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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by GunraysLawyer, Sep 29, 2003.

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  1. anakin_girl

    anakin_girl Jedi Knight star 6

    Oct 8, 2000
    That's some necklace... :eek: :)

    I also enjoyed the link to "The Red Bedroom"--really adds to the story behind the necklace, makes it foreboding in a way.

    I like seeing how much Ivo has influenced Dorme's music, even if her mother didn't like it very much. :p

    The conversation between the Jedi about Anakin and Ivo was interesting. I wonder what the ball is going to be like with Obi-Wan there.

    ?After all, Obi-Wan does feel that Captain Arzhan presents a problem for Skywalker?s obedience to the ways of the Order.?

    [face_laugh] As if Anakin needed any help being disobedient. :p

    Great post. :)
  2. laurethiel1138

    laurethiel1138 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Feb 6, 2003
    Oh, my!

    That's some necklace!

    I hope that the meaning of such a gift hasn't escaped Dormé's parents' notice.

    *looks pointedly at Kobal*

    I especially loved the touch in Dormé's manuscript. I think that being in love indeed affects a musician's writing, and the inclusion of the Indoni Rifles' March in her Concerto is a magnificent proof of that.

    Can't wait for more!


    Lauré :)
  3. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    A quick note....

    RL has been a hassle recently. So, the post for this week will likely be late in teh week.

    My readers going to C3, ENJOY! Indy is a neat town with some very good places to eat and drink downtown.

    See you all soon.
  4. NamelessAlien

    NamelessAlien Jedi Youngling star 3

    Nov 25, 1999

    Guess who's back. :) I've been away for ages and now it's been really such a pleasure to reread the story again from the start. It is truly wonderful how yo create such a very detailed, colorful civilization within the SW universe. hope to catch up with the story soon. i*m again totally in love again with the Kalinadians, even though Korva is taken. :p

  5. Sophronia

    Sophronia Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 4, 2004
    Actually getting a reply in...yay!

    I like the acknowledgement of Padmé's injury in this post. It does seem like the sort of thing that would twinge for awhile.

    Dormé's mother lacks a certain awareness of her daughter as an independent being with a certain degree of free will.

    ?The Stand at Deliakkansas.? ...there's no place like Cholonga... there's no place like Cholonga... 8-}

    Lovely little bauble Dormé has received. Would they be white pearls, black, or what have you? Ivo should make his point to the Kalinadians quite clearly.

    Also enjoyed Padmé's poignant introspective at the end.
  6. Alethia

    Alethia Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 13, 2005
    Sorry- got your PM, read it almost a week ago, but RL has been such a pain. And even now I should be rushing off to study for an annoying history exam that's tomorrow...

    But since I have a few minutes, I thought I'd mention that I loved this chapter. In a way, I really pity Dormé for having her mother. I'm not sure if her mother is intentionally trying to be annoying, using certain undertones, or if she means well but the undertones just sneak out. Or I have mischaracterized her... But with Kanilé's thoughts and stuff, I just got this certain impression of the Lady Lankerrie.

    I liked the bit about Padmé's back- it was a nice reminder of what had recently happened and it fit well in the scene as well. Which I am also curious about... The Loyalist Commitee split into two- that doesn't sound very good...and I wonder what problems it will bring up.

    Dormé's necklace was great. That must be one beautiful piece and I liked the symbolism behind it. Touching...and very fitting. Yes, I can't wait to see what people see when she actually wears that thing in public. Definitely a show of who she 'belongs' to now. And the parallel with Padmé's Japor Snippet was wonderful as well. Poor Padmé- she has to sneak and hide to be able to just meet with the man she loves and Dormé gets to where a necklace that makes everything quite clear.

    And that was an interesting conversation between Mace and Yoda. Though I can see Mace's points, I really am glad that Anankin gets to go the ball. And Yoda's right- it would be extremely odd for Anakin not to be there. As for Ivo being a bad influence...well...

    Anyway, got to go now, but it was a wonderful chapter and hopefully I can keep up better now.
  7. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    I just wanted to apologeize for being AWOL of late.

    My wife an dI are in the midst of final preparations for a massive renovation of our house, which will see two thirds of it torn down and rebuilt. Therefore, I am having a very difficult time finding the free time to transfer what's in my head and in long-hand to digital. Also, I don't want to do replies until I am within inches of getting the next post up.

    So, please keep the thread up....It'll be soon.


  8. QueenSabe7

    QueenSabe7 Chosen One star 6

    Mar 23, 2001
    alright, finally all caught up! :eek:

    I am so happy I found this story, it's so wonderfully written and I couldnt stop reading it. I love your take on Dorme and Ivo reminds me so much of Anakin.... 'nuff said ;)

    as for this post... let me just say if any man gave me a necklace like that I would demand to marry him on the spot! :p Dorme is one lucky Naboo. I do feel for Padme as she has to continue to hide her feelings and not let them shine just as Ivo is doing for Dorme. It must be so frustrating but hopefully things will go well at the Ball?? *fingers crossed* Dorme's mother better not be a problem... :mad:

    I also wanted to say I loooove how you brought back Eirtae and how Sache was mentioned, even tho it was brief. Im a handmaiden fanatic so it was good to see a few of the originals brought back into the mix of things. :)
  9. laurethiel1138

    laurethiel1138 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Feb 6, 2003

    Definitely a show of who she 'belongs' to now.

    I think it is more a show of who she belongs with. A slight nuance, but given the equalitarian bases of their relationship (Ivo's "superior" social status notwithstanding), I believe it is more appropriate.

    And taking into account the fact that GL based the Kalinadian society on a mix of German and Celt principles, too. I mean, in Medieval Europe, Scots and Irish were the only ones who gave their women a say in who they were marrying: they still had to get the 'bona fide' of their family, but if they didn't want the laddie, it was final. And then there is the handfasting custom, too, which is a lot alike the "fast rite" marriage Ivo talked about...


    Lauré :)
  10. QueenSabe7

    QueenSabe7 Chosen One star 6

    Mar 23, 2001
  11. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    The next part finally went to my beta late this afternoon EDT....

    replies tonight or early am tomorrow....

    next post: SOON!
  12. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    Finally, replies.....

    Well, let me deal with something several of you mentioned, the continuing connection to "The Red Bedroom."

    Some, well most of you, have read "To Absent Friends," the first Ivo Arzhan story written, which takes place some 22 years after this. In it, one of the recurring ideas is the fact that certain events have ripples effecting numbers of people all out of proportion to the actual incident. In TAF, the incident was the death of Padme Skywalker, in SL&B, the incident is the death of Talsia Arzhan. It and her husband's reaction to it have elevated a happy marriage to the pinnacle of romance, within Kalinadian culture. Anything associated with it, such as the Kalinas, has immediate and occasionally profound meaning within the culture.

    Ivo has chosen to use this to his advantage, but at the same time, he does buy into the ethos, and as those of you who have read "The Red Bedroom" know, he has some special insight on the matter. In short, Dorme's analysis of the messages of the necklace is correct.

    MissPadme--- Yes, it is one heck of a necklace, and Padme is getting the short end of the stick here.

    As for Anakin and the Ball [I decided to avoid an ACDC joke here...Good taste and all ;) ] Just wait...

    Geo3--- Well, I love small details too.... as Don Henley said in 1985 or so, "The Lawyers dwell on small details."

    I am glad that you liked the characterization of Kobal. It is a difficulkt line to walk when as the author, I know that Kobal truly loves and is concerned for her younger daughter, but that there is a lot of baggage standing between them. Is it displaced a degree. Remember that I had Kanlie indicate that the great curse of her mother's life was to be a technically quite excellent musician, a fine, if pedestrian, composer and an at time inspired teacher, who gave birth to the greatest thretella player that ever lived (or so said the Naboo equivalent of Hayden or Puccini). Is it pique at the fact that her daughter began to ignore her guidance as to music/life at about 12, and hasn't looked back, to a degree. Is it that she and Dorme are so alike in so many ways that they have a 'half-life?' To a degree.

    I just hope that you continue to enjoy.

    Yes, the Ball will be well attended.....

    Arriss--- Yeah, Padme can't really win here, but it will get better for a brief period.

    So, I hope that you enjoyed C3...

    PadawanKitara--- Maybe the best thing to say is that Kobal is simply not really that comfortable around people...She is a somewhat emotionally closed person, loyal, caring to the point of interfering and steadfast, but not really emotionally open, othe rthan with her husband, who has always had the talent of emotionally engaging her.

    Though, Dorme's dropping out of the music world, didn't help....

    qingauk--- The necklace was thought up rather quickly, and very early on in the planning....

    I hope that you enjoyed C3, and had a blast with the costume....

    anakin_girl--- It's not that Kobal dislikes Ivo effecting Dorme's music, but it's a sudden relaization of the depth of the feelings her daughter holds for a man that Kobal once called a 'strutting barbarian.'

    Oh, and congrats again!!!!

    laurethiel1138--- Thank you, and as to the music, needless to say, I agree.

    Hope that you continue to enjoy!

    NamelessAlien--- Welcome back!!!!

    I am gald that you enjoyed, and I hope that I can keep your interest with Korva taken. 8-}

    Sophronia--- As to white or black pearls...You tell me.

    Oh, and one Wizard of Oz reference deserves another...So, just imagine three Indoni Riflemen entering stage right singing:

    "We represent the Cholongan Army, the Cholongan Army, the Cholongan Army...."

    Alethia--- Hey, by my recent standards, you're early.

    All I can say is thanks, and I think you'll enjoy the Ball....

    QueenSabe7--- Thanks for the kind words and thoughts....

    Handmaidens...Well, it seemed such a waste not to use them. In fact
  13. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    As promised a new post.....

    Chapter 30

    Part I And so, it begins

    Coruscant, The Kalinadian Embassy Tower, Security Company Commander?s office, 1223 hrs.

    Ivo sighed as he walked through his office door. After a week of endlessly frustrating planning and now it was all coming to fruition. He?d been praised over the last several days by any number of people for the simplicity and reinforcing strength of the Security arrangements, although, his Great Uncle Calians had felt it necessary to reminded him that he was really defending against an assassination attempt and not an infantry assault on the building. Ivo was subtly proud of himself, but one thing troubled him: in the nearly three days since he?d met her parents at dinner, he had not seen Dormé.

    Oh, he?d talked to her by comm, and the continued calm consistency of the harmonies of creation around her told Ivo that she was all right.

    It?s not the same as having seen her?No matter, I?ll see her in a few hours?then, I?ll finally get to see the outcome of all that dress fitting that she was complaining about?

    At least the dinner went well?

    As Ivo sat down behind his desk, for one last review of the plan, his mind drifted to the dinner at which he had been presented for consideration to Dormé?s parents. It had been interesting, to say the least. He had come to the conclusion that he now knew what other men went through in such meetings. Unlike Elica?s parents, no one had bowed or scraped, and there was not a wasted ?Milord? all evening. Ivo believed that her father?s initial attitude was cautious curiosity, while her mother seemingly felt that Ivo was virtually stealing their daughter from a career that everyone understood that the daughter didn?t want. Indeed, for the first few minutes of the dinner, Dormé?s mother had seemed far happier that Ivo had set Dormé up for an opera performance than because he?d proposed. After a few more moments of continued banter and praise of Dormé, things had seemed to get better.

    An odd woman, but I think that I was able to charm her in the end?though, I?ll really never know for certain if I?ve merely achieved neutrality of opinion or victory?except with Dormé.

    Quickly he drifted back to a point little after the dinner ended. Dormé had waved her parents and sister on ahead of them. As they walked away, she had entwined her arm with his, and had whispered in Kalinadian, ?I know the risk of a backlash that you?re taking in making as public a statement as the necklace will make about us. I just wanted to thank you for it, for the feeling it represents and for having faith in my ability to live up to it.? Ivo had stood mute for several moments after she?d spoken. Now, nearly three days later, Ivo still found himself bemused not really by the statement, but by the fact that she felt the need to make it.

    He had said the only thing that seemed reasonable at the time, ?There is no backlash that can?t be stared down, as long as one remains steady and calm.? Dormé had simply smiled up at him, and leaned the side of her head against his shoulder. She trusted him unequivocally. Smiling at the memory, Ivo shifted her attention from the plan to the list of confirmed guests.

    His heart sank as he read a number of familiar female names scattered throughout the list. The list ended with Elica Lady Arhantia. The others were similar daughters of middle of the pack nobles, and more importantly, were Elica?s friends. They would have been the core of the new ?Dunlind set? that Elica would have created, and later of the inner court around the Protectoral couple. Further, they were neither forgiving nor prone to reasonableness.

    Ivo winced as he could again hear his confidant voice of three days before, ?There is no backlash that can?t be stared down, as long as one remains steady and calm.?

    Well, I?ll find out if my great-grandfather Corlashilon?s statement on the reaction to his moving his mistress to Dunlindia is true tonight?I can look on the
  14. geo3

    geo3 Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 29, 2002
    First reply! At last - the ball! Great chapter - I'll be more specific in my comments when I get back. I just wanted to snag the first slot.
  15. qingauk

    qingauk Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 12, 2002
    lovely.. just lovely.. anticipation of the ball is on my mind.. now .. i want it now.. :).. you are doing superbly sir.. like the ruler himself!
  16. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    You did such a fantastic job with the descritpions that I can picture it in my mind!
  17. MissPadme

    MissPadme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 9, 1998
    Can't wait to see what else happens at the ball!

  18. laurethiel1138

    laurethiel1138 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Feb 6, 2003
    While taking up his position at Dormé?s left side, Ivo simply said, in Kalinadian, ?Announce us.? The Herald stepped from the foyer to the landing and called out, ?Dormé Lady Lankrerrie of Naboo and her escort, His Grace, the Duke of Dunlind.?

    Let us say that such an introduction is bound to state clearly that Ivo loves her, if he's willing to "simply" be her escort for the night. I hope the meaning of such a statement won't escape the notice of the crowd here assembled.

    They stepped out on to the landing. Ignoring the beginnings of a reaction in the crowd below, Ivo raised his right hand, palm down and level with his chest. Without looking, he felt Dormé?s hand rest on top of his. He spread his fingers slightly, and the fingers of her left hand swiftly dove between them. Ivo curled his fingers securely over hers, toward his palm.

    Oh, by the Force! What a beautifully written paragraph. There isn't much to say except I love the slow description of the movements leading to the completion of what I have come to call the "Kalinadian Love Hand Posture". It really drives home the significance of the act.

    As they stood still for a fraction of a second before beginning their walk down the stairs, the gasps and straining stares at them began.

    As some would say, get the ball rolling...

    Superb, fantastic, GL!


    You have my palms sweating of anticipation for the next post...


    Lauré :)
  19. QueenSabe7

    QueenSabe7 Chosen One star 6

    Mar 23, 2001
    Handmaidens...Well, it seemed such a waste not to use them. In fact, despite Dorme, I have wondered why Lucas didn't use the same or some of the same handmaidens in AOTC that he used in TPM. Any ideas?

    I've actually wondered the same thing because I loved the orginal 5 from TPM and thought it wouldve been nice to see them again in ATOC. Lucas may have thought, in Sabe's case, that as she grew older, she did not resemble Padme as much as before, seeing as how 10 yrs had passed between films. Also, after becoming senator, he may have felt Padme may have wanted a change due to her change in position. Not being a teenage Queen anymore, she wanted more freedom.(?) Just some guesses. :p

    About the post:
    Well, this is definitly getting exciting! Even though I have a feeling it wont go good, Im anxious to see what happens when and if Dorme runs into Elica. [face_plain] Ivo better watch out for the claws...
  20. Alethia

    Alethia Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 13, 2005
    Well, someone sure knows how to make an entrance...

    And finally the ball! I loved the work-up to it, with the scenes set before it. And now I can't want to see what actually happens during it.

    Sorry for the shortness, but I have to go...just wanted to reply while I had the chance.
  21. Arriss

    Arriss Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 1, 2002
    Great entrance by Dormé and Ivo. =D= But they need to watch out for Elica ? I don?t think she?s going to let bygones be bygones. [face_devil]

    Of course a good ?dressing down? by Dormé would be fitting. ;)

    Ahh, Padmé?and Anakin? [face_love]

    Sidious/Palpatine = :mad:

    C3 was fantastic, I must say!! A great time was had by all! :D

    Waiting for the continuation of the ball.
  22. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    Just popping in to say, thanks for the replies so far, but I am startled by how direct and anticipatory a number of them are....

    It would appear that I have acheived ever author's dream/nightmare: I have a good percentage of my audience salivating for more.....

    Well, I just hope that it lives up to expectations.

    FYI, a reminder on some casting:

    1) Elica Arhantia....Monica Bellucci;
    2) Calians Arhaliak....Jeremy Brett (there is a movie trivia reason for this involving the woman who would play Talsia Arzhan nee Arhaliak...I'll entertain guesses. A hint: it involves an epic novel made a movie in the fifties);
    3) Zarik Arkodda....Edward Fox; and
    4) Gersalis Exarch Ardedes....John Mills

    More later, and if I stay on schedule (Me, on schedule!?! :eek: 8-} ), and if my Beta is up to it a new post either Sunday or Monday with replies a day before the new post.

    EDIT: Also, I still have available, a genological chart for the aid of anyone who feels that they need it for the upcoming Ball. I'll just need a PM with an address to send the e-mail.
  23. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    I thought that movie was from the 60's ?

    lovely Miss A.H.

  24. GunraysLawyer

    GunraysLawyer Jedi Master star 4

    May 23, 2003
    PadwanKitara--- Hmm...The shot used as the Portarit earlier in this story is a publicity shot from, I think, "Roman Holiday," for which she won the 1954 Best Actress Oscar. The trivia point is from a different movie..... I await your guess....
  25. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001

    I have often walked down that street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before...

    How dare they dub his singing voice!
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