Beyond - Legends "Spin-Offs" (AU; Rogues, Porgs, silly-fic)

A/N: No particular link to any continuity here; just the boys, a Porg, and a somewhat OOC Winter ...

Disclaimer: They're all LFL's, and Disney's, save for the Dragonborn parody, which belongs to Bethesda; no money is being made, no Porgs were harmed in the making of this 'fic, etc.

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Wedge glanced warily at the wide-eyed, feathered avian Wes had set on the table, watching as it scratched and pecked.

"Wes ... why is there a Porg in the office?" the quasi-retired head of Rogue Squadron asked.

"Squawk?" the Porg seemed to ask as well, while Wes filmed it with a hand-held holocam.

"Propaganda, Boss. These little guys are soooo cute, they'll make any films we put out super-popular!" Wes beamed.

Wedge raised a wary eyebrow, glancing at Tycho - who was struggling not to laugh - and Hobbie.

Hobbie glowered, sneezing, and muttered, "I think I'm allergic."

"You're the 'dour one,' remember? Of course you're allergic. Dourness and cuteness are - I dunno, like anti-matter and matter," Wes opined, shrugging as he set a flight helmet over the Porg's head.

Well, really, it was over the whole Porg, and the poor avian wobbled a bit, as Tycho snickered. "Wes, that won't work," he advised.

Wes sighed, and removed the helmet - but took several props from a bag he'd brought in. "Yeah - custom costumes are better," he said.

Wedge felt his face twitch a bit as Wes put some kind of tiny, primitive helmet with gornt horns on the Porg.

"Beware, evil-doers - for the Squawk-a-kin comes! He is - DRAGON-PORG!" Wes boomed.

"Sqyawk-squawk-SQUAWK!" the Porg seemed to - well, boom, and Hobbie fell over, yelling, while Tycho went to help him.

Wes grinned, removing the Porg's helmet, and set some kind of old-fashioned hat and sun-shades on the avian.

"This is a style from Denon - Noir Porg, Private-Wide-Eye," Wes continued, lowering his voice in an ominous tone.

"... squawk," the Porg replied, and Wedge had to admit, there was a strange sort of ... grit to the Porg all of a sudden.

Wes nodded, then removed the hat and glasses, putting a small cape and eerily familar helmet on the Porg.

"Squawk ... SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK," the Porg chirped, as Tycho scowled, and Hobbie looked mildly ill.

Wedge just sighed and removed the Vader helmet from the Porg, muttering to Wes, "Never let Luke see that one."

"Yeah - maybe the Sith Porg thing is a bit too far. Sorry, Tycho," Wes admitted, giving Tycho an apologetic look.

"I'm less offended than upset you'd make a Porg imitate a Sith. Now, if Her Highness saw it - or Luke - then, yeah, I'd be offended," Tycho said, scooping up the Porg and smiling at it as it squawked merrily.

"Oh, hey, guys - Tyke! There you - oh, FORCE, what IS that!?" Winter gasped, peeking in from the hallway.

Wedge's eyebrows shot up, while Hobbie's jaw dropped a bit, and Wes hid a smirk, while Winter fussed over the Porg.

She kissed Tycho, then, and said, "Men who protect helpless little animals are a weak spot of mine. Dinner at 20:00?"

"Uh ... sure," Tycho replied, a little dazed and smiling, while Winter left and the Porg hopped happily from foot to foot.

Wes started to grin, until Wedge gave him a warning look and said, "You do know Porgs are a protected species, right?"

"Of course! I'm not going to sell them at pet stores or anything! I just needed to get some footage for the toy factory," Wes replied, placing the Porg on his shoulder and picking up his props.

Hobbie groaned, as Tycho - still dazed - smiled a bit, and Wedge face-palmed, asking, "Of course. Porg toys. Easy credits."

He looked at Wes, who'd gone quiet - everyone who knew Janson knew a quiet Wes was a dangerous Wes.

True to form, Wes had plastered a cunning grin across his face, as he said, "Well, the credits are a nice touch."

"But if we flood the Remnant with Porg toys and tie-in films, we'll break their resoive with the cute side of the Force! HA!"

Wes and the Porg swept away, while Hobbie stood and sighed. "I'd better keep him from breaking a treaty or something. Anything that sickly-sweet must be a violation of some Imperial regulation," he said, chasing after Wes.

Tycho just nodded, humming some Alderaanian ballad, and showed himself out, leaving Wedge to think.

He glanced around, making sure nobody was left who might overhear, then dialed a private com-code and asked:

"Iella? Yeah ... I was wondering ... are you allergic to feathers ... ?"

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Ha, ha, the Cute Side of the Force! This seems like the kind of whacked out scheme that Wes would come up with...

 

Mistress_Renata: Thanks for the reply. I've rarely written much with the Rogues, and Porgs just seem able to be fit into almost any setting (and as you note, Wes is the perfect intersection of the two ...

 

Love the Rogues and the Porgs

 

earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks again. I like the little birds; they don't seem overly cute, and they combine well with other fun parts of SW ...

 

Squawk? How come that I missed this? Oh, yeah, I was a plant...never mind.

ANTI-MATTER AND MATTER. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Awww, OUCH! Everybody, beware of Darth Porg!

Love it that Tycho got a date with his gal, but eeek, those in the Remnant are going to be brainwashed with whatever Porg toys advertisement campaign Wes comes up with.

 

"The Cute Side of the Force"

Also, don't think I missed your sneaky Star Trek reference, either. "Anti-matter and matter"

 

EP, Cowgirl: Thanks for reading this. I'd been wanting to write something with Porgs for a while now, but had to find the right scenario.

Then I figured, "Rogues," and the pieces fell into place.

I should note, I didn't consciously intend a Trek reference; experimental antimatter drives do exist in SW, albeit rarely: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Rakehell

 

This just makes me remember that Wes Janson was killed in canon and that we will not get this at any point and time.

Other-wise. Very good. Love it. Need more!