Saga "Skywalker No More" (UPDATED WITH OBI-WAN VIGNETTE)

Okay, here is my first attempt. I had a good idea, but I don't know how it will play out. Here goes:

*****

The lava flowed around the hovering droid that I stood on. Were it not for my embracement of the Dark Side, I would not be standing because of the intense heat. They say that if you get within ten feet of lava, and you will die. This is true, but only for those who do not wield the Force.

I stood, glaring at Obi-Wan, who was now standing on the ash bank of the river. I could not let this battle end now. After all of the events that had occured here, I could not let Obi-Wan take Padme away from me. Obi-Wan had to die.

"Its over Anakin!" shouted Obi-Wan. "I have the high ground!" Obi-Wan looked desperate.

I felt the Dark Side flow through me. I envisioned what I was supposed to do. "You underestimate my power," I said.

Obi-Wan's look of desperation was my sign. It was here, now, that I would correct all of the injustices the Jedi had put upon me.

"Don't try it!" Obi-Wan pleaded.

Without hesitation, I leapt into the air, screaming wildly as I flipped towards my former friend. But, as I approached the man standing on the ground, time froze, and another vision flowed into my brain. This was the conclusion to the fight. I saw myself dismembered by the Jedi master. But now, there was nothing to stop me.

Time snapped back, and I felt a burning sensation in my legs and arm. I smelled burnt flesh, and heard Obi-Wan's grunt. I landed with a thud, frantically reaching for a handhold with the only appendage I had left. This could not be happening.

The pain flowed through me, eating at me. I was being consumed by my own power. The more I tried to feed from the power, the more pain I was in. I filled myself with the Dark Side, my rage the only thing keeping me from sliding into the lava river. I could not let this end, no matter what happened to me.

"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!" Obi-Wan shouted to me. I could feel his sadness as he watched me writhe about. As Obi-Wan continued to spill his feelings, I was losing all control. My breathing was cracked, and my body broken. My mind was breaking slowly as the Dark Side tried to save me.

I glared up at my former master, letting him know that I would never forget. "I HATE YOU!!!" I screamed, with all the energy I had.

"You were my brother Anakin. I loved you," said Obi-Wan. But by now, I was already slipping away. If I could plead for help, I would. If he would help me, I could return to everything I knew and loved.

Obi-Wan's words made me realize that I had made a mistake. Palpatine had used me. He was no friend. But Obi-Wan had loved me like a brother, son, and friend. I had betrayed him. But it was too late. I slid closer to the river, and a flame licked my seared pant leg. All of a sudden, everything went blurry, and I began to burn.

The flames ate away at me, but the Dark Side kept me alive. The pain was murderous, yet I was surviving. I had to live. I could not let Obi-Wan live after doing this to me. I could not leave Padme and the baby alone. I needed to protect them.

Obi-Wan picked up my lightsaber, and left me to die. My hatred was beginning to overcome the pain of burning. Then everything went dark.

You cannot die...

A voice rang in my head. I painfully cracked open my burned eyes. To my dismay, I was alive. I was again staring at the ashen river bank. But there was no more fire, no more Obi-Wan, and now, there was no more Anakin Skywalker. Now, there was only Darth Vader. Slowly and painfully pulling my twisted and ruined body up the bank with my artificial hand, I moved away from the river, waiting for the Dark side to answer my call.

Sidious arrived too late. Astonished that I was still alive, he began to channel his hatred into me to allow me to live. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill Obi-Wan, and I wanted to kill all those that had decieved me. Feeling the power of Sith flow through me made me begin to fade away. As I drifted off into a dark and nightmarish sleep, I was Anakin Skywalker no more.

*****

 

Sorry to double post. I am just looking for some criticism.

And also, would it be a good idea to write another from Obi-Wan's point of view?

-Semi

 

Obi-Wan's words made me realize that I had made a mistake. Palpatine had used me. He was no friend. But Obi-Wan had loved me like a brother, son, and friend. I had betrayed him. But it was too late. I slid closer to the river, and a flame licked my seared pant leg. All of a sudden, everything went blurry, and I began to burn.

"I had betrayed him. But it was too late."

Sidious arrived too late. Astonished that I was still alive, he began to channel his hatred into me to allow me to live. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill Obi-Wan, and I wanted to kill all those that had decieved me. Feeling the power of Sith flow through me made me begin to fade away. As I drifted off into a dark and nightmarish sleep, I was Anakin Skywalker no more.

I like how you look at Anakin, going from regret, to revenge!

Nice work!

I think you should do one on Obi-Wan.

 

That was actually very well done. You did a good job with Anakin's point-of-view, and how the hatred had utterly consumed him. Great job!

EDIT: One thing that might help is that you spelled Skywalker Skywalkler in your title. Don't worry; I;ve done things like taht before!

 

That was an excellent look into Anakin's mind.

I liked how he realized he made a mistake but chose to allow his anger towards Obi-Wan to consume him with hatred.

Bravo!!

 

Thanks everyone. Sorry about the title mistake. I guess I overlooked that one.

I am working on the Obi-Wan POV, and I am also working on some more character vignettes that take place throughout Revenge of the Sith.

Thanks,

-Semi

 

Semi, that's a nice piece of writing!

Oh, I think you can edit the title, if you go back to your first post and use the 'edit' button under it...

 

Very good. Insightful and good.

 

Excellent first fic. You should be proud

 

Fixed the title.

Thanks for the positive comments everyone.

-Semi

 

Alas, I think I will be making a series of vignettes that are on this topic.

Sorry my Obi-Wan one isn't done, but it will be soon.

Here is my list of what the series will contain. Keep in mind these are all going to be vignettes focusing on the fall of Anakin and the rise of Vader as seen in ROTS:

1. Anakin (Complete)
2. Obi-Wan (Complete)
3. Mace Windu (Coming Soon)
4. Palpatine/Sidious (Coming Soon)
5. Yoda (Coming Soon)
6. Padme (Coming Soon)

...and maybe even an Artoo/Threepio one if we're lucky, and if I have time.

So, look for the Obi-Wan one soon.

-Semi

 

Well, sorry for the triple post, but it is necessary. Hope everyone enjoys this one.

**************

Our blue blades clashed together for what must be the two-hundredth time. A tired feeling washed over me, but I had to fight it. I glared into the eyes of the man I once knew over the crossed superheated blades of energy. Why had Anakin betrayed everyone who ever loved or cared for him?

Anger filled Anakin's eyes, but in them, I saw my path. The only way to defeat this monster that my brother had become was to take hold of the higher ground... literally. Anakin was hellbent on destroying me, and so focused on his anger that he didn't realize his very thoughts of conclusion were betraying him.

I called upon the Force to surge one last burst of enrgy into me, and when it did, I found myself flipping towards the ash bank at the edge of the lava. As my boots hit the ash and sent particles flying, I knew that this was it. One of us was going to meet our end at the blade of our brother.

In one last attempt to disrupt Anakin's lustful thoughts of power, I shouted, "It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!"

But Anakin had other ideas. "You underestimate my power," he growled.

Before he even twitched a muscle, I knew what he was going to do. "Don't try it," I pleaded, as I did not want to have to kill him.

Without any hesitation, Anakin leapt into the air, screaming wildly. As he came down upon me, I spun and fluidly swung at where Anakin was to be. I was expecting to hit his blade, but instead, my glowing blue blade met his left arm. My arc continued, slicing through his left leg at the knee, and his right leg just below the knee.

Anakin hit the ground with a sickening thud. I almost choked on my own saliva as I watched him slide down the bank, clawing wildly for a handhold on the gray ash, screaming in pain. The whole thing happened in an instant, slowly replaying in my mind as I watched those hateful eyes tried to throw me into the lava. My heart sank, slowly realizing the gravity of what had just occured.

Snapping back into the reality on the lava riverbank, over the stinging smell of burnt flesh and ozone, I mustered up strength to say the words that were storming in my tormented mind. "You were the chosen one!" I screamed, a tear coming to my eye. "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them... bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!"

I hesitantly turned away, supressing tears. I picked up the weapon of the man I once knew who was now screaming at the edge of the lava river. When I turned back to Anakin's torso, my gaze met Anakin's eyes, which were filled with rage. "I HATE YOU!" Anakin spat, shuddering in pain and hate.

"You were my brother Anakin," I said. "I loved you." And this was true. Anakin had been my apprentice for around twelve years. He had become my friend, and eventually, he had become my brother. But then, he threw it all away for a power that would destroy him. He was decieved by a lie, and had fallen into the Sith trap, eradicating the Jedi on his quest for unlimited power. He had allowed himself to be used by the Dark Lord, and now... now, all he could say to me is "I hate you" when all I did was love him and teach him everything I knew.

But the next instant, a stray flame licked the seared cloth of Anakin's pantleg, and a fire soon had engulfed him. Nothing in the galaxy could drown out those screams and wails of pain as his flesh and body were being eaten away. I couldn't bear to watch as the man I loved slowly burned to his end. When I turned away, hearing the screams of pain behind me and and the wails of hatred in the Force, I knew that that man behind me, that man that had saved my life, that man that I had sacrificed so much for, was Anakin Skywalker no more.

********************

Well, hope you all enjoy it.

-Semi

 

Wow! This was REALLY good! You put alot of feeling into it. I only hope that one day I will learn to do the same .


Wonderful!


~MoeTharens Sock~

 

Nice job. I like the emotional intensity of the piece.

 

Glad a couple people liked it. Some people wanted to read the Obi-Wan one, and when I release it, the leave it to rot.

Oh well, thanks you two.

-Semi

(Good fic to you as well, Moe Tharen's Library.)

 

That was great!!

Looking forward to more

 

My Mace Windu one is in the works now. It starts in the middle of the Sidious/Windu fight, and ends when, of course, Mace is blasted out the window into the dark Coruscant night.

I'm also trying to get some more feedback, as I am thinking of turning these into my English teacher for some extra credit.

-Semi