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Saga Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by poor yorick, May 10, 2004.

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  1. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Jun 25, 2002
    Okay, I'm going to have to do this in several sittings, which will probably make everyone on the Saga board homicidal, since I'm sure they're sick to death of this thing . . .

    sj wrote: Maybe if I don't read the end, it'll never end

    It sure felt to *me* like it would never end. 8-}

    Edit: I just saw the Fammily Guy thing . . . yep, that's about it. :p

    Shadowolf wrote: Never in a million years would I have thought that's what SWoA stood for!

    Yep . . . explains a lot, really, especially the angry, red-eyed, vampire-fanged flying squirrel.

    The difficulty Obi-Wan has in being ok with that, yet still able to let her go is such a good indicator of his character. The needs of the many and all that.

    That seems to be his signature, yes . . . at least he chooses to go try to off Anakin after he begs Yoda not to make him do it, and then later tells Luke not to go rescue Han and Leia because his training to save the galaxy is more important. For that matter, he doesn't seem to think much of Qui-Gon's individual "exceptions" to the Jedi Code. Obi-Wan is definitely a big-picture kind of guy.

    By coming back to it does that mean we'll get to see how things progress for Matreya?

    Quite probably . . . there's just too much angst potential there to get rid of her. [face_devil]

    Ophelia, you've written a wonderful story that sucks your readers right in.

    Thank you for not ending that sentence after the 8th word. :p

    Thank you so much for plugging away and sharing this with all of us, it's been a pleasure to read every day.

    Thank *you* for coming all this way with me. I'd have given up long ago and gone to do something healthy if it weren't for you guys. ;) I really do appreciate your making the journey with me and taking the time to respond.

    Arin wrote:

    You even made me like young Obi-Wan a bit!

    Dude . . . no way! :eek:

    Time to start planning your next fanfic epic!

    <Luke Skywalker> NEVER!!! </Luke Skywalker>

    Obi-Wan would never be tortured by his commitment to remain a Jedi

    *pfft* He fails to see the point of this novel! I thought he was tortured for it quite well, actually.

    When I first read that, I thought, "Hey, torturing Obi-Wan is *not* the point of this novel!" :mad:

    Then I thought, "Wait, yes it is." :p

    Ish wrote: Best waste of time I've ever executed.

    That's going in my sig quote as soon as I have room.

    He should have been going "WOOHOO! FIVE WEEKS WITH KEME! Oh, I mean, um...yes, Master, if I must suffer such things according to the will of the Force." "Yes, Anakin. Stop bouncing."

    Yeah . . . "Master Kemé, can I have fried chocolate bars with powdered sugar sprinkled on them for breakfsat?" "Well, that's what *I* was planning on having . . ."

    It was such a more profound version of that scene in FFD when Yoda whacks him on the head and goes "BE NOT A FOOL!"

    That wasn't really a warm and fuzzy moment, no . . . :p

    I love the parallel to ACM, when Yoda "reconstructed" Obi-Wan. I've always loved their very sweet relationship in your universe.

    Well, Obi-Wan did describe Yoda as "the Jedi Master who instructed me," unqualified, despite apparently having spent between 12 and 18 years with Qui-Gon, depending on whether you go with the EU or George's DVD commentary. Yoda must've been special to him *somehow.*

    Oh, I love you for having written Hoel's family as surviving. I had a gut-wrenching few minutes waiting to find out
    I figured that if I didn't put some kind of suspense in, the whole section would seem pointless. :p

    P_A wrote: And Obi-Wan's eventual realisation that he would even have to let go of the Order (Ah, 'Letting Go.'). But it is so true...spiritual evolution reaches its peak only when you let go of everything.

    Yeah . . . I've often said that loyalty is Obi-Wan's tragic flaw. It can cause a person to cling to things after they
  2. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Part 1 of reply: Yeah, that's a random odd funny thing, but then again, most of what I've ever said is that way.

    Part 2: You wonder what kind of person Keme is as a Master when she's not feeling very affectionate. I mean, she's the one who was playing with her Padawan's hair and philosophizing about death at the same time. That girl is complex! But then again, that's not for this story.

    Part 3: Yes, that WAS a warm, fuzzy moment! Well, okay, only for me who gets whacked on the head and told it's a gesture of affection. Never mind.

    Part 4: Interesting. That does make sense.

    Part 5: yeah, you wouldn't have had job satisfaction if we weren't scared sithless half the time in this story. YOu're like me.
  3. lvk1978

    lvk1978 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Sep 27, 2004
    Finally got a chance to get on the computer only to find out that you've completed the story!


    :_| :_| :_| :_| :_|

    I'll have to post again when I'm more coherent (and can actually finish reading the story). Guess I'll have a little more time considering that I'm out of a job yet again, goshdarnit! [face_beatup]

    In any case, my sincere congratulations on finishing the story and even more congrats on the teaching certificate -- wonderful news, indeed! [:D]

    I'm eager to read the story but sad at the same time -- I guess Anakin has rubbed off on me a bit. Woo hoo! [face_dancing] Angst ahoy! [face_dancing]
  4. stumbleine

    stumbleine Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 23, 2005
    Here it comes: *trumpets playing* THE COMMENT, after a glorious career of lurking. (To summarize said career: I flicked through the first 30 pages or so, started really reading after that, and after a couple of days of frenzied clicking and scrolling and sighing caught up with you guys on page 50 or thereabouts. Since then, this has been a daily treat to me.)

    What I am most impressed of is that you actually managed to keep a 402 chapters long fanfic together, and more so than many manage to with their 20 chapters. Sure, if this had been an actual novel and not a on-going internet story, I might well feel differently and whine that I was bored, but as it is, you have miraculously succeeded. The tension and the drama were there, the plot was actually moving and the characters both went through some changes and remained in character. You did it! :eek:

    As an embarassigly devoted Obi-Wan fan I of course enjoyed your h/c (sad, but true...:rolleyes: ) and mush. I have suprisingly little to complain about, althoug I am a very mush-critical mush-lover. (yeah, sure there is such a thig!)I felt a bit awkward at a few points, when you let Anakin display his feelings a little too much for my taste, but that was still seldom. On the whole, I just reveled in the angst/h&c/whatever.[face_blush]

    It's funny, I was just writing a comment on solojones' story where I asked her to let O&A have some warm momets too, and now I'm telling you the exact opposite...! I was a bit disturbed - well no actually, that's too strong a word, it more like very vaguely bothered me that in SWoA the two jedi were mostly on such good terms with each other. I realise this is unfair, because you "warned" about that even in the summary and besides this is still four years from AotC. Still, if there's one thing I would have had a little differently, it's Anakin and Obi-Wan having more serious conflicts. Now when they had one, Anakin was strangely meek and not his usual defiant self.

    Look at me, trying to write a praisig post and ending up complaining for two paragraphs. *sighs* What I really meant to say, ophelia, is that huge congratulations on your finally compleate epic and thank you so much for entertaining me for the past couple of months. I don't know if I've enjoyed any other SW fic as much as this.

    Oh no. Still so much to say, so I'll have to make it extra compact:

    Matreya&Obi-Wan: an Obi-Wan pairing I do not hate! If you'd know me, you'd know that's a little miracle in its self. What is more surprising is that I actually grew to like them and especially your very, very skillful way of allowing Obi-Wan to have a romance without making him jump off-character and act against the Code. Well done. =D= What's more, Matreya was also a plausible, beautifully crafted OC character. She's got a certain Eowyn-ish feel to her, wouldn't you say?

    The ending: What! A poignant and beautiful ending too! Some people just don't know when to stop trying...:D

    I've worn myself down now. Be glad, otherwise this'd never end.:rolleyes: One last question though: what are you going to do next?! I realise you have an post-epic-traumatic-stress, but something tiny? A little vignette? Please? Oh well. If you have anything in mind, I would love to hear what it is.

  5. DarthPenguin

    DarthPenguin Jedi Youngling

    Mar 28, 2003
    Wonderful fan fics like this one got lost in the shuffle of my life when my mother died suddenly in Februsry, but as some degree of normalcy has settled in I have gotten caught up only to find that it is all over. And what a tremendously satisfying journey it was! Thank you so much for sharing with myself and others your vision of the SW universe.

    It is almost impossible to sum up the many qualities of this story without rambling on ad nauseum: inventive storyline...superb writing (perhaps the most accomplished and thoguhtfully considered I have ever read in a fanfic)...wonderfully rendered characters from those we know and love to a slew of believable and three-dimensional OCs (I have a particular affection for Morgar, who struck me as a sort of alien Han Solo).

    And at the risk of repeating myself, what sets your story far above others is your [no, can't use wonderful about superb?] attention to detail in your multi-leveled narrative. Nothing short of remarkable, with scenes such as Anakin's experience with a galactice ATM and fashioning that doll for the little girl to the history of that piece of music (Vidyate, or something) to the friendly debate between Obi-Wan and Matreya over a Jedi flick, I mean holovid. Reading your story was like exploring a cave of precious gems and finding a little treasure at every turn.

    Another high point for me is how you managed to imbue your story with a genuine sense of humor. So very SW! I began to make a list of my favorite lines at one point but gave up as there were far too many. But Matreya referring to the Jedi as The Gang That Couldn't Use Clothing Dye was up there.

    It isn't always easy to be fair and balanced when portraying Obi-Wan and Anakin because somem feel the need to "choose sides," but you managed it deftly. They both have their strengths and weaknesses, virutes and faults, and it makes their inevitable life-or-death confrontation all the more poignant and sad. Poor Anakin is caught in this downward spiral of despair and Obi-Wan sees it happeneing and is yet helpless to prevent it.

    BTW I liked your backstory for Obi-Wan far better than the so-called official one. Glad you stuck with it rather than adapt your opus to fit that.

    What did I say about rambling on?

    It is been a true priviledge to be on the receiving end of this wonderful (I've got to keep a thesaurus handy) tale.

  6. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    The question seemed so absurd that she let out an utterly inappropriate peal of laughter, which quickly caught in her throat and turned to tears. ?Am I all *right?*? she asked, her voice tinged with disbelief.

    Wow...I've been reading this for a *while* now and a lot of scenes made me mad, or sad...but I think this one was the worst. (Even worse than the Obitorture, which is surprising even to me.)

    I hate how Matreya had to do something that she has been so against all her life. The whole thing is so the soldiers were just ordered to *kill* everyone, even though they were injured. It's disgusting - and very, very real, which is probably why it made me so mad. I was watching Saving Private Ryan the other day (or as much of it as I could stand to watch) and I literally started crying. Violence in movies doesn't usually bother me, and maybe I was overly hormonal that day, but I felt sick watching people blow up into tiny pieces, or lie screaming on the ground for their mother, because people as a rule have a tendency towards blowing things up rather than talking. :(

    I love this story so much, though. I get very attached to stories that actually make me *feel* something. Even if what they make me feel is royally pissed off.

  7. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Where the heck IS the official one? I just created an obi-wan backstory.
  8. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    Unfortunately, the Sith was closer. The blue saber?s hilt whipped around as it reversed direction, and an instant later it landed squarely in the Sith?s palm.

    Me: Oh, ****.
    And then my mom whacked me in the head with a HARDCOVER BOOK. [face_tired] :rolleyes: I get abused because I read this story. Thanks, ophelia. [face_dancing]

    Rather, he was entirely transported by the ferocity of the fight. He and his blade were one. He and the Sith were one; like a particle and its companion antiparticle, caught in a dance of mutual repulsion that neither could escape.

    Meep. Doesn't sound good.

    At least the white-hot, buzzing numbness he was experiencing was better than the self-destructive hate he?d felt on the edge of the dam on Ix. Obi-Wan should be glad about that.

    Wrong *again*, Ani. Damn it. I actually *like* Anakin because of this story, and now he's being a moron again and I want to smack him. *smacks him*

    I blame this on Qui-Gon. As much as I love the guy for being so rebellious against the Council (those prunes) this is all his fault. He just *had* to go tell Anakin "Feel, don't think." Right? And that was the *one* thing that Anakin decided to take to heart, of course. *thumps Qui-Gon* Very insightful, you lout.

    The Sith was near-spread-eagled on the lubricant-covered wing, yelling and hissing as R2 continued to zap him with his electrode arm

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] R2D2: Great Bug Zapper, renowned Sith-tormentor. I love Artoo.

    When he saw Anakin had gotten to his knees, the being flung up his saber and struck at him, even though moving his hand cost him the slight purchase his claws had given him on the Ascender?s wing. The Sith slid sideways and began to slip.

    Vengence is about as wise as Anakin. I feel bad for him, though. Maybe because he *is* so similar to Ani. Darth Maul scared the crap out of me, and when you, ophelia, described him as similar to Obi-Wan (except, you know, a Sith) it was even more chilling (Evil Obi-Wan = me running away) But Vengeance is like the middle child who everyone thinks is a schmuck. He's not the admirable older child (Maul) or the cute baby Sith (Anakin)...he's the loser in the middle.

    Cute baby Sith...? I went to the beach today. Evidently the sun fried my brain. felt like a shift in the wind, blowing away a charnel-house stench and replacing it with clean, wholesome air.

    Dead Sith = Febreeze.
  9. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    The main distinction between Anakin and Vengeance had been that Vengeance was fighting out of hatred and rage, while the passions driving Anakin were something closer to a thirst for justice, and a protective?almost possessive?love.

    I love that in Anakin. Hate it in Vader, but love it in Ani. Does that even make sense? I don't know...I'm a romantic. The whole "fighting for love" is endearing. *gulp* I'd probably be a Sith! :eek:

    Apparently, the boy still too much an innocent to recognize the dark side and take hold of it for his own purposes

    He's only *half* right, there. Anakin *did* realize that he'd given into anger and hatred. That's when he did something *smart* and went to the mind healers. Now he's even DEEPER in the Dark Side, but since it didn't *feel* like it, he probably wont go to the healers. Especially not if Obi-Wan tells him what he'd been feeling was bad, when it helped him kill Vengeance.

    ?Master, I *missed* you,? Anakin said

    :_| :_| :_| :_| I love this line!!!!!!

    ?No it *won?t,*? Anakin said, suddenly leaning forward and near-crushing Obi-Wan in an embrace again. ?Do I have to leave you when I grow up? Can?t I stay??

    *shakes fist* DAMN YOU, PALPATINE! God, my mind is giving me all these possibilities. If the esteemed Chancellor had just randomly choked on whatever it is Sithly beings eat and dropped dead, Obi and Ani could have gallivanted across the galaxy forever, righting wrongs and freeing slaves. Ani would be frustrated but not killing little kids and instead making lotsa Lukes and Leias with Padme, and Obi could continue being emotionally constipated, brooding over a certain med tech and never admitting to himself that he actually *loves* Anakin. It'd be great.

    Jedi technically did not love, of course

    *thumps Obi-Wan* Shut UP, Kenobi!

  10. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    The boy glared around the interior of the shuttle as if daring anyone to threaten his Master?never mind that these were fellow Jedi and Republic fighters, or that most had injuries that would have prevented them from being dangerous anyway

    I LOVE Anakin. :eek: *smacks self*

    There was nothing ?all right? about it, and for a moment she was furious at him?for having prepared her to do such a dreadful thing; for muddling her basic assumptions about right and wrong; for changing her life so completely and irreversably.

    Yeah, this is what made me so upset before. It isn't fair that Matreya was forced into a situation where she had to completely go against her beliefs. She will probably be a more mature person once she really comes to terms with what she's done and gets somewhat past the horror of it. I think that she shouldn't have had to abandon her beliefs in the first place, but the universe just doesn't work that way. Still, I don't like it. /Anakin/ It's not fair. /Anakin/

    In a lot of ways I think she and Obi-Wan have been really good for each other in the way of realizing that when you assume you make...well, you know what you make. Ass-u-me.

    She was tempted to stay angry at him anyway, because anger was easier to deal with than anything else she was feeling. Somehow, problems seemed more manageable when they were somebody?s fault, even the fault of a person one loved.

    As in "It's all Obi-Wan's fault!" :rolleyes: Damn it, Kenobi, you are such a troublemaker. The poor lout can't do *anything* right. I love him. *beams*

    They had to share a corner of it with Anakin?s foot, too, which didn?t help.
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Either the boy was too weary to concern himself with his Master?s questionable attachments, or else he had a really good sabacc face in front of the head of the Jedi Council.
    I vote for the former. If he were awake and alert, he'd probably be poking poor Obi in the back and whining "Whyyy're you allowed to get some nookie when Iiiii can't! You're not even the Chosen Onnnnee!"

    Shadowolf : You know the sad thing is I keep forgetting that this is pre-ATOC, this Anakin for all his recklessness still seems so much more together than he did in ATOC.
    Yeah, Anakin *does* seem a lot more mature in this than in AotC...then again, I just *really* didn't like him in AotC. Not only was he a whiny git but he was also a bit of a stalker - and Padme just lapped it up. *She* seemed smarter in TPM. God, litte Ani's not THAT cute, and he didn't even have the nifty "Are you an angel?" pick-up lines delivered in an adorably 9-year-old way. Obi-Wan, on the other hand...he could stalk me 24/7 and bombard me with stupid pick-ups all he wants. But he wont. It's against the Code and I am not a neglected med tech with a neurotic droid. *wails*

    ophelia: Truly intolerable snots tend to be in their mid-to-late teens. Young adolescents are intolerable in a completely different way.

    Great. I have being an intolerable snot to look forward to, and now I just feel bad about being 16.:oops:
  11. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    Despite?or maybe even because of?Anakin?s passionate nature, the boy seemed repelled by the idea of his Master being involved in any sort of intimate relationship.

    Anakin: Daddy + Women? EWW...Padme, Padme, Padme...

    ?There?s no dishonor in caring for someone. Love based on passion is forbidden, because it leads to jealousy and possessiveness. Love based on devotion, which is the desire to please through service, is the essence of what it means to be a Jedi. Or so my old heretic of a Master told *me,*? he said.

    I LOVE Qui-Gon!!! Yay for heresy! I want some heresy with Obi-Wan. Damn that lucky med tech.

    ?I?m at your service, my lady. At any time I possibly can be.?

    *whacks him* CAN'T he just say "I love you"? I suppose he just did but STILL. Picturing Ewan/Obi saying "I love you," gives me a happy.
  12. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    Anakin, by contrast, seemed to have had enough of all this, and slid off his perch to go stalk over to a different corner.

    Obi-Wan looked at his Padawan with weary compassion for a while, but when Anakin glanced up and glared at him, the Master Jedi turned his gaze away.

    I like this. It seems very natural. How much d'you wanna bet that Anakin is screaming HYPOCRITE inside his shielded little skull? [face_shame_on_you], Obi. I bet a part of Anakin is also a bit relieved to see his Master like this, though. Unfortunately it'll reinforce his belief that he could have something with Padme one day, and still remain a Jedi. Anakin can't distinguish between attachment and devotion.

    ?He knows that Jedi love. He knows that I--?

    *whacks Obi-Wan again* I'm going to keep hitting him until he says it. Obi is going to be braindead, I tell you. Stubborn git.

    ?Eventually, he got cornered by some of the Hutts? people near one of the lifts, and he tried to *arrest* them.?

    ?Oh, Force . . . I?ve gone and lost the Chosen One. What do I tell the Council now??

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
    I LOVE Obi-Wan!

    For a moment Obi-Wan looked deeply sad, as if he also mourned the loss of innocence that came with the taking of another?s life.

    That's exactly what I was talking about, except I am not nearly as articulate. I understand that people have to change as they get older, but loss of innocense really bothers me. People should stay young and happy and optimistic and safe forever - but then we'd be living in Munchkin Land. And that place actually kind of scared me.

    ?As you can see, he?s now . . .? Suddenly it appeared to occur to him that Anakin was not acting in a way anyone was likely to find reassuring, and he finished with a bit of embarrassment: ?moody and uncommunicative.?
    [face_laugh] Silly teenager.

  13. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    If nothing else, maybe he?d nag Anakin less about Padmé now.

    Maybe he WOULD, Ani, if you weren't such a big, possessive freak. *remembers why she doesn't particularly like canon Ani.*

    If the galaxy let him let him have something precious and beautiful for a little while, he would consider it a wonderful, unlooked-for gift, and only mourn its passing the way one mourned the passing of summer. The man really, truly believed that he owned nothing, had rights to nothing, and so every small pleasure that turned up was a kind of everyday miracle.

    This was incredibly beautiful. I feel bad trying to write a response to it, because I always feel very inarticulate (especially after reading those ten page long responses that solojones wrote, which make me feel like a kindergartener with a crayon right now.) Also, I haven't actually been in love, so anything that I have to say with it is most likely hot air. I dont like to *pretend* that I know what I'm talking about. I think it just says a lot about Obi-Wan's character, how he's selfless and devoted even though it's not exactly a *joy* being that way. There should be more people like that.

    There was only one man who got off the transport for a moment, looked around and found there was truly nothing left, and got back on, white-lipped and with the beginnings of deadness in his eyes.

    This struck me as really terrible. It reminded me a bit of the pictures you'd see in the newspaper after 9/11. Maybe it's disrespectful of me to say that [face_worried] but that's what it immediately reminded me of. I wont even *try* to expand that without talking myself into the ground, so I'm just going to settle for "scary..."

    ?I?m out to defeat all the little kids in the universe.?
    :_| The Younglings...:_|

    How I Feel About This Story: [face_dancing] [face_hypnotized] =D= [:D] 8-} :D @};-[face_love] ][face_love] ][face_love] ][face_love]
  14. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    Obi-Wan and Matreya took their time as they walked down the sterile, identical-seeming corridors, but a desire to delay the inevitable separation was only part of the reason. Obi-Wan also had a mechanical support on his leg, and that slowed him down. The support was an odd combination of metal cage and something rather like flimsy, form-fitting duraplast armor. It strapped on over his trouser leg, and served the primary purpose of annoying the blazes out of him.

    You just *had* to inject practicality into the mush, didn't you, ophelia? It's good. That's what makes this so much better than any two dimensional romance novel. Then again, the Enquirer is better than a romance novel...but this story tops the Enquirer too! :D

    He hadn?t had someone play ?Master? to him in years, and he?d believed he hadn?t missed it much. Now that he?d been reminded of what caring attention was like, however, it turned out that he did miss it. He was missing it already.

    This is an interesting aspect of Obi-Wan and Matreya's relationship...they are far more than just "lovers" She takes care of him, which a Jedi supposedly doesn't need. And she also learns from him, which he of course doesn't realize. I'm going to stop stating the obvious now.

    The anticipatory grief of losing her threatened to become too keen to bear stoically, and he feared he?d be forced to make a choice between calling on his Jedi training and shutting down his emotions completely, which would be a cruel way to leave her, and expressing those emotions in a way that would be extremely embarrassing and discomfiting, especially in public.

    Oh, come on. Break down, break down! Well, no, don't. Because that would take place in a chick flick, not in a heart-wrenchingly perfect Obimance that is driving me OUT OF MY MIND.

    He bowed his head down next to Matreya?s as he said softly, ?If I?m allowed to.?

    He damn well better be allowed to. *threatenes the Council with Obi-Wan's tentpole*

    Obi-Wan was truly puzzled by that. He didn?t want to discount her obviously-strong emotions, but he didn?t want her to lose sight of the truth, either. ?I?ve been an appalling rescuer,? he said. ?You rescued *yourself* from the wilderness and found *me,* and the first thing I did was put you right back into danger again. Then I managed to get myself half-killed, and you worked day and night trying to save my life. Finally I left you in a horrible mess while I went to go and get shot at and try to save a planet with a pole. I honestly don?t know why you still speak to me.?

    ?That is *not* what I needed rescuing from,? she said, stepping back and looking up at him intently

    Obi, you dolt. Even *I* knew that, and I'm about as dense as JarJar Binks. ;)

    What I couldn?t bear was my ?real? life, and I?d be going back to that now if it weren?t for you. I never would have believed that anything else was possible.?

    Duh, Obi. Yeah, right, Jedi are the epitome of wisdom.:rolleyes: ;)

    However, for the first time in a long time, he felt the full weight of what a person gave up in order to be a Jedi Knight.

    :_| [face_love]

  15. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    Yoda made one of his many ?Hmmf,? noises, this one translating roughly as, ?You?d better believe it.?


    I LOVE Yoda!!!

    The little Master walked over to where Obi-Wan was sitting, and the being?s usual stiff, wobbling gait was amplified by the resilient surface of the bed.

    Aww...*giggles* [face_whistling] I think Yoda would bonk me on the head if I called him "cute."

    I don't have enough of a brain to respond to the rest of this was incredible...I hope Matreya is able to have some time to herself to figure things out. She is the best OC I've ever read. :)
  16. Crystyna_Kenobi

    Crystyna_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Jun 20, 2005
    He actually wasn?t entirely sure he was doing his Master any favors by waking him to eat this, but he did need to eat sometime, and Anakin had been lonely for him for days. It wasn?t the same having him around if he was just going to sleep.

    [:D] Awww!! I LOVE Ani!

    Anakin himself was never going to be a ?perfect,? emotionless Jedi, no matter what he did, and it helped to know that Obi-Wan wasn?t either.

    *Sigh* It's disappointing that Anakin finds relief in other people's failings. It's human...but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

    Then good Jedi like Obi-Wan wouldn?t have to suffer from being separated from those they loved. Anakin would let Jedi kids still see their parents, too, because younglings came to love their crèche Masters and later guardians as if they were parents, anyway. If that hadn?t caused the whole Jedi Order to seize up and explode, then why would it be bad if Jedi kids loved their real parents too?

    I don't know how old kids are when they're in a creche..I don't even really know what a creche is, but it sounds a bit like nursery school...but the fact is that Anakin never was a part of one, was he? He just became Mr. Chosen One, and Obi's Padawan (as far as I know.) Obi-Wan, on the other hand, I'm assuming was raised in a creche, which is part of the reason why he is so entirely different from Ani. Anakin wants to change things to make it like how *he* grew up...and if he does that, there'd be a helluva lot of Vaders running around blowing up planets. He doesn't realize that he wouldn't be "reforming" the Order - and I think it DOES need a bit of reform - he'd be changing it completely.

    He looked rather like he?d walked in on a play in the middle of the second act, and then suddenly found out he was supposed to be acting in it
    [face_blush] Go get 'em, Tiger.

    Anakin didn?t usually get compliments that good from Obi-Wan?he usually heard more about how his behavior hadn?t been as bad as last time

    :D "Good show, kiddo. This time you didn't slaughter a bunch of defenseless beings with *quite* as much gusto."

    It made him feel hopeful about what he might accomplish as an adult, almost as much as hearing Supreme Chancellor Palpatine tell him that he would grow up to be the one who would reform the Jedi Order.
    DAMN YOU PALPATINE!! [face_not_talking]

    It would be neat to be the youngest Sith killer ever, although Anakin had already been the youngest ever at so many things that the thrill was somewhat blunted for him.
    :rolleyes: :)

    Obi-Wan finished chewing some of the gray substance, all the while giving it a suspicious look as if it might be plotting some evil while no one was looking.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Eat those Brussel's sprouts, Jedi.

    Anakin still didn?t like the sound of it, and he gave broad hint that he wanted Obi-Wan to move over by attempting to scoot right *into* him. ?Now?that?s my bad leg, you know,? Obi-Wan said testily, but he did move over and let Anakin sit properly on the bed, without having to perch. It was a rather narrow bed, and a youth less skinny than Anakin couldn?t have managed it. ?You have to sit just there, do you?? Obi-Wan asked, although this time his tone was as much fond as irritated.

    Anakin didn?t bother answering that question. If he hadn?t needed to sit right there, why would he have gone to the trouble of trying?

    Duh, Obi. You dolt.
    I love this so much...:_|

    Growing up isn?t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It?s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you?ll be ready.?

    I am going to make *this* my signature quote thinger...provided I figure out how. I think I relate most to this line. I can relate a lot to Anakin, which just goes to show you how well you've captured the psyche of a sixteen year old. Either that, or it just proves that I'm mental and I think I'm a blonde-haired, blue eyed Chos
  17. solojones

    solojones Chosen One star 9

    Sep 27, 2000
    Well I finally made myself finish it. And of course it was every bit as wonderful as I expected it to be and as it has always been. That 'We fight, they win' bit has to be one of the best endings I've ever read =D= I was defintely feeling the Seven Samurai bit there ;) Seriously, though, you know how much I admire your insight into the Jedi and especially into Obi-Wan. This just all rounded it out completely. And Anakin's story was wrapped up, too, in the sense that it *wasn't* wrapped up, as he's still left with his demons... Their relationship though, goodness. So touching. I love your Alec-esque take on Obi-Wan. I was definitely feeling it these last few posts.

    More importantly than writing yet *another* ridiculously long and rambling discussion piece, I just have to say thanks so much. Not only because this is in all honesty one of the best stories I've read of any kind, but also for your lovely inspiration and friendship. This story has been tough, tough, tough for you to write, I know. It's been crazy at times. But I am so, *so* thankful for your perserverence in writing it. Honestly, it was one of the biggest things that got me through my senior year. Just knowing that almost every day I could come home and read something I loved and have great conversations about it with you and these other wonderful, witty, fun, insightful people made my year and really got me through the ridiculous stress.

    I know I'm just a stupid kid, but I admire you so, so much ophelia. For whatever dorky sentiment it's worth, you're my Obi-Wan Kenobi [:D]
  18. lvk1978

    lvk1978 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Sep 27, 2004
    Finally, finally...I faced the awfulness of it all (the end of your brilliant novella)...I bit the bullet and read the last chapter and cried like a wee bairn. :_|

    I just wanted to thank you for your determination, your grit, your perseverance and your absolutely breathtakingly beautiful use of words. Never have I been so enchanted, so thoroughtly entertained and spellbound. Without a doubt, the BEST Obi/Ani mush in the annals of fic.

    [hl=limegreen]I laughed,
    I cried,
    I spit in Palpy's eye!

    And to those of you who might be annoyed to see SWoA back on the first page -- TDB! I had to let this brilliant woman know just how much her story meant to me. After all, this story reinforces the notion that the Prequels exist just to show us how hot Obi-Wan was as a young man. ;)

    Brava, darlin', brava! =D=

    @};- @};- @};- @};- @};-
    The closest I could come to a bouquet. Mil gracias, ofelia.
  19. solojones

    solojones Chosen One star 9

    Sep 27, 2000
    My Dearest ophelia,
    Not having considered myself quite insane enough or filled with enough angst, I recently decided this required another read. This time, I am able to read SWoA straight through like a normal novel, which is no less than it deserves. I have some new appreciation for it that I'd like to share. Plus, let's face it, reading this story is just plain SW nerd bliss. Here are some brief (for me) comments:

    Chapter 1
    I had forgotten how much I like Vengeance. A lot of times bad guys are non-descript in stories like these, but you?ve really managed to not only make him interesting but to reveal things about him over the course of the story that makes him more interesting on a second read. His whole story really illustrates the predatory nature of the Sith. Not only because he is now a predator, but because he was once the Sith?s prey.

    Also, I forgive you for having R2 in here. It?s better than having a non-descript astromech with them. *Someone* has to save the day, at any rate.

    I can really picture the grove or martyrs, again because of Seven Samurai. But now I also feel like this story is about martyrdom on several levels. Anakin?s and Obi-Wan?s living martyrdom come to mind most prominently, and also Obi-Wan?s later near-physical martyrdom. Very nice literary thread there.

    Chapter 2
    I have to admit, the first time I read this, the details of this first chapter escaped me somewhat. I think I was trying to take in all the names and the fact that I?m terrible with spatial imagination and memory didn?t help :p But this time, what struck me was just how perfect this opening is for the story on a whole. Especially the story between Obi-Wan and Anakin.

    See in a sense we already know just from the films that Obi-Wan would probably be willing to do what he almost has to do here. However, knowing all that happens between these two and the depth of feeling you?ve put between these characters makes this little incident more meaningful.

    Also, the scope of the overall conundrum Obi-Wan is facing seems larger and the problem more urgent after having seen just what Perahta is capable of.

    I really appreciate your portrayal of Obi-Wan?s relationship to the Force. It represents, I believe, the thought of an author who understands specific spiritual matters better than some. I feel like all too often the Force is treated in stories as simply a tool. But it?s meant to be more personal than that to a Jedi, which is something I feel is important to any Jedi story. It?s a cop-out to just say they have some blind allegiance to it and never to go into it much. This story really hits home personally for me I think largely because you haven?t neglected the Force as a character in the story and in relation to other characters.

    Chapter 3
    I hadn?t forgotten the LOSer concept, but my love of it is renewed. The concept seems very Jedi, and the nickname very high-school student ;)

    Aaand here we get the contrast to Obi-Wan?s relationship with the Force in Anakin?s. Brilliant. One thing I love about reading this story as a whole as it was meant to be read is that I get a great sense of the structure. You manage to establish all the important things about the situation and the characters within these first few chapters. Knowing how the issues are expanded and worked out later makes the angst all the more delicious :p

    "No one ever defeats the Dark Knight!? he cried, as Uyek jabbed him repeatedly in the chest with a plasform tube.

    Ahh Pre-RotS prediction creepy/sadness [face_worried]

    Also, why are you so darn good at working in action, plot details, and personal reflection?! It?s unfair. The scene with Obi-Wan walking back to the barn gets out everything at once. Quite skillful, if I do say so.

    "I know. Almost everyone likes him," Obi-Wan said wearily. //It's a pity I'm going to have to strangle him.//

    Still one of my favourite lines. It say so much about both of them in such a succinct and hilarious way. You introduce the tone of the whole follow
  20. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Jun 25, 2002
    *Where* did you dig up this old novel?! :p

    Ah, Lor' bless ye, sj, it's kind of you to respond with second impressions after all this time. I've actually been re-reading the thing myself, with an eye to finally editing it, although I've been reading it backward. :p This is partly because it's the last 2/3 that are essentially unedited, and partly because I often read ridiculously huge books that way. It's like if I start at the end, I can keep the exit in sight, and make a bolt for it if I have to.

    All of TFN must be *so* sick of seeing this thing, so I'll just respond quickly to things I haven't already covered at length back during the "DVD commentary" of the story itself . . .

    I have to admit, the first time I read this, the details of this first chapter escaped me somewhat. I think I was trying to take in all the names and the fact that I?m terrible with spatial imagination and memory didn?t help

    No, you're excellent with that . . . my guess is that you just prefer to take in a picture all at once rather than try to assemble details. Most visual people do. I'll keep that in mind as I go over that section again . . . I may have bombarded the reader with too much information at once in an attempt to get them up to speed.

    One thing I love about reading this story as a whole as it was meant to be read is that I get a great sense of the structure. You manage to establish all the important things about the situation and the characters within these first few chapters. Knowing how the issues are expanded and worked out later makes the angst all the more delicious

    I'm glad the structure seems to be holding up under the weight of the novel's length and the time it took to write it . . . so far, I've been happy with the basic structure--it's really more that certain sections need to be cleaned up--redundant authorial yakking removed, etc.

    Oh yes, speaking of Freespace, I might want to borrow it?

    Go ahead. I've said before that I write open-source fanfic. People don't even need to ask, although I appreciate a brief credit somewhere. That's all I offer GL for borrowing all his stuff . . . I can't really ask for more from other people. :p

    Thank you for not having Matreya?s first impression of Obi-Wan be ?well he?s serious but my isn?t he good looking ?. That gets a little old.

    Hey, I had 600 pages to work with. Why rush things? Obi-Wan just doesn't seem to like to do things in a hurry. If he did, this story would have been a lot shorter.

    Also, I detect some Socratic method in Obi-Wan?s style. It?s either from Socrates or Richard Simmons. I get them confused.

    They get *me* confused. Especially the part where Socrates got scary underarm-hair implants and locked Plato in a cave. Wait--maybe that was from The Matrix and not Star Wars at all.

    Oh, now I'm completely lost.

    I?m glad you don?t allow me to enjoy the semi-mush for too long. It wouldn?t be good for me.

    Well . . . I remember liking the IMAX version of AOTC about 200% better than the original release, because they had to cut 20 minutes--almost all of which came out of the love story. Somehow, it all seemed more moving and believable when there was less of it--I think it's because my mind filled in the blanks with whatever my subconscious idea of "love story" is. (Actually, judging by SWoA, it's probably depressing as hell.) When you think about it, we don't see very much of Romeo and Juliet falling in love, either . . . there's just the balcony scene, and then we assume the rest. I kept feeling like less was more. Actually, I was thinking that the Obi-Wan/Matreya parts needed some serious cutting--or at least streamlining.

    Ultimately, though, it just reeks of Impending Doom, which is one of my favourite fragrances. I think that?s also the name of Obi-Wan?s cologne.

    [face_laugh] That's beautiful, man . . . that's sig quote material.

    But, to paraphrase your earlier point, I think Obi-Wan needs to change to become more *himself*, his full self, the o
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