Saga Soldier's Fate- A vignette with OCs, angst, OT time period

Hey, this is my first fanfic in over a year, and in territory I'm entirely unfamiliar with, so constructive criticism is welcome.



More than anything else, it was the waiting that was hard. Every last one of the soldiers knew what was going to happen, but somehow knowing didn't make it easier. And then there were those few that continued, against all odds, to hope for the miracle.


I didn't want to say anything, but if I was a harsher man I would ask them what miracle they were expecting to descend upon us. Because believe me, I'm an optimist, and if I can't see any loop holes, there aren't any.


So here we are on a little known planet, Golandaar. It's a pretty place, and until recently, the home of one Rebel outpost. I say until recently because in the past week some very unexpected developments arose. If I was a religious man I would say the gods were against us, because even a practical guy like myself begins to wonder after these preposterous turns of events.

The galaxy is a vast place, and there's lots of nasty little secrets floating around, more than anyone can ever hope to account for. One of those was a particular strain of the Baccae sickness, unknown off of Golandaar, and apparently the Golandaar natives are carriers of it. It didn't hit us until six months after we'd settled in, during the winter cycle of the planet. It became epidemic, and within days half of the base was wiped out. You can't even begin to imagine what kind of a shock that is. One morning you wake up and a few guys have the sniffles, the next day they're all dead. It hit so fast we couldn't even contact Alliance Headquarters for help. We had to deal with it ourselves, and we did.

Many men died, but others seemed, for whatever reason, immune, or at least it wasn't fatal for all of us, including, of course, me. However, here comes the real clincher- the sickness affected some men by making them delirious, and one of our soldiers went mad, and destroyed our communicator, making any contact with Alliance HQ impossible in the near future. And that was when the Empire found us, almost as if they were drawn by the stench of sickness that permeated our base.

We saw them come out of hyperspace about 12 hours ago, two Star Destroyers, no doubt jammed full of enough men to take the entire planet, forget our kriffing, half staffed base. We armed ourselves, and began preparing for the inevitable.

Now it's many hours later, and I am with the last 50 Rebel soldiers left alive. Eventually some of us had evacuated the base, into the surrounding forests, and here we are, lying in a natural trench, filthy, tired...and hopeless. The Empire had control of the whole planet, and the Empire is very efficient. They won't leave us out here alive long.

Looking around me, it's fascinating watching these men as they all prepare for their deaths. That's something you never know until you come to it. How will you and those around you greet death? I sure as hell never expected I would greet it by telling our story, but that's what I'm doing. Some of them are praying to whatever gods they know, or maybe they've made up their own, who can guess? I don't have the benefit of a god to pray to myself, but I guess I'll do all right. Panks over there, he's drunk as a stone, and I think that would have been my choice, too, but the damned selfish man drank all his Corellian Whiskey without offering it to any of us. We never knew he carried it with him, of course, it's against the rules. But all that really doesn't matter worth a vrelt's ass when you're looking upon the last faces you're ever going to see, and knowing you don't have long to look at them, or to say whatever it is you wanna say before the end. I don't have much in the way of last words, to be honest I never expected to come to this point in my life so soon. Before the Rebellion I was a handyman here and there, I traveled a lot, but I always assumed I would die an old man in bed, like my father and his father and so on.

Then

 

A very nice buildup of suspense. I really felt for the poor Rebel soldiers. Plus of course, that superb O. Henry twist at the end!

 

Wow! What an amazing viggie! Some of what you said reminded me of things my nephew (an Army Ranger in Iraq) has said. Great job! The ending was perfect...

 

Oh, wow. Heartbreaking story and beautifully written. You can taste the man's lack of hope and his despair. Haunting.

If this is what you produce after a year off, I can't wait to see what you can do once you've worn the rust off.

Shaindl

 

Hey, thanks so much for your compliments! I really appreciate it and I'm honored that you think I did justice to the story, considering it was touch and go, since I've never written anything like this before.

 

Conne, you're here. Good to see you writing again. I loved the story. I really felt sad at the end for them. Great writing.

 

Great story. I could really sense the helplessness and hopelessness of the situation.


I don't think they'd wait for the stormies, they'd use the last of their ammo on themselves.

That was a very thought-provoking paragraph. I guess that's what happens when the faceless enemies suddenly have faces.

I liked the thoughts about Sunta as well. It shows how devastating a civil war can be on a personal level.

The ending was so sad. The miracle arrives, just one instant too late for the narrator. Though at least HQ will know what happened to all of them.

Again, great job.

-Thumper

 

Wow, nice stuff there. It has a real rogue perspective, and also it puts together a lot of hopelessness of the situation from the soldier's perspective. Great work.

 

Aww...*blush*

Thanks Smug, and Thumper.

 

Very nicely written viggie . . . nice twist at the end too. Also an unusual take on Imperial/Rebel attitudes to one another - good idea & well written.

Nem

 

Read My Lips : MasTerPiece

 

Nemesis- Thanks for reading Yeah, I always like to add surprises to my stories, they make them soooo much better. And I was feeling in an evil mood the day I wrote that.
I've always liked to look at both sides of the war, in fact, just about the first fanfic I ever wrote was a sort of interesting piece detailing the good and the bad of both sides of the Empire/Rebel war...I might dig that out and consider posting it. Though people might think it a bit strange because the main character's name is actually Connemara...it was because of this fanfic (and a few other things) that my JC name *is* Connemara, the fanfic came first, but still, it might sound like I'm...I dunno...being egotistical or soemthing posting a story starring "Connemara"

Lordban- Awww...I don't think I would go so far as to say this is a masterpiece, but I am glad you stopped by! I am loving your Anakin's Last Breath story, too, I posted it as one of my favorites in that WR survey thing.

 

I would qualify this story as a masterpiece, unless you want me to get really nasty and use the standards I use when reading professionnal authors (not that I'd have much fingerpointing to do )

And thanks Though I'm afraid I'll be disappointing you today

 

Personally, I think that there is some fanfic that rivals or even exceeds the standards of the Star Wars books. I mean, a lot of those books are poorly written, using rigid emotionless styles, or quirky psychotic ones (in the case of Barbara Hambly ), with uminmaginative plotlines and unrealistic characters.

Though for years my passion was the EU books, looking back, most really aren't that good, and a lot of fanfiction leaves me wishing *that* was what really happened. Of course, some is complete dreck, not surprisingly, but less than one would expect, at least on the JC.

 

I liked it was pretty cool, perhaps I will read it again.

 

Very nicely done! an amazing vignette. Glad I caught it the second time around!

 

Thank you very much for your kind words crestfallan and LukesTheMan!

Yeah, I'm glad this got unlocked. It was my first vignette, so it posesses sentimental value for me.