Lit Split in Two: Lugija's try to get through the Clone Wars

Holocall Coruscant? Though they properly did not care. “He is paying up front and claims to be a Jedi Master.” “Paying up front?! He can be the self-proclaimed Emperor of Alderaan for all I care… “

Only in Spaarti tanks

They really do not need to be, the Clone Wars were mainly fought by normal people anyway Though wait till you get to Shatterpoint and Mace Windus thoughts on the One Million Clones thing.

 

After a Wookiee-trip I am now aware that Hero of Cartao and Order 66 deal with these. Could be interesting, but ignore my last paragraph then.

Ah, that "Get out of the jail free"-card. Shame that the clones are still the default fighters unless the story is about the normal people. But it makes sense since the clones were paired with the Jedi and the stories usually have the Jedi lead.

 

Exactly, especially since we also know several Jedi that did not actually fight together with Clone Troopers, but instead local Militias (Shatterpoint for example) and even Privateers (Adi spent a lot of time with Nym boys and gals during the Clone Wars), whilst there are also gangs like the Sons and Daughters of Freedom who do their own thing anyway and of course the numerous Security Forces that the Republic worlds themselves actually kept around, along with the Sector Rangers, the Senate Guard and other Members of the Judicial Department. Btw. see if you can get hold of the Pengalan Tradeoff and League of Spies, as they offer pretty much the best character ever to lead Clone Troopers into battle.

 

Are you going to do video games too?

 

I'll cheat a bit and only watch walkthroughs and cutscenes at Youtube. The only exception could be Republic Commando, but my to-play game list is long as it is.

 

If you ever do go though Republic Heroes on the 360 we can celebrate the badness of the game together via Live.

 

I don't have a 360

Hearty thanks to both The2ndQuest and TalonCard for sending me their timelines. There are some differences between dates, like Obi-Wan coming on Kamino 2 days BBG in the other and 3 days BBG in the other, but those don’t matter and would be guesswork anyway (who knows when the galactic standard clock hits midnight on various planets?)

13:5:21-23
Attack of the Clones, Chapters 17-Epilogue: The war is starting. Dooku has a meeting with the leaders of various megacorporations, and it feels like a puppet show. I’ll make a larger post of the future Separatist Council later.

Dooku tells Obi-Wan that a) Sidious controls the Senate, b) he was with Gunray but betrayed him, c) Gunray told about this to the Jedi Council but they didn't believe and d) then he went to Dooku who did believe him. C is certainly false, Gunray must have told anything he knew about Maul and painted him as their co-conspirator but never said anything about Sidious for the fear of the Sith. D must also be false, I think it was Dooku who contacted Gunray and told him that Sidious played him and he should join his new CIS thing. 100% free from any Sith influence!

Talking of that, after the battle the entire galaxy knows that Dooku is a Sith. I suppose that at point many groups like the TF said that they had no idea that their leaders had conspired with ancient villains and publicly proclaimed their neutrality.

Artoo is one confused droid, but he is very logical. As long as you are his friend or the mission objective, he will do anything to save you. If you are not, well... he will drop you into a droid factory full of sharp objects and molten metal and never look back. But the novel gives a reason for why he later saves 3PO. The Geonosians put a restraining bolt to Artoo, and the head-3PO-body-B1 shoots it away while R2 is being led away. That's how friendships are made.

When Jar Jar offers to plead to the Senate, Yoda senses strong fear from Palpatine. I don’t remember any other source having a Jedi sense anything from Palpatine, but he should give out these fake emotions time to time so the Jedi don’t find anything missing.

Jango thought earlier in the novel that one reason he wanted a son was that he was curious to see how he would have turned out without the tragedy in his life. We know that he became an orphan when he was just a kid and the enemy in the war he knew nothing about killed his family. Good thing that never happened to Boba, right?

The war started. I’m sure I’ll get a larger view of the battle of Geonosis with all the tie-in stuff, but I can already say that no source has had what I have been looking for:
A Jedi and a squad of clones walk through the dark catacombs deep under the surface. Suddenly the troopers hear a yell through their comlinks, and sudden silence. They split out to search the area. And get killed one by one. Only the Jedi is left, and her lightsaber only creates shadows on the walls. Silence.
“Where are you!” she yells.
“Here”, says Grievous, hanging upside down from the catacombs ceiling.
Darkness.

Begun, the Clone War has.

 

I just want to say sorry for having to read the AOTC novelization. I read it recently, and maybe it was just me... but I found it painful. The prose was generally really painful ("oh how she loved them!"), and the dialogue was, more often than not, ripped directly from the film, which also causes me physical pain.

In other words: . A trek through the minefield that is the Jedi Prince is nothing compared to what you are about to embark on.

 

I read a translation, which usually helps with the dialogue. But yes, the saving grace of the novel is that it has new scenes throughout and some additional dialogue that helps to understand film's scenes better.

(But then there are some additions that make no sense, like Padmé thinking during the Geonosis' trial that she had agreed to mercy for the Neimoidians after the Battle of Naboo. What?! Why would she... what? She may be a pasifist, and an idiot, but she wouldn't want the criminals who starved her people to get out with no punishment)

 

I wasn't that big on the added scenes, to tell the truth. For me, it committed the greatest sin a movie novelization can commit; it essentially just wrote the movie down. I think the most egregious example of this is the scene between Anakin and Padme, after Anakin has slaughtered the Tusken tribe. Rather than attempt to add any kind of weight to this conversation, Salvatore just copies the film dialogue (with tons and tons of exclamation points). The result is that it doesn't read like a novel or a film. It's just... awkward.

I really hope I like Vector Prime more.

 

Vector Prime is amazing! At least imo it is.

 

It's been a week now from the last update, but that was only because I spent a week away from all the SW stuff. Later these kind of breaks are more likely to occur because I'm not interested or I'm reading other stuff (Tolkien's Unfinished Tales and Pratchett's Maskerade during this week).

Anyway, we move back in time to Padmé's arrival on Coruscant, and instead of Salvatore's prose we have Duursema's art to accompany the dialogue.

13:5:16-23
Attack of the Clones Comic: I don’t have much to say about this, since most of the additional scenes are exactly the same as in the novel (and in the deleted scenes on the DVD), but some comments:

How great is it that Jan Duursema drew this? It fits so well during the Republic run, especially with Quinlan Vos and Aayla cameos. And is that Villie Ghrarkh near Outlander Club?

I finally understood that Luminara and Barriss – two nobodies next to the Jedi Council members – are included in the Chancellor’s audience because they reported the Ansion mission. If that had only been included in any adaptation, it would have helped to tie TAS to something.

“Magnificent, aren’t they.” In the comic the camera is looking at a single clone, standing at ease looking at the ground while it rains on top of him. Cool visual and I like the focus on the clones, the ones who will die in the coming war. The Clone War. But good Waru you lazy soldier, look upwards when standing on line! Neck to the collar!

I forgot to mention this detail from the novel, but in it Watto asks Anakin and Padmé to stay for a drink before they leave. Well that wouldn't have been awkward at all. Even though I don’t think that Watto ever used violence on Annie, there’s that “being a slave and forced to work as a less-than-ten-years old” thing.

The “Obi-Wan spots TF ships on Geonosis” scene is a lot more impressive in the comic than it was in the movie. Hundreds of globes neatly on line being filled with battle droids. That would have been a great visual and paralleled the Kamino scene.

During the senate scene where Palpatine gets the emergency powers, a Rodian’s speech bubble includes the <>-characters, indicating that he doesn’t speak Basic, but a Wookiee’s bubble doesn’t. Could this Wookiee be Ralrracheen? He was a senator before Yarua and could still be working in the Senate.

Dooku tells to Mace Windu that “I would think these two new boys of yours could use a little more training.”Lol noobs!

“Grand Master Kenobi, you disappoint me. Yoda holds you in such high esteem.” That’s some classy burn. Notice the Grand Master title, which I guess is from an earlier version of the script (and was meant to be ironic?). But why is there no “OBIII! They cut off my ARRRMM!”

Begun, the Clone Wars have.


Next time video games! From Youtube!

 

Wow, yeah, that makes sense. But why and how had they returned before Obi-Wan and Anakin?

 

Actually the novelization has Anakin and Obi-Wan arrive to Coruscant almost at the same time as Padmé, supposedly from Ansion (but it's never confirmed). They must have had a long trip home because The Approaching Storm ended two weeks earlier according to the Holonet. Perhaps they had a side mission and Luminara and Barriss went straight to Coruscant to report.

 

Still Watto was essentially the closest thing he ever had to a dad and pretty much though him his technical skills and clearly helped raise him, though yeah it is likely to be rather emotionally complicated.

 

This is awesome.

 

13:5:16-23
Attack of the Clones Game (GBA): So if I’m right there was never any other game adaptation for AotC than the GBA one. Considering how bad this seems to be I’m kind of glad about it.

Almost every walkthrough on Youtube has only 2-6 minutes of the first level and then end in a ragequit. Finally I found a review that included quick shots of every level and frustrated commentary on a language I didn’t know.

While on his way to steal a speeder, Anakin fights droids… for some reason. Then while running behind Zam he gets attacked by Trandoshans… for some reason. Then Obi-Wan fights droids on Kamino… for some reason (well that was also in Lego Star Wars, they were Jango’s droids, so I’m going to allow this one). On Tatooine Anakin slaughters Tuskens like animals but lets their banthas live… like animals. On Geonosis Obi-Wan slaughters Geonosians while jumping around on cliffs. The rest is battles like you know them from the movie with less pixels.

Begun, the Clone War has. Never play this game, I will.


13:5:16-23
Attack of the Clones Junior Novelization: There are actually two, one from Scholastic written by Patricia C. Wrede and one from Mightly Chronicles by John Whitman. Wouldn't get either one without some sweat, and I’m not going to sweat for them. I don’t think that they could offer that much new information.

Begun, the Clone War has. Most likely.


13:5:16-23
Attack of the Clones Movie Storybook: But this was easily available? Well you never know. Nothing new, stills from the movie with easy-to-read text. The miners were not disgruntled, they were angry. And so on.

But hey Jango, would Zam really have said your real name? I know you couldn't take the risk but a little trust would have been in order.

“The Senate erupted again, this time in applause. Jar Jar beamed and bowed, certain that Senator Amidala would have agreed with his motion. After all, Chancellor Palpatine was such a kind man. Like so many in the Senate, Jar Jar trusted him to do the right thing.” What a patriot. Can he get a medal?

Might as well ask this here: Anakin and Padmé get married under false names by a priest from an arcane order with about 20 members. What was the point, when you think about it?

Begun, the Clone War has. And I think that’s the end of direct adaptations going from credits to credits. Yahoo. On my next post: Nym the Pirate with Pants!

 

This update...
Pirates!
Adi Gallia, woman who shoots things!
Droids!
Mace Windu talking!
Jedi Starfighter!

13:5:12-13:5:23
Jedi Starfighter: Two days before hiring Jango Fett, Count Dooku contacts Captain Cavik Toth, a white human male. He orders him to join his evil scheme of creating a superweapon. Wow, fancy that. I guess this is about the time when Trade Federation publicly revealed that they are with the CIS.

A day later Adi Gallia, her hat and Saesee Tiin test the new Jedi Starfighters. They are very good; you could fight a war or something with them. Mace Windu orders Adi and the hat to go inspect what the Trade Federation is doing on Maramere. It could be illegal or not. Can I take a guess? Adi will speak with the resistance leader, the pirate Nym.

Adi travels to the meeting spot and is greeted by Nym’s assistant, Reti, who is followed by a Trade Federation carrier ship. Droid starfighters pour out and attack them. These are Scarab-class, predecessors to the Vultures of the movies. This Neimoidian is either a miser or low on the food chain. I like the way the dialogue goes on the background while the player shoots things. I always put an audio book or a drama on background while playing TOR to have something to listen to while fighting mooks.

After Adi has promptly destroyed the carrier ship, Reki leads her to Maramere. The same day as Padmé arrives on Coruscant and the Vote on the Creation of the Republic Army is delayed, Adi saves Nym by shooting up million TF droids and tens of ships. Good thing that this is a secret operation for both TF and the Jedi, you’d think that this could have heated up the discussion in the Senate.

What is this Force Lightning Adi uses on the droid starfighters? What, how, what?

There’s another old droid class from the first game, TF droid bomber. They look quite slow. No wonder Hyenas took over later.

Adi helps Nym to rescue his captured crew members from a TF prison and then destroy a sensor station on Maramere. Adi doesn’t really care for the “I can’t fight a war for you” line, does she? While destroying the station, we meet again the pirate Sol Sixxa and the Neimoidian leader Harro Ruuk. Good, I’ll finally get to know what happened after the Crossbones comic.

Ruuk: “Where you are, Nym?” Nym: “Why don’t you check with your sensor station? Yeah, I blew it up”. Nice sophisticated banter. “Eat plasma, Neimoidian!”

Ruuk escapes in a pod. Adi wants to go check another set of coordinates (she just want to shoot things) and they leave Maramere. Ruuk goes to his Lucrehulk, where he meets Captain Cavik Toth and gives him a weapon sample that could kill 300 Wookiees. Toth walks away and throws the sample to the floor. It kills the Neimoidians, but Toth has conveniently walked far enough. How did he know its radius? Anyway, that’s it for Ruuk, Toth takes over the superweapon operation and sends test missiles to bomb the town of Point Modie on Maramere. Luckily Adi is there to shoot down the missiles and bombers.
Meanwhile Obi-Wan leaves for Kamino and Anakin and Padmé try to come up with romantic lines. Calm before the storm.

Nym finds out that the TF has been mining something on Maramere, and shoots everything to bits, including Toth’s mercenary pilots that are sent to defend the mine. Nym says that Toth could be better than him and Jinkins wets his pants… I have flashbacks from reading In the Empire’s Service.

While Adi, Nym and his resistance forces attack the TF forces on planet Nod Kartha, Jango Fett enters the battle and tries to capture Reti because there’s a bounty on him. Reti escapes to hyperspace. Jango leaves. That was random, but I guess since they couldn't get Battle of Hoth into this game they had to have a Fett. And it’s something for Jango to do to try to forget his grief.

Adi and Nym find the trihexalon factory and blow it up. This time they do it by foot. Adi steps out of her fighter for the first time in a week. Finding the factory takes some time, Obi-Wan has already landed on Geonosis and Anakin has killed some children.

I like that even when Adi is fighting droids with a lightsaber, her voice is still calm and sarcastic.

The trihexalon threat is over. Yay, no more superweapons! Adi calls the old folk’s home and Mace Windu tells her that Obi-Wan is in trouble on Geonosis. It seems that Dooku and his allies are preparing a conflict (“You don’t say”, Adi mutters to herself). Adi says bye to Nym and leaves. Nym stays to steal a big cannon from Toth and succeeds in it, because he’s Nym.

Adi gets to Geonosis, and it gets real. She contacts Siri (wow!), who has arrived with an Acclamator.
“Military transports?”
“Loaded with a clone army”
“All of this to rescue Obi-Wan?”
“No. To fight a war.”


Adi and her former padawan help the Acclamator to get to the planet by destroying a fleet of missile frigates with their two starfighters while the Acclamator... hangs around. Yoda goes to clean up the mess at the arena and Adi and Siri go to blow up stuff. They succeed.

Nym to the Trade Federation: All your base are belong to us! He uses the cannon to blow up the silly Trade Federation that moved in his old base. Home sweet home. But then he finds out that Toth is bringing hex weapons to Geonosis, and goes to help Adi.

Nym gets to Geonosis just in time to warn Adi and they destroy the upcoming Hex bombers and Hoth’s fleet with the help of A’Sharad and Bant Eerin(!). The battle of Toth ends in Toth’s death.

Yeah, I think I have heard enough of TPM’s battle music for a day.

Begun, the Clone War has. Adi Gallia and Mace Windu have a short meeting and Adi is given a mission to guard the Karthakk system with Nym. Have a happy war. She will still have some sitting-around-quiet-duties on the Jedi Council, of course.


This seemed like a fun game from Youtube videos. Hopefully Battlefront III will have proper space battles. Or I could just get that TIE Fighter thingy.

Next time: I don't know, something around AotC. The innocent time before the war.

 

Well the TF is doing outright illegal stuff here and it is actually Non-Republic space.

Afaik Dooku told him about the Bioweapon.

Much worse, to this day we still do not know what happened to Reti.

Useless as ever.

Funny enough per Wotc he will uses the same canon to later shoot down Imperial convoys that pass to close to the system and sell the loot to the Rebels.

Much more awesome if your really good in the last Mission. An'ya Kuro!! Empatojayos Brand!!! Ranik Solusar!!!! and Jaizen Suel !!!!! will also join you to fight Toth.

 

What, a Star Wars game with a storyline that never gets resolved? Gasp.

 

Yeah but Starfighter was actually good.

 

Trying to get through? I'm trying to forget about the Clone Wars.

 

I can vaguely remember some LFL image or Lucas comment or design tag refer to them as "Jedi handmaidens". The way their presence is designed (and they look similar, and decidedly more "decorative" than your regular Jedi) would indeed make sense as simple "royal entourage" for official visits, as a kind of servants (maybe originally coming from the same "two peasants in Seven Samurai" idea that gave us the droids).

Them being present to report on the Ansion mission and Obi-Wan and Anakin not... Ep2 established that neither of those two liked reporting in with politicians, so maybe they just had a big dinner at Dex's. Mace does say that they have just arrived, doesn't he? The really strange thing would be that he says they came back from some border dispute from Ansion when that's just exactly what Unduli just reported.

 

Well he could have been talking more to Padmé than to Palpatine.


On this update:
I have read this book all by myself!

I don’t usually even buy these youngling books, you can only get them from E-Bay and the low prices don’t attract when they have 4-5 euro postal fees attached. But sometimes when there’s many in one package, it just might be worth it. They have pictures, and it’s fun to look at the galaxy through different lenses.
So this is how children see the days before the war:


13:5:14-13:5:21
Jango Fett: Bounty Hunter

The art in this book is either screenshots from the movie or some photoshop work. But there are some nice quotes, like this dialogue between Jango and Boba:

“See those troopers?”
“Yes.”
“They have no control on their destiny. But you and I do. I chose to allow the Kaminoans to clone me for their army.”

We meet again, Holo-Dooku. He orders Jango to kill Padmé to ensure Trade Federation’s support. Jango contacts Zam. “I’m always game if the prize is right, old friend.”

Jango meets Zam in the Outlander Club. Interesting. Tales from the Outlander Club, anyone?

Zam blows up the ship. “Zam could see one of the pilots kneeling beside the gravely hurt Senator Amidala. As the pilot removed her helmet, the smoke became too thick for Zam to see anything more.
“Mission accomplished!” Zam gloated.” No, you just got Typho’d, Zam.

“The mission failed!” growled an angry Count Dooku. My sources tell me that Amidala’s decoy was killed – not the senator!”
I’m not asking what sources, I’m asking how many. I suppose about hundred senators and aides sent Dooku breaking news at the same time when Padmé entered the Senate chamber.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Zam said.
“I know,” Jango responded, then turned to leave.
I’m sure all of you know what “I know” means in Star Wars.

This is the big stuff:
The Jedi were carrying Zam out of the club’s back entrance and into an alley. She was badly wounded!
Jango could not hear the conversation between the Jedi and Zam, but he could read their lips. He feared that Zam would break the bounty hunter code: Never tell anyone who hired you for a job.
Jango readied a toxic dart he kept in his utility belt for emergencies. He did not want to use it….
“It was a bounty hunter called-“
Jango had no choice but to use the toxic dart now.
Fzzzzt!
The dart struck Zam in the neck.
Later, Jango tells Boba that his last mission failed. The Jedi got involved. “Powerful people will sometimes come after you. They’ll try to stop you from doing what you were hired to do.”
Somewhere, a large violin plays.


13:5:16
Anakin: Apprentice: I don’t have this one. On his way to meet Padmé Anakin recalls previous adventures as a Jedi Apprentice, including apparently the Ilum visit from Jedi Quest. I don’t think it would have been that interesting a read.

I am a Jedi Apprentice: Unavailable. A prequel to I, Jedi, I presume.

Anakin Skywalker: A Jedi’s Journal: Nope, don’t have this. Description from Wook sounds like The Jedi Path lite:
A facsimile of the journal and sketchbook that Anakin Skywalker kept while he was studying to become a Jedi Knight, this journal’s insightful entries give fans intimate glimpses of Anakin’s training, his hopes and fears, and his feelings about his fellow Jedi. Black-and-white sketches include sketch studies of Anakin’s fellow Jedi, scenes from his training (such as lightsaber stances), and far-off planets visited while on missions with Obi-Wan Kenobi. This Jedi’s journal looks and feels as though it came right out of the Jedi Temple Archives. Blank spaces on every page allow fans room to use this book as their personal journal and sketchbook as well.

13:5:23
Battle in the Arena
Not much to say about this one. Let’s quote the entire first page:

Anakin and Padmé are in terrible trouble! They came to the planet Geonosis to free their captured friend Obi-Wan Kenobi. But before they could find him, they were captured, too!
Oh noes!

It’s a very short retelling of the last 30 minutes of the film. But I like the page where there are pics of every different droid type used in the battle with useful captions. Spider droid, Homing Spider droid, Hailfire droid, it’s good to know that these books are educational.


Then to something completely different:

13:5:17-13:5:18
Bushforb, Slyther file on Star Wars Databanks (archive link): Product of the “What’s the story” competitions, this databank entry tells a story you can’t find anywhere else.

It was a dark night, one that would have undoubtedly been stormy had Coruscant's Weather Control Network permitted it. Not many Nuknogs ever left the filthy swamps of Sump, which is why he knew the dame that walked into his office was trouble with a capital trill.

And now I have the story of that dug in Dex’s Diner. I always knew there was something fishy about him.


13:5:24
Jedi vs. Sith, the Essential Guide: The Battle of Geonosis
Page 30. The day after the war began, Obi-Wan makes a recording of the events of its first battle. (I took the date from the fact that Anakin is currently in surgery. It could be the day of the battle, but that would ruin my first sentence.) Not a lot of news here, Obi-Wan tells everything he found out about Jango, the clones and Dooku. He also wonders if the saberdart and his search were part of this grand plan (paranoid). In his last words he says that he has to stop playing a detective, stopping Dooku is now the first priority. (Meanwhile: “I have good news my master. The war has begun.” "Excellent. Everything is going as planned.")


Other stuff that apparently goes here but I can’t access:
Dagobah, from The Illustrated Star Wars universe
Asteroid Ambush from the LEGO Magazine May/June 2002 (is this even canon?)
The Insult that made a Sith out of Anakin, from Star Wars Fan Club (okay, what is this?)
Dexter Jettster and Lama Su interviews from the Insider
Jedi vs Jango, Droid Showdown, Protect the Senator and Arena Attack adventures from Adventures Magazines
Attack of the Clones Miniatures scenarios from Ultimate Missions: Clone Strike

On the next update: Precipice! Comics! Battles! Excitement! Melvin Fett!

 

On this update:
Dooku forcibly enters Obi-Wan!
A clone in a hole!
If you know what I mean!


13:5:22
Precipice
It’s on Suvudu, just read it already. It’s awesome. The scene of Dooku interrogating Obi-Wan gets a whole new level of depth as Dooku tries to get through Obi-Wan’s mental defences and read his mind. It’s like the Occlumency lessons in Harry Potter but darker.

Chris Cassidy, why haven’t you written more?

Dooku presses every button of Obi-Wan he can find, from not being able to save Qui-Gon to not perhaps even being wanted by him. A lot of nods to Jedi Apprentice books here. For a while Obi-Wan is once again the 13-year-old boy who got a stone as his birthday present.

…the light fading from Cerasi’s eyes as life left her. Melida/Daan’s last casualty…
That was more sad than reading the event itself.

… the feel of soft lips ghosting across his brow, not in promise of a deepening relationship, but in bittersweet acknowledgement of what could never be, as dictated by the Jedi Code…
So which one was this?

Dooku is actually terrifying in this. I was horrified reading this in my bed just before going to sleep. More of this Dooku, please.

This was a very good surprise, hopefully I have many more coming.


13:5:23
The Lesson
We meet the Jedi Tu’ala fighting on the arena with the other Jedi. While she saves other Jedi from the droids she remembers her master and the lesson he told her the day he died protecting a Quarren delegate (Tikkes could have been one of them. Yay).

“You have to know why you would sacrifice yourself for another. It isn’t that the Force loves you less than the other creatures… It is that you love other creatures more.”

And Tu’ala is killed by… a Geonosian? Good job there, little worker. Contact Dooku in two years, he could give you the command of the CIS forces.

This was a small but nice Tales comic, not the best they could offer but wait until you see what I also read from them.


Machines of War
A small comic from Hasbro’s toys. This one features the Republic Gunship, and we have a clone gleefully showing Yoda and Mace everything it can do. Shoot things, grab a Vulture with a grabbling hook and slam it to another Vulture, shoot from eight guns at the same time! After the clone has made a happy dance of a 10-year-old with a new toy, Yoda thinks of how the need for these Machines of War is a sign of a perilous future… (like a war, I presume)


Essential Guide to Warfare: Clone Trooper Falls in a Hole…
Page 80. Ah, the military slang, how have I missed you. It’s really something special. I can’t give you examples of the slang we used because it would be in Finnish and you wouldn’t understand even without the slang. But I had to read some parts of this many times before I understood what the Clone CT-1226 was saying.

Basically, he fights on Geonosis while suddenly falling into a fresh crater. Then he just shoots some droids and destroys a Hailfire droid with a missile from a B2.

He becomes one of the heroes of the Battle of Geonosis. The book doesn’t tell what happened to CT-1226 later. Did he survive the war? Was he shot down from the sky in the very next battle? Did he live on rats in some Waru-forsaken fortress while waiting for reinforcements?

Who cares, there are a million more in where he came from.


Most Precious Weapon
This comic came with a lightsaber toy. Dooku recalls the duel he just had on Geonosis while travelling to Coruscant. Not anything new, really. Dooku didn’t see Anakin as a threat first, he was disappointed with Obi-Wan, then he found that Anakin could be a strong opponent but his anger defeated itself… this is all clear from the film.
“Someday soon,I will show Yoda that I am the master now… and teach the Jedi a lesson of my own!” Foreshadowing for Y: DR?


(unknown time)
Melvin Fett
Okay, I have no idea why TFN’s timeline has this in here, but I’ll assume that they have good reasons and just roll with it.

This is the epic story of Melvin Fett, Boba Fett’s infamous cousin. Arla’s son? Well that’s…

We find the aspiring bounty hunter on Tatooine. His mission… “To capture Jar Jar Binks! Dead, or alive! Or both! Or neither!”

He succeeds. Fine, it’s only a drinking cup shaped like small Jar Jar which says “Mesa thirsty!” over and over again. But he hit a Jawa with his blaster to get it! That’s professional work right there if I’m any judge.

The effects these four pages have to canon are of course enormous. Who created cups shaped like Jar Jar? Who has put a bounty on Jar Jar? Someone who is afraid of him being Naboo’s representative on the Senate?

Oh, it must be Tarpals.


Failing up with Jar Jar Binks
Well this is just too silly. And it has some ugly art. While Melvin Fett has entered my canon for being so adorable, this comic gets barred from Lugija-canon. We don’t serve their kind here.

(If you want to know what’s so horrible in this that I don’t consider it canon, well, Jar Jar gets a holocall from Sidious and it ends with Sidious bowing before Jar Jar, the future ruler of the entire universe! And Jar Jar has to be re-elected as a representative of Naboo when everyone knows that the Senate people have their chairs for as long as they want.)


Anakin and Padmé in “Nobody’s Perfect”
Just before their wedding, Anakin confesses to Padmé that killing the Sand People wasn’t his only crime. He has also annihilated a colony of desert gnomes, beat a homeless Wookiee senseless and once set the Jedi Temple on fire. Three Jedi died as did the headmaster and some padawans. Padmé answers with “Should I go with a traditional white wedding dress or something in a light pastel?” Haw haw.
Hmm… not canon.


Dear Anakin, from Manga: Black. I don’t have this one. Kitster writes a letter to Anakin. Declared non-canon by the powers-that-be.

There. This is the end. The end of AotC tie-ins. Begun, the Clone War has. Finally.
The last thing: An important message from the Holonet.

Nothing to see here anymore… until the next update! Death in the Catacombs (sadly not Grievous) and Boba Fett!