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Saga - ST Something in Kylo Ren's shoe--A Millicent the Cat story, Part 15 (Update 12/11) Three Cats

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by gizkaspice, Sep 11, 2017.

  1. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    I'm a little sorry to see this end, particularly at such a high point! Finn vs. Millie. Phasma's crush on Hux revealed! Rey escapes with Blackie. Kylo Ren has another reason for revenge--stealing a guy's cat? Man, that's COLD! Phasma has her own kitty, and Millicent has...competition? An ally? Who knows! Thank heavens Hux was able to save all the portraits before he fled.

    This was so great, gizkaspice. This silly off-the-wall plot bunny, which was supposed to be a short, and you slammed it right out of the ballpark! ^:)^^:)^ Loved it. So, so much.
     
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  2. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I'm late to review here but once again this was absolutely precious and it just inserts itself flawlessly in the last sequence of TFA: Millicent saving Phasma from the garbage chute, Blackie being present for the Finn/Rey/Kylo scene in the woods, Snoke making sure that Millie is rescued before the evacuation, and of course Phasma now has a kitty! You absolutely need to write a sequel to this story, because I want to know how Tinny, in his tiny armour, will participate in *that* scene of TLJ. You know what I'm talking about ;)

    Oh, and I also particularly enjoyed the use of the exclamation "sad!" :p

    Thanks so much for this story and all the laughs @gizkaspice. It brightened up the second half of 2017 for me [:D]
     
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  3. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    Thank you, Nehru! I’m sincerely honoured that you were expecting more, considering that this was supposed be a one-off. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Unfortunately, RL has been quite busy for me, so at this point I’m not sure.

    So much left to explore… Like Millicent’s winter playground and the secret ice cream factory :(
    Millicent most likely has....an apprentice....always two there are.....[face_hypnotized]
    And thank you for the comment!

    Thank you for your kind comment, Chyn! I’ll see what I can do about some kind of a sequel if RL allows.

    I think I know what scene you’re talking about…..

    You’re very welcome! The entire point of writing this was to brighten someone’s day, and I’m glad it has served the purpose.
     
  4. Ridley Solo

    Ridley Solo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Oh my gosh, I can't believe I missed this! Finn won over Millicent...Blackie is off with Rey and the Resistance now...and Phasma has a kitten. Nice touch with Han and Anakin's ghosts! [face_laugh]

    You *have* to make a sequel for The Last Jedi, now. :p I have this weird mental image of Millicent looking on as Hux's clothes are ironed....
     
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  5. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    And let's face it... Porgs are obviously cat toys. Blackie will be thrilled with the present Chewbacca brought on the Millenium Falcon!
     
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  6. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Okay I have a question. Who came up with the idea of Millicent?
     
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  7. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Pablo Hidalgo. He posted her in his Twitter feed; @Gamiel plugged it into the Plot Bunny thread, @gizkaspice picked it up as a lark and KA-BAM! An awesome and screamingly funny story was born.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
  8. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    [UNPRINTABLE] double post!!!
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
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  9. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    Thanks for the comment! :)
    Plot Twist: Millicent is looking on as HER clothes are ironed....LOL

    It's true, all of it.
     
  10. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    IT’S BACK (for a while)! But nobody will know because you can’t update the title anymore….. :(
    I’m going to try to make a sequel thing. No idea how regular the updates will be at this point due to RL issues and such--I will try. It’s going to basically be a continuation into TLJ from the last chapter (Ch 15) since stuff from previous chapters will appear. It may be funny or otherwise weird--I don't know..uh.... (Luke’s voice) This is not going to go….. the way …..you think!

    Some acknowledgments first for this chapter:
    The idea of Blackie receiving a medal was suggested by @Chyntuck
    The idea of the name “the Black Cat” was suggested by @Mistress_Renata

    Chapter 16: Blackie’s Medal

    Back on the Resistance base on D’Qar, General Leia-Organa was awarding Blackie the medal of bravery for his work in destroying Starkiller base. Even a ship was named after him, the Black Cat, which was a normal ship but was black and had cat ears. They considered just painting the Raddus black and attaching cat ears due to budget limits, but Leia insisted that the kitten had a special ship named after him that would serve well for the Resistance in times of their greatest need.

    “Hurrah for Blackie!” cried the Resistance as they cheered.

    “He’s got a shiny medal,” said Poe. “Shiny, like his fur.”

    “Blackie is a purebred Bombay cat,” clarified Leia as she gave him a treat. “That’s why he’s so shiny.”

    “Cool,” said Poe. “I learned a thing about cats today.”

    “And so much more to know,” said Leia. “So much more to learn.”

    The black cat sat proudly in front of his supporters and admirers. But he seemed to miss Kylo, even though he was really silly sometimes like thinking that Blackie was a girl and not knowing where babies come from.

    “Blackie must be sad because he misses my son,” said Leia as she sensed this and looked at the kitten meowing quietly to himself. She pet the little guy and he purred slightly.

    “We can always send him back as a spy, can’t we?” asked Poe.

    Leia made a worried face in response. “I really don’t think he wants to relive that…”

    Blackie twitched slightly at the very thought of returning back to the First Order. Millicent beating him up… Getting stuck in the ventilation shafts… Sleeping in dirty underwear… And worst of all, naked Kylo with only his helmet on… The kitten was clearly traumatized. And so was Finn as he woke from his coma and remembered something terrifying.

    “Phasma has a crush!? PHASMA has a CRUSH!?”

    “Old news, man,” said Poe, pointing to a datapad. “Everyone in the galaxy knows already; it’s even on her blog. She has a cat, too. You want the link?”

    “No!” screamed Finn as he ran across the corridor in his funky suit. Blackie twitched again, now traumatized by a naked Finn running around the corridor.

    Suddenly, a long distance video transmission from Rey. “Hi, Blackie!” she called as a bunch of Porgs slammed into the Millennium Falcon for absolutely no reason. “Congratulations on your medal! Chewie says hi to you!”

    Chewie growled something as he swatted at a drunk Porg which translated to ‘I’m going to bring back one of these annoying things barbecued, Blackie.

    Blackie nodded humbly and mewed before turning off the transmission. He wasn’t arrogant like Millicent; he was just a simple kitten who did a great deed and now only wanted to nap in Leia’s favourite blouse. Which wouldn’t be happening anytime soon because Finn just found the link to Phasma’s blog and was screaming around the corridor naked again.

    ***
    Meanwhile at the First Order, a different cat was being honored.

    “You will now pledge allegiance to our newest cat overlord, Tinny,” came the accented voice of Captain Phasma from the broadcast system as the First Order brainwashing session began. “Repeat after me: Tinny rules!”

    “Tinny rules!” repeated the thousands of stormtroopers under her control.

    “Tinny rules!” she repeated to them.

    “Tinny rules!” mimicked the stormtroopers mindlessly against the background military poster banners of the armoured Tinny the Burmilla cat and Millicent the ginger tabby wearing an officer’s cap.

    “General Hux wants me to remind you all not to forget that Millicent also rules. Repeat: Millicent rules!”

    “Millicent rules!”

    Something was happening to FG-5622 that had never happened before. “Millicent rules…Tinny rules…Mil..tin……rule----rules?!” He suddenly snapped back to reality as though hit by a lightning bolt. “Holy macaroni! I can talk again!”

    His excitement was short-sighted as Captain Phasma weeded him out almost instantly from the crowd. “FG-5622, you are being watched. Report to my division at once.”

    “Oh, crap!” gasped FG-5622.

    ****
    Next time....Millicent's cute uniform among other things.
     
  11. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2016
    You return with your brilliant feline fic! Huzzah!
     
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  12. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Oh, yes, yes, YES!!! I am so glad you were inspired to go on with this, @gizkaspice! Something funny to get us through cold winter days is just what is needed!

    I love this!
    This is rather sweet. No matter how mean and evil Kylo seems, Blackie still cares about him and wants to help him.
    This cat deserves more than a medal...he deserves a shipload of tuna!
    I love this, too. Humble Blackie, just wants to help his people.
    Poor 5622. I wonder if he will be able to resist a second round of indoctrination? Or will he turn to the DOG side!? LOL! :p
     
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  13. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Sorry that DRL forced me to take a lot of fan fic reading breaks recently. This is a brilliant story and it deserves all awards that it can get!
     
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  14. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Ups, slow internet and suddenly a double post.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2018
  15. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    Thank you for the comments! I’m glad people are still interested in reading this story.
    @Nehru_Amidala Thanks for your interest! The cats are back for a while yayyyy
    @Mistress_Renata Something funny is definitely what we all need for every bad day out there. I have to admit that Blackie’s character was a tad inspired by Ambri--- the humble type who does great deeds and asks nothing in return. 5622 is definitely a dog-person though.....
    @AzureAngel2 I hope that DRL improves for you. [:D]Thank you for your comment.

    I’m going to post this next instalment a little bit earlier than planned. Warning: Kylo just being Kylo; shirtless Kylo; adult grape juice

    Chapter 17: Cat Uniform

    Millicent watched from the window as the First Order fleet slowly reassembled around the Finalizer. There were many ships and she liked to scratch at the window to catch them. She sat on her owner‘s desk as he gazed at a framed picture of him and Phasma outside in the snow back on Starkiler base while Kylo was stuck on a tree in the background screaming for help and they were just ignoring him. Millicent remembered that, because she was the one who got him stuck on that tree in the first place.

    Suddenly, Kylo Ren barged into the General's office without a shirt on and held up his shoes. “Your cat crapped in my shoe. Then Phasma’s cat crapped in my other shoe. Now both of my shoes have surprises in them and I don’t like it!”

    Just then, Tinny the armored kitty tumbled in and peed on Kylo’s sock before sitting on the desk beside her role model, Millicent. The orange tabby licked the kitten. This was her apprentice now.

    “What’s going on here?” asked Captain Phasma as she walked in for her secretary shift.

    “Hux is sad cause Starkiller went boom and I’m sad cause my shoes have surprises in them and now my sock is gross. Tough times.”

    “In no way does that explain why you’re shirtless,” said Phasma.

    “I also lost my shirt somewhere,” added Kylo. “And I want to show everyone I really have an 8-pack. That I’m shredded. All the ladies will think I’m cool. And when I get my cat back, I’m gonna have a fan base.”

    Phasma ignored him and pet Hux on the head much like one would pet a sad cat. He let her do that only because she was his best friend. “Cheer up, General. We’ll build another Starkiller base and name it after Millicent.”

    “No way, Phas,” said Kylo. “We’ll name it after Blackie. Blackie the Planet Destroyer!”

    Phasma then tried to extinguish a small fire that spontaneously started in the corner upon Kylo Ren’s arrival.

    “Bet you guys do weird adult stuff,” started Kylo Ren suddenly as he glared at them. He smacked his lips. “Like.....have grape juice and make armoured ginger babies riding around the Finalizer in little cat convertibles. But they don’t know how to ride the convertibles, so they’re just crashing into walls and stuff.”

    Phasma stared at him. “I literally have no idea what you just said…”

    “I’ll call my mom and she’ll explain it better than I can,” said Kylo. “Also, I heard if you have grape juice without your socks on, you’ll turn into a Wookiee.”

    “Meowww,” meowed Millicent angrily.

    Hux took out a bottle of wine from one of his cabinets and poured himself and Phasma a glass. He translated the cat language: “Just shoot him already.”

    Kylo looked at the wine in awe and backed away a little. “Whoa, adult grape juice…”

    “Snoke will get mad and take away our cats,” said Phasma, setting her blaster from kill to stun.

    Kylo handed him a gift box with orange cats on it. “I want to be friends and stuff.”

    Hux threw it to the side like trash. “I don’t like it.”

    “You didn’t even open it!!” screamed Kylo as he broke a pencil holder. He turned to Phasma. “Can’t believe you have a crush on this guy! Look what a jerk he is!”

    “It’s a woman thing. You wouldn’t understand,” she said as she had her wine with a straw.

    Kylo smacked his lips as he mused. “Women are weird. I tried to get ice cream girl to like me, but she just got mad even after I showed her my cat and offered her skittles nicely.”

    “Pretty sure that’s not actually how it went.”

    “Well, I guess I kind of shoved Blackie’s butt into her face.”

    Phasma poured herself another glass of wine. “Bingo.”

    General Hux turned to Phasma and picked up Millicent before heading towards the doorway. “Take over, Phasma. I just remembered that I need to pick up Millicent’s uniform.”

    Phasma nodded and sat in the big chair while Kylo munched angrily on a poptart and tried to text Rey.

    ***
    In the laundry facility, Hux was dressing Millicent up in her ironed uniform. He put her little officer’s cap on as she walked beside him. As he strolled down the corridor, officers and nearby stormtroopers couldn’t help but wonder why the General of the First Order was now dressing his cat up.

    *****
    Next time.....mobile cat trees!
     
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  16. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    Yay yay yay it's back! I loved the contrast between the Resistance and the First Order in chapter 16, with Blackie being just a simple kitten trying to make his way across the galaxy :p And poor little Blackie, traumatised first by Kylo, and then by Finn in his bacta suit. So many terrible experiences...

    Meanwhile, Tinny is promising to be another great cat character! Between being apprenticed to Millicent and armoured by Phasma, she's going to need a cat shrink very soon.
    And now, seriously...
    ... what brand of hallucinogenic mushrooms did you ingest before you wrote this bit? Because you just can't make this stuff up [face_laugh]

    EDIT: Oh, and I forgot to congratulate you for your well-deserved nominations in the fanfic awards! =D=
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018
  17. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Another wonderful update, why didn't they just leave Kylo in the tree?
     
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  18. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    In the laundry facility, Hux was dressing Millicent up in her ironed uniform. He put her little officer’s cap on as she walked beside him. As he strolled down the corridor, officers and nearby stormtroopers couldn’t help but wonder why the General of the First Order was now dressing his cat up.

    This is worth a painting. I would put in a request at fan art if I were you.
     
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  19. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Oh, man, I thought I'd replied to this little nugget of awesomeness! I know I read it, and giggled helplessly all the way through!
    I loved this. I know she is smirking.
    Sadly, that is probably true. And while Blackie is loyal to the Resistance, I think he will be happy to see Kylo again.
    Poor Kylo! It's Han's fault, though. If he'd shoved Blackie's sweet round face at her, she might have actually fallen for him.
    Now that is a well trained cat! My guy would never put up with hats.

    So glad you're keeping this up! Especially when it's cold, we need a good laugh! Second @AzureAngel2's fan art suggestion. Surely it would just take a moment with Photoshop...
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018
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  20. Ridley Solo

    Ridley Solo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Hurray, it's back!!!! The installments so far have me ROLLING! [face_rofl]The latest one was funny and just...weird. I think Kylo needs serious help! [face_blush]
     
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  21. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    Thank you for the kind comments! Also, thank you for nominating this story to so many categories… I’m really very honoured and surprised by this.[:D]

    Blackie is a very humble cat indeed…now Tinny….That cat’s being trained to be a little terror. You’ll see later. ...and.....LOL! [face_rofl] No magic mushrooms necessary. 8-}[face_cow]

    @Nehru_Amidala They did leave him up in the tree….. I guess he climbed down or something. No worries--- they’re going to come up with another plan in this chapter.
    @AzureAngel2 Thank you! You’re more than welcome to take that up if you want to, or really anyone.
    @Mistress_Renata To think Blackie would have been responsible for Reylo! LOL!
    @Ridley Solo Thank you for the comment! Funny and weird is probably a good way to describe this story….. And poor Kylo indeed: with Blackie taken and Rey dumping him, he really just needs help figuring....uh...things.

    Okay then, next installment.

    Chapter 18: Mobile Cat Trees

    At the Finalizer’s hangar bay, General Hux and Captain Phasma were picking up some items the delivery shuttle dropped off.

    “Are you sure Tinny will like this mobile cat tree, Armie?” asked Phasma warily as she looked at her ordered boxes. “What if she doesn’t like it and we have to send it back?”

    “Of course,” he reassured with a small smile. “Millicent likes hers and had one as a kitten but then I had to order her a bigger one. Also, make sure you keep the box with the warehouse address. We could put Ren in it and send him back instead and still get a refund.”

    “Haha,” laughed Phasma under her helmet. “What a grand idea!”

    Meanwhile, in the ventilation shafts, FG-5622 was hiding for some reason and observed them from above. Suddenly, he turned around as something started scratching at his armor. He saw Millicent squeezing beside him with her fat orange butt. “Oh, hello there,” whispered the stormtrooper as the cat purred and rubbed against him.

    She had hunted a ventilation rodent and was starting to eat it raw and offered him some of her prey. FG-5622 gagged at the sight as he tried to push the cat away. “Ewww! I thought you just eat cat kibble!”

    He suddenly heard Kylo Ren barge into the hangar area and start yelling. “What are you two evil weasels up to this time?! What’s all this stuff? Why does it say CAT on the boxes?!”

    Hux was quick to come up with a convincing reason. “Well, that’s just an acronym, Ren. C.A.T--- catastrophic, annihilating…..—“

    “Things,” finished Phasma. “Catastrophic Annihilating Things.”

    “Torpedoes and such,” he clarified promptly.

    “I don’t know about that,” said Kylo suspiciously as he glared at them and the boxes. “Sounds like you guys are talking crap again.”

    Hux gestured with his eyes to Phasma to slowly move out with the mobile cat tree and she nodded in response. “Listen, Kyle, we have to build the torpedo now,” she said as she loaded the boxes onto the hovering dolly. “So, bye.”

    “Okay, bye,” said Kylo as he watched them leave rather hastily. He called after her: “but it’s not Kyle, Phasma! It’s Kylo! KYLO REN!”

    Suddenly, the combined weight of FG-5622 and Millicent caused the metal plate in the ventilation shaft to collapse, sending them falling before Kylo. The cat ran off after her owner and the storm trooper was left to explain himself why he was hiding in the ventilation shaft.

    “Uhhh, sir,” started the storm trooper as he stood up and brushed himself off. “I was just…. cleaning the ventilation shafts and, well, there’s a lot of weird stuff up there, you know.”

    “Did you find my Darth Vader action figure by any chance?” asked Kylo, seemingly not being suspicious at all about why a storm trooper was in the ventilation shaft.

    “Well, sir,” continued the storm trooper, “I don’t believe it was there. If you allow me, I can return to check again.”

    “See to it,” demanded Kylo sternly as he walked off to his quarters, his cloak waving behind him.

    FG-5622 sighed in relief as he quickly ran off before someone realized he was the guy who kept saying ‘Millicent rules!’, but could now say more than two words.

    ***
    Kylo woke up at 2 AM in the morning to use the washroom and noticed that Phasma’s room was open. He wobbled over tiredly in his Darth Vader pajamas and glanced inside, noticing that she was building a white mobile cat tree. Her helmet was lying on the ground and Hux’s greatcoat was on her chair.

    “Weird adult stuff going on in here,” he muttered as he smacked his lips and yawned. He saw a big box in the middle of the room and crawled into it.

    When Hux and Phasma returned with their cats after finding a better screwdriver to finish the mobile cat tree, they saw Kylo asleep inside the box. They glanced to each other mischievously before one of them got the duct tape…

    ***
    In the mobile cat tree warehouse on Cantonica, two workers opened the returned box from the First Order. Kylo Ren tumbled out in his pajamas, confused and still needing to use the washroom.

    “Well, that’s different,” commented one of the workers.

    *****
    Next time....daily life aboard the Finalizer with Millicent.
     
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  22. Ridley Solo

    Ridley Solo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2010
    [face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl] They....*wheeze*....sent....Kylo...back....in the box! [face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl]
    I'M DEAD!!!!! [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]
     
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  23. Nehru_Amidala

    Nehru_Amidala Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Brilliant as always, and they sent him back, hope Hux got a deposit on the return shipping.
     
  24. PlanetSmasher

    PlanetSmasher Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2017
    I'm finally catching up to some reading! As always the absurdity levels are through the roof! I got some good laughs out of it. I was disappointed that Kylo still killed Han, though. Your epilogue with the introduction of Tinny was hilarious with Kylo asking how to tell boy cats apart from girl cats! I was kind of sad that it came to an end, but then I saw that it resumed with the TLJ spoof. Glad to see that it'll continue.
     
  25. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    [face_rofl] [face_rofl] [face_rofl]

    I'm dead too @Ridley Solo. It's lucky that we fanficcers get to come back as Force ghosts!

    Now, @gizkaspice...

    You had me at "Armie". Oh, and the "weird adult stuff" was kinda... eeeeeeek! [face_laugh]

    And this:
    This promises just soooo many interesting future developments. Because if the "Millicent rules" stormie is lurking in ventilation shafts and eavesdropping on conversations... I need another bucket of popcorn. Or two, or three.

    Bring it on!