Lg.Is, NY spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets. Whenever the word "spam" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting. A man and his wife enter. The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag.
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

 

hay that is a monty python skit.

 

It looks more like a penguin on the television set. --Billy

 

Or a dead parrot.

They stamp them when they're small!

 

I object to all this sex on the television!I mean,I keep falling off!
I've heard of unisex but I've never had it.

 

Lovely thing the Norwegian Blue...beautiful plumage.

 

He's pining for the Fjords....

 

It is an ex-parrot!

 

Oh I hit me head on the table!!

 

Customer: Hello, I wish to register a complaint... Hello? Miss?

Shopkeeper: What do you mean, miss?

Customer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.

Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.

Customer: Never mind that my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Shopkeeper: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

S: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

S: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

S: No, no! It's just resting!

 

I want to know where he's getting all this dialogue from. 'Cause I know he didn't sit and type it out himself.

 

Any one have any good Monty python MP3's

 

are you doubting that i have this stuff memmorized. I have amazing amounts of wasted brain space.


Number 1.... THee Larch

 

Oh yea.
I bet you have lots of junk memorized. It woudl be the product of a demented mind.

 

yea those shows are great. i just wish they were still on. do you know the one bout Eric The Cat. i love the song about the bee.

 

oh sure you had to ask for that one. You know how much typing this one is.....But any way here it is


Customer:
Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.

Shopkeeper:
A what?


Customer:
A license for my pet fish, Eric.


Shopkeeper:
How did you know my name was Eric?


Customer:
No no no, my fish's name is Eric, Eric the fish. He's an halibut.


Shopkeeper:
What?


Customer:
He is...an...halibut.


Shopkeeper:
You've got a pet halibut?


Customer:
Yes. I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.


Shopkeeper:
You must be a looney.


Customer:
I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon and you wouldn't call him a looney; furthermore, Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!


Shopkeeper:
Alright, alright, alright. A license.


Customer:
Yes.


Shopkeeper:
For a fish.


Customer:
Yes.


Shopkeeper:
You are a looney.


Customer:
Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog Eric, and I've got a license for me pet cat Eric...


Shopkeeper:
You don't need a license for your cat.


Customer:
I bleeding well do and I got one. He can't be called Eric without it--


Shopkeeper:
There's no such thing as a bloody cat license.


Customer:
Yes there is!


Shopkeeper:
Isn't!


Customer:
Is!


Shopkeeper:
Isn't!


Customer:
I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?


Shopkeeper:
This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in in crayon.


Customer:
The man didn't have the right form.


Shopkeeper:
What man?


Customer:
The man from the cat detector van.


Shopkeeper:
The looney detector van, you mean.


Customer:
Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.


Shopkeeper:
What cat detector van?


Customer:
The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.


Shopkeeper:
Housinge?


Customer:
It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant!. I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards! And Eric, being such a happy cat, was a piece of cake.


Shopkeeper:
How much did you pay for this?


Customer:
Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.


Shopkeeper:
What fruit-bat?


Customer:
Eric the fruit-bat.


Shopkeeper:
Are all your pets called Eric?


Customer:
There's nothing so odd about that: Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul!



Shopkeeper:
No he didn't!


Customer:
Did!


Shopkeeper:
Didn't!


Customer:
Did, did, did, did, did and did!


Shopkeeper:
Oh, all right.



Customer:
Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?


Shopkeeper:
I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.


Customer:
In that case, give me a bee license.


Shopkeeper:
A license for your pet bee?


Customer:
Yes.


Shopkeeper:
Called Eric? Eric the Bee?


Customer:
No.


Shopkeeper:
No?


Customer:
No, Eric the Half-Bee. He had an accident.


Shopkeeper:
You're off your chump.


Customer:
Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquiallism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Eric the Half-Bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away, Eric the orchestra leader!.......

A one... two.... A one.. two.. three..four...

[piano intro]

Half a bee, philosophically, must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee
has got to be,
vis a vis
its entity - do you see?

But can a bee
be said to be
or not to be
an entire bee
when

 

I KNOW he didn't type that.

 

what makes you think that. Just because there are no spelling errors?

 

Pretty much, yeah.