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Story STAR TREK ULYSSES: "False Idol" (OCs, short story) - COMPLETED as of July 15th

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Kurisan, Jun 17, 2016.

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Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 17, 2016

#1

Sith-I-5 likes this.
Sith-I-5 Force Ghost

Registered:

Aug 14, 2002

"Shortish" is right.

Sith-I-5, Jun 17, 2016

#2
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 17, 2016

#3
earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 21, 2006

Very interesting story. I will follow this. Nice characters.

earlybird-obi-wan, Jun 17, 2016

#4

Kurisan likes this.
Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape Staff Member Manager

Registered:

Jun 29, 2004

A sentient presence (perhaps?) inside of a star? Now that has my interest. I am really intrigued to see how this contact is going to turn out.

Mira_Jade , Jun 18, 2016

#5

Kurisan and earlybird-obi-wan like this.
WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 31, 2004

Superb! You give just enough details for us to picture the characters and we can get a grasp of the situation and their opinions also through the dialogue A very intriguing premise for a crisis situation.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jun 19, 2016

#6

Kurisan and earlybird-obi-wan like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 19, 2016

#7

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha likes this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 20, 2016

#8
WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 31, 2004

Bravo on getting the atmosphere of a professional and focused briefing down pat and also the character voices through their way of interacting. I like Smythe and his professional air of mystery combined with enthusiasm. Toure's reasoning and summation - superb.

Ch'vo is grudging but willing to go along.

Kimi - she's intelligent and likeable.

Mack makes a very good audience/observer. His opinions or musings do not interfere with the reader's reactions.

~~!

Two mysteries going on at the same time looking forward to more details.

~~!

(Do not forget to update the title bar with something like chapter 2.)

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jun 21, 2016

#9

Kurisan likes this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 23, 2016

#10

Sith-I-5 and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 27, 2016

#11

Sith-I-5 likes this.
WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 31, 2004

Fascinating discoveries and conjectures about the origins and technology behind such a gigantic construction. Enjoying to read the reactions of the scientists each in their own way.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jun 28, 2016

#12

Kurisan likes this.
Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape Staff Member Manager

Registered:

Jun 29, 2004

I have to echo Deb in saying that your character voices are wonderful to read! The theories/discoveries about the technology are just fascinating, and I am enjoying every word of this. Keep up the good work!

Mira_Jade , Jun 30, 2016

#13

Kurisan and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 30, 2016

#14
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jun 30, 2016

#15
WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 31, 2004

Love the knowledgeable tone of Ch'vo and the enthusiasm of Smythe. Great balance there And it is very sensible of Toure to advise not provoking such an unknown and doubtless powerful entity especially if it is responsible for the extinction of that society.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jul 1, 2016

#16

Kurisan likes this.
earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 21, 2006

love your story with the scientists. Toure is a great captain taking caution. I like Mack with his observations

earlybird-obi-wan, Jul 1, 2016

#17

Kurisan and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jul 3, 2016

#18
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jul 3, 2016

#19

Sith-I-5 and RX_Sith like this.
WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 31, 2004

They poked it until it "woke up." Now Smythe - yikes, they can't get out of there fast enough.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, Jul 4, 2016

#20

Kurisan likes this.
earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

Registered:

Aug 21, 2006

That entity is evil, poor Smythe. get out of there

earlybird-obi-wan, Jul 4, 2016

#21

Kurisan and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
RX_Sith Jedi Grand Master

Registered:

Mar 13, 2006

This is indeed a great story with lots of mystery and suspense for the crew.

RX_Sith, Jul 4, 2016

#22

Kurisan and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jul 5, 2016

#23
Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape Staff Member Manager

Registered:

Jun 29, 2004

Wow, now that was quite the update! They definitely got the entity's attention, and the mystery only deepens now.

Besides the plot, and I very much enjoying your dialogue - you've done a great job giving each character a voice, and I'm enjoying getting to know them. I especially enjoyed the space-crazy passage in this update.

Mira_Jade , Jul 5, 2016

#24

Kurisan and WarmNyota_SweetAyesha like this.
Kurisan Jedi Master

Registered:

Apr 26, 2016

gg

Last edited: Nov 30, 2021

Kurisan, Jul 6, 2016

#25

RX_Sith likes this.

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