JCC So I've Decided I Want To Be Huge

Mostly because Pete is huge now, and I think it's about time I got huge too. One of my goals in recent years was to travel to Blighty and arm-wrestle him.

My problem? I have a rotator cuff injury because my boss shoved a fart bomb down my shirt last year and I screwed up my shoulder trying to get my shirt off before it went off. (True story)

I'm on the mend, but I still take Ibuprofen every other day, and I can't do "dips" the way I used to.

How shall I begin my training regimen, strongmen of the JCC?

 

I thought you were going to end that "... in Germany."

 

You have a rotator cuff injury from a fart bomb?

 

Sadly (yet hilariously) yes.

 

Heracles cleared near infinite amounts of poop from the Augean stables and he was pretty strong.

In all seriousness, I would get the shoulder fixed first.

 

I did my PT and like I said, I'm on the mend. I've been told by my doctor to take it easy and focus on my core. The problem is that my core exercises involve canoeing and swimming, which THANKS TO THE ******* COLD I CAN'T DO!!

I was thinking about joining a gym, but finances won't allow for that at the moment. How do you feel about home regimens like crunches, light dumbbell work, and pull-ups? I think I'll recognize my limits.

 

Pym Particles:

 

I had a minor rotator cuff strain earlier in the year, but I can't remember the extent to which it got in the way. I think it was just in extension movement, so you should be able to plank etc for core?

 

Your goal should be getting your muscles big enough so that you hold your arms like a gorilla.

Oh, and plank everywhere. It's still a thing!

 

Have you considered by-passing exercise altogether and just go straight to the anabolic steroids? It has worked for Sylvester Stallone for the last 30 years and he seems fine.

 

Dave on 'rhoids would be pretty hilarious.

 

My shriveled up testicles and useless penis would be pretty funny, I'll give you that.

 

Not that planking Even, you git!

http://www.mensfitness.com/weight-l...-to-do-a-plank-a-single-move-for-stronger-abs

 

my balls feel like a pair of maracas...

 

Danthe, what are your workout tips?

 

This:

 

Which of those glorious montage routines specifically do you prefer? I would imagine that the sled-drag would be the best because it works both cardio and muscles and it's therefore fairly holistic as a workout.

 

i prefer the routine where rocky bends down and fellates himself and when he finishes in his own mouth he whips back and screams "DRAGAAAAAA" as semmens sprays out of his mouth all over the room..

 

Ok, Mort, if you’re serious here’s some serious advice. I almost hesitate to do this because I'd really like to hear Danthe's advice first and then get banned for laughing heartily at it.

I always do an FMS (Functional Movement Screen) on all new clients. I’m not a physiotherapist or a medical professional and nor are 99.9% of personal trainers. The screen allows me to identify anyone who needs medical treatment before undertaking exercise. This is not something I can do remotely but my first advice is get screened and if there is pain or significant asymmetry, go see a physio and follow their rehab program before hitting strength training.

Assuming you’re cleared, waiter walks will help to strengthen the muscles of the rotator cuff and get you used to having load overhead. I would start with a weight you can comfortably strict press overhead.

In terms of training, I would strongly advise that you build a foundation of mobility and strength before building muscle. Although it will take longer to see change in your physique, it’s safer and will leader to more muscular gains in the long term. Also, if you train to be all show and no go you will lose my respect! There’s nothing clever about looking like Tarzan but playing like Jane.

Phase 1 – get mobile.

Read up on Original Strength, Primal Move, MovNat – all have stuff on social media. We all (barring medical problems) developed perfect mobility before we started sitting in chairs by rolling, crawling, reaching etc. The best way to get that mobility back (and develop some solid reflexive strength in the process) is to do the same. Get down on the floor and roll – using your core rather than momentum. Crawl – sound dumb? Try crawling 30 seconds on 30 seconds off for 10 minutes and see how much your muscles hurt the next day! Rock back and forth sinking deeper and deeper until you regain squat mobility – there are a few Tim Anderson (of Original Strength) videos showing you how to do this – youtube him. Also get up from the floor and get back down. Often. Start by doing it 10 times in succession – from lying face down, lying on your side, lying on your back – and build up from there. Then learn to do a Turkish get up and practise that. Add weight after a few weeks. Youtube vid of me below doing a get up. Ignore the move to elbow – my leg flaps up… put on youtube as an illustration of a problem with the glute not firing and the core not engaging properly. Good tutorials can be found on Youtube – Brett Jones, Gray Cook, David Whitley, Dan John and Pat Flynn all have good tutorials up. No need to use a kettlebell, by the way – a dumbbell will do, or any object that can be held in the hand.



Phase 2 – get strong

You’ll have built a foundation for this with the crawling but you will need to add weight or do advanced variations of bodyweight movement to get grown up levels of strength. There are 5 movements to focus on:

Hinge
Squat
Push
Pull
Carry

The hinge is the strongest of these movements. It’s a deadlift, it’s a broad jump, it’s a kettlebell swing, it’s a rugby tackle, it’s the power behind the Olympic lifts. To learn how, get a dowel rod or other length of wood and follow the diagram below. Maximal hip movement, minimal knee movement. Nearly everyone in the Western world has lost this movement and it may take a while before you feel ‘safe’ hinging back. Most westerners end every hip hinge with a collapse into a chair so it takes a while to learn to do it without feeling like you’re going to fall back. Once you’ve learned how, find a good online tutorial for either deadlifting or swinging a kettlebell and drill the movement with moderate weights for a month or so before you attempt anything heavy. Trust me, if you go heavy at the start your nervous system will panic which will slow down strength gains in the longer run.



The squat is what it says on the tin, but be aware that you’re squatting between your legs, not on top of them. Your hips should open up nicely if you’ve followed phase 1 properly. Use that mobility and squat deep. Start with the goblet squat – Dan John is your man for this – youtube him and learn to be strong! Progress to front and back squats. Hugging a bag and squatting with it in front of you is also a great drill to get the pattern right.

The push is simply that. The classics are the military (strict overhead) and bench press.

The pull is a row, a pull up, an arm-over-arm sled pull etc. ALWAYS balance pushing with pulling. I know all men want big booby muscles but if you don’t balance it with strength in your back you’ll be weak, stupid looking and injured. If it helps, a strong back is probably the most important element of a strong bench press if your technique is dialled in.

The weighted carry is an interesting one. Read up on Dan John and weighted carries for some serious wisdom. They have a profound effect on performance. Farmers walks, sandbag carries, waiter walks, rack walks… just pick stuff up in a variety of ways and walk with it.

Treat your exercise time as practice. Learn the movements, aim for mastery in all the movements. Use moderate weights for at least a month before trying to go heavy, then ‘wave’ the load after that… don’t go heavy every day! Read up on periodisation.

Phase 3 build muscle

After at least 6 months of strength training, you’ll be ready for your first mass building cycle. The key ingredients are LOTS of high rep squats with challenging weights and LOTS of food. I’ve only done two mass building cycles, each of 6 weeks. The first time I gained 6kg (about 13lbs) the second time I gained 10kg (22lbs). Why the difference? The second time around I was stronger and I ate more. Oh, by the way, strength and size are two wildly different things. Size helps with strength but its’ really just one ingredient. A good 135lb Olympic lifter is generally stronger than your average 250lb bodybuilder. Strength is mostly neurological but those neurological adaptations take time and patience to develop.


I highly recommend Dan John’s ‘Mass Made Simple’ for bulking. It’s safe, challenging and highly effective. The addition of barbell complexes definitely adds a lot of upper body mass and you will find your pressing strength goes through the roof on this program. The classic ‘squats and milk’ program works too, although I’d swap whey protein for the milk… that much lactose might be manageable for a young man but someone our age is going to struggle with it!

By the way, it will hurt. It will hurt like hell. To give an impression, here's me doing a high rep squat set at the end of a long, brutal workout. The weight on the bar is 90kg (200lb), my bodyweight at the time. The goal was a set of 50 reps. I fell short by 2. Two days later, I did it again and got 50. Two days after that, I did 40 reps with 100kg (220lb). Building muscle without steroids is not for the faint hearted!

 

Don't be a Tunick.

 

Grab that hug, Mort. Hugs bring down cortisol like a boss and flood you with feel-good neurotransmitters. Great for speeding up recovery from hard training.

 

Or this...



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