Some Days (post -TPM one poster)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arwen-Jade_Kenobi, Nov 6, 2002.

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  1. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Title: Some Days
    Author: Arwen Jade Kenobi
    Genre: Angst, POV
    Rating: G
    Summary: It's three years to the date after Qui-Gon's death. Obi reflects on the past years without his Master
    Disclaimer: Thank you George and Jacksoul for the inspiration, so please don't sue me!
    Some Days

    I'm outta love, I'm outta tears.
    Small wonder after three long years.

    Three years, three long years since you were ripped away from me, into a world beyond my reach.

    I'm wasted, mentally and physically. It's like I have nothing within my left to give. No love to give to any of my friends, or my own Padawan. And no tears left to cry.

    Even for you Master.

    Stopped waiting by the phone, for you to call,
    And some days I don't even think of you all.

    But I can't, there's nothing left in me. I've stopped expecting you to page me to come for morning meal with Anakin or a session of friendly sparring.

    There are days I don't think of you for even a second. Those are the days I worry if I am starting to forget you, the next day I usually run and stare at a holopic of you and remember every detail until it's like staring at my own reflection.

    I do my work, come home to bed.
    Just trying to put my life together again
    And when I'm with my friends, we drink until we fall.
    And some days I don't even think of you all.

    My life now is pretty monotonail, I do my work, train Anakin, do random paperwork/mission, train Anakin, then come home to bed. My life is in pieces and I'm still working on putting it back together, I knew it would be hard but it looks like I'll never pull myself together.

    The first year after you left, Garen, Reeft and I went to a bar and got drunk as a trio of Corellian smugglers. I don't remember much except the huge hangover and the week I spent in bed, I think the site of me intoxicated scarred Anakin for life.

    The second year I managed to stay away from alcohol, but I did spent that dark day in bed. I took so many sleeping pills that kept me out cold for the entire day, woke up the next morning drowsy and depressed.

    Not like it was any different from any other day of my now pointless exsistance.

    Some days, I don't even feel the pain,
    Some days, I don't even call your name,
    Some days, hear the things you used to say,
    See your smile across your face,
    Some days I don't even think of you all.

    This is the first time, since the day itself, I've actually allowed myself to feel the pain. Fully anyway. I carry this pain with me everyday.

    Except on the days when I seem to forget you, is this dishonor Master? Is it a bad thing that there are days I don't fee that pain or think of you?

    I've called your name in my sleep, according to Anakin. It happend more so in the few months after you died, I haven't done it since them. I just mutter your name whenever I'm alone and some position where I need help, even though you can't give it.

    There are times I think I see you too. Once I was on my way to a council meeting and I saw you as clearly as I see myself. You were leaning agaist the wall, smiling at me.

    Then I heard you, your lips didn't move but I heard it.

    //You are never alone, never forget that I love you//

    Then you vanished as quickly as you appeared.

    Was that you Master? Was that really your voice? Or was it just my mind telling me what I want to hear.

    I'm on my own, I'm on my way.
    It gets a little easy everyday.
    Stopped dreaming of your face.
    Now I don't dream at all.
    Some days I don't even think of you all.

    I don't sleep, I stare at the ceiling. On the few occasions I actually do sleep I don't dream. I might as well go into 5 hour comas where I wake up, go through my day and go back to the coma.

    It's getting easier, not quickly but getting there. The days where I don;t feel the pain or think of you are becoming more frequent. The pain I can live without but I don't want to ever stop thinking about you, never.

    You would tell me that my focus determines my reali
  2. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Oh, that was beautiful, Arwen, very sad and beautiful. :_|

    The last two lines are especially poignant. :(

    Nicely done.
  3. Falcon Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2002
    star 10
    That was so beautiful and sad Arwen
  4. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    JS and Falcon: thanks a lot! Glad you liked it!
  5. Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 4
    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Sniff. Wonderfully done, Arwen.
  6. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    *sniff* That was beautiful Arwen. The emotions were great, and it was a very good read. :( Poor Obi, all he wants is his Master back!!

    Anyway, great job! :D :) [face_plain] :( :_|It was very well done.
  7. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6

    *sniffle* Beautiful attention to the emotions Arwen. Poor Obi! :_|

    Good song too :) It went perfectly.
  8. SilverWander Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2001
    star 4
    :_| *Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!* Oh I loved it , it was very good! Excelecnt job!
  9. KnightHawk Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2003
    star 5
    That was magnificent. Absolutely magnificent. :)
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