JCC So my rubbish 2013 goes on...

Long time JCC regulars may remember my brother and I have been a little "tense" for some time (basically since he and his then wife were thrown out of their house in 2006)

Anyway, there was a huge bust up between me and him on Wednesday evening (over something insanely trivial to do with our parents changing their telephone provider) when he came storming into my house ranting and raving, saying he was going to "******* kill me" and "******* do me"

He got me pinned up against a door by the throat (think Darth Vader and the rebel trooper in the Blockade Runner, LOL) then he threw me across the living room still screaming at me and hovered over me, fist clenched and face in contorted rage.

He eventually left after realising I wasn't going to fight him (1. I hate violence. 2. He IS stronger than me and would have kicked my head in, LOL) But the whole incident has left me feeling pretty shaken and upset - Not so much at the violence actually (I came out of it remarkably unscathed considering I was literally picked up and thrown across a room) But more because of how he clearly feels about me - I've reached the age of 35 (and he 40) and I've realised my brother actually hates my guts - Thats a pretty tough thing to deal with, especially as I can't for the life of me understand what I could possibly have done to promote such hate - I think (hope) that I'm really quite a decent/nice person, LOL...

Last night I was feeling so depressed and fed up that I started drinking again (long term JCC Regulars will also know that I'm not supposed to drink at all since developing a pre cancerous condition in my mouth) That was the first time I'd touched a drop since January.

So yeah, overall feeling pretty **** again.

Hoping for some more good JC vibes - Seemed to work with the cancer scare.

 

This is pretty awful. I really don't know what to say, so I'll just send some virtual hugs your way:

 

Never had such a thing happen to me but it's time like this when I relize I am better off alone. Now put the bottle down.

 

Thanks all. Feeling better already.

 

Thanks Heels.

Clearly my brother has "issue's" but I can't actually think what his problem is and specifically what it is with me. I guess at some point I'm going to have to ask him exactly what his problem is, because you obviously don't threaten to kill someone and throw them across a room because of a silly arguement over phone line...

 

G-FETT, allow me to buy you a meal or a beer late January. I'll be travelling through the UK from 22 July and would consider it an honour.

 

It might be a bit harsh advice but - I've been in that position a couple of times. Choked, attacked, thrown, hit, etc. all of that. Granted it wasn't ever by a family member but sometimes very close people, and I kind of know that feel. Obviously you don't deserve being treated like that, no one can do anything that deserves that as a consequence (unless I guess if you were someone who did it to others). Have some sympathy for yourself and take the time to recover, but don't resort to something selfish like a past addiction. You need to self pity, but you need the right kind. Pick yourself up, ask someone for a hug if you have friends who will lend an ear, buy a pint of ice cream and hug a kitten. Resorting to drinking if you're not meant to is silly and you know that.

 

Brothers fight. It happens. Maybe he was drinking and acted out of control a bit. Just worry about yourself right now. You need to take care of yourself.

 

I tend with heels1785 that your brother may need some kind of professional help (as one doesn't tend to fly off the handle do bodily harm and threaten to kill a family member over a trivial thing as a telephone number change). However, you need also need take care of yourself right now. Hugs and good vibes sent your way.

 

Ultimately, you have to realize that the brief comfort of alcohol is nothing compared to the exhilarating sense of victory when you fight off the urge to drink. Nothing beats a natural high. You have to choose between misery and joy, it's as simple as that.

Your brother isn't going to give you any answers. Bypass him. Let your parents intermediate. If they can help, good. If they resist, you've found at least one source of your gloom. (Usually all one's problems can be traced back to just a few root problems. Try and find those. It can be very rewarding.)

 

i have an aunt who is a similar level of crazy to your brother. i know just how hard it can be when your relationship with family degrades to a dripping poisonous hatred. being subject to that hatred can feel downright awful. it honestly sounds like you don't deserve this level of malice, and the fact that you are nonetheless receiving it is downright crappy. i'm sorry you have to deal with this ****.

but you do have to deal with it. and it is important that you deal with it carefully and correctly. and slg and debo have it spot on. keep hold of the important goals in your life. you've slipped on the abstinance, and that's okay. i understand why, because i have been there myself. but i promise you the very best thing for you to do is get it out of your system. if you're drunk now, just stop. drink some water or do whatever you have to do to cut the bite of the addiction, and sober up. and once you're sober, stay that way.

you made it six months before, so i know you can do it again. do not let your self-conviction falter because of this thing. you have the power to control it. regain that control, clear your mind, and i know that you will find the way through this.

 

Damn man, thats hard. I am really sorry to hear you are going through this kind of turmoil. I wish you nothing but the best and I really hope things get better for you.....

 

This **** happens, sadly. My 2 brothers in law had a punch up in my house a month or two back. The wives got shoved about in between it all. Traumatised my kids, their kids, and the 12 yo japanese exchange students who were staying with my mother in law. I'm still pissed about the whole thing. Anyway, sympathies, family members can be ******* idiots. Hope you can remove yourself from the situation, as you're never going to fix it on your own. A bit of time helps for a while, but doesn't resolve anything, sadly.

 

Hey Ender. That sounds great. We'll have to make it happen.

Thanks all. The thing with the wine on Saturday night was a momentary lapse. I actually only drank a glass and a bit then tipped the rest away - It's funny because when you've been off it for months (and it's the same with smoking - or so I've been told) when you go back to it, it just doesn't hold the same appeal.

Thanks all. Feeling a lot brighter today - Had my first decent nights sleep since it happened last night, which has helped a lot.

 

What?

 

Last night he had his first decent night's sleep since it happened.

 

Thanks JP.

Yeah, I thought I might leave it a week or so and then see if he'll meet up to talk (in a public place obviously )

 

Oh I thought he was saying it happened last night and he just had his first decent night's sleep since.

 

No, last night I slept well - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Where-as every other night since it happened on Wednesday evening I've been sleeping badly- zzz : zzz : zzz, etc....

 

In Rachel We Trust

 

It's a shame when siblings fight, especially if they were once close when growing up like some people I know who fell out.

You can only hope that someone talks them round, maybe other family or friends. It's not good to have divided family on the whole, I hope you can resolve your differences.

 

Well, my brother turned up earlier. Completely ashen faced, tears rolling down his face and full of remorse.

According to him everything just came to a crisis on Wednesday evening and I found myself on the recieving end.

He'd been getting grief about something from his ex-wife, his 11 year old son had done badly at a spelling test and it all just came to a head.

He's apologised, promised me that it will never happen again and begged my forgiveness.

I've told him it's all OK. While I still feel depressed by what he did I think the best thing is to put it behind us - I know thats best for my parents who are both getting quite elderly and not in particularly good health.

Mind you, while I am putting it behind me I'll never look at him the same way and I'll always be wary. I know it's easy for violent people to be remorseful after the event, but it doesn't stop them lashing out in the future, so for sure I'm going to be on my guard with him from now on.

Thanks for all the advice and good vibes guys. It's funny how things always seem to start picking up when you guys start sending my your good vibes.