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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Story STAR TREK ULYSSES: "False Idol" (OCs, short story) - COMPLETED as of July 15th

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Kurisan, Jun 17, 2016.

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  1. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Devastating power by the eye on its targets.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 6, 2016
    #26
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  2. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Superb and riveting! =D= Your writing style is wonderfully matched to the urgency of the situation. :cool: Mack is an excellent choice for POV. [face_thinking] His reactions perfectly parallel the reader's. :)
     
    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jul 8, 2016
    #27
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  3. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh . . . wow. :eek: Now that is quite an entity that they have on their tails. Just . . . you have me completely hooked, and I am really, really intrigued to see how the crew gets out of this mess. [face_thinking]
     
    Mira_Jade , Jul 9, 2016
    #28
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  4. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 9, 2016
    #29
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  5. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Yikes! With warp capability, shields, and - I'm guessing - their weapons ineffective, I was really hoping that Kimi's suggestion would work. Perhaps it still might, if they figure out what it wants/needs? Because I am quite puzzled how they are going to get out of this mess otherwise. Once again, you are doing a fantastic job with your descriptions - this entity has quite a terribly awesome presence, and you've got me riveted for more. =D=
     
    Mira_Jade , Jul 10, 2016
    #30
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  6. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Looks pretty perilous for the crew.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 10, 2016
    #31
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  7. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 10, 2016
    #32
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  8. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    gripping action
    I hope no more crew will be killed by the monster
     
    earlybird-obi-wan, Jul 11, 2016
    #33
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  9. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Hopefully they will be able to escape.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 11, 2016
    #34
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  10. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 11, 2016
    #35
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  11. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    A last resort to try to get rid of the monstrosity.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 12, 2016
    #36
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  12. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 12, 2016
    #37
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  13. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    No one can survive this I think
    excellent action
     
    earlybird-obi-wan, Jul 12, 2016
    #38
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  14. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    An unfortunate end to getting rid of the eye.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 13, 2016
    #39
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  15. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh, wow . . . I was not expecting that. But it is both beautiful and terrifying to contemplate some of the possible lifeforms in a universe such as theirs, and it's fascinating to see what little mankind can do against such entities, at that. I am really, really intrigued as to what's next . . . if there is a 'what's next'. ;)
     
    Mira_Jade , Jul 14, 2016
    #40
  16. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 14, 2016
    #41
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  17. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 14, 2016
    #42
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  18. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Love to see them alive and able to go home. Bu that will be adventurous I think
     
    earlybird-obi-wan, Jul 15, 2016
    #43
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  19. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2006
    A ten year journey of the unknown. Looking forward to the next story.
     
    RX_Sith, Jul 15, 2016
    #44
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  20. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh, wow! Ten years? That does set them up to see some fascinating things in the galaxy. I love that the Vulcans already knew about this entity in their lore, of cours; and I especially loved Leslie's pep-talk. She was right on all accounts. [face_love]

    I can't wait to see what this crew does next - you've really got a knack for juggling an ensemble cast and creating interesting voices for your characters and situations for them to face. I'm truly interested in any further tales you have to tell. =D=
     
    Mira_Jade , Jul 16, 2016
    #45
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  21. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Jul 18, 2016
    #46
  22. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Kurisan - breathtaking and edge of seatness totally! =D= I do love Dr. Randall :D And Toure, she did make the hard last-calls for sure! [face_thinking] Eagerly awaiting the sequel.
     
    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jul 23, 2016
    #47
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  23. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2002
    Read up to Chapter 7.

    Incredibly well written overall, character descriptions, voices, visuals.

    Bit of over-use with the "blue-skinned" for the geologist.

    I still have no idea what "A&A" means, and I didn't know until the second chapter that the team were on the planet. I thought they were in space with a couple people due to beam back in six hours.
    Did I miss that mentioned in Chapter One, or did you not cover it?

    Intriguing pyramid and descriptions, but I did not get the impression from the narrative that the team descended from the entrance deep enough that they could then encounter a skyscraper tall figure, especially one that they could not see some off on the way down.

    Beside those niggles, very well written and easy to read. For me to burn through six chapters on my phone without a break, this was the real deal.
     
    Sith-I-5, Jul 28, 2016
    #48
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  24. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

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    Apr 26, 2016
    gg
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Kurisan, Aug 24, 2016
    #49
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