Before Smoke (a moment between Qui-Gon and Tahl; vignette - Updated with Cover Art)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, Oct 19, 2003.

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  1. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks for clicking! :D

    Title: Smoke
    Summary: A moment between Qui-Gon and Tahl.
    A/N: Unbeta'ed. :p [edit] Also my very first in this forum! :D
    Feedback: Adored, treasured, loved, and reread. :p
    Cover Art



    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



    His presence is heralded by more than the deep well of strength he feels like in the Force; there is a change in the air, a subtle alteration that means he is present. Then, as he comes closer, I begin to smell him, as air currents waft his scent over to me. As always, it?s a combination of many scents ? his clothing, his soap, his sweat. It?s another thing to mark him as being him.

    ?What are you thinking about, Tahl?? he asks quietly, knowing better than to announce his presence as if I were helpless and irritate me. His breathing is slow and calm, not shallow and harsh, as it would be if he were upset. I remember he was to speak to the Council about something before coming here to me, but whatever it was, it must have gone well.

    I consider my response. I could hardly tell Qui-Gon I was thinking about him . . . can?t let the old boy get arrogant. ?Smoke,? I reply.

    ?Smoke?? A shift in the Force, a sense of movement. I let my fingers barely brush against his cloak as he passes by me, knowing by the rough texture than he is wearing a new one, instead of one the many worn and soft ones he possesses. He sits across from me, somewhere on my small couch, settling comfortably after a few moments. I lean back against my chair, and nod sightlessly. I don?t even bother to do it in his general direction. I?ve found that knowing what people are doing, when you?re not even looking at them ? as I cannot ? often has an unnerving effect. And I couldn?t let an opportunity to disconcert Qui-Gon pass by, after all. What would be the fun in that? Though I think he?s catching on . . .

    ?Why smoke?? Qui-Gon asks me.

    I shrug, then after a moment reply anyway. ?It?s easy to remember.?

    Another pause, a small hitch in his steady breathing, then the steady resumption that to me, indicated thought. I could sense a diffused uncertainty in the Force. ?What do you mean?? he asks.

    ?Smoke . . . it?s always changing, never the same. Always moving.? I reach out, keeping track of where my hand was relative to my body, remembering where the glass was when I trailed my fingertips over it as I sat down, and grasp the full glass without a hitch.

    ?I don?t understand,? Qui-Gon admits. I smile at him, turning my head to face him. I can feel his intensity, his focus sharper than his earlier uncertainty.

    I take a sip of my tea, unhurriedly, letting the faintly bitter taste spread on my tongue before swallowing. I didn?t used to like this tea, finding it too bland, but now I enjoy it?s subtle flavor. I put the glass down again, the constant awareness of where I was in relation to other things keeping me from making a mistake. And that dreadful robot Yoda helpfully insisted on giving me isn?t around ? locked in the closet, actually ? to clean up any spills.

    ?It?s taken some time, but I?m starting to forget,? I say finally. ?There are so many things that you forgot, from day to day, even Jedi. The little details, a gray hair there, a mole here, the way you can see the texture of a painting . . . Just the little things. Until things are smoothed and streamlined in your mind.? I shook my head. ?Not smoke.?

    ?Ah,? he says, with a note of finality to it. He understands ? or at least he thinks he understands. There?s a unique quality about Qui-Gon?s voice . . . I used to think it was deep, manly, but later on I realized that wasn?t the case at all. His physical appearance, even his presence, added to that illusion. In fact, his voice is almost normal in tone, not very deep at all, except for this wry twist in the way he speaks. His voice carries a lot of emotion, a lot of his presence. I think that?s why people edit their memories so it?s deeper.

    ?It?s not important,? I say, shaking my head
  2. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    *worships you*

    Thank you thank you! I love stories with those two!
  3. Hananiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 15, 2003
    star 4
    Oh wow. Tahl surived!
    That's really cool how you portrayed how life moves on but smoke doesn't and that Qui will always love her. I hope Jude Watson is listening.
  4. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    I'm not a fan of Tahl, but that was beautifully done! Lovely vignette!
  5. Xanatos_son_of_Crion Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 27, 2003
    star 2

    *Gives a respectful bow*

    Well done indeed! I like how you wrote their love without it sounding to sappy. It was beautiful.
  6. Seraphena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2003
    star 3
    Well done indeed. Have to agree that it seems you have written both characters and their feelings for each other in such a beautiful way that it not only is nice to read but doesn't make me want to get so sappy.

    Love it.
  7. ARIEL_ANTILLES Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2003
    star 1
    It's funny. When I found this, I was thinking that I don't saw Qui-Gon stories written by you. Others than "The Water's Edge", I mean.
    It's a beatiful story. You made your caracters so... human, so...

    I need a dictionary bilingual :p

    Nice to read you, as always.
  8. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Sarah: *giggles* [face_blush] Thank you! :D I'm glad you enjoyed - I wanted to write something with Qui-Gon in it, and Tahl was convenient for other reasons . . . and so here we go. :p

    Hananiah: The idea of the story is that smoke is easy to remember because there are no small minute details to remember - it's always changing. Then Tahl compares that to her love for Qui-Gon - it's always changing. So even after he's gone, or when he's away, she'll still remember it - like smoke. :) And aye, I decided to have her survive! :p And thank you. :D

    Mistress_Renata: I wouldn't say I'm a fan of her either, but I don't dislike her, and I regretted she died and caused Qui-Gon so much pain. And thank you. :)

    Xanatos_son_of_Crion: Thank you! :D Aye, whenever I write romance I try not to make it too sappy. :p I strive for realism . . . what, what fandom am I writing in again? :p

    Seraphena: [face_blush] Thank you. :D I'm glad you enjoy it, and that you think it's not sappy. :p :D

    ARIEL_ANTILLES: Part of the reason I wrote this is because I feel like I don't write enough of Qui-Gon - TWE isn't enough. ;) So isn't that funny we were thinking the same thing? 8-} Anyway, thank you. [face_blush] :D
  9. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Not overly mushy; just sweet
  10. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks, PadawanKitara. :) I try. ;) :p
  11. Skywalker_Vader2be Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2003
    star 2
    This is so...neat!!! :D

    I hope I can write that well someday!
  12. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Skywalker_Vader2be: Thank you! :D
  13. jedi7 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2002
    star 4
  14. KatarnLead Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 5, 2002
    star 3
    Gotcha! Posting without telling me again...though...you never tell me. :p

    Tres good, dearheart!I approve, even if I should be asleep, or writing critically reflective essays.

    Alas, the only kind of writing I seem to do these days...
  15. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    jedi7: Thank you. :D

    Burkie: *thwacks* Silly boy. I did tell you. ;) Apparently you weren't listening. And thank you. :D And the reflective essays can wait, darn it! :p
  16. Bellyup Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2002
    star 4
    Oh wow... :eek:

    If I were to quote all the good parts, I'd be re-posting the whole flaming vignette! This was fantastic! So unique and yet everything about it was familiar.

    There?s a unique quality about Qui-Gon?s voice . . . I used to think it was deep, manly, but later on I realized that wasn?t the case at all. His physical appearance, even his presence, added to that illusion. In fact, his voice is almost normal in tone, not very deep at all, except for this wry twist in the way he speaks. His voice carries a lot of emotion, a lot of his presence. I think that?s why people edit their memories so it?s deeper.

    That was the most precise description of Qui-Gon I have ever read in my entire life. Every word of that paragraph was so true! The comment about him being so very gentle was perfect as well. You have obviously explored his character thoroughly to have been able to convey that sense of utter...Qui-Gon-ism... [face_mischief] that is the blue-eyed man we all know and love. I am going back to read this over again!!

  17. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Bellyup: You've been busy reading a lot of my work, haven't you? :p I've got even more that aren't in my bio yet. :p [face_mischief]

    And thank you. Thank you! [face_blush] [face_blush] [face_blush] I'm so pleased and blushing ;) that you like my description of Qui-Gon so much! :D This viggie really pushed me, because I'm a very visual writer, and I really wanted to get Qui-Gon down without resorting to the things I normally do. That part, oddly enough, had other people commenting on it, too. :p But it was interesting to do, a cool way of 'seeing' Qui-Gon, I think.

    Anyway, thank you. [face_blush] I don't know what else to say! :D
  18. Bellyup Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2002
    star 4
    Well, I haven't really been following you around, so to speak. I heard about this viggie in the FF Newsletter, and figured that if people were raving about it so much it must be some good! ;) And then I've just been reading the Temperature series lately. Of course, if thinking that I'm following youa round makes you feel better, go ahead and think that! :p

    I didn't really notice htis the first time I read Smoke.

    I remember he was to speak to the Council about something before coming here to me, but whatever it was, it must have gone well.

    Ooohh! I'm grasping at an oppurtunity for a sequel! :p Well, not really. This had a very final feel to it at the end, so I'm not pushing anything.

    Superb job once again!
  19. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Bellyup: I just found it odd you commented on all my Temperature vigs instead of just one, and then this, well . . . :p It was odd!

    *goes ahead and thinks that Bellyup is following self around* :D

    Well, that really doesn't leave room for a sequel per se, but this from Qui-Gon's perspective, perhaps. :p I'll think about it, see if it can be done well. :)

    Thank you, again! :D
  20. Bellyup Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2002
    star 4
    Qui-Gon's perspective...oohh.... [face_love]. Sounds delicious. ;) I'll definetly read it if you do write it!
  21. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Stunning Obaona.

    Like Renata, I'm not a Tahl fan... perhaps I should say not a fan of the way her character was used... I had so hoped the author wouldn't go the dreaded, overused way she did.

    Tahl's sightless observations of Qui-Gon, especially about his voice were spot on and I loved the giggle and that she only giggled with Qui-Gon.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing.
  22. Keeper_of_Swords Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2003
    star 5
    yeah, nice to read about Tahl.

    I know he?s smiling, even though I can?t see it....very like Qui-Gon.
  23. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Bellyup: Thanks! :D

    Healer_Leona: Thank you! :D I didn't particularly care for the way her character was used either, but there you go. :p I still find it an interesting situation to explore. And thank you again, I'm glad you thought I got Qui-Gon and his voice down. ;)

    :D

    Keeper_of_Swords: Thank you, I'm glad you think I wrote him well. ;) :D
  24. LianaMara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 2000
    star 4
    Aw, what a beautiful vig, oba! I loved how you described everything from Tahl's POV. The way she can see things, and yet not, is so cool. And you worked the romance between Qui and she very well. It was sweet, but not "Ack! Mush overload!" Although that could be good, too. :p *huggies for good viggies* :D
  25. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    *stands and applauds*

    WOW!!!!! This is just an incredible piece of writing!!! You wrote it so uniquely, and perfectly, and oh, I am totally jealous of your ability! :D Your point of view, being Tahl, was so perfectly on key I was thinking "I wonder if the author here actually is blind to be able to describe it so well." I mean, just every little thing, the little perfect details that would make up Tahl's thoughts are totally in character and completely flawless.
    I also love how you wrote out Qui-Gon's little mannerisms, like his voice and stuff, the cloak, the bit thinking about the Council and how he would be breathing differently. It's so deep, and yet, it's a short, still-shot sort of ficcie. Again, I'm totally in awe, and totally jealous. :D Great job! Hope to see more from you, you are a very gifted author.
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