Story [Star Trek: TOS] "beneath a flicker", Sarek/Amanda, Oneshot

?beneath a flicker?

Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: G
Time Frame: ?Journey to Babel?
Characters: Amanda/Sarek

Summary: ?She can only do so much to convince herself that she is most decidedly not-worried; and that in all of her not-worrying there was not one moment where the horror of what-if crept up on her with everything dark and human inside of her.? Coda piece to 'Journey to Babel.'

Notes: So, I watched 'Journey to Babel' probably a half dozen times last week for a future "What a Lovely Way to Burn" chapter. The muse was struck by the baffling fact that I haven't once written for TOS, and went to change that.

This and, "and a fall" are companion pieces, so that may help with a few things.


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, but for the words.

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[i]
?beneath a flicker?
by Mira_Jade[/i]


For Amanda Grayson, she thinks that she had experienced pain and fear in her life. She had considered herself a strong woman ? she had to be; wife as she was of one of Vulcan's most influential Ambassadors, and human at that. She had gone through hardships aplenty, and had considered herself stronger in the end.

She thinks, though, that seeing her husband brought low by nothing more than his body's own shortcomings and small against the harsh white of the biobed was a new kind of pain for her. To her, Sarek had never been anything less than strong and fully capable ? indeed, his grace and calm self assurance had been what had first attracted her to him all those years ago. She had seen him injured before ? after all, the roll of a diplomat was not one without its trials and tribulations ? but this was [i]different[/i]. This was not something that could so easily be repaired . . . this was no inflicted wound. This was [i]him[/i] that was failing and hurt this time.

And that had terrified her. Absolutely [i]terrified[/i] her.

She had been shuddering, small shoulders quaking under the weight of her emotions. While she may have been able to hide so much ? make it appear that she was serene and graceful enough to be wife of the best that Vulcan had to offer ? the fact still remained that everything human and tempestuous in her rose up strong and passionate in her when the odds stacked against her.

This time her fear had been sick and queasy and overwhelming and [i]I just can't lose him[/i].

The memory of it fluttered through her now with a remembered adrenaline, causing the tips of her fingers to shake and her skin to flush warm and cool in turns as she sought to regulate herself again. Now, after the danger was past and there was nothing but healing ahead, she let herself calm again, going reflexively through the meditation techniques that her husband had shown her during their first years of marriage as she sat loyally at his side.

Home, on Vulcan, she would have sat demurely in the chair next to him, her fingers pressed to his in the only open gesture of affection that was socially acceptable amongst his people. Here she let herself sit on the edge of her husband's biobed, and took Sarek's hand in full view of the others. Reflexively, even in sleep, his grasp tightened over hers, soothing her fears with the unconscious reminder of simple strength.

The sight garnered a look or two from McCoy and his nurses ? even Spock and the Captain - but she had cared little for that. A part of her, human and wholly repressed, even enjoyed the small glances and the unspoken questions behind them.

A few hours after the procedure, she rubbed her thumb against the top of his hand, and tested gingerly at the bond in her mind that connected her to her husband. The mental link was peaceful, as it often was when he slept, and so she gently prodded it as one might search sleeping embers for a flame, waiting . . .

A moment later, the gentle presence at the back of her mind started to rise towards awareness. She watched as Sarek's eyes