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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Skeet: Luke and Mara's secret child!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Boba Frett, Nov 18, 1999.

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  1. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    This story is re-posted and continued in Darth Skeet: Short Son of Skywalker

    at
    boards.theforce.net



    ****WARNING! THIS THREAD IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS TO THOSE WITH FULL BLADDERS AND THOSE WHO ARE EATING.****

    Okay, folks! The speculation is over! Here's the unhappy future of Luke and Mara!


    Skeet is the Secret Child of Luke and Mara.
    He's 15 years old, 3 1/2 feet tall, and 250 pounds. He's extremely strong in the Force, but is mentally... uh... deficient. He can't really control the Force, so people are often choking at random, and clouds of debris float furiously around him when he gets distracted.

    He's largely non-verbal, but speaks in the Sith language sometimes, which no one knows how he learned it. He's always using the Force to levitate cookies from the cupboard behind Mara's back.

    He has a pet. It's a severely stunted rancor (12 inches tall) named Vader (to his parents' dismay) and he's always letting it loose in the Jedi Council chambers...

    Watch as Skeet becomes inhabited by an ancient Sith Spirit to become... Darth Skeet!


     
  2. iamurme2

    iamurme2 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 1999
    Sounds hillarious. I look forward to it!
     
  3. Jedi Halcyon

    Jedi Halcyon Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 16, 1999
    Yeah, it sounds good.
     
  4. marmidala

    marmidala Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 29, 1999
    lol, he sounds an awful lot like a particular South Park character
     
  5. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    Luke Skywalker wasn't happy as he took a skycab home with his portly son in tow. The hideous head of a pygmy rancor protruded slightly from a satchel the boy was carrying.
    His son was at it again, chanting Sith incantations and oaths, from Force-knew where.

    "Cha sook de soocha-ki' Vraskein lank vrath jok-ta!" Skeet said, and small items from the storage bins overhead began to rattle. Luke looked out the window at the city, searching for peace in the midst of the storm that seemed to be raging within him ever since Skeet was born. A woman in the next row saw the head, shreaked, and passed out. Luke sighed.

    ********

    The Skywalkers, plus the slavering beast (Make that two slavering beasts, Luke thought) arrived at their Coruscant home soon, thankfully. Luke had put the impression of deep sleep on the woman from the skycab, along with the directive to wake up when the tone indicating her stop was sounded.

    Luke held his palm up to the scanner, and felt the heat of the optic laser reading the unique lines of his flesh-and-blood-hand. The scan completed, and the door swished open, along with the obligatory "Welcome home Master Skywalker," from the home system.
    Luke let Skeet enter first, and thought to himself for the thousandth time, "We need to get that kid on a molecular diet!" The problem was that since Skeet was a mentally deficient Force user, his impaired mind slowed his metabolism to a crawl. Conventional medicine didn't help...

    "Sit. There" Luke said, pointing at the wide-bottomed chair across from where he was standing. "NOW."
    Skeet reluctantly complied, plopping his large rear into the chair. Luke looked at him, using his Jedi Master stare on his petulant son. ?How many times have I told you not to bring... Vader... into meeting places, especially since you?re supposed to be with your nanny droid? You know the rules.?

    But Skeet wasn?t paying much attention. He began the mysterious Sith utterings... ?Lak?neth cha veenogu Ka Brok!? Dark energy began to gather at the tips of his pudgy fingers, which he wiggled, reminiscent of Palpatine.

    ?Oh no, not again!? Luke said, as Force lightening arced from his fingers to the lamp, catching the lampshade on fire. Vader, the one-foot rancor shrieked and ran behind the chair. Another bolt burned a hole in the carpet... one which went with all the charring from previous bouts of Dark Force.

    Luke used his power to snuff the flames, then said, with all the authority he could muster, ?Skeet! That?s enough! It looks like your uncle had a shootout in here! I?m taking this out of your allowance! And no more holodramas until next week! I mean it!

    Skeet ceased his fit, and sat back pouting. ?Dat?s no fair, papa! Vaber ran away! It?s Vaber?s fault. Vaber, come here! Tell him!? Skeet levitated the pygmy rancor before Luke, upside-down.

    ?Let him down. It?s not his fault. And it?s Vader, not Vaber, though I told you I don?t like that name.? ?And that?s the last gift Isolder?s giving you, pal,? he thought to himself. Skeet had somehow gotten away from V6L, his antique nanny droid... Luke suspected Anakin had reprogrammed it as a practical joke.

    Skeet had hailed a droid-controlled skycab and had taken it to the meeting hall, where he had let the pygmy rancor loose. The fur had flown- Borsk Fey?lya?s, that is. Vader had bit into the Bothan?s ankle, and to make matters worse, it turned out that Borsk was allergic to rancor saliva. The Cheif of State was even now seething while immersed in Bacta... to the amusement of most of the rest of the council, who disliked the politician?s antics and were enjoying a respite from his gravelly voicings.

    Luke desperately missed Mara, who always seemed to be away on a mission when things went awry. Raising Skeet was a full-time job, and with all the duties his parents had to attend to, it was quite difficult. Han had once quipped behind Luke?s back that Skeet slowed the entire Republic down, but Luke had heard. He wasn?t mad. Heck, Han?s own kids had been a handful. But
     
  6. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    Oops, double post... I did a Skeet...

    [This message has been edited by Boba Frett (edited 11-19-1999).]
     
  7. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    So, what does everyone think? Did you laugh? Cry? Hurl? Wet yourselves in uncontrolled spasms? Let me know! And hey, give me some ideas for the Adventures of Skeet the Wonder Boy! (if you have any)
     
  8. Thejedikiller

    Thejedikiller Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 26, 1999
    That wasn't too bad Boba Frett{/b]. You had me laughin in the library. This could turm into something I think.
     
  9. Lost in Coruscant

    Lost in Coruscant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 31, 1999
    Yeah, it certainly could turm into something!

    Go for it Frett!!!
     
  10. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    pt. 2
    ****
    The next day, the junior Skywalker was sitting on his bed in his room... grounded. Sure, he wasn't mentally up to snuff, but his level of comprehension was adequate to understand dicipline, even if he didn't exhibit it...

    Vader was at his food dispenser, ravenously slopping down his meat pellets, or most of them. The few that remained unconsumed (or on the floor) were circling the room at a high rate of speed. Skeet watched as his pet rancor gulped down yet another chunk, making smacking noises and gurgling.

    "Vaber, dun make a mess! Why's you always making me wook? Do I hab ta put you in your pen?" Skeet sulked. "It's nob fair! I'm always in trubbow!" He loked over at his play droid which sat deactivated on his dresser. He levitated it away from him right into the wall, accidentally, giving it yet another dent, before he got it under control and had it drop into his lap. "I needs ta wook on dat!" he said to himself.

    He pressed a button on it and its eyes began to glow. "Want to play a game?" it asked in a tinny voice. *(Tinny as in metallic).*

    "Yeah, sure, okay." Skeet set it on the bed next to him. It had a round body which connected to a base with treads and a small anti-grav field generator, and had the head of a pit droid. "Let's play hide and seek! You hide."

    Skeet pretended to cover his eyes, but kept his fingers apart just enough to watch as the droid lifted off and attempted to hide behind a chair in the corner of the room.

    "...46... 33... 37... 22... 321 ready or not hear I come!" Skeet jumped off the bed and feigned bewilderment. "Where'd he go?" he said exaggeratedly. He lifted the sheets of his bed... "Not dere..." He opened the drawer of his dresser... "Not dere..." He picked up a metal rod that he'd propped against the dresser, and slowly turned toward the chair... "I wonder where he went..."

    "DERE YOU ARE!" he said as he pulled the chair away, and proceeded to clobber the poor play droid with the stick...

    [This message has been edited by Boba Frett (edited 11-19-1999).]

    [This message has been edited by Boba Frett (edited 11-19-1999).]
     
  11. Jedi Nanai

    Jedi Nanai Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    This is sick and demented! I like it!
     
  12. Lost in Coruscant

    Lost in Coruscant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 31, 1999
    Hehe...

    At the top, did you really mean 15, or is that a typo for 5?
     
  13. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    15, with the mind of a slow 7-year-old
     
  14. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    I'm trying to find all the synonyms for "retarded" that I can so I don't offend people
     
  15. Lost in Coruscant

    Lost in Coruscant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 31, 1999
  16. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    Oh yeah, and Lenny, from "Of Mice and Men" or Number four from Multiplicity...
     
  17. iamurme2

    iamurme2 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 1999
    Multiplicity RULES! Michael Keaton is amazing! Number Four was hillarious.

    "PIZZA!!!" lol

    Great work so far! I can't wait to see more! You need to determine where you want to end this, that way all you have to do each post is write something headed in that direction. Keep up the excellent work! You had me laughing after a hard day of work. Thanks!
     
  18. marmidala

    marmidala Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 29, 1999
    (hehe) Very funny When's Mara showing up?
     
  19. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    I know where it's headed... an ancient Sith Lord ends up possessing Skeet, but because of the brain damage, the two end up melding as one... DARTH SKEET, THE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED SITH WARRIOR, and his sidekick, the fearsome PYGMY RANCOR! Look out EU!
     
  20. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    What do you think of the idea?
     
  21. Lost in Coruscant

    Lost in Coruscant Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 31, 1999
  22. iamurme2

    iamurme2 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 1999
    Sounds great to me! Write some more! I look forward to reading it!
     
  23. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    pt. 3
    Luke was mulling things over when he heard some muffled clanging noises, along with a long bout of maniacal laughter. He groaned, and made his way down the hall to Skeet's room.

    Knock, knock, knock... Luke opened the door, and said "Skeet? What're you doing? You'd better not be abusing your play droid again..."

    Luke saw the twitching thing in several pieces on the floor, alongside an overturned chair. His son was brandishing a metal crossbar from some broken thing or another, a guilty look on his face.

    Luke sighed for the umpteenth time, and used the Force to right the chair while also yanking the bar from Skeet's chubby hands.
    "Son, what is it? You've been all over the place the last week or so... Do you miss your Mom?"

    Skeet looked at the floor and said, "Yeah, I miss mom. She's been gone a long time. It makes me angry!" He started to get riled up, but Luke cut him off.

    "Anger is a path to the Dark Side. I don't know if you understand, but you need to control your emotions... You have much power at your disposal... With great power comes great responsibility. Ben taught me that." ***(Nod to Spider-Man )***

    "It's hard, papa Luke! I want to break everything! Vaber's my only friend!"

    "I know you get lonely, son. Trust me. I grew up on a desert dustball with only the womp rats to keep me company. I'll see if the Republic Council knows anyone with retar.. uh... SPECIAL kids, that you could annoy- I mean abuse- I mean play with. I'll check on that. Now BE GOOD! I'll talk to you later. You can come out in an hour."

    Luke shut the door, and proceeded to leave... something made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and he felt cold, but dismissed it an another of his son's Force-controlled quirks...
     
  24. iamurme2

    iamurme2 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 1999
    Loved the nod to spidey! That was great! You even got the "Ben" double meaning in there and everything! Keep up the wonderful work! I look forward to more!
     
  25. Boba Frett

    Boba Frett Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 1999
    Stay Tuned for the appearance of... THE SITH SPIRIT... and the TURNING OF SKEET!
    Same Skeet time, same Skeet channel!
     
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