Something new.

This place has been as dull as dishwater the last couple of weeks so heres something to cheer us all up, not that we need it with our kick-ass football team! Come on the reds!


Fade in. Interior of office. Psychiatrist sits on his chair flicking through some notes.

Pych: Helga?

Helga: (Wookie growl) Grhhhhhhh ahhhhhh.

Pych: Please send in my next couple.

Helga: Ahhhw afhghhg hghahffaf ffghhhhhh.

The psychiatrist looks down and shakes his head. Two men walk in and sit on the chairs opposite.

Pych: Good evening gentlemen. I trust you are both well.

Opposite the psychiatrist sits Obi-Wan Kanobi and Anakin Skywalker.

Obi: Good evening doctor, I must thank you for your promptness and courtesy in seeing us so soon.

Anakin looks away and shakes his head.

Pych: I trust you know why you are both here? The Jedi council has requested I use my skills in relationship therapy to help you get past any ill feeling you have towards each other.

Obi: Indeed I appreciate the opportunity to convey with a learned authority such as your self on what is becoming a challenging time forâ?¦

Anakin: Oh dear god! Give it a rest man! On and on you bloody drone in that Pathe news bloody voice of yours. Why say one word when 50 will do?

Obi: Listen Anakin, I've been carrying your miserable arse around this Galaxy for the last 10 years. I think I deserve a little respect damn it.

Pych: I am sensing some tension between you both.

Anakin: Tension? Tension!! Damn right there's tension. He's jealous of my talents in the force, that's why he's holding me back.

Obi: Holding you back! You cheeky little ***t. For 10 years now all I've heard is him whining on and on and on. You're jealous, I'm the prophesised one, I'm going to be the greatest Jedi ever, I think my mother's not very well. Well here's a news flash for you stumpy, I DON'T CARE!

Anakin: Oh it's not just my talent in the force your jealous about though is it?

Obi: Oh, then you must be referring to the fact that you have trouble keeping your lightsaber in your trousers.

Anakin: SEE! See, I told you, jealous! Your just a bitter and twisted old man aren't you, a bitter and twisted old man who can't stand the thought that I'm getting some action from a fine piece of ass like Amadala and the nearest you've ever come to getting any is when you saw Yoda naked in the Jedi gym showers!

Obi: See what I mean? Arrogant and foolish to the last.

Anakin: I have every right to be arrogant. Look at all the magazine covers I've been on, they're calling me the new Leonardo DiCaprio you know. Look, look at these. Hello, Cosmopolitan, What Jedi monthly and Play Wookie. What covers have you been on?

Obi: I don't remember.

Anakin: Then allow me to refresh your memory. (Holds up copy of Caravan Monthly)

Obi: It's a well-respected publication.

Anakin: Ballocks.

Pych: It seems to me that you both have issues with the progress of your relationship. You need to give each other room to breathe and to grow.

Obi: Well that's kind of hard when he's walking round with a boner the size of a star destroyer for that senator bint of his all day.

Anakin: Surprised you know what one of those is, being a eunuch and all.

Pych: (look of shock on his face) Nein!

Obi: For the last time I am not a bloody eunuch!

Anakin: May as well be for all the use it has.

Obi: You wait till master Yoda hears about this. Spreading lies about your fellow Jedi is strictly forbidden under the Jedi rules. Oh, but wait. I forgot, your not a Jedi yet are you? You're just a sad little Padawan who has to do whatever the hell I tell him.

Anakin: You see what I have to put up with here? I'm going to be the greatest Jedi of them all and what kind of duties does he give me? Pick up my dry cleaning Ani, wash the dishes Ani, paint my fence Ani. I tell you, I can't wait till I'm all powerful and I can forget about this Bon-Jovi haired ******.

Obi: All powerful! Do me a favour. You'll be forgotten as quickly as yesterdays contents of the turbo flush by the time these mo

 

LOL, very funny - you write that yourself?

 

i was reading it and it was hilarious!

stupid oppm!

 

Funny stuff Welshguy. Ever thought of making that into a fan film?

 

Thanks guys. In answer to your questions, yes I did write in myself and yes I am planning to turn it into a fan-film. As Halloween is coming up myself and a fiend have aquired Anakin and Obi-Wan costumes, so having bought a VERY expensive video camera recently (Sony VX-1000)and not haveing had a chance to make any movies yet I decided to knock up a script that can be filmed in someones front room, featuring Star Wars characters receiving phyciatric treatment. I think you'll agree its a fantastic (ahem) concept that could be used for so many characters (i've also written a Jango Fett sketch where he recieves anger managemnet therapy, but its not as good). Oh, how I would love to get Darth Vader and the Emperor on that couch, now that would be funny! I don't have any editing equipment right now, so i'll just film it as best I can and put it to one side until I can get some cash together. But hopefully one day soon I can share with you good people the fruits of my labour, if you would be interested in seeing it that is?

 

By the way, I forgot to mention that Helga is a Wookie. Hope things make more sense now.

 

Yus, I'd like to see the results

 

Hey Welshguy! long time no see. lol, i'm glad you posted that on the boards.... well funny stuff!

 

Am I the only one who finds Anakin's "there's no milk left" jib one the left of this screen very funny? Hardly badest man in the Galaxy stuff?
Anyway, here's an update. Shooting is still planned for the above story for Friday/Saturday and i've also been working on a story called "Darth Maul, my life after The Phantom Menace". Suprise, suprise Darth Maul survived being chopped in half by Obi-Wan and now pushes himself along on one of those trays with wheels that Eddie Murphy had in Trading Places, dragging his legs along behind him on a piece of rope. He's lost his job with Sith Industries and is having to beg on street corners with a sign saying "Former Sith, please give any spare change". He's living in a homeless hostel and is taking legal action against Darth Sidious for workers comp. Its should be finished by the end of the week, so i'll stick it up then and hope you approve of it.
Happy Halloween everyone by the way!

 

Sounds fun, Welshguy!!

 

//slashes Terra

 

How very rude!