Something completely different -- FF Nordic Countries official Monty Python thread!

Discussion in 'Nordic Countries Discussion' started by JediLynx, Aug 3, 2001.

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  1. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    To search and find the holy grail!
  2. Wolverine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 17, 1999
    star 5
    What is your favourite color?
  3. Vader Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 1999
    star 1
    Black.

    Kanske lite fel forum, men jag kunde inte låta bli (Obi Anne - det här är sci-fi, så du vet vad du skall göra [...we are averting our eyes, O Lord...]):



    Pining for Selaya


    CAST :
    Kirk ? John Cleese
    McCoy ? Michael Palin

    SET :
    The Bridge of the USS Enterprise ? NCC 1701. Kirk sits in the centre chair.
    A body, dressed in a blue tunic, lies slumped over the science officer?s station.

    KIRK : (presses the intercom button) McCoy to the Bridge.

    McCOY: (enters Bridge from turbolift, wearing a short-sleeved medical tunic with green stains)

    KIRK : I wish to register a complaint...

    McCOY: (ignores him in a very studied fashion)

    KIRK : ?Ello, miss?!

    McCOY: What do you mean, ?miss??

    KIRK : I'm sorry, I have Vegan choriomeningitis. Look, I wish to make a complaint ?

    McCOY: Sorry Jim, I'm due for lunch...

    KIRK : Never mind that, my lad! I wish to complain about this 'ere Vulcan what you sent up not ?alf an hour ago from your sickbay.

    McCOY: Oh yes, the one in science blue. What's, er... What's wrong with ?im?

    KIRK : I'll tell you what's wrong with ?im doc. ?E's dead, that's what's wrong with ?im.

    McCOY: No, no ?e's in a ?ealing trance.

    KIRK : Look McCoy, I know a dead Vulcan when I see one and (stares hard at body) I'm looking at one ? right ... now.

    McCOY: No, no, Jim. ?E's not dead ? ?e's in a ?ealin? trance, you know...

    KIRK : A ?ealing trance?

    McCOY: Yeah, exceptional race the Vulcans, beautiful auriculae...

    KIRK : The auricula don't enter into it ? ?e's stone dead.

    McCOY: No, no ? ?e's in a ?ealin? trance.

    KIRK : All right then, if ?e's in a ?ealing trance, I'll wake ?im up. (shouts in the body's ear) ?Ello Mr Spock! Wakey-wakey! I?ve got some lovely hot plomeek for you!

    McCOY: (jogging the body) There, ?e moved!

    KIRK : No, ?e didn't! That was you jostling him!

    McCOY: No, it wasn't ... I never did...!

    KIRK : Yes, it was! ?ELLO SPOCK!!! A-WAKEY-WAKEY!!! (slaps the body's face) Testing, testing, testing, testing! This is your seven-year alarm call! Tonight?s the NIGHT!!! (no reaction) (bangs the body's face in the console a couple of times, shakes it violently by the shoulders, and then lets it go. It topples off the chair and slumps into a heap on the floor)
    (pause)
    Now, that's what I?d call a dead Vulcan.

    McCOY: No, no, ?e's stunned.

    KIRK : Stunned?

    McCOY: Yeah, you stunned ?im just as ?e was waking up.

    KIRK : Look my lad, I've had just enough of this. This Vulcan is definitely deceased. And when you sent him up ?alf an hour ago, you assured me that ?is total lack of movement was due to ?im being tired and shagged out after a long mind meld.

    McCOY: ?E's probably pining for Selaya.

    KIRK : PINING for SELAYA!?! What kind of talk is that? Look, why did ?e fall flat on his face the moment ?e got here?

    McCOY: Vulcans prefer thinking on their faces. Remarkable race ?ey, Cap'n ? beautiful auriculae.

    KIRK : Look McCoy, I took the liberty of examining that Vulcan, and I discovered that the only reason that ?e ?ad been sitting at his station in the first place was that ?e'd been nailed there.

    McCOY: Well of course ?e was nailed there. Listen Cap, if I ?adn't nailed ?im there, ?e'd ?ave transported ?imself into a shuttlecraft and shot off back to Vulcan at warp 3 ? voom!

    KIRK : "Voom"?

    McCOY: Voom.

    KIRK : Look mate (pokes at body with his foot) this Vulcan wouldn't "voom" if I put forty thousand teracochrane's through ?im! ?E's bleeding demised!

    McCOY: No, no, ?e's pining.

    KIRK : ?E's not pining, ?e's passed on! This Vulcan is no more! ?E ?as ceased to be! ?E?s expired and become as one with Surak! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, ?e rests in peace ? if you ?adn't nailed ?im to ?is station, we'd be fitting ?im for a torpedo! ?E's off the twig! ?E ?as shuffled off this mortal coil and rendered up his katra! ?E's run down the curtain and joined the bleeding ?Alls of Ancient Thought! ?E ******* snuffed it!!! ?E did not live long or prosper! This is a late Vulcan! Vi
  4. Quiet Queen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 1999
    star 4
    LOL!!!

    Det var fenomenfantastiskt!

    Själv måste jag bidra med ett betydligt mer lakoniskt:

    -I got better...
  5. JediLynx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 5
    Jag spenderade en underbar kväll med att titta på min video Best of Monty Python tidigare i veckan. Nu får jag skrattkramper bara jag ser den här tråden. Härligt!

    And now for the Norwiegan Fish-Slapping Dance!
  6. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    Nudge nudge, know-what-I-mean, know-what-I-mean. Say no more!
  7. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    När jag skrev "Say No More" menade jag inte att ni inte skulle sluta skriva i threaden... Jag vill inte ha den här threaden på mitt samvete... snälla, låt den inte dö!


    "It's not quite dead yet!"
  8. JediLynx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 5
    Lynx to the rescue!

    -It's the Bicycle Repair Man!
  9. Quiet Queen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 1999
    star 4
    I silkiga tongångar:
    -Helloo, do you want to come upstairs...? (inser sitt misstag, fortsätter i en affärsmässig ton) Or have you come to arrange a holliday?

    Alltså, jag har varit i en del butiker där jag har misstänkt något sådant!
  10. Karoline Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2001
    star 4
    ALBATROSS!!!
    ALBATROSS!!!
    BUY YOUR ALBATROSS HERE!
    NO I DONT HAVE ANY BLOODY PEANUTS, I JUST HAVE THIS BLOODY ALBATROSS!
    ALBATROSS!
  11. Wolverine Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 17, 1999
    star 5
    What flavour is it?
    IT'S AN ALBATROSS; IT HAS NO BLOODY FLAVOUR! ALBATROSS!!!!!
    But it must have some flav...
    ALRIGHT ALRIGHT IT's BLOODY ALBATROSS FLAVOUR!!!!!BLEEDING SEABIRD!!!!
    ALBATROSS!!!!!
  12. Zaphod Beeblebrox Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 26, 1999
    star 4
    I've got two leg s from my hips to the ground and
    when I move them they walk around and
    when I lift them they climb the stairs and
    when I shave them they aint got hairs
  13. Karoline Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2001
    star 4
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Den har jeg ikke hørt på lenge.
  14. Karoline Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2001
    star 4
    Jeg tenkte jeg skulle gjenopplive denne tråden igjen med dette:


    Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight.
    (Pause)
    I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
    (pause)
    I seek the finest and bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Camelot.
    (pause)
    You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
    (pause)
    You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
    Black knight: None shall pass.
    Arthur: What?
    Black knight: None shall pass.
    Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must pass this bridge.
    Black Knight: Then you shall die.
    Arthur: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
    Black Knight: I move for no man.
    Arthur: So be it!
    (Sverdene klinger før Arthur kapper ridderens arm tvert av etter en kort kamp)
    Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
    BK: 'Tis but a scratch.
    A: A scratch? Your arm's off!
    BK: No it isn't.
    A: Well, what's that, then?
    (Peker på armen)
    BK: I've had worse.
    A: You liar!
    BK: Come on, you pansy!
    (Etter nok en kort sverdkamp kapper Arthur ridderens høyre arm av.)
    A: Victory is mine! (kneler) We thank thee Lord, that in my merc....
    (Ridderen sparker Arthur i hodet mens han ber, knelende)
    BK: Come on, then!
    A: What?
    BK: Have at you!
    A: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
    BK: Oh, had enough, eh?
    A: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
    BK: Yes, I have.
    A: Look!
    BK: Just a flesh wound.
    (Gir Arthur en springskalle i brystkassen)
    A: Look, stop that.
    BK: Chicken, chicken!
    A: Look, I'll have your le. Right!
    (Arthur kutter av ridderens bein rett over kneet)
    BK: Right, I'll do you for that!
    A: You'll what?
    BK: Come here!
    A: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
    BK: I'm invincible!
    A: You're a loony.
    BK: The Black Knights always triumph! Have at you! Come on then.
    (Kapper av det andre beinet)
    BK: Alright, we'll call it a draw.
    A: Come, Patsy.
    BK: Oh, oh, I see, running away, eh? ...You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you... I'll bite your legs off!



    Jeg fant den i FilmMagasinet :)
  15. Lilu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 15, 2000
    star 3
    Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, because there's bugger all down here on earth.
  16. Karoline Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 18, 2001
    star 4
    Galaxy song- en av mine favoritter :)

    "how amazingly unlikely is your birth..."
  17. JediLynx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 5
  18. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    Not more than a swallows flight away...


    Error: Only 1 unbeardend post per minute is allowed.
  19. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    Oh darn! Dubblepost!

    Some call me......................................................................................................... Tim?
  20. MemberOfTheNewRep Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 2002
    star 4
    Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky Tinky shop in the foot of the magic oak tree by the wobbly dumdum bush in the shade of the magic glade down in Dingly Dell. Here he sold contraceptives.

    We had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and manufature a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greatest safety. One of them saw two words by mistake, and had to spend several weeks in the hospital.
  21. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    Bookseller: Er... oh!
    Arthur: Good morning, I'd like to buy a book please.
    Bookseller: Oh, well I'm afraid we don't have any. (trying to hide them)
    Arthur: I'm sorry?
    Bookseller: We don't have any books. We're fresh out of them. Good morning.


    (lite som mig på jobbet)
  22. Tod Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 1999
    star 4
    Sir Robin and the three-headed knight

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [trumpets]
    NARRATOR:
    The Tale of Sir Robin. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favourite minstrels.
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
    He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.
    He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
    Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

    He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
    Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
    To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
    And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

    His head smashed in and his heart cut out
    And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
    And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
    And his pen--
    SIR ROBIN:
    That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.
    DENNIS:
    Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.
    WOMAN:
    Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.
    ALL HEADS:
    Halt! Who art thou?

    MINSTREL: [singing]
    He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who--
    ROBIN:
    Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through.
    ALL HEADS:
    What do you want?
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    To fight and--
    ROBIN:
    Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight.
    ALL HEADS:
    I'm afraid not!
    ROBIN:
    Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Round Table.
    ALL HEADS:
    You're a Knight of the Round Table?
    ROBIN:
    I am.
    LEFT HEAD:
    In that case, I shall have to kill you.
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    Shall I?
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Oh, I don't think so.
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    Well, what do I think?
    LEFT HEAD:
    I think kill him.
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Oh, let's be nice to him.
    LEFT HEAD:
    Oh, shut up.
    ROBIN:
    Perhaps I could--
    LEFT HEAD:
    And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Oh, cut your own head off!
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    Yes, do us all a favour!
    LEFT HEAD:
    What?
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Yapping on all the time.
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    You're lucky. You're not next to him.
    LEFT HEAD:
    What do you mean?
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    You snore!
    LEFT HEAD:
    Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath.
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth.
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea.
    LEFT HEAD:
    Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    Yes.
    RIGHT HEAD:
    Oh, not biscuits.
    LEFT HEAD:
    All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway.
    ALL HEADS:
    Right!
    MIDDLE HEAD:
    He buggered off.
    RIGHT HEAD:
    So he has. He's scarpered.

    MINSTREL: [singing]
    Brave Sir Robin ran away,
    ROBIN:
    No!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    Bravely ran away, away.
    ROBIN:
    I didn't!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
    ROBIN:
    No!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
    ROBIN:
    I didn't!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,
    ROBIN:
    I never did!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    He beat a very brave retreat,
    ROBIN:
    All lies!
    MINSTREL: [singing]
    Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin.
    ROBIN:
    I never!
  23. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    STRANGE MAN: I wonder where that fish has gone.
    STRANGE WOMAN: You did love it so. You looked after it like a son.
    STRANGE MAN: And it went wherever I did go.
  24. MemberOfTheNewRep Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 2002
    star 4
    My hovercraft is full of eels.

    A nodge is as good as a wink to a blind bat.
  25. Maladour-Fei Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2000
    star 5
    My nipples explode with delight.
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