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Saga - ST Something in Kylo Ren's shoe--A Millicent the Cat story, Part 15 (Update 12/11) Three Cats

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by gizkaspice, Sep 11, 2017.

  1. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    Oh dear.... Sorry about that PlanetSmasher Wont happen again.
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  2. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    About the "Finn" update: Millicent can be as scary as the cat from Stephen King´s novel "Pet Sematary". [face_pumpkin]

    And to read another update from her point of view was sheer fun. She is the Aristocat of the SW universe.

  3. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Oct 3, 2016
    Millies likes Phasma...and she ships Huxma! :)
  4. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014

    This! ^^^ It's going to be difficult not to be distracted by the slightest trace of ginger fur during TLJ!

    This entry was such great fun. The world seen by Millicent... priceless. I think that what I liked best was her perception of Phasma and the cat that lives in her armour [face_laugh]

    And, like Nehru said, Millie ships Huxma. Now this is a second series of crack!fics waiting to happen.
  5. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    AzureAngel2 thanks for the review! I love that painting :)

    and she's not the only one it seems..... *shifts eyes suspiciously*

    Thanks, glad you liked it! That cat in the armour is bad news for Millicent--how can there be an exact copy of her!? And when she moves...that cat moves, too!? Strange shiny armour cat.......
    Okay then, Huxma confirmed! (blame Millicent) :p
  6. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    gizkaspice: Now I learned how to post my images from DevinatArt here in the JC. :p My old photobucket account is gone. I will not pay to be allowed to post my own photos elsewhere.
  7. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    Thanks guys for the comments/readings; glad you're enjoying this wacky tale of intrigues within the First Order (much thanks to Mistress_Renata for this description btw; it's fitting!)

    Okay then, onto Part 9 (I'm surprised there even is a Part 9 but here it is)-- Blackie almost gets into trouble.

    Part 9: The Supreme Leader

    Millicent caught the squeaky toy mouse in her mouth and brought it back to her owner as he tossed it across the room for her to catch again. The squeaky toy mouse was her favourite toy along with the silly stormtrooper teaser toy which was attached to her cardboard battlecruiser. Often she would swat or pounce at it and the toy would just bounce back into position—she found this very fun and Hux was pleased that all the toys were appropriate to polish her natural instincts as a carnivorous predator.

    He suddenly felt his communicator device vibrate in his pocket and saw that he had received a text message from Kylo Ren.

    The message read: “Snooke waunt tah taulk to ush very impotent.”

    Hux raised an eyebrow, unable to comprehend it. “What….?” He texted Kylo back: “Learn to spell.”

    He received an incoming call from Kylo Ren within a few seconds. “Can you just come over? Supreme Leader Snoke wants to talk to us.”

    “I’ll be right over,” said Hux impassively, disconnecting and turning the device on ‘silent’ so he wouldn’t call again. He picked his ginger tabby cat up and kissed the top of her forehead before setting her down on her special pillow on his desk. He then proceeded to obsessively clean every single ginger hair off his black uniform with a lint roller before leaving his room.


    General Hux met up with Kylo Ren down the hallway and they paced together towards the Supreme Leader’s lair. The duo was careful that their footsteps aligned in perfect sync because neither of them could tolerate it if one was ahead of the other. They finally approached the giant holographic image together as they entered the secret lair.

    “Supreme Leader, what is your command?” asked Hux as he stared up at the great figure in front of them.

    Snoke glowered down at the duo. “Has the map to Skywalker been acquired?”

    “No, because the General is busy making birthday parties for his cat,” said Ren, folding his arms across his chest. He glanced over to Hux with a proud nod and took note of his resentful expression.

    “Oh, dear,” said Snoke suddenly, putting a skeletal hand on his deformed face. “I missed Millicent’s birthday? I’m so sorry, General. Accept my sincerest apologies on her behalf.”

    “That’s quite alright, Supreme Leader. I made sure to send those who couldn’t attend the event video recordings,” answered Hux, glancing over to Ren with a smug look.

    Kylo Ren gasped. “Wait, what!? Supreme Leader, you know about Millicent?”

    “Of course,” answered Snoke, nodding slowly. “Millicent is an invaluable member of the First Order. Cats are quite appropriate for our cause: silent, predatory, controlling. True masters of power and darkness.”

    “Yeah?” asked Kylo Ren, and then pulled out Blackie from under his hood. “I have a cat, too. This is Blackie. Her name is Blackie cause she’s black, like the Dark Side and Darth Vader. It’s a cool color.”

    Snoke stared down at the knight sternly, leaning out of his seat. “Master of the Knights of Ren, did I allow you to have a cat?”

    Ren glanced over to Hux, who glared at him. “Hux has a cat! Why can’t I have a cat, Supreme Leader?”

    “General Hux asked me if he could have a cat,” rumbled the voice of Snoke. “In fact, we had to go through a long adoption process. It took months of paperwork, of coursework he had to complete to ensure he understood the responsibilities a cat brings. Eventually, little Milly was found abandoned in a warzone and offered as a therapy and companion animal for him. But he asked, Kylo Ren.”

    Kylo Ren looked towards Hux, snickering. “Haha. ‘Therapy.’”

    Hux glared at him all the more and prepared his comeback swiftly. “Supreme Leader, it’s obvious he copied me because I had a cat. He could have just gotten some pet lint from the drycleaner or an ‘imaginary’ pet instead.”

    Ren flipped him off when Snoke wasn’t looking. Hux rolled his eyes before deciding to dismiss the gesture.

    There was a deep pause as Snoke gathered his thoughts again. “Indeed, General. We don’t know where that kitten of his comes from….it may even be a spy.”

    Blackie sat on Kylo Ren’s helmet, shifting her eyes suspiciously…..

    “No way,” said Kylo Ren. “Blackie’s cool, Supreme Leader. She has potential. I will train her.”

    “We will see…” growled Snoke before turning to the red-headed officer. “General, you may go now. I wish to speak with Kylo Ren….alone.”

    General Hux nodded in obedience and turned towards the exit, glancing towards Kylo Ren from the corner of his eyes. Meanwhile, Kylo Ren fantasized about throwing him and his fat cat into the trash compactor where they belonged.

    “Kylo Ren,” began Snoke. “There is much you don’t know about Millicent. She, like almost all cats, can touch the Force and can sense your intentions towards her. This makes her very dangerous and powerful. Do not underestimate her.”

    “I understand,” said Kylo Ren quietly. He couldn’t believe that even the Supreme Leader was on that stupid cat’s side!

    Snoke’s small eyes pierced at the kitten atop his helmet as he spoke slowly. “But…..I sense this feline of yours….it is of questionable origin.”

    Blackie sat on Kylo Ren’s helmet, shifting her eyes suspiciously even more. This deformed Snoke guy was looking straight through her and she needed to think fast before he found out she was helping the Resistance. She closed her eyes and concentrated.

    Kylo Ren felt something warm and liquidity drip down into his helmet and down his neck. He took off his helmet as the liquid dripped down onto the floor. “Gross! Blackie!”

    Blackie shifted her eyes suspiciously and hid back into his hood.

    “Uh…..I…..apologize…Blackie had an accident. I must depart, Supreme Leader. I…...I am sorry,” mumbled Kylo Ren as he attempted to clean the cat urine off.

    The deformed giant image nodded slightly in agreement. “Very well. I want that kitten monitored closely; do I make myself clear, Kylo Ren?”

    Ren stared at the floor, biting his lower lip. He never expected the Supreme Leader Snoke to be against him because of his awesome kitten. “Yes. Yes, I will monitor her.”

    “And if you cannot….,” warned Snoke, “....expect the kitten to be destroyed.”

    Kylo Ren was troubled by what the Supreme Leader advised as he washed his helmet in the washroom. Destroy Blackie? He couldn’t even imagine doing such a terrible thing. He knew he didn’t have the guts to tell Snoke that Blackie was actually sent by his mother as a late birthday gift. Snoke would probably start accusing Blackie of being some kind of Resistance agent, which he knew totally wasn’t true because Blackie was awesome. He left the washroom and walked into the corridor, bumping straight into the General.

    “Watch where you’re going, dimwit,” warned Hux, brushing off the potential Kylo Ren-bacteria on his uniform. “You touched me.”

    Kylo Ren shoved him. “Sounds like you’re asking for an ass-kicking.”

    Hux shoved him back. “Piss off, Ren.”

    Kylo Ren was about to return another shove when Captain Phasma stepped in between them. She blew a whistle from under her helmet and positioned her hands into a “time-out” stance, and then proceeded to pulling them away from each other. “Whoa. WHOA, break it up, boys!”

    Phasma spun Hux around and pushed him into another direction and did the same for Kylo Ren so that the two men went their separate ways along the corridor like nothing ever happened. Her chrome armour sparkled fabulously as she gave a thumbs up to a group of stormtroopers standing by watching the drama.

    “That Captain Phasma,” said one of the stormtroopers, nodding in approval, “always putting order back into the First Order. Gotta admire the lady."

    Which brings us time: Millicent and Phasma are partners in crime and things get really scary (or just really weird, depending how you look at it).
  8. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Oct 3, 2016
    Snoke's a fan of Millie- why am I not surprised? ;)
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.
  9. PlanetSmasher

    PlanetSmasher Jedi Padawan star 1

    Mar 14, 2017
    Blackie closed her eyes and concentrated:

    - on the Force to shield her mind from Snoke?

    Nope. That's too obvious.

    - on figuring out a way to convince Snoke that she (he?) is innocent?

    Nope. That's too difficult. Snoke might catcher her (him?) in a lie.

    - on the Force to use a Cat-Jedi mind trick on Snoke?

    Nope. That's too dangerous. It might backfire on Blackie.

    - to have an "accident" on Kylo Ren's helmet?

    Yep. That's it exactly! Pure genius! Who would suspect a kitten having an "accident" on someone's helmet?

    That's some impressively quick thinking, Blackie!
  10. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    The hierarchy of power definitely seems like "Millicent > Snoke > Hux= Kylo Ren > Phasma > guy who says "Millicent rules!" > everyone else" doesn't it?

  11. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 21, 2016
    I love Hux's interactions with Kylo Ren in this chapter!

    "Learn to spell!"
    Acting like he has cooties.
    Getting into a shoving match.

    They're acting like teenagers, and it's hilarious!
  12. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    So Blackie was actually a birthday gift from Leia? That plus his earlier chat with his parents on the timeline suggests that some part of him still loves his family, and feels a part of them. Quick thinking, Blackie, messing up his helmet for an excuse to escape! I love the "sibling rivalry" between Hux & Ren here.

    Yes! Brilliant! Perfect! Really, she's the most mature one on Starkiller base! (Which may not be saying much...)
  13. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    Blackie, you are a genius. I bow to your awesomeness. Leia couldn't have chosen a better spy to send to the First Order. Now I think that you should pee on Snoke, or even better take over his chair.

    And Captain Phasma, always putting order back into the First Order... That was just priceless [face_rofl]
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.
  14. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    Some replies before the next installment of more cat pee and weird stuff this lovely thought-provoking tale of intrigues!

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Thanks for dropping by! Their rivalry is definitely hilarious and glad you found it funny :)
    This is what I think, too. It's definitely an interesting aspect to play with. Blackie is one smart kitten (probably thanks to Leia's rigorous training).

    That may or may not be a chapter depending how TLJ unfolds and what inspiration it may bring……. But yeah, that actually needs to happen at some point...I mean, once a cat takes over your chair, the cat stays!

    Warnings: Millicent/Phasma are scary, cats doing nasty things, potential Huxma

    Part 10: Mean Girls

    Everyday starting at 4am in the morning, Captain Phasma would patrol Starkiller Base. She passed through a large library where stormtrooper squads were allowed some free time in activities such as reading First Order approved literature. She noticed a new poster in the library which read, “this is a Kylo Ren-free designated area.”

    Many stormtroopers were also reading the monthly newsletters, “the General’s Cat” and “Starkiller Feline.” She was actually editor-in-chef and she was sure she was doing a good job because everyone was reading the newsletters or maybe just looking at the cat pictures she selected. In another part of the library, a squad was watching a video about how the Resistance were cruel to cats by ignoring adorable orange kittens and throwing them out into the rain. This made the stormtroopers hate the Resistance all the more because all the cats resembled Millicent.

    As she left the library, she walked back into the hallways and nodded to one of her squads of stormtroopers walking by.

    “Morning, Captain,” saluted FG 5625.

    “Morning, Captain,” saluted FG 5624.

    “Morning, Captain,” saluted FG-5623.

    “Millicent rules!” saluted FG-5622.

    Phasma grabbed him by the arm, isolating him from the group. “FG-5622, I think we discussed something the other day about your obsession with Millicent. Did you forget?”

    “Millicent rules…..?” gasped FG-5622, putting his hands on his helmet worryingly. He started sobbing, shaking his head. “Millicent rules!”

    “I’m watching you. Move along,” said Phasma, pushing him back into the group. She was pretty sure she knew what FG-5622’s problem was: he became defective from General Hux’s brainwashing program swearing alliance to Millicent a few months ago.

    Just as she was about to turn a corner, Phasma noticed a pair of female officers gossiping. She hid behind a wall and listened to the conversation, her chrome armour glistening in the artificial lights. Her helmet’s sensors eyed one of them, a woman named Lieutenant Alia Ro. She was a new recruit but already Phasma hated her. The first offense was Alia calling Phasma “tin-can girl.” The second offense was not flushing after herself in the ladies’ washroom. But this third offense was the last straw.

    “I think the General’s kind of cute. Should I dress up like an orange cat so he notices me?” said Lieutenant Alia Ro to her friend as she checked how gorgeous she looked in a hand-held mirror.

    The noise Phasma made from under her helmet sounded like a metallic beast growling. She wasn’t sure why this new recruit made her so furious, other than knowing that no one was allowed to secretly like General Hux other than her.

    She considered him a close friend and they conspired a lot behind everyone’s backs. Like just last week, they planned on dumping Kylo Ren on some deserted planet in the middle of nowhere and telling Snoke he ran away. They were already thinking of painting Ren’s room orange and making it into another play area for Millicent or a wine room. But sometimes she wondered if her feelings for him were more than just out of respect and loyalty.

    Now she needed a partner-in-crime and she knew exactly who could do the dirty work for her to get rid of this other woman. Knowing that he was away, she approached General Hux’s quarters and punched in the access code—she knew this was Millicent’s birthday. It was not something he had ever told her but she figured it out.

    And this wasn’t the first time Phasma went into his room without his knowledge. Sometimes she just came to read his cat books, or organized his alphabetically-arranged pencils into subsections. Other times, she admired the 50 portraits of his cat or read his diary while using his kettle to make instant coffee. She would also often take her helmet off. Only Millicent had ever seen her face and knew that she was actually very pretty.

    Millicent was sleeping in her battlecruiser when Phasma pulled her out. Hiding the cat under her cloak to prevent Millicent from seeing her own reflection, Phasma set out towards one of the security rooms. She quickly accessed the files of all employees aboard Starkiller Base and pulled out Lieutenant Ro’s file using the holographic computer system. Then she showed Millicent her enemy. Phasma whispered something into the cat’s ear and Millicent flattened her ears and growled, rushing off into the ventilation shafts.


    The next morning Lieutenant Alia Ro had her bags already packed as she waited in the hanger bay for a shuttle to pick her up. Her hair was a mess and she seemed tramatized; her hands and face were covered in cat scratches and her brand new uniform was badly battered.

    “Quitting the First Order already, Lieutenant Ro?” asked General Hux as the unofficial commanding triumvirate approached her. “That’s too bad. You didn’t even get to attend Millicent’s orientation course.”

    The young woman glared at him as she cried furiously. “Your cat tried to kill me! Then she peed on my face! I smell like cat pee now!”

    “Haha,” laughed Kylo Ren, adjusting Blackie on his helmet as she tried to keep balance. “I mean…that’s terrible, Lieutenant. Just terrible.”

    “Millicent has always been an excellent judge of people,” declared Hux discourteously.

    Just go away already you stupid girl I don’t like, thought Captain Phasma to herself, setting her blaster from ‘stun’ to ‘kill.’

    Whoa, thought Kylo Ren, reading her mind using the Force. Phasma seems jealous about something....kinda suspicious....

    General Hux glared at them both from the corner of his eyes. If Ren is trying to read my mind I swear I’ll send Milly to do more than just poodoo in his shoe, he thought.

    Lieutenant Alia Ro’s jaw dropped in disbelief, wondering what she signed up for. “You… don’t even care about the welfare of your employees?! You just….care……about…your….CAT?! What kind of military fraction is this!?”

    “I have a cat, too,” declared Kylo Ren suddenly as he pulled Blackie off his helmet and shoved her towards Alia, who was already horrified because of Millicent. “Her name is Blackie cause she’s black, like the Dark Side and Darth Vader. It’s a cool color. You wanna see her up close?”

    “No! No, no, no!” she screamed madly, running towards her arrived shuttle and never to be seen or heard from again. Meanwhile, Captain Phasma was pleased by all this and noticed Millicent. She gave her a thumbs up; Millicent replied with a slow wink.

    Next time....Blackie the Resistance Agent!
  15. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 21, 2016
  16. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    LOL at the machinations of the two females in Hux's life. Kylo, you should have teamed up with Lt. Ro and taken her in as your P.A. (We could've had Kyloro!)

    A teeny bit creepy that she goes into his room when he's not around, but I suppose, she must lead a lonely life. Hmm... Intrigue AND romance on Starkiller base!
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.
  17. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Oct 3, 2016
    Loved this installment, GO PHASMA!
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.
  18. PlanetSmasher

    PlanetSmasher Jedi Padawan star 1

    Mar 14, 2017
    So! FG5622 is the subject of mental conditioning gone wrong.... Kylo tries to socialize, showing off his cat. However, he missed the 'subtle cues' from Lt. Ro... Her incredulous shouts about a cat 'trying to kill her' was a clue that Kylo should have picked up on.... But, Kylo is Kylo I suppose... Captain Phasma needs to use caution. One day, General Hux is going to realize that something in his room has been moved. Then he's going to set up surveillance on his room....

    I am shaken - SHAKEN - to my core! To think that such darkness lies hidden deep in the chromed out breastplate of Captain Phasma.... Who influenced her to be so dark? Did Millicent lead her down this dark path, or was it Phasma who led Millicent down the path of darkness?
  19. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    Gizkaspice, you're going to make a Huxma shipper out of me, and that's saying something.

    Oh, where to start... The library where troopers read cat newsletters edited by Phasma? The Millicent-worshipping brainwash gone wrong? Phasma lurking in Hux's room in his absence (okay, that was a liiiitle bit creepy)? The Mille-Phasma conspiracy against Lt. Ro? The pee? Or Kylo being, well, just Kylo? [face_laugh]

    Now of course Kylo sensed that Phasma has, ahem, feelings, and that could take the story in interesting directions. Especially if he confides into Blackie about his findings...


    Slightly off-topic, but I must let you know that my husband christened our seven kittens (he's a card-carrying lurker but he's reading this story too).

    The two kittens with flecked ginger fur are named Millicent the First and Millicent the Second.

    The two kittens with marbled ginger fur are named Pseudo-Millicent the First and Pseudo-Millicent the Second.

    The white-and-ginger kitten is named Semi-Millicent.

    The black kitten with a few discreet strokes of ginger is named Pseudo-Blackie.

    The black-and-white kitten is named Semi-Blackie.

    I hope you're proud of yourself. Next Mr Chyn is going to be mumbling "Millicent rules" in his sleep.
  20. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    Each time when I think this story cannot get any funnier, you boost us to a new level and ridicule Kylo/ Benny Bunny along the way! This is hilarious comedy!
    gizkaspice and PlanetSmasher like this.
  21. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Oct 3, 2016
    This really is the best New Order story I have ever read.
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.
  22. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    And this was just going to be a one-off... We are so glad you ran with the ball, gizkaspice, although...
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_rofl][face_rofl] WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, gizkaspice??!!!
  23. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    Thanks ya'll for reading/reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying this tale. And yes, it was definitely supposed to be a one-off and then....well.....I have no idea. [face_hypnotized][face_laugh]
    So, some replies:

    Kyloro!! [face_laugh] It would probably make an interesting side story or a plot bunny. I agree; very weird behavior she probably thinks she can get away with. Indeed—Intrigue, romance, cats, and other secrets yet to be revealed.

    Thank you! Glad you liked it. She's the best, am I right?

    Thanks for the review! Kylo is Kylo and while he’s not the brightest crayon in the box he’s definitely the darkest (pun intended). And that’s a really good point which should be addressed somehow in the next chapter.
    Welllllll…let’s see. According to various content outside of TFA, Phasma is a very bad lady. I’m convinced she’s capable of manipulating and training Millicent to do bad things if it serves her purposes. This suggests that Phasma has led Milly down the path of darkness, which now makes them both very bad ladies.

    That’s definitely saying something alright! I don’t normally ship, but Huxma kind of makes sense to an extent or something.

    Kylo just being Kylo. That explains everything! He probably uses that excuse as a permit to break expensive things for no reason.

    Oh, of that he knows something is up, that’s definitely going to be have to be included somehow. He probably tells 'secrets' to Blackie. Hmm, this can get interesting...

    Many kind thanks to Mr Chyn for reading this silly thing. [:D]

    And that’s a lot of colourful kittens! I think I like the Semi-Blackies and Pseudo-Millicents the best.
    Oh dear.....Mr Chyn and FG-5622 would probably have something to talk about LOL

    Thanks! Glad you think so! And..... Kylo = Benny Bunny..... LOL!! I can see the resemblance there for sure!

    Thanks again to all for stopping by to read/comment :)
  24. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Nov 27, 2013
    Probably time for an update before RL takes over again.

    Warning: It's weird. All of it.

    Part 11: Blackie the Resistance Agent

    In the early morning on Starkiller Base, General Hux was returning to his quarters from the top viewing bridge after overlooking the construction of the new ski resort. Captain Phasma had been repeatedly asking him for the last month when that new ski resort would be finished so that she could finally put her chrome snowboard to use.

    When he entered to his room, he found Blackie wandering around on his desk. Somehow Ren’s obnoxious kitten must have figured out where his room was using the ventilation shafts. Blackie’s ears perked upon seeing him and she quickly dashed out at lightning speed out the door with something in her mouth. Millicent was asleep in her cardboard battlecruiser and was obviously a terrible security guard.

    Hux resumed searching around his desk, wondering what the kitten had stolen—probably an eraser, he thought. He suddenly realized that something vital was missing---an external computer drive that contained some crucial information. He ran out of his quarters and rushed after the small cat that was running off into the corridor. “Stop immediately! This is an order!”

    The kitten continued running, her little feet scurrying towards Kylo Ren’s room.

    A stormtrooper watched him run by. “Morning, General. Getting some exercise? Good work.” He gave a thumbs up.

    “Stop that kitten!”

    “No can do, General H,” said the stormtrooper, shrugging. “I’m on my break.”

    “Whoever catches that kitten gets an instant promotion!!”

    Almost immediately 10 officers and over 20 stormtroopers dashed off from their assigned posts and chased after the kitten in hopes of obtaining the promised promotion. Blackie quickly slipped through the cat-door that led into Kylo Ren’s room.

    General Hux and the rest of the officers gathered outside his door. “Ren! Open the door!”

    “Don’t come in!!” came Kylo Ren’s muffled voice from inside.

    Hux banged on the steel door with a rolled up fist. “This is an order from the High Command! Open the door immediately!”

    “Don’t come in!!”

    “You leave me no choice…” warned Hux as he punched in the numerical code on the door's security panel to obtain an override to the room and gain access.

    They entered his room swiftly and suddenly paused in their tracks, seeing a naked Kylo Ren in the middle of the room with only his helmet on. He covered himself with his hands in embarrassment. Some of the female officers covered their eyes. A few peeked and noticed that he had Darth Vader pajamas and underwear with little lightsabers on them scattered across the floor.

    “Dude! I just had a shower! I told you not to come in!”

    Hux looked away and threw him a towel. Kylo Ren covered himself with the towel instantly, backing away slightly as everyone else gawked at him.

    “Search the room,” commanded Hux to a group of stormtroopers as they began searching for the kitten.

    “Why are you barging into my room?!” demanded Ren, holding the towel. “Can I at least get dressed!?”

    “I have reason to suspect that Blackie stole a small computer drive from my quarters that contained some….. sensitive information regarding the First Order,” announced Hux. “I need it back before Supreme Leader Snoke finds out it is missing.”

    “Okay, well, she’s right here,” said Ren, picking up Blackie from under the covers and taking the drive out of her mouth. He handed it over to Hux with one hand while holding the towel with the other. “Can you all go away now so I can get dressed!?”

    “The device has been retrieved,” declared the General to the stormtroopers still searching in the room. “Let’s go.”

    Blackie shifted her eyes suspiciously.

    “Ren, what’s wrong with Blackie? Her eyes are moving…peculiarly,” said Hux suddenly. “You might want to get her checked out by a veterinarian.”

    “Go away already!”

    Everyone in the room eventually left, many giggling to themselves after what they had seen. Captain Phasma suddenly entered the room and approached the half naked Kylo Ren, her chrome armour clanking slightly. “Heard you had an 8-pack. That you were shredded…” She slowly scanned his body from top to bottom and then sniggered mockingly under her helmet as she left. He blushed angrily and locked the door behind her.

    When General Hux returned to his quarters later in the day, he caught the chrome stormtrooper Captain red-handed loitering around in his room. He froze in his tracks as he shot a ruthless stare at her. “Just what do you think you’re doing here, Phasma?”

    Captain Phasma stopped watering the lone cactus plant on his window sill that overlooked the snowy mountain scenery outside. She didn’t expect him to return so early from his meeting but she knew she could easily fabricate a good lie. “My sincerest apologies, General. During my patrol duty, Millicent was crying in great distress. She opened the door for me so I could replenish her water dish. I didn’t want to disturb your meeting so I didn’t inform you.”

    “Is this true, Millicent?” he asked harshly, looking down to his ginger cat.

    Millicent’s head nodded, but this was because Phasma was elevating a cat toy up and down so it looked like the cat agreed.

    He evaluated the situation carefully before making a final decision about Phasma’s presence. “Well then, since Millicent is second-in-command, her decision must be respected. You have fulfilled your duty and should leave now. Immediately.”

    Captain Phasma nodded and swiftly made her way towards the door. Something was suddenly pulling her back and when she tilted her helmet towards her cloak, she noted that the fabric had somehow entangled itself in the button on his uniform's sleeve. He noticed this as well and proceeded to untangle the black thread from the button with his other hand. There was no verbal exchange between them as Phasma stood for a brief second before departing back into the corridor. Meanwhile, the furry face of Millicent seemed to form the cat equivalent of a smile.

    Back in Blackie's secret cardboard box, Leia was analyzing the latest transmissions that the kitten sent from the computer drive.

    “Blackie……there’s nothing here of use for me,” came Leia’s voice. “The information you sent is just about Millicent’s third birthday party next year and the First Order’s plans for the celebration. You’re going to have to try harder, okay, Blackie?”

    The black kitten mewed sadly, nodding.

    “Don’t worry, Blackie,” reassured Leia before the kitten turned off the small holographic projector. “You’ll find something. I know you will….”

    Next time......Blackie and Millicent go to the vet!

    This chapter makes fun of the "Kylo Ren has an 8-pack and is shredded" bit from Star Wars Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base -SNL. And if you haven't watched that, you probably should because it's hilarious.
  25. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    This last one was very entertaining.

    I liked Millicent's cardboard battlecruiser, and Phasma knowing how to make it nod to support her alibi.
    AzureAngel2 and gizkaspice like this.