Beyond ~~Soul Shadows~~ [OC, drama, angst, a little romance] Author note 5/13

Title: Soul Shadows
Author: Alexis_Wingstar
Setting: 500 years ABY
Note: All the characters are OC's. Maci and Mel are OC's made up by friends of mine for a RP on another site.
Warning: Very intense drama.

Chapter 1: Revelations

Alexis lie with her eyes closed upon the bed. Her eyes were not the only portals closed, for within her, she closed herself off to the force and to those who were worried about her: Bryont and Maci, her beloved parents; Seym Lumian, her dear friend and fellow padawan whom she loved like a brother; and Healer Hauzer, her master who mentored her even before he took over her training. She could hear them talking outside her room, but she paid them no attention. Instead, she tried to sink into sleep, yet it eluded her. It was not because of the conversation she heard from the next room she could not relax into a restful state. It was the battle within her.

Just a couple days ago they had rescued her from Korriban. Darth An?Thrax lay dead on the hot sands of that vile planet?s desert. Though a part of her was relieved to be away from there and back with her friends and family on the way home, there was a big part of her that wished she had died as well. As a matter of fact, she felt a part of her had died. A part of her soul was ravaged along with her body in the months of? apprenticeship, Darth An?Thrax had called it. Shadows now dwelled within her. Shadows she wished to shrink away from and sink into at the same time.

The warm love of her family and friends around her on the ship felt like a scorching fire. The time she spent immersed in the dark side on Korriban left her unable to stand the sudden brightness of the light side of the force. It was as though she had been imprisoned in a dark hole where no light had gotten in, and had suddenly been brought out into a bright Tatooine day with that world?s two suns shining down into her eyes. It was too much all at once.

Alexis opened her eyes as she realized, ?I can?t stay at the temple. I don?t belong there now.?

Slowly, she rose from the bed and walked across the small room and paused at the door. She steeled herself before going back out into the light of her loved ones? embrace. Her small hand shook as she lifted it to tap the button beside the door.

Her hand paused for a brief moment before pressing that button, as she stared at her hand. It seems as though this hand belongs to someone else. It is a child's hand, but I feel so old and weary.

Then she pressed the button and for the first time since she retired to her room on the ship two days ago, she emerged.

Her four rescuers quickly stopped talking and turned their heads to look at her.

?I?m sorry if we woke you, Allie.? Bryont said in a gentle tone.

?I wasn?t sleeping.? Her voice was hoarse from not being used. She tried to smile slightly, but her lips were so chapped it hurt.

Seym quickly went to get her a glass of water. ?Here, this should help.?

Alexis avoided looking into her friend?s eyes as she took the refreshing drink. ?Thank you.?

?Any time, Lexi.? Seym put a gentle hand on her shoulder. He frowned as she pulled away from his touch, but said nothing.

Pretending to concentrate on drinking, Alexis walked away from Seym. She knew he still loved her, but did not wish to think about that. She looked up at the adults. ?I? want to thank you for coming to rescue me? I?m sorry I was rather? taciturn the past few days.?

Maci walked over to Alexis and gave her a hug. She slowly pulled away though when she felt her step daughter stiffen. ?It?s alright. You?ve been through a lot.? The former jedi master was alarmed at how emaciated Alexis appeared. She had felt the girl?s ribs in the brief embrace. ?Have you eaten any of the food we brought in to you??

?I couldn?t.? Alexis looked down at the floor as she whispered her reply. She had tried to eat, but the first bite made her wretch. She looked up over at her father, then over at Master Healer Hauzer. ?Master, I need to speak with you in

Oh, very interesting start! Please PM when you update this one.

The warm love of her family and friends around her on the ship, felt like a scorching fire. The time she spent immersed in the dark side on Korriban left her unable to stand the sudden brightness of the light side of the force. It was as though she had been imprisoned in a dark hole where no light had gotten in, and had suddenly been brought out into a bright Tatooine day with that world?s two suns shining down into her eyes. It was too much all at once.

WOnderful! And how very true this would be.

OK, i shall.

It's funny, when I wrote that part, I kept thinking about that alien dude that's in love with Vicky on "Fairly Odd Parents". OMG, I watch way to much cartoons! Well, to my credit, I do have an eight-year-old son, and I have to monitor what he watches.

OK, i shall.

It's funny, when I wrote that part, I kept thinking about that alien dude that's in love with Vicky on "Fairly Odd Parents". OMG, I watch way to much cartoons! Well, to my credit, I do have an eight-year-old son, and I have to monitor what he watches.

Healer Hauser backed away from her; not out of fear, but, the strong emotions coming from Alexis surpised him. For the first time since the rescue, he could sense Alexis. As she had said, he did not sense the loving, gentle soul he had bonded with a few short months ago. Anger, hatred, sorrow and fear came at him in a violent rush. He looked at the girl standing there who was now a stranger. Then he saw the deep sorrow and regret in her eyes. Not a complete stranger, I can sense the good in you still... and something else, though I cannot place what it is...

?Padawan??

?No! Don?t call me that!? It was her turn to back away from the master healer who reached out to her once more. She backed up into the bed, and sat down hard. ?Can?t you see I?ve turned? The dark side has swallowed me. I can?t be a jedi now. I can?t go home. I might hurt the babies. I?d rather die.?

He could tell that Alexis was fighting back tears. His heart went out to her as he spoke quietly. ?Where will you go then, if not to the temple or to your family?s home?? ?I don?t know.? Alexis? voice sounded small and lost. ?All I know is I can?t go home.? She bit her bottom lip as it started to tremble.

Healer Hauser quickly went over to sit next to her and put an arm around her shoulders and drew her to him. This time, she did not pull away. Her shoulders heaved as she sobbed and buried her head in his chest. He held her tight as she cried. He said nothing, but gently sent to her a sense of assurance while he stroked her hair. That is when he realized what the something else he sensed was. His brow furrowed slightly, but he said nothing. He just held Alexis and did his best to comfort her.

After several minutes, Alexis? sobbing slowly ebbed and finally ceased. She pulled away with a small sniffle. ?I?m sorry,? she said as she reached for the bed covering and began rubbing the front of the healer?s robe, sopping up the moisture from her tears. She looked briefly in his eyes and blushed, embarrassed by her weeping display.

?No need for apologies.? He smiled gently as he caught her hands in his. ?Alexis, I understand your reasoning for not going home, but don?t turn your back on the order and everyone who loves you. We can help you through this. The darkness hasn?t swallowed you whole. There is still so much good in you.?

Again, Alexis turned away as a feeling of deep shame came to the fore. She drew her hands out of his gentle grip. Subconsciously, she placed a hand on her stomach.

Swallowing, the healer asked delicately. ?Is Darth An?Thrax the father??

Oh, the plot thickens! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Alexis? eyes were round with a combination of surprise and fear as she looked around sharply at her master. She took in a deep breath, trying not to start crying again. She opened her mouth to speak, but all that would come out was a squeak, and the tears began to flow once more. She nodded as she drew up her knees and buried her face in her hands.

?H-h-he forced me?? her despondent voice was muffled by her hands. ?It hurt so bad I wanted to die!?

Awkwardly, he put a hand on her back as a comforting gesture. ?Alexis, I?m??

She quickly jumped off the bed and backed away from him. ?Please, just,? she paused a moment, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. ?Just don?t tell my parents yet!? She paced back and forth. ?I can?t deal with them knowing right now.?

?Alexis, they can help you.?

She raised her voice, ?Please!? She quickly looked at the door and lowered her voice barely above a whisper. ?They?re worried enough about me, and I can?t stand to see how my father will take this. Please, I?ll tell them, but, not yet? I?m not ready!?

She suddenly felt very tired. Sensing her weariness, the healer rose from the bed. ?Ok. Go to sleep now. We?ll be back on Corruscant in a few hours. I suggest stay at the temple for a week or so until you heal. Then you can decide what to do from there.? He spoke soothingly.

Alexis nodded and crawled into bed. ?I?m not sure if I can sleep though. Images I prefer not to see come when I lower my guard.?

Healer Hauzer placed a hand on her temple, and let the force flow through his fingers as he whispered. ?Sleep.?

The girl was asleep instantly.

The healer sighed wearily and steeled himself before going out to face Bryont and Maci. He did not want to lie to them, yet he respected his padawan?s wishes not to tell her parents. She?s just eleven-years-old! He thought. She only had her first period this year. His hand tightened into a fist. Stang, if An?Thrax weren?t already dead? just think how Bryont will take it when he hears. I don't blame her for waiting to tell him! He took a deep breath to calm himself then opened the door.

Whoa!! That poor girl, so much to have had to endure.

I'd love to get PM updates for this story.

Your wish is my command.

I'm sorry about the other night everyone, I wish there was a way we can delete an accidental post! Well, w/o further ado, the end of chapter one...

About a week later, Alexis sat in her private chamber at the temple, playing her flute. At first, she played it haltingly, not sure of what she was going to play, but soon she closed her eyes and just let go. Soon, like it had happened so often in the past, beautiful music flowed from the girl and the instrument as they became one. The melody held a melancholy air that mirrored the gloom from within.

A light rapping came from the door.

Alexis finished playing and lowered the flute from her lips. ?Come in, father.?

Bryont slowly opened the door and peeked in with an uneasy smile. ?I have someone here I?d like you to meet. Are you up for company??

The girl rolled her eyes as she stood. ?I?m not a frail sickling, dad, you don?t have to treat me with kid gloves.? Ever since he found out she had been raped and was pregnant, her father had been going out of his way to make sure she was alright and almost tiptoeing around her. It rather irritated her.

Bryont chuckled as he entered, and a woman with long red hair followed him in. ?Allie, I?d like you to meet my cousin, Colleen. Colleen, Allie.?

?Hi, Allie.? Colleen smiled as she reached to shake her hand.

?Alexis. Only dad is allowed to call me Allie.?

?Oh, I?m sorry. Alexis,? the woman?s eyes rested briefly on the instrument in Alexis? hand. ?I heard you playing. It was beautiful, but I couldn?t quite place the tune though??

?Oh, it wasn?t any tune in particular. I was just? playing what I felt.? Alexis shrugged.

Colleen tilted her head in curiosity. ?Can you play a tune for me??

Knitting her brows together in puzzlement, Alexis shrugged once more. ?Sure. What do you wish to hear??

Bryont?s cousin paused as she thought about it. ?I?ll sing a song, and you can jump in to accompany me, if that?s alright.?

?Go ahead.? Alexis said as she brought the flute up to her lips to get ready. She listened as Colleen began to sing, and soon she began to play, harmonizing with the woman in perfect synch.

When the song was over, Colleen smiled brightly. ?You are quite talented.?

?Thank you. You are, too.? Alexis looked at her father. ?What?s this about??

Bryont?s laugh sounded nervous. ?You still like to come right to the point. Well, you told us you didn?t feel comfortable staying here or at home. Colleen is a professional singer. In fact, she?s on tour right now. I don?t want you going out on your own. I thought perhaps you could travel with her.?

Alexis looked back and forth at her father and Colleen. Unexpected feelings warred inside her. Part of her felt betrayed, that her father was just using the excuse that she felt uncomfortable to get rid of her because he felt awkward around her. Part of her knew that was not the case, that her father loved her and was doing his best to do what was right for her. She shrugged. ?Ok. When do we leave??

?Well, I have two more performances here on Corruscant, and then I go on to Corellia and other planets.?

Alexis nods. ?Good. I?ll be ready.?

A couple days later, Bryont and Maci carry the triplets as they see Alexis off at the spaceport. Seym was there, too, but he stood back quietly.

Alexis looked up at her parents and hugged them. ?Don?t worry about me, alright? I?m going to be fine.?

Bryont, who was still holding Keegan in one arm, lifted her up in his other arm to hug her tight. ?I know you will. But I?ll still miss you.? He closed his eyes to keep the tears that threatened to come at bay.

?Dad,? Alexis rasped. ?You have to let go, I can?t breathe!?

?Oh, sorry!? Bryont gasped as he quickly but gently settled her back to the floor. ?I didn?t hurt?? He looked at Alexis? belly and swallowed even though there were no outward signs yet that she was pregnant.

Alexis gave a small smile and sighed. ?No harm done. I?ll miss you, too.? She looked around as she started to

I wish there was a way we can delete an accidental post!

Your wish is my command.

Aww, Alexis should be glad she has her dad there to support her through this rough time.

Hmm, interesting turn of events. So, she'll travel with Colleen? I only worry who she might see out while traveling.

AACK! I got behind!

But that meant I had TWO wonderful posts to read at once.

Loving this story!

It isn't so much his support, it's his uneasiness that irritates her. I guess I may have not worded it correctly.

Colleen has a good group of roadies and a bodyguard to keep Alexis out of trouble... from without, anyway, hehe.

Oh, and thanks for deleting those accidental posts! I felt like such an idiot!

Thank you, VaderLVR, your praise means a lot to me, since I enjoy your stories so much!

Chapter 2: Precipice

?You are mine forever now, Apprentice.? The gravelly voice rasped in her ear. Her master?s hot breath on her cheek made her shudder. His weight upon her pressed her against the cold stone, and she could not move.

?No!? Her shrill cry seemed to go on forever, and then she was sitting up in bed, drenched in sweat.

Alexis looked around frantically, her breath coming in ragged sobs. ?A dream! It was just another dream,? she whispered to herself. ?He?s dead. He can?t hurt you any more.?

?You think so, Apprentice??

Alexis? eyes went wide as suddenly all the light disappeared from the room, and she turned apprehensively toward the voice. She felt as though she were floating in mid-air. He was there before her.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she reached for her lightsaber.

?No.? She moaned as she realized she no longer had it. She had given it up to the council. Even though she was still in the order, she had given up her lightsaber to them for safe keeping.

Low laughter that sounded like the grinding roar of an earthquake filled her with cold fear.

?Do you think it?s that easy to get rid of me?? More laughter. ?Even if I were dead, I will still be with you.? He reached out his massive hand and touched her stomach meaningfully.

?Don?t touch me!? She yelled as hot anger filled her. Her hair whipped wildly around even though there was no wind.

He smiled at her. It was not a nice smile. ?You?re so beautiful when you are angry, my love.?

?I hate you!? Her voice cracked as she screamed. ?Get out of my head!?

?Alexis??

She looked around and saw she was standing on the bed in the hotel room. Seeing Colleen just inside the door, she took a deep, steadying breath before she spoke shakily, ?Oh, hi.?

?Are you alright?? Colleen?s face as well as voice held concern for her young companion.

A faint echo of his laughter mocked Alexis, and she heard him whisper. ?Come back to me, my lover.?

?He?s alive.? She stood there on the bed, shaking with cold and dread. Her sweat-drenched black hair and pink lacy nightgown were plastered against her skin.

?Come down from there.? Colleen spoke softly as she came over and took Alexis? hand. ?Who?s alive, honey??

Alexis hopped off the bed as she responded. ?He is. Darth An?Thrax.? Her shivering became more pronounced.

?Honey, you?re freezing!? The older woman exclaimed as she reached for the girl?s robe and put it around her. ?I thought you and Bry killed him.?

?So did we.? Alexis told Colleen about how she saw the sith lord after awakening, and what he had said.

?Are you sure you weren?t still dreaming? Sometimes when you wake up from a nightmare, it can stay with you for awhile.?

Alexis shook her head with grim certainty. ?It was no dream.? Her dark, doe-like eyes projected her misery and horror. She put a hand on her stomach. ?He?s calling to me, Colleen; he wants me to come back to him.?

The trepidation in the girl?s voice touched Colleen?s heart. ?Honey, he can?t make you go to him.?

Alexis looked up at Colleen. ?But he can come after me. And he won?t care who he hurts to get at me.? Her voice rose in pitch. ?If innocents die because I?m too afraid to go face him??

?Alexis, listen to me!? Colleen spoke urgently as she grabbed the girl?s shoulders. ?You?ll be playing right into his hands if you go.?

Tears welled up in Alexis? eyes, and Colleen embraced her. ?Oh, sweetie, it?s going to be alright. You?ll see. He?s just playing mind games with you. Don?t let that evil gundark get to you!?

Alexis pulled away as she wiped a tear that had fallen. ?I?d better go take a shower. I feel all yucky.?

?OK,? the older woman nodded. ?I?ll just go get ready for the concert tonight. Remember, this one starts at seven.?

With that, she left the room, and Alexis ran into the refresher, slamming the door behind her.

She barely made it to the commode when she started retching violently. By the time she was finished, she was on her knees an

Poor Alexis, her horrid ordeal is no where near done yet. She need fast help to deal with this.

Superb post!

Yay, another reader! Yes, I'll PM you.

Thank you, Healer_Leona.

This is the first story I'm posting here that I haven't finished writing already. Though I have an idea where this is going to go, I'm not sure what twists and turns it will take... somehow when I'm writing, things tend to come up that I didn't plot but just has to go in.

Poor Alexis!

?Alexis, I need you!?

?Get out of my head!? She cried out.

?Love me, Alexis, like I love you.?

She fell to her knees as she let out a wordless scream and wept, the hot water running over her and merging with her tears and washing the soap away.

Leave me alone! She mouthed the words, though no sound came.

?Come to me, Alexis. I need you.?

?Alexis?? Another voice came from the other side of the door accompanied by loud knocking.

She bolted upright, startled.

His voice faded away on one last sentence. ?I?ll be waiting for you, my love.?

?Alexis, are you alright?? Master Healer Hauzer?s voice came from behind the door. ?Colleen told me what happened.?

Can't wait for more!

Thank you, thankyouverymuch.

?I?m fine!? She lied, feeling an irrational surge of resentment. The healer had come along to keep an eye on her condition. ?Can I have a little bit of privacy? I?m in the shower, for crying out loud!?

?I?m sorry. I?ll just wait for you out here until you?re finished.? Healer Hauzer turned red as he spoke. He walked away from the door, and waited. Sensing her turmoil, he was greatly worried for his young padawan. He wanted to stay near, just in case.

?You do that.?

The healer frowned slightly at her tone. That is so unlike her! He could sense her blocking him out, which did not surprise him, but it made him uneasy. He had a sense of foreboding that he could not shake.

Suddenly he heard the sound of breaking glass from the refresher.

?Alexis?? He ran to the door. Upon trying to open it, he discovered it was locked. ?Alexis, open up!?

He only paused a moment more before using force pull to yank the door off it?s hinges, and tossed it to the side.

?No!? The site that met him turned his blood cold.

There was Alexis, a broken mirror shard in her bloody hands, ready to stab herself. No sooner than he spoke, he was holding her wrists to prevent her from doing so.

?Let go of me!? She screamed as she let go of the shard with one hand and force pushed him with tremendous strength.

Healer Hauzer still had a hold of her wrists, however, so as he flew out of the room through the broken doorway, Alexis came with him. Thinking quickly, he used the force to slow their flight, and they stopped in midair. He levitated them down to the floor so their feet gently touched down, still holding her wrists.

Alexis struggled to free her wrists, her face contorted with pain and anger. ?Let go of me!?

?Stop it, Alexis! I?m not going to let you harm yourself!? He twists her around so that he is holding her from behind, and her arms are crossed and pinned in front of her. ?Now, let go of the mirror shard!?

?OK.? She said through gritted teeth. She opened her hands and as she did so, blood flowed swiftly from her lacerated fingers.

Healer Hauzer didn?t have time to worry about that as he had to dodge the shards Alexis hurled towards his face using the force. His grip loosened from her wrists, and she was able to break loose. She turned around rapidly, slapping at him with opened hands since she could not close her fingers in a fist. Fierce anger made her movements unnaturally swift as she flailed both arms towards the master healer?s face.

?Alexis, stop it!? His voice rose as he blocked her blows. He caught her arms once more, and she kicked at his groin.

?Let go of me!? She shouted.

?Not until you settle down.?

Alexis struggled to get out of his grip, shredding her feet on the shattered glass that was on the floor. Finally, she stopped struggling and stood there glaring at the healer, breathing heavily. In a small voice, she pleaded. ?Why can?t you leave me alone??

Then she broke down in gut-wrenching sobs.

Healer Hauzer pulled her to him in an embrace. ?I won?t leave you alone, Alexis. I won?t ever leave you to get hurt again!?

She buried her head in his robe and wept as he gently picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. After laying her on the bed, he took a hold of her wrists and concentrated his force healing to stop the bleeding. Alexis? sobs grew faint as she watched him heal her. Then she realized she was still naked, and blushed. She pulled away from him, curling her knees up and hugging them close to her chest.

?Alex?? he stopped in mid word as he looked up at her, and blinked, finally realizing as well the bare state she was in. He looks around and spots her bathrobe, levitates it over to his waiting hand, then puts the robe around her shoulders.

?Thank you.? She whispers listlessly, letting the robe slip down.

?Alexis, we need to talk about what just happened.?

?I don?t feel like talking.? She says weakly as she lays down with her back to him, with her knees still curled up to her chest.

The healer pulls

Never the way to deal with problems. She is in sore need of a Soul Healer.

Awesome post Alexis.

Thanks, Healer_Leona.

Healer Hauzer has been known to do some soul healing, but in this case, he's too close to the patient and the problem to be effective. Oops there I go again giving away little tidbits of what's gonna come next!

Absolutely lovely! Heartbreaking, but beautiful.

The healer pulls the bed covers over her. ?Rest then, padawan,? he speaks softly, ?we?ll talk when you awaken.?

Alexis was asleep by the time he finished speaking.

?Sleep peacefully, padawan.? He whispers as he gently brushes her hair back from her face. He then puts his hands over where her feet were under the blankets, and concentrates on healing the cuts on the soles.

When he is finished, he moves to the chair next to the bed, and sits there like a sentinel, watching over her.