TITLE: Star Trek TNG: How do we change the lightbulb? AUTHOR: RX_Sith RATING: [CAUTION] Random laughter may occur. SUMMARY: It's dark on the USS Enterprise 1701-D and no one knows how to change a lightbulb. AUTHORS NOTES: Get ready for some TNG humor. DISCLAIMER: The characters of Star Trek are the property of Parmount which obviously I have no affiliation with. PROLOGUE: The Lights Go Out The USS Enterprise is on a mission to the Vulcan Homeworld. It comes across some sinister vessels that it engages now on the viewscreen. Except, the viewscreen is blank. "Data, what happened to the viewscreen?" Picard asks inquisitivitely as he sits with his hands perfectly in unison on top of each of his legs. "Sir", Data starts, "The Romulan vessels have knocked out all the lights on the ship including the viewscreen. I am afraid that we are now in the dark." "Emergency lights, dammit," Picard orders. Still, no lights come on. "Sorry, Captain," Data interposes, "The emergency lights are down as well." "There are FOUR lights," Picard suddenly announces. "Where?" Worf now interjects from his security station, "Blast it, Klingons are not supposed to be without light." "If I may intervene, Sir," Riker intervenes, "We must find a way to restore our lighting before the Romulans finish us." "Good idea Will," Picard smacks himself on his forehead, "Why didn't I think of that. Form an away team to steal lights from the Romulans." "Right away, Captain," Riker obliges him, "Worf, Data, anyone else on the Bridge... follow me." A rustling of people moving in the dark and tripping over the stations on the Bridge, themselves, and other obstacles is heard. "Data, try to open this door," Riker announces haphazardly in the darkness. "I would if I could just find you," Data replies sincerely, "Hold on. Activitate night glow vision. Damn. I forgot. I don't have night glow vision. Where's Geordi when we need him." "Geordi to the Bridge," Captain Picard orders, "Damn, do I have to guide you through everything, Number One." "Well, if you could direct me to the men's room, I think I have to go Number Two," Riker grunts. "First turbolift to your right," Picard moans. "I can't find a turbolift," Riker grunts again as he passes some gas that the others now smell. "Will......" they all moan, "Please Captain, tell him to stop." "Number One!" Picard yells, "You are to hold your Number Two until such time that you find a restroom, do you understand?" "Yes sir," Riker obliges him as he grunts some more, "Damn, I hope that it doesn't take us too much longer to find that turboshaft door."