Beyond - Legends Snowbound Legacy -- OC Winter Challenge Response (Complete: 24 Dec.)

"The candle in the window could be seen in the distance, a beacon of warmth and welcome to the weary travelers," Mama said, settling me into bed and pulling the thick blankets up around my chin, "and the group saw it and turned homeward, now certain that they had followed the right path. For some time, none spoke, but at length Kendall raised his voice above the scraping of snow on snow and said, 'My Company, we are at last returned home.'

"No one moved," Mama whispered, her voice describing the cold and wind and homesickness. "There were no shouts of elation. Kendall and his band were far too weary and joyous for mere words to express their relief.

"And then through the darkness of deepest night, in the hour just before the dawn, a child appeared in the entrance of the lit house, silhouetted in the warm yellow glow from the doorway. 'Who comes?' the boy asked. 'Who stands in the shadows?' Kendall, almost delirious from the cold and wet, nevertheless recognized the voice as belonging to his youngest son, Dylan. With an incoherent cry he raced toward the house, sweeping the boy up in his arms and holding him tightly, kissing the crown of his head as though he thought the child might disappear.

"The sounds of their reunion woke others in nearby houses, and light appeared in other doorways, summoning each of the men to a warm bed and the embrace of a loving family. They were all, at last, home.

Mama lowered her voice for what she knew to be my favorite part of the legend. "That is, all but one.

"The final traveler, the guide Kendall had met in the Golden Forests, was walking back out into the swirling snow, her long emerald robes catching the wind and twisting about her slender form. Kendall stepped out the door and called after her, 'Wait! Will you not rest a moment here among us?'

"She turned, her deep green eyes seeking and finding Kendall's golden ones. A slight smile graced her lips, but she shook her head. She held his gaze for an eternal moment, then broke the connection and tucked her head down, bringing her hood up over her rust-brown hair and gliding away, disappearing into the gathering storm.

"That night, as snow and ice and screaming wind battered the little village, each of Kendall's party slept peacefully under comfortable heavy blankets. And the next morning, one arm wrapped around his wife, the other arm securing his son, Kendall looked out across glittering drifts of snow dyed pink and orange and red by the impending dawn and watched the sun rise." Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, as she always did after finishing one of her stories, Mama smiled contentedly. Her eyes opened again, and this time they glittered in the dim light of my single glowrod. With the conclusion of her bedtime story, Mama had once again become the playful and slightly mischievous woman my father and I loved so much.

"Now go to sleep, Eleni. I've told you enough stories for tonight, and we don't want to lose all power in the glowrod. We don't have any electricity tonight, and with this blizzard we don't know when we're going to be able to turn the lights on again. We want to try to conserve as much energy as possible." Mama bent to kiss me before standing and switching off the glowrod. In the darkness, I heard her move to the door, her excellent night vision easily picking out obstacles that might impede her progress. "Good night," she whispered from the door.

"Good night," I whispered back.

It was the last time I ever saw her alive.

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"Miss Masika, it's almost time to go."

"Yeah, Miss Masika, if we don't leave now we'll miss the beginning of the Winter Festival."

I sighed, then looked down into the faces of twenty-three expectant nine-year-olds. "I'll let you go in a minute," I said. "And keep in mind that the Winter Festival is seven standard days long. Missing the first thirty seconds of it will hardly ruin the whole week." Still, I smiled, remembering myself at nine years of age,

 

Coolness! I love it, can't wait to see where you take it. I raised my eyebrow at the lightsaber mention, and thought, "That's going somewhere, I bet." Lane seems interesting, and I'm wondering what happened to her mother. Razi is interesting, too.

And of course, I saw 'Xaara' and thought, "What are you waiting for? Read it!"

So here I am.

 

A reply! Thanks for your kind comments.

"That's going somewhere, I bet." Perhaps you could be correct....

Actually, Lane's mother died of a heart attack - completely natural. I think I put that in...ah yes, here's the line:

After Mama's death from a heart attack the night before the opening of the Festival, my father had closed himself off from me.

And of course, I saw 'Xaara' and thought, "What are you waiting for? Read it!" Thanks. I'm glad you like what I write. I should have more up soonish - I've written pretty far into the next post.

 

*smacks forehead* Of all the lines to miss . . .

And you're welcome. I look forward to the next post.

 

Well, no point in me entering the contest now, even if I had time to write up something. This is wonderful!

I'm already wondering about this first traveler, the guide that Kendell met in the Golden Forest. With a description like that, she just has to be something supernatural. I liked the way that you introduced the Beast of the North, by having children mention it. A Dark One with a lightsaber who wanted to enslave all the people. Makes you think, doesn't it?

I also liked the way that Razi was always able to tell if Eleni were telling the truth or not. That, with the previous mention of lightsabers, makes me think he might be Force-sensitive somehow. He seems nice, in any case, worrying about Eleni and wanting her to be happy. He sounds like he's in love with her, but she can't or won't see it.

Poor Eleni! She sounds like she does need help, with her mother dead and her father out of her life. And she hasn't written off Razi completely, even if she's not quite ready to let him into her life. I liked the reference to the last time he had an extra special gift for her! It sounds like the start of a wonderful relationship.

Like obaona, as soon as I saw the name Xaara, I just had to read it, and now I'm really looking forward to more.

 

obaona: Don't worry - I miss lines all the time and feel incredibly stupid later. (Hmm, that was intended as reassurance and it somehow came out as something less than flattering. ) I'm sure you know what I mean.

Jane Jinn: Between you and obaona, you're going to make my face turn permanently red.

The guide is a little piece of the plot that I'm not sure about yet - I'm writing this story more or less as I go along, so the entire idea is not quite solidly in my head yet. I like her, though, so you can be reasonably sure that you'll see her turn up again. As for the Dark One...well, wait and see! (I'm glad you liked my method of introducing the reasons behind the Winter Festival - the kids just appeared out of nowhere, but they seemed like a good idea at the time, so I left them in. )

*reads rest of reply, sighs* You do it on purpose, don't you? Make all these insightful observations so I can't say anything without giving the next part of the story away? Have you ever considered a career in interrogation? All I can say to most of your next paragraph is wait and see.

And she hasn't written off Razi completely.... No, at least not yet. She's a little more patient than I am.

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

 

"It was snowing the night Kendall first heard of the Dark One of the North," Mama said as she mixed the dough for our winter flatbread. "A man had appeared in town, bloodied and bruised, begging for food and clothing and shelter that he might last the night and travel on the next day. Naturally, Kendall offered his own home to the man, asking nothing of his purpose or intention, for Kendall knew in his own way that the man did not mean harm.

"The next morning, the man made to leave at first light, but Kendall bid him stay an hour, to recount the story of what had happened, for he knew of no bands of robbers or other perils that could have reduced the man to the state in which he now found himself. Trembling in misery and fear, the man spoke quickly, glancing from side to side as he related his tale.

"'It was not a human,' he said. 'It was shaped like one, yes, with two arms and two legs and a head and torso, but it was wreathed in darkness as if it carried with it its own shadow. I stumbled upon it in a clearing where it had just killed a small animal ? I know not what ? and it turned to look at me with cruel red eyes as I had never before seen.' The man shuddered, his fingers tightening and his nails digging into the flesh at the base of his palms. 'And then it spoke.'"

Mama always changed her voice when she was the creature, grinding her words until they fell from her lips like pieces of crushed glass. "'It spoke,' the man repeated. 'It said, "Who passes here in these forests that belong to no man but me?" And so of course I did not stop to answer but instead fled through the trees, hearing always the creature one step behind me, though when I could run no more and fell on the ground and looked around to see the thing that must kill me it was not there.'

"Kendall heard these words with something close to dread. For some time he had felt the malevolence in the North of the Golden Forests, and had attempted to ignore it in the hopes that it would extinguish itself by burning all available fuel, as most fires did. Apparently, it had not diminished, but grown stronger. It was then that Kendall knew he must pursue the creature, see it gone or killed. 'Thank you, brother,' he said to the man who cowered in his home. 'I will think you neither weak nor a fool if you should choose to remain here in Cilia for some time.'" There was a break in the narrative as Mama bent to place the flatbread dough in the cooker, careful to keep her hands away from the hot shelves. Dusting her hands against her apron, she straightened again.

"But the man did not wish to remain, and so he fled into the brightening day, always looking about him as if he expected the creature of which he spoke to attack him at any minute. Musing on the new story, Kendall called a Meeting in the hopes that the others would refuse to let him go to eradicate the menace that lurked a mere few days' journey from Cilia. The Seers watched the future with careful eyes, however, and saw that he must fight this thing, aided by a Company the likes of which Cilia had never known." Mama paused for a moment to let the gravity of the decision sink in. "A Company the likes of which this world had never known.

"Kendall gathered the men of the village ? the warriors, the healers, the speakers, the travelers, the mystics ? and told them of the quest. Immediately twelve volunteered, among them the greatest and most powerful leaders of their time. Kendall was relieved that he would not have to choose among the remaining men, for he knew that some would have to remain and care for the women and children in the Company's absence.

"And so it was that Kendall and the Company gathered enough food to last a week, retrieved their lightsabers from the central town vault where they had been stored so many years before, and set off in search of the creature who stalked the Northern Golden Forests."

"But there were lightsabers left," I prompted. "There were hundreds of lightsabers left, because everyone in Cilia had made one."

"Yes," sai

 

I'm fascinated even more. I can't quite figure out what this Dark One of the North is. I must admit, in the first post, I thought it might be Vader out to extinguish the Jedi, or some similar threat, but this new description doesn't sound like Vader or anything similar at all. Hmmm. And this community, this world, has Seers? Good!

Interesting that they went after this Dark Thing with lightsabers, and even more interesting that the lightsabers had been closed away in a vault for so long. Everyone in Cilia had made one? Even more interesting! A little community of Ex-Jedi? This is starting to sound supernatural, though, with the lightsabers disappearing and Eleni's mother believing that the sabers are waiting for just the right person to find them again.

Could Eleni be this descendent of Kendell? I was thinking more about Razi, myself. Maybe they'll find the things together.

So funny, that Razi's mother is listening in on his conversations! Is she hoping to hear a marriage proposal? Or worrying that he might be hopping into bed with someone?

Thirty centimeters of snow, that's a lot. I liked the way Razi had to let his speeder warm up a bit before they set off. And nice detail about the yellow bark of the trees that gives the forest its name.

Hmm, a cozy little cabin in the woods and no listening mother? A walk in the snow? This could be very interesting indeed! I'm already looking forward to the next installment.

You do it on purpose, don't you? Make all these insightful observations so I can't say anything without giving the next part of the story away? Have you ever considered a career in interrogation?

*laughs* Yes, I do it on purpose. I just can't wait for the rest of the story, so I'm trying to finagle a few hints here and there. Not that I need them to keep me going, though. Anticipation is enough.

Interrogation? Mild-mannered me?

 

I caught this and was instantly intrigued. The Winter Challenge entries have been fabulous and this one is no exception. I have only had time to read the first part, but I wanted to say BRAVO!

As always your work is unique and well-written. I am interested to see where this goes. I love your OCs and their interaction. It's like we know them even though they are new to us as a reader.

Keep up the great work!

 

Very interesting. I'll keep reading.

 

Aha! Razi is a romantic. Lane better be appreciative, or I'll steal him away!

Lovely post, can't wait to see where it's heading.

 

Jane Jinn: Whew, once again a long and wonderful response. I have to admit that I thought it was Vader in the first post, before I had any idea what direction the story was going to take, but it's not ? you'll see that in this next post. I'm beginning to feel a strange fondness for the whole community; and the legend, which was supposed to be a sort of background story, has taken on an importance that I did not at all foresee.

The supernatural aspect of the story is going to be confined as much as possible to the legend. (I think? ) This whole thing is new for me, so I'm feeling my way through and having a lot of fun with it. (That's where the "Challenge" part of the Challenge comes in.)

So funny, that Razi's mother is listening in on his conversations! Is she hoping to hear a marriage proposal? Or worrying that he might be hopping into bed with someone? Both? One of my best friends' mothers is like that ? she'll always be on the extension when I talk to him. It makes the conversations a lot more interesting, because I always have to be careful what I say, lest it be misconstrued?.

And nice detail about the yellow bark of the trees that gives the forest its name. I'm glad you liked that bit. It was actually lifted from a Dungeons & Dragons campaign that I wrote a long time ago for my brother. (I'm hopeless, I know. Can you plagiarize from your own work? )

Interrogation? Mild-mannered me? That's it! It's all a front! You're really undercover for some terribly secret operation based in Siberia or something, aren't you?

Anyway, thank you for the review, and I hope you enjoy the next post!

TKeira: Thank you for your comments. I love writing OCs, and it's always gratifying when someone else likes them. (That way, I'm sure I'm not the only one. ) I'm enjoying writing this story, mostly because it's so far outside my usual haunts, so I'm happy that you like it!

Connemara: Please do, and thanks for stopping in.

obaona: Lane better be appreciative, or I'll steal him away! Hey, I get first dibs on him. (Besides, she's appreciative. Darn, I think he likes her more than me. ) Thank you for reading ? here's the next bit.

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"The cold of the outdoors began to wear on Kendall and his men, but still they pushed on, still they forged ahead," Mama said as she placed a candle in the window and lit it. "Through the bitterness of midwinter they pressed, feet and hands frozen, faces raw and chafing in the cutting wind. Not one of them suggested that the Company turn back; not one suggested that the Dark One might be better left until springtime. Their supplies dwindling, they moved always North, through the Golden Forests.

"Kendall had chosen for his second Noam, a dear friend and hunter well-acquainted with the forests. But for all of Noam's experience in the woods, he had never traveled this far north ? he did not know the way and was useful only in searching for easier trails through the trees. However small the task it was nevertheless essential and he performed with all of his strength and knowledge, but with a lingering sensation that he had somehow failed his leader.

"It was on the third day that Kendall and his Company met the Guide. She appeared from between two of the gilt trees and stood, unmoving, until Kendall noticed her. The deep green of her robe and hood blended seamlessly into the forest behind her; the tawny brown of her skin matched the color of the undergrowth. Her eyes, deep green like the shade beneath a tall tree, were what caught Kendall's attention, forced him to turn and seek to distinguish her from the rest of the forest.

"'Hold, men,' Kendall said, raising one hand to signal his party to halt. 'What is your business in the Forests at this time of year?" he asked the woman, who had by now stepped from the shelter of the trees and stood before him, unflinching, her eyes meeting his on equal

 

Wonderful, the way you can switch back and forth between the two different writing styles -- "fairy tale" and "real life." The "fairy tale" writing is so beautiful and evocative.

Kendall thought that it might once have been human, or near-human, but whatever its original shape, it had been so distorted and disfigured ? perhaps by the very power that it used ? that little resembling anything recognizable remained. By the power that it used? Didn't I read that Palpatine was distorted by the Dark Side of the Force? And this creature has a red lightsaber, too? Fascinating.

So Kamali is only a Guide and cannot defeat the creature on her own? Interesting.

Grrr, what a cliffhanger! With what might have been a smile, the creature closed its eyes, raised its arms, and summoned the wind. Yes ... and then what happened?

Wonderful touch there with the description of the aunts' action towards Eleni and how she didn't like it.

A cooker almost large enough for a single piece of toast? LOL!

Strange look on Razi's face, being distracted ... hmm! Anybody would think he were almost compelled to take that path. Ah! A sense of urgency which they both feel now. Definitely a compulsion.

Fascinating description of Kamali here, as part of the forests now, and previously something different, not precisely human. Is that why she couldn't defeat the Dark One by herself? She's not ... er ... exactly part of this plane of existance, perhaps?

Ah, Razi is the heir of Noam! But he hasn't heard the stories? His mother was obviously too busy spying on other members of her family to devote time to telling him of his heritage. I think Razi's right, though, he's about to find out.

Now I'm really hooked. What truly happened here? What was Cilia once? And why must it be restored? What can Eleni and Razi do? I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this.

 

Jane Jinn: Thank you, thank you, thank you. That kind of review deserves more of a response than I have time to give at the moment, but I promise promise I'll come back later and reply. Until then Happy Holidays!

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The wind howled about the men, driving all but Kendall and Noam to their knees," Mama said as she swept the snow from our front steps. "Kendall looked for Kamali, but did not see her ? she seemed to have disappeared into the trees which now groaned and shuddered against the onslaught. And then all his concentration he focused on the creature, which took advantage of the general distraction to attack, using its great corrupt strength to rend the branches from the trees about it and hurl them at the recoiling Company.

"Though each man in the Company held a lightsaber, so long had it been since they had used them that they did not know the proper techniques. In fear, for now they were truly fearful, they sliced at the projectiles aimed at them, deflecting the majority and suffering the pain of being struck by the rest. Above the roaring of the twisting wind, Noam cried, 'Kendall, we must attack or flee!' and Kendall, with his customary celerity, agreed. Together, they forced their way forward, inch by agonizing inch, fighting the creature and the storm it called to it.

"And then the creature raised its red blade, bringing it up at an angle before its face. 'Back!' he told Noam, but his friend did not hear or chose not to listen, and the red blade that appeared from one end of the creature's lightsaber hissed and sizzled against Noam's own weapon.

"With no choice left him, Kendall surged forward, now aware that Odin, having regained his footing, followed closely behind. Kendall swung his lightsaber in a great arc that swept toward the dueling pair, missing Noam by centimeters and driving directly at the creature's chest. The creature snarled and leapt back, avoiding the blade and breaking contact with Noam. As its concentration spread to concern thirteen men instead of two, the wind it had called began to lose force.

"Once more, the creature charged, diving at the last minute to roll under Noam's lightsaber and drive its own blade up toward Noam, who stepped aside and slashed quickly down, forcing the creature to complete its roll awkwardly and leap to its feet out of arm's reach.

"Enraged, the Dark One took up a defensive posture, its back to a tree, its legs spread shoulder width apart. 'Come forward, human,' it said, addressing Noam. 'Come forward and find that which you cannot defeat.'

"But Noam was no prideful fool, and he refused. He would have fought the creature alone had not so many lives and livelihoods depended on the Company's success. The lives did depend on him, though, and so he did not step forward. Instead, he said, 'I will not fight this battle to lose, creature. I am here to fight you and to win.'"

As always, a shiver ran along my spine when Mama spoke as Noam, the most understated and least militarily inclined of any of the Company. He had not been a soldier, but neither had he been one to accept defeat. "'My friend,' he said to Kendall, 'we must do this together.' Kendall looked deeply into his eyes, saw the sadness and determination behind Noam's composure, and nodded.

"'We must, and we will.' With a battle cry, Noam ran forward, bringing his lightsaber in a tight loop that threatened the Dark One's upper body. At once, the creature stepped away, but Odin had come from behind and blocked its escape. Frantic and angry now, the creature turned again, away from Odin, only to find that Kendall stood in its way. Each of the thirteen members of the Company had come and taken a place in a circle around the creature, and each of them held before him a blazing lightsaber.

"The Dark One spun this way and that, but the thirteen hemmed it in, surrounded it, forced it to submit. It raised its blade and began to swing wildly, roarin

 

Just bumping this one up...

 

Sorry to make you wait so long for this last bit of feedback, but life suddenly got busy again. Anyway, I'm here now.

My first thought was: It can't be over already! We're just getting started!

I liked the way that Noam recognized that they had to work together to defeat the Dark One, and especially the way he thrust himself in front of Kendall to keep his friend from being killed. I also liked the detail that the men were a little rusty with their lightsabers. Had these men ever actually used one, or had they put them away when they were very young?

...something weird always happens, and you're always there. Yes, that sounds like Razi's recognized that Eleni has the Force, even if he doesn't know what it is at that moment.

I liked the explanation of how Durjaya became the Evil One, although I do wonder what happened to this other settlement of people who left Cilia and survived in the North. Durjaya never found them, not even by using the Force? But where are they to-day? Are they still out there, lurking somewhere? Have they preserved the Jedi traditions, or gone bad? I see lots of potential here for another story, or a continuation of this one. [begging look]

Ah, so that's what happened to the original lightsabers. Well, it's the best thing that could be done with them, I suppose, apart from using them for their original purpose.

Kamali isn't a manifestation of the Force, is she? I can't help wondering ... whoever or whatever she is, she's been watching the rest of the galaxy, looking for the right time to bring forth the little colony. The Empire's been defeated ... I liked the description of the New Republic as chaotic but benevolent. No doubt Kamali chose Eleni because of her Force-sensitivity, and Razi must be so as well, because of the way he responded to "the call." As for the question of "why now," I'm sure they'll find out later why the time just then was right.

Nice epilogue, showing the effects of the decision that Razi and Eleni made, instead of going through the details of the entire process. So, Eleni's headed out into the big wide galaxy? And her father showed up to tell her good-bye. Looks like Eleni's forgiven him somewhere along the way.

Aww, so sweet the way Eleni just up and said "I love you," when Razi was trying so hard to get the same words out. I was certain they'd end up married -- I loved the little dialogue that they had while Razi was popping the question.

A sweet, satisfying, fascinating story. Good luck in the contest! And don't forget about what I said concerning more.

 

I love you," I said.

"Hey!" His head shot up. "That's really not fair. I spend a week practicing the speech that's supposed to lead up to that and you just come straight out and say it?" More softly, he added, "Me, too."

"What, you love yourself too?"

"Exactly. But I love you as well. And since the direct approach seems to work more effectively, here goes."

I have to say, I adored that exchange. Very lovely story, Xaara. My apologies I didn't get to reading and replying sooner, but here I am now! I really enjoyed it - the way you wrote it, it was very . . . mysterious and mystical. And then Lane and Razi throughout it, just being such lovable characters. I feel like it was the characters that drove the story, even though I do really like the plot.

I actually wouldn't mind seeing more of Lane and Razi. But anyway. I liked this little tale you cooked up - it's very interesting, very original, I think. 'Lost colony of Jedi' has been done before, but that's not what this is. I don't know quite what it is, except that's it's good, though.

Well, this is really babbling, so I'll stop now. I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely story, Xaara!

 

Wow, Xaara. Good story. Just the right mix of action and reflection, solidly realised characters, and a clear process of growth. Eleni starts out conflicted internally, and over the course of the story grows out of it, and into her larger destiny.

Kendall is a great character, a pacifist hero: that's so rare in the genre these days. I agree with Jane that your changeover in voice (legendary to contemporary) was excellent, very smooth.

I love the idea of a Jedi founded isolationist community: in the wake of the Purges, it makes perfect sense.

I really like how the mystery of the lightsabres was solved, and I appreciate the misdirection of the legend to appeal to the children who would have heard it.

Overall, your story is very well crafted, a solid tale that grabs the audience and holds them. Very very well done.


*Derisa*

 

Love the original characters, the myth and a bit of mushy sentimental parts.