Saga Sky and Sand -- update 3/31

First off, I would like to say I didn't write this story. My friend did. So now I would like to let her take over and explain.

*RUNS AWAY*

-Acleisst
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I'm pretty new at this, so I am looking for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Feel free to give it. How else will I get better? Ok, here goes:

Disclamer: It's George Lucas's world, I just like to live in it, thank you very much.

--Sophia


SKY AND SAND


Once upon a time there was a little boy.
His eyes were the color of water and sky and oceans he had never seen, for all he ever saw was sand.
His beautiful sand.
It was everywhere. In his hair, his clothes, and the small dwelling in which he lived. He felt the tiny grains when he chewed his food, and irritating his eyes when he blinked. The hot sun parched his throat so often he forgot what it was like to live without the constant pain of a throbbing head and thick tongue. Yes, his planet was beautiful, but it was a cruel place, with little mercy. Often he couldn?t wait for the time when the suns would set, and he could fall in the cool arms of night and dreams. But dreams brought him little comfort. Instead it ushered in Death and darkness from which he couldn?t escape. The mire sucked him down, its fingers grasping around his throat so tight he couldn?t breath, and an insatiable fire that burned inside of him. He wished that the angel would help him -he longed to escape. She would come one day, of that he was sure.

He often saw her, wandering around in his mud-pit, but she was ethereal, with robes made of gossamer thread and spiders-web, her long white wings dragging in the dirt and blood, but never getting dirty. She always watched him with sad eyes, as did everyone who came to him in his dreams. His nightmares. They pitied him. He always wondered why.

But it was only a dream, and it made no difference.

Only a dream.

---
(Once upon a time?)

He had asked his mother once what rain was, for he had never seen it -the few storms happened far and few in between, and he was very young. She had told him it was water falling from they sky. He had not understood, for what was water to a desert-child? The most he had seen was some vile looking liquid in the bottom of a pail his master had told him to take away.
His master.
He hated saying that, it seemed to imply he was lesser than others. He mother adamantly told him he was equal, and destined for great things. Never think you are any less. He did his best to believe her, for she was his Mother, and Mothers know all. That?s why he was so angry when They treated her like an animal, and?

Wasn?t the sky such a beautiful blue today? Blue and tan and orange. Sky and sand. His beautiful desert.

----

He woke up with a strange sense of deja-vu. Didn?t this happen last week? He couldn?t place it. There was a strange crackling of energy crackling the air, and that took up all his powers of observation. Something?s about to happen. He didn?t think the exact words, but deep down inside, where the power to unlock the secrets of the universe resided, he knew. Change. Change from his monotonous existence on his beautiful, cruel, desert-planet.

That was the day the Angel

(saved him)

came, and kind man who was more than he seemed took him to a shining planet where a great and ancient Temple built long ago, could be found.





----

Ya like it?????? Or does it suck and I should consider hiding under a rock?

Please Review...NOTE: All chocolate appreciated.

*WAITS* [face_shocked]

 

I liked it, I liked the imagery and the use of the sand and water. Very nice job, so don't go hiding under a rock!

 

Wow, a review!

Glad you liked it!


--Acleisst

 

Wow! I really really like it. Just one question, this is Anakin right? UP!

 

That was great imagery. Loved the sand and sky symbolism. It totally fits Anakin's life and journey.....too bad all of his dreams will come to an end soon.

 

Wow, that is beautiful. I love it.

 

DarthYong789 Hmmm?..Sure does sound like it, huh? All shall be revealed. Be patient.

BrownEyes_Blue Yes, it is sad?.

Dally

OK, next post up...

 

The sky here was a terrible gray. It was nothing compared to that blue?this was so ugly.
Of course, everything about this shining planet was beautiful. It only looked that far away, with twinkling lights and glowing patters on the surface. When you walked on it, miles above the actual ground, it was dirty, smelly place full of people, all bustling about their business, paying him no attention.. Despite all that, though, it was still like his planet, a desert -albeit one of duracrete and steel. So the little boy with water eyes that by now had changed and turned into a storm, looks out from his metal prison upon all this. He is not so little more, poorly fitted to his body. A lost little boy in a man?s shell, wishing for a long-ago and forgotten angel to rescue him from his nightmare. But she is no longer there; a memory he has long since



(had stolen from him)



lost. All his waiting must be in vain then. She had tried to help? he thinks. He isn?t sure. Never sure about anything anymore. The mud had finally become too heavy for her to bear and she sank, while stood off watching the blood make pretty patterns on her silky white dress. He refuses to look at her eyes, afraid he might see his reflection in them. He can feel the eyes of other watching him, waiting, expecting. They are waiting for something, and he is almost sure he has something to do with it, but can?t figure it out. He should ask the angel, she might know, as she knew him so well. Or his mother maybe. Weren?t mothers supposed to know everything? He can?t remember. Not that it would have made a difference, both were dead now. Gone from this realm. Perhaps if he had remembered, he would have wished them in a better place where the beautiful, the beautiful and kind go, where they would be welcomed and be happy and...
But he couldn?t, because was lost and lonely and afraid, and didn?t know what to do.



---


Yes, very short, I know...but it is diffucult for me to write these things. A little is better than nothing, though!

 

Very nicely done! I love your use of imagery. I particularly liked this line:

Despite all that, though, it was still like his planet, a desert -albeit one of duracrete and steel.

 

Another beautiful post. Very melancholy. Will there be more?

 

Of course!! *SMILES WIDELY*

 

This is the last post...unless I suddely think of more. I kind of ran out of ideas, so if you would like me to write more, you have to give suggestions!!!! HERE YOU GO!! :


----------------------


He was thinking about his angel again. No, that wasn?t right. Angels didn?t belong to anybody. They were free. Free and beautiful, and no one could capture them and call them their own. He always thought of her when he looked a the stars. Reaching up a hand to one, he thought he could remember a beautiful planet, like a green and blue jewel, where so many angles lived, good and kind people,

(who didn?t deserve what fate had given them: a burning planet, destroyed along with it?s countless innocents)

He held on to the memory before it cold escape into a wispy cloud and slip out of his grasp.

Water everywhere. It fell from the sky sometimes -in what they called rain, and came out of the ground even, falling hundreds of feet, it roared down streaming rivers, the ribbons collecting into gigantic pools called?

Well, there wasn?t any of that here, on this planet, whatever it was called. Might have been a dream anyway. Life wasn?t really like that. It was all pain and suffering, and not knowing where you where.
So once again he was just a little boy who lived in his never-ending nightmare.

--

The boy wanders around his prison, trying in vain to find a pattern. Nothing made sense; he was sure everything was really all a mess now. He had to get somewhere. He was late. Yes, very late.

Run? faster. Run?She?ll be so angry with you!?.you promised you promised?

He seemed to be going in circles. His prison was big, and he was free to wander, but it was still a prison. It was a dream sometimes, wandering in rooms with no windows, and shadow lighting, and these people who looked all the same and felt strange?

Hurry up.

He is starting to run now. Very, very late, and he is sure someone is following him. He can feel eyes burning in his back, the voices are starting too, yelling in accusing tones. Blaming him for something. You! Still a slave I see! What will your MASTER have you do next? He stops and shakes his head. Shut up, shut up! They recede to little whispers in the back of his dark and twisted mind -for a short time at least- and he locks them up tight, with everything else. Next to the sweet voice of a woman with brown eyes who loved him.

She?s probably gone by now. You took too long!

He leans up against the wall and stares at a red stain on the floor. He looks at it carefully, memorizing it, just like he did five times before.

---

He woke up to the smell of antiseptic and the feeling of?.nothing. Nice to see you are finally awake, SLAVE! The demon had sent him somewhere. Where? His memory didn?t seem to be what it used to be. He had had a terrible dream though. Someone familiar?begging him. Pitting him really. He had been very angry. Yes. Very angry. That?s what he mostly remembered. The little boy in a man?s body had been with angel that wasn?t. Or couldn?t remember. He didn?t think it made any difference anymore.

My love, time to get up now...

What a beautiful voice. That?s what he thinks at first. Then the command seeps in, but he wants to stay there and try to forget something he didn?t remember. Hate and burning and fire crawling up his back. Such pain! Make it stop! Help me! Please! The cries of someone who doesn?t know what to do. HELP! A demon has him now, fight over for him with the angel. The little boy turns around to look at the her who came from somewhere. Ethereal and beautiful as always, except she is dirty, and he feel he has made her that way.

The angel looks at the little boy with blue eyes filling with water. She only shakes her head and looks at him pityingly.

GET UP!

He did -one should always listen to angels- and cries out in pain. He thinks ,suddenly, that one should never look back.

Never look back.
--

He now i

 

Very haunting. Excellent posts -- they are heartbreaking glimpses inside Vader. Great job.

 

I forgot to suggest this. Perhaps you should write a post-redemption vignette!

 

Beautiful work! Very nicely done.