Soulhunters. Obi/Qui angst, supernatural (JA) *New post 03/18* COMPLETED

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Nifet, Jul 7, 2002.

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  1. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Title: Soulhunters
    Timeline: JA, Obi-Wan is 18
    Summary: Deadly Soulhunter on the loose. Obi-Wan between the worlds. Appearance of devil a.k.a. Woland. Obi/Qui.
    Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars (what a revelation!). My characters are mine, others belong to GL.

    I am a starting author and need feedback. Well, every author needs feedback :)

    Big thanks to Aunecah_Skywalker for her help. Aunecah, you're a wonderful beta-reader :)
  2. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    And here is the first part. Please, tell me what you think.

    // - talking through a bond or through the Force
    italics - character's thoughts
    -------------------------

    Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi was so engrossed in his studies that he didn't notice his Master coming into their shared quarters at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. For a moment the Master just stood there watching his 18-year-old Padawan fondly. The boy was crouched on a couch, his eyes fixed on a datapad in his hands. His braid dangled from behind his right ear. It was constantly falling onto the screen and the boy would unconsciously brush it away. A little smile crept onto the Master's face. Obi-Wan huffed in irritation and scrolled few pages back. Qui-Gon decided it was time to make his presence known:

    "Padawan"

    At the sound of his Master's voice Obi-Wan raised his head startled but quickly recovered and looked at the older man questionably.

    "The Council wishes to see us"

    The boy put his datapad aside looking like he was glad to get away from it for a while. Then followed his Master out of the room.

    "Do you think they will send us on a mission?" - asked Obi-Wan on their way to the Council Chamber. Last time they had had a mission two months ago. It ended, as usual, in the Healer's Ward. It amazed everyone how this pair managed to always end up there. But now they both were ready to go back into the field.

    "This is most probable" - Qui-Gon knew that his Padawan was bored from staying at the Temple. Besides all of his friends were away on one mission or other.

    With that they came to the doors of the Council Chamber. The girl at the reception desk nodded to them and they entered.

    Obi-Wan always felt a bit nervous and excited at once going through these doors before the mission. There were already two persons standing in the middle of the circle room. Master Ka'Niel and his padawan Kamon Turnell. Master Ka'Niel was a revered Jedi and wide known for his fighting skills. The yellow twi'lek turned his head to the newcomers and slightly inclined it in greeting. His Padawan Kamon Turnell - a human boy about Obi-Wan's age with black hair and dark eyes - also turned his head.
    Padawans exchanged glances in greeting behind their Masters' backs.

    //Don't loose your focus, Padawan// - heard Obi-Wan through his bond with Qui-Gon. And once again wondered if his Master had eyes on the back of his head.

    //Yes, Master//

    "A missiom for you we have" - started Yoda. His green eyes slowly opened and he looked at each Master/Padawan team in turn.

    "It is a trade dispute on planet Allura. They asked for Jedi as mediators, - continued Mace Windu. - Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi are assigned to this mission. Padawan Turnell will also accompany you."

    No-one was surprised at this - Qui-Gon Jinn was a renowned negotiator, one of the best in the Order. Any Padawan would be glad to learn from such a Master. Needless to say that Padawan Turnell was overjoyed. Which earned him a reprimand from his Master through their bond.

    "All the information you'll need is in your datapads. Your transport leaves in two hours. May the Force be with you" - finished Windu.

    Qui-Gon bowed to the Council, turned and left the chamber. Both Padawans followed suit. Ka'Niel stayed where his was apparently for further briefing.

    As soon as they were out of the hearing range of the Council Padawans almost jumped in excitement. They haven't seen each other for almost half a year and had much to discuss. The boys were about to start a brisk talk when they heard Qui-Gon's stern voice:

    "Come, Padawan. We have packing to do. I believe Padawan Turnell has some business of his own. Besides you'll have nine hours to talk abroad the ship" - he added in a warmer voice.

    "See you later, then" - said Obi-Wan to his friend and rushed to catch up to his Master who already started to walk to their quarters.
  3. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    A very nice start Jedi_Nifet :D and your right, there's just something about Padawans and trouble [face_mischief]

    Look forward to more.

    Rogue
  4. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Thank you, Rogue :)

    I'll update as soon as I can ;)

    Nifet
  5. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Uppie.

    Someone might want to take a look at this :)
  6. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
  7. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Hi, Jedi_Nifet . It's a good story! Keep up your good work.

    As far as grammer goes....

    How do you want me to do the corrections? (i.e., can I post them here? ;))

    Aunecah_Skywalker
  8. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    Great start :D Looking forward to more :)
  9. RingThane Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful start Jedi_Nifet!! :)
    I can't wait to see where you take this!
  10. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Looks like I'm having some audience! :)
    Welcome everyone and thank you for your nice words.

    Aunecah_Skywalker , I'm not sure you got my PM. (My computer decided it was time to turn off) If you didn't let me know, please.

    Nifet
  11. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
  12. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    Definately looks interesting :)

    Can't wait to see what trouble these two padawans will find :D

    Post more soon, okay?
  13. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Yes, Jedi_Nifet , I did get your PM.
  14. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    I'm finally back :D
    And now I have a beta-reader. Thank you very much Aunecah_Skywalker :)

    And here is the post
    ------------------------

    Two hours later the three Jedi arrived at the docking bay of the Temple. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood at the ship's ramp waiting for Kamon to join them. To their right, Master Ka'Niel was giving him some last instructions. Finally, when his mentor finished his instructions, Kamon gave him an affectionate hug, then turned and walked over to the two waiting for him.

    "Are you ready?" asked Qui-Gon.

    "Yes, Master Jinn."

    "Good. We can inform the pilot that he may take off. Padawan, would you please do that?"

    "Yes, Master" replied Obi-Wan obediently.

    He disappeared into the cockpit while Qui-Gon and Kamon strapped themselves in their seats. When Obi-Wan returned a little while later and
    strapped himself in his seat the ship took off. It zipped past the traffic of Coruscant and out of the planet's atmosphere. Few minutes later, when the ship jumped into hyperspace, the stars on the black cover of the sky turned from shining dots to burning streaks.

    *******************

    As soon as the ship entered hyperspace the Jedi started to review the upcoming mission. It seemed to be a simple one with no danger looming over the horizon. But Obi-Wan couldn't get rid of a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. At first he wanted to tell his Master. But? he knew perfectly well what will come next: the lecture about keeping his focus on the moment. Through the years, he became tired of it. Besides the feeling wasn't connected to their mission; and, frankly speaking, it was rather faint. It wasn't his usual "bad feeling", just something unsettling. So instead of telling anyone about it he pushed it into the farthest corner of his mind.

    *******************

    At last the boys were left on their own. Qui-Gon retired to a separate room for meditation.

    "So what shall we do now?" Kamon asked, looking around for any clue of a good occupation. They had at least four more hours to entertain themselves.

    "What about taking a closer look at the ship?" - Obi-Wan winked at him.

    "You do remember what happened the last time we took that 'closer look', don't you?" asked the other Padawan with mock seriousness.

    "Of course I do" - laughed Obi-Wan. - "It doesn?t happen every day that pilots forbid us to come close to their ship ever again."

    "And I heard this very ship will take us back from this mission. What would we do if he orders us out of his ship and forbids to return?" asked Kamon half worriedly and half jokingly.

    "We will not touch anything,? said Obi-Wan dismissively. ?Just take a look. I've never seen engines of this type" - Obi-Wan's eyes were bright with anticipation.

    "Oh no. That gleam in your eyes means nothing good." said Kamon, but he was
    as excited as Obi-Wan was.

    They quietly slipped past the room Qui-Gon was in and headed down to the engine room.

    *******************

    It was hour and a half before landing. Everything was quiet. That was exactly what worried Qui-Gon. So he decided to go check on his two charges. He walked over to the room they stayed in and peeked inside. The mystery of the unnatural silence was solved: the boys weren't there.

    Where could they have gone, - wondered the Jedi Master. He wasn't looking forward to searching high and low for two wayward apprentices that managed to get lost (at least from his point of view) in a relatively small ship.

    "I had my hands full with one Padawan" - mumbled Qui-Gon under his breath. - "Very nice of them to give me a second one on this mission" Letting the Force guide him he descended into the engine's room. The hole in the wall devoid of any light drew his attention.

    "Obi-Wan, are you in there?" - asked Qui-Gon looking down into the black hole.

    "Yes, Master" - came the muffled voice of his Padawan.

    "What are you doing in there?"

    "Nothing, Master"

    "And where's Padawan Turnell?"

    "He's here with me"

    "What is he doing?"

    "Helping me, Master"

    Qui-Gon c
  15. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    Cute :)

    So what's this nagging feeling that is not related to the mission?

    And why didn't Qui just use the bond instead of hunting high and low for Obi?

    Hope to see more soon.
  16. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    "What are you doing in there?"

    "Nothing, Master"

    "And where's Padawan Turnell?"

    "He's here with me"

    "What is he doing?"

    "Helping me, Master"


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Another great post Jedi_Nifet!

    Rogue

  17. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
  18. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Thank you, shanobi, Rogue and Aunecah_Skywalker. Glad you like it.

    shanobi - And why didn't Qui just use the bond instead of hunting high and low for Obi?
    Well, he didn't exactly hunt for them high and low.

    Hope I'll come up with the next part sooner this time :)

    Nifet
  19. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    The new post will be here later today :)
  20. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    O'kay, here's the next post. Hope you'll like the way this story goes :)
    ----------------------

    The ship came out from hyperspace and approached its destination quickly. The three Jedi gathered at the viewport, watching as the planet loomed before them. The system had two suns. One of them was a large yellow star. The other was smaller and rotated around the first. The planet always stayed in between them. Both suns illuminated it from the opposite directions.

    The planet's surface was a combination of different colors: mostly brownish gray - the cities - but there were also blue spots of seas and small dots of greenery. The planet was heavily urbanized. There was little of wild nature left. Clouds covered both of planet's poles. They were so thick that they prevented an observer from getting any idea of what lay beneath them.

    The ship started to descend over the equator and, as it did so, one of the brown-gray spots started to grow. Soon the Jedi could see that it was a huge city, which expanded as they got closer, and finally consumed the horizon. The city was not unlike Coruscant, but it could not compete with the capital of the Republic neither in its size nor in its volume of traffic.

    The ship zipped past the lines of traffic and landed on the docking platform of one of the buildings. The ramp lowered and the Jedi stepped outside.

    Two people were waiting for them. A man about forty had a heavy constitution. His face looked like it was used to wearing a smile, but at the moment it was lined with concern and worry. His gray eyes looked at the Jedi with hope that didn't go unnoticed.

    Beside him stood a young woman. She appeared to be no more than twenty-five years old. She bore some resemblance to the man next to her; perhaps, they were relatives. What impressed Obi-Wan most of all about her were her eyes. They were blue like sky above their heads. The irises were larger than normal and it looked like they occupied the largest part of her eyes. Her gaze was intense but not unpleasant. And it held hope, too. The Jedi neared them and bowed.

    "Welcome, honored Jedi," the man spoke. "I am Tarnos Imata, representative of the High House Imata on this dispute. This is my niece Namira Tolla Imata. She is also a representative of our House," He motioned to his companion. She inclined her head politely.

    "I am Qui-Gon Jinn. This is my Padawan learner Obi-Wan Kenobi and this is Padawan Kamon Turnell. We will be glad to be of service," Qui-Gon replied.

    "I suggest you rest after your journey. Follow me, please." Tarnos Imata turned and headed to the doors at the end of the platform, the Jedi and his niece on his heels.
    "It is almost night," he continued. "The briefing will start tomorrow morning."

    Obi-Wan looked at the sky confused. Then he exchanged glances with Kamon. The other Padawan was as confused as he was. The sun was just starting to set. There was no expecting of darkness falling any time soon.

    They entered the building and proceeded few stories up.

    "Representatives of the High House Arones will arrive tomorrow," Imata explained as they walked up the stairs. Namira kept quiet all the while.
    At last they stopped.
    "I must leave you now," Imata said, looking at them almost apologetically. "My niece will show you to your rooms." With that he left.

    "This way, please," Namira spoke up for the first time.

    They followed her and soon stopped once again in a hall. Three doors lined up one wall. The other wall had large windows all over it.

    Namira showed each Jedi his quarters. The quarters were furnished and decorated in the same style. Each had a common room, a bedroom and a 'fresher. The decoration of the rooms was intricate, but not intrusive, made in blue-white gamma. The furniture was made of wood which was rare on the planet due to the disappearing forests. Only rich people could afford to have wooden furniture. All three rooms were connected by a large balcony that gave a spectacular view of the city below.

    "If you need anything, press the yellow button on the
  21. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Lots of questions to be answered here :D

    Another great job Jedi_Nifet - Don't leave us hanging too long ;)

    Rogue
  22. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    I'll try not to, rogue ;)

    I wonder where's everyone else?
  23. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
  24. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
  25. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    Interesting :) There's more to this than meets the eye i'm sure.

    Can't wait for more. :D
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