timeframe: pre-TPM
Characters: Bastila Shan, Darth Malak
Genre: Humor
Keywords: KotOR
Summary: Malak finds he must use some...unorthodox means to make Bastila join him.


Bastila shrieked in pain as another wave of Force Lightning coursed through her body. Having spent the past several days as Malak?s prisoner, she would have thought she was used to his torture by now. Yet she never seemed able to accustom herself to the near-endless volleys of lightning Malak shocked her with.

In this strange temple, on a planet she had neither heard of nor seen; the dim shadows that played across the walls only seemed to add to the sinister feeling coiling in her gut. She could sense the Dark Side?s intense power here, felt it ooze around her like a poisonous worm, seeking any vulnerability in her that it could exploit. It was much the same as it had been when the Ebon Hawk had first landed on Korriban, only here it was stronger by a hundredfold.

Malak himself seemed far more sinister than he had aboard the Leviathan. Here, unbridled by any Jedi interference, he could revel in the darkness of both the temple and the Star Forge. She had sacrificed herself to save Revan, hoping that in her still lay the salvation of the Republic. Now, both seeing and feeling the massive power Malak wielded, Bastila could not help but doubt if even Revan would be powerful enough to defeat her former Apprentice.

Gritting her teeth, she struggled with her remaining strength against the chains that bound her to the rock she lay upon. She refused to give up, refused to give in despite the temptation that pricked at her heart. She would never allow him to turn her without a fight!

Malak laughed coldly as he watched his young victim struggle. ?You are strong, Bastila.? He mocked. ?But I will break you.?

She spat viciously in his face. ?You?re wasting your time, Malak!? She responded. ?I?ll never join the Dark Side!?

He turned away briefly as he wiped his brow, waiting for Bastila to drop her guard only slightly before sending another bolt of Force Lightning searing through her. He enjoyed taunting her like this, enjoyed watching her feeble attempts to resist his torture, only to watch her as she felt her strength crumble away incrementally as he exploited her vulnerabilities. Hearing her screams pleased him greatly, for he knew she would not be able to resist for much longer. She would make a fine Apprentice when he was through with her, but only if she surrendered and swore loyalty to him by her own free will.

She gasped for breath as she struggled to recover from his assault. ?You think torture alone will turn me? You are a fool.? She stated coldly.

?Why no, dear Bastila. What I am offering is but a taste of the Dark Side, to whet your appetite.? Malak?s metallic-toned voice echoed ominously through the small room. ?When you swear loyalty to me, it will be willingly!?

?Never! I?ll never bow to you!? She spat back.

?Such resolve in your words, and yet I see the truth in your heart.? Malak continued to mock her. ?The Dark Side calls to you, Bastila. You hunger to taste it.?

He walked silently to the far end of the room, seeming to meld into the very shadows that surrounded him. Bastila felt a fleeting moment of panic?what did he plan to do to her now?

Her answer came soon enough as Malak returned, accompanied by a cadre of Dark Jedi. ?I believe it?s time I changed tactics.? He explained. ?Since merely using the Dark Side to break your will isn?t working, I will have to resort to a more?insidious means of doing so.? As he spoke, the Dark Jedi surrounding him parted, revealing the Dark Lord in all his glory.

Bastila?s eyes grew to the size of Krayt Dragon pearls when she saw his ?glory? consisted of a tan leather vest over a red plaid shirt, worn with matching tan leather chaps and silver spurs. Hurrying to his Master?s side, one tardy acolyte hastily handed him a large ten-gallon hat, which he put on ove

 

LOLOL. That was cute. Poor Bastila. After resisting Force lightning and darkness, she finally had to succumb to...this?! Highly effective, though.

>>>But don't tell my heart,
My Sithy Sithy heart,
The Dark Side might make him get mad.
And if you tell my heart,
My Sithy Sithy heart,
He might Force Choke you something bad.>>>

That really tore me up. . I don't know much about KotOR, and this is the first time I'm reading a fic based on that era - I really liked it. Nice work.

 

Oh the evilness! I think that song would make even the most devoted of Jedi turn to the darkside!

Great post! I'll have to check out more KOTOR stories.

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! . Country music is the path to the Dark Side. Country Music leads to redneck attitudes. Redneck attitudes lead to inbreeding. Inbreeding leads to a complex family tree. Once your family tree starts looking like a cobweb, forever will you be a hick. That song will stick with her to the end of her days. Even country fans are running in terror.

 

*DIES LAUGHING*




I will never look at that song the same way again...


Too great!!


(Reminds me of Vogon poetry.. but better).

 

LOL That is so funny! I really needed that LOL that is sooooooooooo funny

 

Can't...breath....laughing....so hard....AH!

Seriously, you just changed the way the world looks at Malak.

 

Since you will soon be my new Apprentice, Bastila, I will let you in on a secret.? Malak said as he approached her. ?Several years ago, before Revan and I left to fight the Mandalorians, I wanted to leave the Order to pursue my dream of being a famous singer. Horrified at the idea, the Council quickly rejected my wish, shattering my dream of touring the Galaxy, mobbed by adoring fans, hooking up with random nameless women, each more beautiful than the last??

LOL! It's too bad he can't sing anymore... tsk tsk

CK

 

Cool story!

 

Thanks to everyone who's commented! This was a blast to write!

And it's also nominated for "Best Humor" How 'bout that?!?