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FF:NSW [SPOILERS] Post your movie review of Revenge Of The Sith here!

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by Ki-Bara-Mundi, May 15, 2005.

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  1. Darth_Punk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2002
    star 4
    I didnt know where to post this, so I thought I would put it here.

    I read this on the ROTS forum, and its really funny.
    It reminds me of a Matrix one that Scream posted a couple of years ago.



    "FADE IN: EXT. SPACE

    Two NOT-QUITE-TIE-FIGHTERS fly and zoom around, the camera chasing
    wildly behind them in a way that only computer generated scenes can
    show. We see that they have EWAN MCGREGOR and HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN in
    them.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    I can hardly tell who is shooting who in this dizzying space battle
    sequence!

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it's pretty confusing.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    No, I mean literally dizzying!
    (vomits)

    They fly toward CHRISTOPHER LEE'S SHIP so they can rescue SUPREME
    CHANCELLOR IAN MCDIARMID.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    Oh no, the hangar has shields up!

    HAYDEN shoots something next to the shield and they deactivate.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    The thing that powers the shield is on the outside of the ship?

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it's pretty stupid. It'd be like a life support system being in a
    box on someone's chest.

    They land inside the ship and TAKE SOME DROIDS TO SCHOOL.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    I sure am enjoying the feeling of brotherly camaraderie between us.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it is nice. Seems like the sort of thing that should have been in
    the last film. Oh well, at least there were scenes of me rolling around
    in the grass.

    They make their way toward CHRISTOPHER LEE and IAN MCDIARMID, using the
    help of R2D2, who uses his rockets to fly again, in spite of everyone
    trying so hard to forget that ever happened. They find IAN.

    IAN MCDIARMID
    Help me! I am trapped in a comfortable chair overlooking all of the
    destruction I have wrought!

    Suddenly, CHRISTOPHER LEE enters.

    CHRISTOPHER LEE
    I have been waiting a long time for a rematch. Now, you will have to
    face a stunt double with my face pasted on!

    They DUEL. CHRISTOPHER LEE easily dispatches EWAN. HAYDEN fights him and
    eventually KILLS him.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    (furrowing his brow)
    Wow, that was it for Christopher Lee, huh? Seems almost pointless to
    have killed Darth Maul and introduced him in the first place.

    HAYDEN, EWAN, and IAN all begin to leave, but they are CAPTURED and
    brought before GENERAL GREVIOUS, A ROBOTIC SKELETON.

    GENERAL GREVIOUS
    (coughing)
    I will now add your lightsabers to my collection of Star Wars
    memorabilia.

    He places them inside a VINTAGE 1970'S STAR WARS LUNCH BOX WITH THERMOS
    NO RESERVE!!

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Artoo, freak the hell obnoxiously!

    He DOES. This distracts everyone long enough for EWAN to get his
    LIGHTSABER back. There is a short battle in which an OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW
    THAT GREVIOUS IS AS BADASS AS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE is missed.

    GENERAL GREVIOUS
    (coughing and wheezing)
    I will run like a coward, further failing to illustrate how intimidating
    my character is meant to be!

    HAYDEN crashes the ship to the ground and SAVES EVERYONE. There is MILD
    CELEBRATION followed by a cameo by NATALIE PORTMAN, the linchpin of
    HAYDEN'S turn to the dark side.

    NATALIE PORTMAN
    (yawning)
    Hayden, I'm pregnant.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    (furrowing his brow)
    How can you be sure?

    NATALIE PORTMAN
    Because in a minute or two I'll actually be showing. Really.

    We cut to HAYDEN having a nightmare about NATALIE giving birth to a
    GUNGAN. NATALIE is visibly pregnant now in a single shot, the only
    indicator at all that any time has passed since the previous scene.
    Nothing happens for a while, and eventually HAYDEN seeks the advice of
    IAN MCDIARMID.

    INT. SOME WEIRD OPERA THING

    IAN MCDIARMID
    You seem worried about Natalie dying. Also, you're confused about being
    a Jedi.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    (furrowing his brow)
    They don't want me to get it on with Natalie Portman. That's insanity. Did you see
    her in Closer? Holy *****.

    IAN MCDIARMID
    Did you know that those who embrace the Dark Side have a lot of powers
    that Jedi do not? For example, they can influence that midichlorian
    bull to create life.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Create life? Wait, are you impl
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