1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

  2. Hey Fanficers! In fixing the prefixes something happened and now you can't edit titles. Don't panic! We're looking into what happened and trying to fix it.

Story [Star Trek 2009] Enterprising Drabbles UDC4: Week 20 Updated 8/25/09!

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by brodiew, May 8, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    Axe to Grind and Tongue in Cheek were my favorite. Tongue in Cheek actually made me laugh out loud. :p

    Funny set.

    Wonderful, as usual.

  2. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 20, 2002
    [face_laugh] I love the first three especially - great humor :D
  3. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Whew! I'm here on time.

    Proud of me? [face_batting]

    That out of the way, I have to tell you that I really enjoyed this week. You really have a knack for humor . . . especially with Jim being . . . well, Jim. :p

    Bend Over Backwards: I empathize with him one hundred percent. Eugh,

    Axe to Grind: Personal favorite of this set!! Brilliant work. And crap . . . it really is prudent to not drink anything when there is a warning of humor. ;)

    Rise and Shine: Much better than the violence. Sic the Vulcan on him with a wake-up call. [face_devil]

    Tounge in Cheek: LOL!! [face_laugh]

    Without a Doubt: Too true. :(

    ~MJ @};-
  4. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Author Note: Thanks to may faithful readers for continuing to support this thread. I promise better responses for this week.

    This is a strange set. First of all let me apologize to those who wanted mush from this week. There is some, but it?s tempered by other weirdness. You can consider the OOC drabbles AU if that makes them more palatable. I wasn't really able to connect with the theme words this week.

    Week 17 - 7/27/09 - provided by Mira_Jade

    81. Yearning

    It has been a long time since I?ve ached for anyone. Even to write it or say it out loud sounds strange. Ache. As if there is a part of me is missing and I can only feel whole in his presence. Boy, that sounds even worse. Needy. Desperate. But, I?m neither of those things. Jim is my missing piece. He is adventurous when I am reserved. He is quiet when I need to talk. He is funny whether or not I need to laugh. I ache for Jim and worry about him. I need you to be safe, Darling.

    82. Jealousy

    That fact that James T. Kirk is captain of the Enterprise is illogical. He is inexperienced, a still a cadet. There are more qualified candidates for the position. Kirk is unconcerned with official protocol. He challenges authority at every turn. He makes decisions from his ?gut?, without proper examination and is easily distracted by virtually every female member of the crew. He is reckless. He is emotional. He is illogical. He is also favored. I do not understand what Admiral Pike sees in him. The Admiral?s admiration of George Kirk is well know, but surely no reason for adoptive nepotism.

    83. Possession

    Jim Kirk was usually one who could get what he wanted by sheer force of charm or determination. However, when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object, an impasse is the best that can be expected. From the moment he saw her, Jim wanted the woman with smooth brown skin and long black hair. Her narrow challenging eyes on solidified his resolve to break down her defenses. It was unfortunate that myriad academy jarheads and, ultimately, a stoic Vulcan would put his attempts bed her to an end. Not to mention defeating a mad Romulan and saving the known universe.

    84. Addiction

    Dr. Leonard McCoy had just finished a double shift and he needed a drink. Good thing he didn?t have to go far. Pulling open the top drawer of his desk he removed the silver flask which held his relief. Just a pull or two. That would set him right and ease him into a hopefully restful sleep. The warm liquid sailed through his system helping him to relax. Standing, he slipped the flask into his pants pocket, and left sickbay.

    When he got to his quarters, he pulled a bottle whiskey from a cabinet and drank until he fell asleep.

    85. Wanting

    The first time he noticed her was on paper. He was preparing for his Xenolinguistics course and her aptitude tests were most impressive. She scored higher, by a sizable margin, than her classmates. He found it most intriguing.

    The second time he noticed her was their first day of class. She was what human?s call exotic. Uhura was well proportioned and had an allure which he found strangely magnetic.

    The third time was when she kissed him and confessed her love in his native Vulcan. In this, he allowed himself a modicum of freedom from logic, and kissed her back.
  5. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    You know I was drawn like a moth to a flame by the third and the fifth. Major squee! Baby, if a Vulcan's in the game, all the other players better leave the field [face_laugh] =P~ !!!!!!!!

  6. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    You should do 'weird' more often. ;) Those were wonderful to read. =D=

    A more in depth look:

    Yearning: This was perfect. Beautiful. The first person look at things really added to the almost desperate love you portray. It was very powerful. Major 'awww' points there. [face_love]

    Jealousy: Another powerful one, once again offset by the first person POV. I loved Spock's sharp look at things, even jealousy in the end. Most fascinating. [face_thinking]

    Possession: I loved the edge of humor in this one. It was almost dark - with the whole theme of possession being at the fulcrum of the matter, but the last line offset it wonderfully. =D=

    Addiction: [face_plain] [:D]

    Wanting: I will sidestep the myriad of squees and dancing smiley faces to tell you how profoundly touching I found that one to be. ;) I'm a sucker for the pairing, but here I loved how you showed the slow steps to a fall. Wonderful. [face_love]

    Brilliant job with these. Can we hope to see you writing 'weird' again? I found nothing to be OOC, it was merely a more sober and in depth analysis of the characters, past the levity that really surrounds them at large. [face_thinking]

    . . . then again, I'm a glutton for angst sometime, so my opinion may not be the most clear minded. :p

    Can't wait for more!! [face_dancing]

    ~MJ @};-
  7. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith C&G Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Mar 13, 2006
    I agree with everyone how these are very much in character for each one. One after another shows how each individual really feels; no pretenses are displayed; just true and sincere emotions. =D=
  8. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Jade_Eyes: Thanks for reading, Jade. I try to do Spock justice, and think I get it right about half the time. Wanting was for the those that need to SQUEE!

    Mira_Jade: Ah, you?re a mush AND an angst hound. :p I?m very glad you enjoyed these. Some I was sure of, others not so much. I worried about Spock and Bones. But as you said, it?s just taking a deeper look into the emotions of the characters. I?ve seen bones portrayed in other fics near this line. As for Spock, I can see him thinking this way. Logically, he?s right.

    I knew that Wanting would be a hit. He felt right and seemed to flow onto the page effortlessly. Thanks again for such thoughtful reviews.

    RX_Sith: Thanks, RX. I am beginning to agree with you and mira that this was just an attempt to look deeper than the surface of each character.

    Week 18 - 8/3/09 - provided by BigFatty

    86. Red

    Security officer Craig Hassanieh admired the courage of his captain, but feared that Kirk?s ?out front? command style would one day end badly. When the crew beamed down to a research facility in response to a distress call, Craig stepped in front of the captain who had reached for the door handle. Disruptor fire exploded from the room even as the door opened. Craig fell to the floor growling in agony as the rest of the away team took up a defensive position outside the door. Kirk grabbed Craig?s uniform shirt and pulled him out of the line of fire.

    87. Brown

    Spock?s fingers traced the line from thigh to hip with such reverence that she trembled as tendrils of electricity swam through her. He looked deeply into her brown eyes, his passion radiating through his delicate touch. His fingers continued higher as they moved from hip to rib and around to her shoulder. He could feel her desire to act, to break free from his sensuous ministrations, but she would not. Nyota would absorb his touch. She knew he enjoyed touching her; enticing her. She would wait until she could take no more. Then, when able, she would have her turn.

    88. Black

    Montgomery Scott stared at his black hands. No matter how many times he?s tried to restore even impulse power, he had been shamefully unsuccessful. Although there was no immediate danger, being dead in space was black mark on record as well as his ego. If he didn?t know better, he might think it a wee bit of black hearted sabotage. As he reinserted himself into the cramped bulkhead, another valve gave way, covering him in black fluid. Spitting profanities unacceptable in even the most seasoned company, Scotty?s mood became blacker than a cursed Iris beer.

    ?Kirk to Scott. Everything ok??

    89. Yellow

    Kirk immediately surveyed Hassanieh?s injuries. The security man had taken two disruptor blasts; one in the side and another to the shoulder. Silently motioning Bones to come closer, Kirk whispered encouraging words.

    ?What?d do that for, Craig??

    ?Didn?t?feel right, Sir,? the security man grunted in reply. ?My job?to protect you.?

    Bones ran the medial tri-corder over Hassanieh while phaser fire buzzed above them. ?He?ll make it but I have to get him back to sickbay.

    ?Go! We?ll be right behind you as soon as we kick some Klingon ass!?

    ?Lovely,? Bones said. ?Try not to bring more wounded with you!?

    90. Blue

    As soon as McCoy and Hassanieh were beamed into sickbay, Nurse Chapel was at their side with an additional tech to assist in getting the wounded man on the examination table.

    Christine smiled at the security man and assured him that all would be ok. His face was covered with sweat and burned flesh mixed with mesh of his shirt gave off a stark aroma. McCoy pressed a sedative hypospray to his neck and relived him of the pain as Christine proceeded to cut his uniform from his body.

    His wounds could be treated but the work was still delicate.

  9. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    Superb use of the prompts. =D= =D= Ahem.... brown -- ECSTASY BLISS RAPTURES! Erm... thank you. [face_laugh]

    [face_REALLY MELTED]

  10. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 20, 2002
    Very nice!! Especially Brown :D
  11. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    Aye, I loved Brown. [face_love][face_love] *melts*

    You have a knack for writing mush, you know? :D

    The set from previous week was great, by the way. I liked Addiction, I have to admit.
    I really did.

    Wonderful work!

  12. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    Hi brodiew: -- looks unanimous--Brown's a hit [face_laugh] Squeeingly eager for what you do with week #19's prompts! Woohoo! Woohoo!


  13. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004

    Yep. I'm a glutton for angst and mush. Kinda scary isn't it? ;) Thank goodness I have a network of authors I read who excell at both. *cough* ;)

    Aaaand I'm late again. Feel free to consult with your phaser, although I would tell you that further reviews would require a 'stun' setting. ;)

    Red: Okay, I was a blonde, and didn't read the promt title. Inside I went 'bet Craig was wearing the red uniform.' Yeah . . . *face palm*. Beautifully portrayed here, though. =D=

    Brown: Um, lemme see it I can pull my thoughts into line with a shred of dignity . . .




    AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! [face_love]


    That lucky gal. *envious glare*

    Um, ahem.

    Black: Awww! The poor guy. Frustration coupled with egos and then black guck everywhere . . . [:D]

    Yellow: I'm going 'aww' a lot this week around. I'm getting some wierd glances from onlookers. :rolleyes: I loved this one though, oddly enough it was one of my favorites this week. I loved the loyalty Kirk inspired in his crew - it 'not feeling right' to not take the shot. And then the last quip about bringing back more ingured really tied this one up nicely. =D=

    Blue: Another really nice one. :D

    Brilliant set all around!! :D

    ~MJ @};-
  14. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Jase_Eyes: I knew it! That one was for all, but you and Mira, specifically. I?m glad it was able to elicit the squggles I knew it could!

    NYCitygurl: Thanks, Nat. I?m glad you enjoyed them.

    Ceillean: thanks so much for the compliment. I?ve never thought myself too mushy, but I do well when the mood/muse strikes. I?m also glad you enjoyed Addiction from last week. Not necessarily my favorite, but I thought, important. Thanks again.

    Jade_eyes: Indeed. Maybe more in the final set?

    Mira_Jade: Welcome back Mira. My phaser was nearby. I get nervous when you don?t show up for a while. :p I enjoyed writing ?red? quite a bit. There may be more Hassanieh in the future. Brown was all for you and Jade_eyes. I?, pleased as punch that you enjoyed it.

    Week 19 - 8/10/09 - provided by Mira_Jade

    91. Forever

    When Kirk materialized on the barren planet, and saw it, his first sense was one of profound déjà vu. He had been here before; with Bones. No; not with Bones, but chasing him; chasing him into the past. But, this time it wasn?t Bones. It was Spock. He was crazed, emotional, and violent. His eyes shifted to Uhura. It wasn?t a good idea to bring her. But, he couldn?t leave her behind either.

    ?We should get on with it,? Bones pressed.

    Kirk nodded and turned back to the clouded gateway. ?Do you think it?s alive or some kind of device??

    92. Always

    When they stepped through Guardian and arrived outside next to a tent with the acrid smell of smoke and death in the air, Kirk resisted the urge to vomit. Taking in the scene around him, he heard Nyota gasp. The ground was littered with the bodies of men in blue and gray uniforms. It was bloody and ugly.

    The Guardian said that through Spock?s actions, Lee?s surrender at Appomattox became a blood bath, forever fracturing the United States, and by extension, the United Federation of Planets. What could the Vulcan have done? He had to be stopped. At all costs.

    93. Never

    Kirk didn?t feel right wearing a dead man?s uniform, but if they were going to fit in, and find Spock, it was a necessary evil. He racked his brain to remember the American Civil War.

    Bones recognized his look of confusion and spoke up.

    ?Don?t hurt yourself, Jim. The Civil War was about states rights and slavery?among other things.?

    ?Slavery? Damn.? They both looked Nyota, now wearing a uniform like their own.

    ?No way in hell, Captain,? she said through a tight jaw. ?I won?t do it.?

    ?Yeah, you will,? Kirk replied seriously. ?We all have a roll to play.?

    94. Maybe

    Kirk gripped Uhura?s arm tightly and shook her, raising a hand to hit her.

    ?Don?t be an idiot, Jimmie!? McCoy play acted. ?If you beat her up, her Master might not pay as much for the reward.?

    ?What reward?? Kirk replied lasciviously. ?This one?s all mine.?

    ?We ain?t got time for that now. We?re still after the Chinaman! Save the sexin? for later. Anyone seen a crazed Chinaman running through these parts??

    They all laughed.

    One man approached them later and told them of the pointy eared Chinese being held near the command tent.

    ?Can you get us close??


    95. Eternity

    Peering through a side flap, Jim saw Spock heavily tied to a post. Green blood smeared his mouth, his left eye was swollen and almost closed, and his nose appeared broken. Bile rose in Kirk's throat. They needed to get him out there. Now.

    Two unconscious guards, a laser scalpel hole in the tent, and a medicated hypospray later, the four Enterprise crewmen raced through the camp.

    They only needed to make it back to the tent where they appeared. The Guardian would do the rest. Spock was heavy. He and Bones-

    -were once again passing through the gateway. Hallelujah.
  15. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith C&G Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Mar 13, 2006
    Cool twist with Spock going through the Guardian crazed instead of McCoy. And the Civil War setting was indeed a good one. Great job again. =D=
  16. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    Marvelous! Brilliant reworking of one of the classics.




  17. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Woohoo! Look who's here on time. ;) [face_dancing]

    And it's already the second from last week? :eek: Drats but if that went really fast. I'm going to miss these a lot. Really. :( But hey, there's always next round, right? [face_batting] Not that I'm asking or anything. :p

    And as for this week, what a creative little set. The Guardian has always been a great subject, but with your character switch-up, it was even better. The amount of stuff you were able to shove in a hundred words was wonderful -- this easily could have been an epic that would dwarf even a one-shot and yet you shaved it down to something tight and clean and still very enjoyable. True talent there. =D=

    I don't really have a blow by blow, but there were little things that I enjoyed - Uhura not being able to be left behind; Kirk's unease at wearing a dead man's uniform :( ; McCoy recognizing his lapse of historical knowledge [face_laugh]; Spock being taken for Chinese :p; and the ending. You managed to pack a whole lot of emotion into these. A whole lot. =D=

    Great job with these. One of your best yet. :D

    ~MJ @};-
  18. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    I agree with Mira on two counts. I'm going to miss these to a ridiculous degree & wouldn't it be very very cool to take the classic TOS episodes and work up viggies or two-three-parters where the events are just a little different? :D :D

    I think that'd be a stellar and very riveting project.



  19. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Author Note: First of all I want to give a hearty thanks to Jade_Eyes, Mira_Jade, RX_Sith, Ceillean, and NYCitygurl for being my faith readers over the last 20 weeks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am glad to have had such wonderful support. You all have been an inspiration. I?m also glad to have provided material that you all enjoyed so well.

    I appreciate the wonderful comments on Week 19. I wanted to try something different, using the Guardian of Forever. I'm glad it was a success. I think it could be expanded. Maybe I will at some point. Jade_Eyes, your comment about giving some TOS episodes a new 2009 treatment is intriguing as well. We'll see where it leads.

    I?ve thought about how to wrap up this challenge. I thought about returning to the film. I thought about showing how the crew solidifies into a family. I ended up just writing a regular set thematically out of my own experience. I hope you enjoy this finale to Enterprising Drabbles.

    Week 20 (Author?s Choice)

    Movie Night

    ?I?ve decided to introduce a Movie Night,? Kirk announced to the assembled command staff.

    ?Brilliant!? Scotty exclaimed. ?Popcorn and beer!?

    ?Okay,? Kirk continued past the outburst. ?I can think of no better film to start the tradition than ?Star Wars?.?

    ?Isn?t that the one about the whiny git whose poppa turn out to be a galactic mass murderer?? Scotty added.

    ?That?s an oversimplification, Scotty,? Kirk replied, defensively.
    ?But true.?

    Sulu frowned. ?Yeah, didn?t the kid kiss his sister or something??

    ?An honest mistake,? Kirk replied with a roguish smile. ?He didn?t know she was his sister and she was hot.?


    ?So what about Kirk??

    ?What about him??

    ?Will you be able to take orders from him??

    ?He is the Captain of this ship.?

    ?He?s also a man-child whose id will get us in trouble on a regular basis.?

    ?Will you be able to take his orders??

    ?This isn?t about me.?

    ?Perhaps, it is more about you than it is about me. He is my superior officer. I will follow his orders as long as they stay within Federation Rules of Order.?

    ?Do Kirk and order appear to have anything in common??

    ?Think of him as a language to be deciphered.?

    Waiting on a Woman

    When Kirk entered the rec room, he noticed Spock sitting alone at the chess table. He looked restless, if such a thing was possible.

    ?What?s going on, Spock,? he said sliding into the chair across from the Vulcan.

    ?I am waiting for Lt. Uhura,? Spock replied flatly.

    Kirk leaned forward. ?Been waiting long? Her shift ended half an hour ago.?

    ?It is nothing for you to be concerned about, Captain.?

    ?Captain?? Kirk replied, unperturbed. ?We?re both off duty, right? It?s Jim.?

    ?I believe the human expression is ?nosy?,? Spock said with a slight tilt of his head.

    ?Touche, Mr. Spock.?

    Gotta Go

    The first and loudest thump jogged her from dreamless sleep. The subsequent quick succession of lesser thumps soon revealed a blond three year old standing in the door way.

    ?I need to go pee-pee,? the boy said matter of fact.

    ?Go on, then,? Winona Kirk replied. ?You?re a big boy.?

    Normally she would get up and watch him to make sure everything went ok, but not tonight. Soon, she heard the toilet flush and he came into the room wearing only a pull up. He jumped on to the bed and snuggled up next to her. ?Tell me about daddy, again, please.?

    Buckle Up!

    ?Punch it!?

    James T. Kirk was the captain. He was in charge. He thought he understood what that meant. In his reverie he was transported back to the drill over Vulcan. When Sulu went over the edge, he didn?t think, he acted. In that moment Sulu?s life was more important that his own. Could he have died? Sulu? Sure. But if there was a chance that they could live, the attempt was worth it. He smiled at how quickly choices are made; life and death choices. Experience will come. And his instincts, which he trusted implicitly, would grow with that experience.

  20. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    A very brilliant wrap!!!

    But "Movie Night" took the prize. :D :D

    And "Waiting on a Woman" -- priceless. Speaking for myself, I could never keep Spock waiting, because I couldn't wait for our alone time to start!!!

    I cannot express how delightful these all have been. A true pleasure!!!


  21. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith C&G Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Mar 13, 2006
    Excellent ending set. I agree that each one was again a unique view into each character and their different psyche's.
  22. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh, that was a beautiful way to end these. Truly.

    Movie Night: Oh my goodness, but if those weren't a riot . . . [face_laugh] [face_laugh] "Yeah but his sister was hot!" -- total Jim. :rolleyes: Loved Scotty's voice in this one "whiney git". [face_laugh] I'm going to have to use that one somewhere. ;)

    Orders: ?Think of him as a language to be deciphered.? Perfect way of looking at it. [face_thinking]

    Waiting on a Woman: Whenever I head this phrase I think of "Good Will Hunting", so I was already smiling before I started reading. [face_love] And within I loved the little things that showed Spock's anticipation/apprehension/restlessness, and Kirk's good natured teasing/nosiness. All in all, a lovely little drabble. [face_love]

    Gotta Go: Awwww!! I always love young Kirk and Winona, but these were beautiful in just how . . . normal they were. Nice work with this one. [face_love]

    Buckle Up: I think that in the end this one summed up the last twenty weeks perfectly. Yes, making command decisions are life and death, but through the experiences you build, your instincts do as well. Just . . . beautiful work with this one all around. It was the PERFECT way to end this. =D=

    And wow . . . I've run out of drabbles to comment on.

    I feel strangely empty now. :(

    And, um, can we hope to see you the next round with more of these? [face_batting] I'm not above bribing, either. Just so you know. :p

    . . . All joking aside, I have enjoyed these weeks more than words can say. Thanks so much for a wonderful read! [:D]

    ~MJ @};-
  23. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    Movie Night was priceless. Loved that.

    Young Kirk completely adorable. :)

    This was a wonderful way to end the challenge. =D= I enjoyed each week, I really did.
    Great job and I hope to be reading more. ;)

  24. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 20, 2002
    ?An honest mistake,? Kirk replied with a roguish smile. ?He didn?t know she was his sister and she was hot.?

    [face_laugh] So Kirk :D

    Great set, and great sets! Congratulations on finishing [:D]
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.