Before So Much For Diplomacy (Qui/Tahl/Kyran) cowritten with DarthIshtar

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Layren, Dec 13, 2004.

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  1. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Title: So Much For Diplomacy
    Author(s): Layren and DarthIshtar
    Timeframe: Pre JA
    Category: Misguided Adventure
    Characters: Qui-Gon, Tahl, Kyran Josel
    Summary: Aggressive negotiations don't go as well as planned for one Jedi Knight.
    Notes: This is our first attempt at a fic together. Feedback is muchly appreciated.

    Edit -- Kyran Josel belongs to Layren. Please ask before using his character :)




    Jedi Master Kyran Josel plunged his teal lightsaber through the double blast doors. Finally, after weeks of dead end after dead end, he was close to his goal: rescuing a Knight who had gone missing more than three weeks prior. The door melted like soft butter, then began to crumble gracefully to either side of the contact point and he stepped through the hole he'd created.

    He arched a brow at the bound Jedi. "Rough day?"

    He didn't need an answer to that, since Tahl's posture and the glower on her face suggested quite a few rough days and resulting injuries, but she attempted a gracious smile nonetheless. "You could have knocked, Josel, I'm due for my next manicure."

    He shrugged easily and unapologetically. "Door's too thick for you to hear a knock. I figured this way was better."

    Crossing the room, he extended a hand. "How about we get out of here?"

    She regarded the hand warily, then fixed him with an unamused stare. "Is that your latest brilliant idea or do you actually have a plan?"

    He looked defensive. "Coming in without a plan is Jinn's idea, not mine," he said as he bent over to free her from her bonds.

    "He's still in the Healer's from that last time he tried to do something like this," Kyran added, smirking a bit.

    She shared the smirk, thankfully. "Funny," she remarked, "I thought he was in the Healer's for something like that when I left six weeks ago. Is it the same set of injuries or a different hair-brained scheme?"

    "It's hard to tell these days, but I'm pretty sure it's different this time," Kyran assured her. "I know it's hard to keep up. Poor Han'yaie."

    The tool twisted slightly to the right and her cuffs fell loose. Instinctively, he rubbed at the swollen joints to get some circulation back into them, but she jerked her hand away with an angry hiss of air. It was only then that he noticed a few widely-spaced punctures, the lead sites for a decent pair of stuncuffs. Immediately, he paled, but instead of mumbling an apology like a sane person, he shrugged.

    "So, that's why you look like something the whisperkit dragged in."

    "Shut up, Josel," Tahl said glowering as she stood up, stretching. "I don't think a broken nose would look as good on you as on Qui-Gon."

    The shrug repeated, but was more a defensive mechanism than an attempt at nonchalance, since she could easily strangle him. "I think my wife might like it, so you might as well give it a try."

    Her fists balled, hands trembling, but she did not strike when her hand raised, only flicked her hand in a patent gesture of disgust. "Lana would like anything as long as it involved you and a minimal amount of clothing, Josel."

    Kyran smirked a little. "Well do you want to stand around and argue the point all day or what? I don't feel like making tea for your captor, so I suggest we make our exit."

    She finally smiled, but it still made him vaguely uneasy. "Best idea you've had all day. Lead on."

    "Ladies first."

    She brushed past him in a hobbled gait, favoring her right ankle, but with all the haughtiness of a self-possessed princess. The corridor was as empty as he had left it, which drew an arched eyebrow from her.

    "Mind-trick, murder, or maka pie in the cafeteria?"

    "Maka pie," he answered following closely behind her, guarding her rear with his blade. "I'm starving."

    "Well, then we'll have to grab a few slices on our way out," she conceded. "Which way is out?"

    "I think we can find it by heading northwest a few corridors up and to the left."

    "Then why aren't you moving in that direction?"

    Kyran held his hands in a defensive positi
  2. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Boys, always thinking with their stomachs. LOL. My favorite part was the reason why she didn't bust his nose.
  3. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Hehehe Kyran rescuing Tahl! Who'd ever think of that! ;) hehehehehe *Snrk* I wouldn't have blamed Tahl if she'd punched him ;) maybe not break the nose, but I'm sure she'd felt better if she had!! ;) hehehe

    Great job you two :D
  4. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Yeah, I've been yelled at a few times for writing compulsively abusive females, so thought this would be funny anyway. :) Thanks for reading! I'm so excited to be writing this. When Layren went "We need to write something together," I pretty much wanted to grovel for the chance because I've been wanting to do it every time I read one of her collabs.
  5. MistiWhitesun Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 16, 2004
    star 3
    [eyebrows shoot up]

    Nice job with Tahl.

    Sounds like she's bickering w/ Qui-Gon's twin.

    Keep writing! :)
  6. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Worse than twin. Best friend. :)
  7. Arin_Atona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2004
    star 4
    woohoo! I don't know who these people are, and yet here I am posting...

    Jedi Master Kyran Josel plunged his teal lightsaber through the double blast doors.

    Whoa! Hey! Teal?

    I'm a guy. I'm not required to know the names of more than five colors :D

    The door melted like soft butter

    Parkay.

    She regarded the hand warily, then fixed him with an unamused stare. "Is that your latest brilliant idea or do you actually have a plan?"

    [han]Perhaps you'd like to get back in your cell...[/han]

    guarding her rear with his blade.

    Does his wife know about this?

    Okay. I'll put the keyboard away before somebody gets hurt.

  8. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    woohoo! I don't know who these people are, and yet here I am posting...

    Hmm, I wonder if he's drawn by excellent writing, devotion to his really weird sounding board ish, or an addiction to female jedi with an attitude?

    Jedi Master Kyran Josel plunged his teal lightsaber through the double blast doors.

    Whoa! Hey! Teal?

    I'm a guy. I'm not required to know the names of more than five colors


    Teal: green-blue, kinda.

    The door melted like soft butter

    Parkay.


    I don't even know what that means, but huh?

    She regarded the hand warily, then fixed him with an unamused stare. "Is that your latest brilliant idea or do you actually have a plan?"

    [han]Perhaps you'd like to get back in your cell...[/han]


    Exactly. Another pair of intrepids with a good dose of sarcasm emerge from the Star Wars Soup.

    guarding her rear with his blade.

    Does his wife know about this?

    Okay. I'll put the keyboard away before somebody gets hurt.


    You're weird, Sorcer. :)
  9. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ish Parkay is a brand of butter. Old commercial the ole 'Butter' 'Parkay' where somebody would say Butter while the container of Parkay would 'move its lid like lips' and say Parkay. Dumb commercial but it sticks in people's head.
  10. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Lol. I was in a very odd production of the Odd Couple where there were two Couples on stage all the time--one male and one female. We'd get to certain lines, freeze in action and our male halves would take over the scene from there and so forth. Well, I was the female Oscar and instead of Oscar and Felix, we had Oleana and Flo. Urgh, I still hate those names. Anyway, I went, "oleana, isn't that a butter?" "OLEO! Not oleana!" That's what that reminds me of...
  11. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Upping. We did a bit of writing a couple of days ago, but poor Layren is swamped with the awards.
  12. LukesTheMan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2004
    star 3
    Uh oh, these two author together? We are in a for a treat, but I suspect that mayhem is about to ensue! Great start! I hope there will be more soon.
  13. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, mayhem may just be the word for it. Good call.
  14. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Yeah, Layren has confessed to having forgotten about this story, despite me going every 5 minutes "Lovely post every day of the week. When is our story..." "I don't have time."
  16. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    ::Chin wobbles.::

    Layren has declared this on hold for a while.
  17. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh? :( that bites... hrmmm perhaps I can persuade her otherwise? hehehe Unless it's the awards stuffles that are tying her down. But I'll see :D
  18. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Naw, she says we're just not as compatible as you and her.
  19. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Layren, Ish, that was delightful. The banter between them was quite amusing. My fave line is "I don't think a broken nose would look as good on you as on Qui-Gon." . Of course no one looks as good. :D :D
  20. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Thanks, Leona. I think that was one of our truly collaborative lines, where I think I suggested something like that, she threw out a line, I tweaked, she tweaked, we went "aaaaaaaaaaaaah".
  21. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    That was wonderful! You two make a great team, but that is no surprise to me! (or your other readers)
  22. MyOwnWorstCritic Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 1, 2005
    What I loved:

    He didn't need an answer to that, since Tahl's posture and the glower on her face suggested quite a few rough days and resulting injuries, but she attempted a gracious smile nonetheless. "You could have knocked, Josel, I'm due for my next manicure."

    So humorously uncharacteristic for a Jedi, I think.


    The shrug repeated, but was more a defensive mechanism than an attempt at nonchalance, since she could easily strangle him. "I think my wife might like it, so you might as well give it a try."

    Her fists balled, hands trembling, but she did not strike when her hand raised, only flicked her hand in a patent gesture of disgust. "Lana would like anything as long as it involved you and a minimal amount of clothing, Josel."


    Yes, I'd love to tend to poor cute half-dressed Kyran, too.

    "Mind-trick, murder, or maka pie in the cafeteria?"

    Maxwellian alliteration, obviously.

    Blast, he teased. I live for drawing attention to myself and you and the rest of the women of the Galaxy never seemed to mind.

    He reminds me of Han.

    Tahl sidestepped into view, then chambered her leg before launching a hook kick to the first's neck. Following her lead, he lashed out with a shot to the nose, then followed with an uppercut.

    Heehee, nice TKD stuff.

    What I didn't love:

    Jedi Master Kyran Josel plunged his teal lightsaber through the double blast doors. Finally, after weeks of dead end after dead end, he was close to his goal: rescuing a Knight who had gone missing more than three weeks prior. The door melted like soft butter, then began to crumble gracefully to either side of the contact point and he stepped through the hole he'd created.

    So, that's where Qui-Gon learned his stuff?

    She regarded the hand warily, then fixed him with an unamused stare. "Is that your latest brilliant idea or do you actually have a plan?"

    Is this the very early draft of ANH?

    She shared the smirk, thankfully. "Funny," she remarked, "I thought he was in the Healer's for something like that when I left six weeks ago. Is it the same set of injuries or a different hair-brained scheme?"

    "It's hard to tell these days, but I'm pretty sure it's different this time," Kyran assured her. "I know it's hard to keep up. Poor Han'yaie."


    They're having an amiable chat while in mortal peril. Typical jedi.


    She brushed past him in a hobbled gait, favoring her right ankle, but with all the haughtiness of a self-possessed princess. The corridor was as empty as he had left it, which drew an arched eyebrow from her.

    Odd wording, especially drawing an arched eyebrow. How does that work?

    "Ah," he crowed triumphantly, "so you admit you needed the help?"

    Ish, the words crowed and grunted should be erased from your mind.

    I thought you'd left Qui-Gon's brain on Coruscant

    That would work on the assumption that he has a brain.

    I always thought one of you had one in order to pull off your frequent crazy escapes, but I guess I was wrong.


    They're doing the mid-rescue ramble again.

    Overall:

    Pretty good start. Hope the next one moves quicker.
  23. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Before anyone thinks MOWC is weird/harsh, that's me switching off my ego to look honestly at what I've written. I'll be doing it to my posts from now on.
  24. Jedi-Tiger-Lilly Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2005
    star 1
    Wonderful! I'm trying to search for pieces that were written a few months ago (since I'm a newbie and I'm sure I missed tons of good stuff). This was great!
  25. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Is this still on hold? Please say no!
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