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JCC So I've started writing a story about a place. Here's the first bit I have. What do you think?

Discussion in 'Community' started by hudzu, Nov 3, 2012.

  1. hudzu

    hudzu Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2003
    The smell. The constant, disgusting invasion of that scent. Tinging the air that entered my body every second of every day that I spent on that wretched planet. Somewhere between old urine and rotten cabbage.

    There was a sound that accompanied it. Made by all the new transfers, the ones experiencing the planet and the base for a first time. Like a deep clearing of the throat, that there was some enormous phlegm blocking all your passages and the only way to get rid of it was by irritating your throat hard enough that you vomited it up. The invasive nature of that climate hit you in so many ways that your bodies very first reaction was to try and get it away from you.

    But it never could. That smell went everywhere with you. Every hour of every day. The snorting and the retching lasted for a week. Maybe two. Some say three. But in my experience, those who had it that bad usually found a way to transfer out by that point.

    The rest of us were stuck with it, though. And those of us who survived will never be able to smell anything but that. We'll carry it for the rest of our lives.

    What happened that night can never be unseen. They told us, after, that it was worth it. That we had secured a great place for ourselves and our fellows, a place where we could exist free of devil and torment.

    But if they had seen what we had. Fought it. Lived it. Smelled it. They would laugh at such naïve thoughts. Those thoughts would be driven so far out of their heads it would feel like they were never anything more than fever dreams, foolish misrepresentations of reality brought on by disease and delusion.

    That smell is one that has become an intrinsic part of my world. And its funny how it's been exploited. It's been touted by the spokesmen (Snakes! Saboteurs!) that it was once an idyllic world. A place from stories, they said.

    What they never said was that these stories were nightmares.

    And I know you don't believe me, when I speak of fever dreams and nightmares. But you weren't there. You weren't there when the hammer fell and our ranks were culled, as if retribution for all our sins.

    But you will believe. You'll believe once I burden your soul with my story. When I tell you about my time in the war. What I saw, what I lost. The scars cut into my skin and soul.

    When I tell you about my time on Arlon.
     
  2. DarthTunick

    DarthTunick SfC Part IV Commissioner star 10 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Nov 26, 2000
    I want to hear more.
     
  3. Coruscant

    Coruscant Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2004
    Ah, man. You put me all the way back there. I'm never forgettin' now. ***hole. :(
     
  4. Jedi_Reject_Jesse

    Jedi_Reject_Jesse Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Is it only there that the spice is found? Without which there can be no commerce, no civilization?
     
  5. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Very interesting . . . tell me more about this "Arlon." And the snakes and saboteurs, of course. I liked that part.
     
  6. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
    There's nothing as spicy as Arlon.
     
  7. Everton

    Everton Force Ghost star 10

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2003
    Is this all the JCC does now, discuss ****ing Arlon? We have sunk so low.
     
  8. George Roper

    George Roper Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2012
    Welcome to 4 or 5 years ago.
     
  9. Everton

    Everton Force Ghost star 10

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2003
    We continue to sink.
     
  10. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz JC Head Admin & Community Manager star 9 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    I know, right?
     
    TheGuardianofArlon likes this.
  11. Everton

    Everton Force Ghost star 10

    Registered:
    Jul 18, 2003
    Totally.
     
  12. Eeth-my-Koth

    Eeth-my-Koth Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    May 25, 2001
    Terrible. Start again from the beginning.
     
    Master_Jacen likes this.
  13. Katya Jade

    Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2002
    My name isn't in the story so I'm not going to read it.
     
  14. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    perhaps you can change it around, like starting at the end and work your way to the beginning?
     
  15. GrandAdmiralJello

    GrandAdmiralJello Comms Admin ❉ Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque star 10 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2000
    Ok Jabba-wocky.


    Misa ab iPhono meo.
     
  16. tom

    tom Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    one wonders if you actually read the story.
     
    Everton likes this.
  17. Jedi_Reject_Jesse

    Jedi_Reject_Jesse Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 26, 2004
    The saga of Arlon is far from over.
     
  18. TheGuardianofArlon

    TheGuardianofArlon Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Why did I have a feeling this dealt with me..why pick on me? Why this thread?

    I'm not going to tell you what "Arlon" is. It's a secret for me to know. IF I ever do write the stories some day, you'll see what its all about. But for right now I guess you can conspire, contrive, think, contemplate about what it is. Good luck.
     
  19. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    it is where jesus lives. you already told us that. like 4 years ago
     
  20. TheGuardianofArlon

    TheGuardianofArlon Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Actually no it isn't, and if I said that that is incorrect.
     
  21. tom

    tom Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    just because the place in master_jacen's story happens to be called arlon doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. jeez, way to be self centered, man.
     
  22. Darth_wanderguard

    Darth_wanderguard Game Host star 6 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2005
    Arlon, you may have just won the contest for the most undeservedly self-righteous post on the JCC, ever. You have topped over twelve years of some of the most ill-conceived, pants****ingly sanctimonious bullcrap I've ever seen. That's like out-genociding Hitler and Stalin put together into some kind of sickening, undead crazy dictator patchwork Frankenstein monster.

    Congratulations, my friend, you just won the JCC.
     
  23. TheGuardianofArlon

    TheGuardianofArlon Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2007
    I have no idea what you mean, but you can have the winnings as I don't want them
     
  24. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    wait so you're saying jesus doesnt live inside you, arlon? rock on, when'd you go atheist? [face_devil]
     
  25. Darth_wanderguard

    Darth_wanderguard Game Host star 6 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2005
    Holy Christ.