Beyond - Legends Smoke (NJO, Jaina song fic)

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters used here. And I'm making not a single shilling off of this.

Summary:
During James Luceno's Agents of Chaos duology, you hear a lot about Han and his grief over Chewie's demise. But what about the Solo children? This song fic is an attempt to consider what Jaina could have been going through during her father's absence. The song is "Smoke," by Natalie Imbruglia.

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[b]Smoke[/b]


Dad, you?re not the only one in the world. You?re not alone; yet you seem to think that you live a solitary existence. But we were affected by Chewie?s death too. You may have known him longer than me, than Jacen and Anakin, than Mom, but we still loved him. I remember how he would sling my up on his tall shoulders, or patiently wait as I braided crooked little knots in his cinnamon fur. But he?s gone. And the memories are staring to grow dim.

[i]My lullaby,
Hung out to dry
What?s up with that?
It?s over[/i]

The good old days are over, Dad. As much as you?d hate to admit it, Chewie?s death stripped away your invincibility. You two were the best of buds, and nothing could stop you. Corporate Sector thugs, Jabba?s goons, the Emperor?s henchmen couldn?t even touch that dynamic duo, Han Solo and Chewbacca the Wookie. Chewie first met you when you saved him from slavery at the hands of the Empire, and you two parted ways when he saved Anakin from death at the hands of the Yuuzhan Vong. Chewie was courageous and strong, but neither of those two virtues could rescue him from Sernpidal?s destruction. He gave his life so that Anakin, and countless more, could live, but you still struggle with that fact.

[i]Where are you dad?
Mum?s lookin? sad
What?s up with that?
It?s dark in here[/i]

I wish you could see the look on Mom?s face when we mention you. Anakin asked once if he could go out somewhere, and I watched as her lips formed the answer ?Go ask your father,? then her brain registered that that wasn?t possible. She looks so forlorn. Sometimes the sorrow, the hurt is so intense that I can?t help but break into tears. She misses you. We all miss you, and just want you to come home. Remember that little anecdote Jacen used to tell about the family? ?The papa is the brain and backbone, while the mama is the heart and arms.? Before Chewie?s death, you were the one we turned to for advice while Mom was the one we turned to for affection. But just as the body can?t operate without the spine and cerebellum, so the Solos can?t function without you. I think your absence has made Mom realize how fragmented we are without you. She tries to hide behind her refugee plans, but there?s still pain there. Still suffering.

[i]My mouth is dry
Forgot how to cry
What?s up with that?
You?re hurting me[/i]

I miss our conversations, Dad. How you?d call me at the Jedi Academy, joking about the things going on. You always thought I was trying to hide my crush from you, so you would pick and pick until I finally admitted which guy I was infatuated with that month. I miss those. Every time I check my messages, I scan them eagerly for one from you, one where you?ll congratulate me on my successes in the squadron and try to guess which Rogue I think is cute. But it?s never there. Maybe I?m just being childish, thinking that you could stop for a few seconds and talk a little with your daughter. Your only daughter.

[i]I?m running fast
Can?t hide the past
What?s up with that?
You?re pushing me[/i]

What is it that makes your grief so different from everyone else?s? How much would it really hurt you to crack open your slick persona and let the broken, mournful man emerge? I know you need to take some time to get over the void that Chewie?s life has left, but must those weeks and months be spent at the expense of your loved ones? happiness? Anakin loves you. Jacen loves you. I love you. And Mom loves you. But the thing we want more than anything in the universe is for you to return. To h

 

It was great...Awesome job, Liana!!!

 

Lt_Jaina: Thanks so much!

NJ sends her approval too, cause she's stuck in the BB with their murder mystery.

 

that was really sad! but really good! nice job there LM!!!

-jj00

 

Wow. That was really good. I think you did that very well.

 

Ohhhhh! That's so sad!!

This is really great. People always focus on Leia's reaction to Han's disapearance, or Jacen or Anakin's, and seem to completely forget that he has a daughter too. Great job!

 

JainaJag00- Thank you!

Jaina_and_Jag- I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Elven_Jedi_Maiden- Thanks. I know, cause in the AoC books Jaina barely gets mentioned. I think Han and Leia's separation really hurt her, and it annoyed me that JL never talked about what she felt.

 

Poor Jaina. You've really done a good job with her emotions and feelings. I thought I was reading a missing chapter from the NJO. Keep it up!

 

Good job. *sniff*

~Priestess

 

JediMasterKobe- Ah, thanks! You're too kind.

Sith_Priestess- Thank you! I'm sorry you cried, though.

 

Up!

 

Wow! Amazing, great job Liana, that was very emotional and moving. Keep up the great work, it seems you found a talent.

 

Darth_Elu- Thanks! I'd never done Jaina's POV before, and wanted to try it. Now, I'm at work on a longer Jaina piece during the NJO Allston books, where she thinks about Jacen and heroism.

 

Very sad, Liana, and very touching. I like all the little moments you detailed that were part of Jaina and Han's relationship. It makes one realize what an important part of her life Han was, even when they weren't fighting battles together. Nicely done.

 

LadyMairead- Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

 

Ok, how the HELL didn't I comment on this? I love it! You know that!

Still, I was sure I did. . .must be one of those disappearing posts thingies.

Jae Angel

 

NJ- Don't you hate those? I detest disappearing posts! And I'm so glad you love it. But I knew that, didn't I?

 

Uppity up. Up up. Up.

(gosh, that sounds stupid )

 

Very good indeed.

 

Star-Lead- Thank you.