Beyond Star Wars ALternative Humor stories. Other authors invited to add

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by beezel26, Aug 23, 2004.

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  1. beezel26 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2003
    star 7
    Basically the concept is what a funny scene would be like say if

    Obi-Wan never faced Vader and he and Luke were talking after the battle of Yavin about Luke spending too much time with Leia.

    Or what would Vaders life be like if he knew he was Leias father before ANH and his reaction to her rebelliousness as a father. For example what he would have said to her when he found her aboard the shuttle without the plans.

    Any alternative in the SW universe would be included. All humorous of course. I will start
  2. beezel26 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2003
    star 7
    Luke and Obi-Wan talking to each other after the battle of Yavin if he had survived.



    Luke
    So master what do you want to talk about.

    Obi
    well Luke its come to my attention and the attention of some of the older ones about your relationship with the princess?

    Luke

    Whats Wrong

    Obi

    Well Luke you are spending too much time with her. Too much personal time.

    Luke

    Well shes beautiful and lonely after her parents were killed. Shes needs a friend. Han isnt any help he justs wants more.

    Obi

    Luke, well we are afraid you could develop feelings towards her. She could become attracted to you.

    Luke
    Well whats wrong with that. Shes single. I am single.

    Obi
    Well thats the problem. I, we dont want you to see her in that light. You can be a friend but be more a brother.

    Luke
    Why, you dont want me to mess up my training. Is that it. You know I wont. I will stay faithful. Whats wrong with a girl on the side.

    Obi
    Well Luke the code forbades it and lets be honest. She is a princess. your a moisture farmer. Two worlds. And she has high expectations. I mean material expectations. Why one dress of hers would cost you a years worth of work. And as a Jedi you wouldnt be making money any how. And dont look to the rebellion for money. I dont see a paycheck anytime soon.

    Luke
    Why she might change her mind.

    Obi
    Luke, I do believe its in your best interest. Trust me on this one. I am a Jedi. I can see trouble before it happens. And let me say she has trouble written all over her.

    Luke
    Really, I dont know. I will let her make her mind up. I have to get back so we can leave ok.

    Obi
    Sigh! Why me! Why did I ever take him along with me in the first place. This can only be bad. W
  3. beezel26 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2003
    star 7
    Alternative number two

    Darth Vader knows his daughter is Princess Leia and isnt happy about her choice in Friends.


    Officer
    Lord Vader we have the princess!

    DV
    About time. Put her in detention

    Officer
    Right away sir

    Next scene inside Detention cellblock
    DV is surrounded by stormtroopers
    DV
    Well Leia its time you fess up and tell me what you have been doing with your friends.

    Leia
    Never Dad!

    DV
    How many times have I told you to call me Darth Vader in front of the troops. I mean seriously, It diminishes my power as a Sith Lord if they see me as Daddy Vader. You know how many times I have had to kill an underling that made that wisecrack. Too many times. So for the last time Leia what were you doing with your friends.

    Leia
    Daddy I wont tell you anything. you never spent time with me anyway. I never even got a gift from you on my birthdays. I mean come on would it help to have given me a present. I joined the rebellion to spite you. I knew it would bug you. I knew you wanted me to date those imperial academy guys but I didnt want them. They were too uptight for me. And just so you know I gave the plans of your little Death Star away. Ok. Now you wont get them and I know you wont find them.

    DV
    Ahhh! If I cant get the plans then where are your friends hanging out?

    Leia
    Wouldnt you like to know Daddy Vader!

    Small snickering can be heard from the stormtroopers

    DV
    AHhhhhh! Thats it. Bring in the interogation droid. This time you will talk. And if not I will disconnect all sources of communication in here. So that way you will have no one to talk with.

    Stormtrooper A
    Huh Sir, does that mean we cant see her then or hear her. Cause we need that to know she is in her cell.

    DV
    Of course that doesnt mean that.

    Stormtrooper A
    Whooh! For a minute I thought we couldnt watch your daughter change I mean. ahhh did I just say that out loud.

    DV
    Ahhhh! extends hand and Stormtrooper A falls down dead.

    Noone will watch my daughter change and no one will talk with her. Got it.

    Stormtroopers in unison
    Got it sir!

    Leia
    dad, bring on your interogation droid. I can deal with that.

    DV
    Oh no honey, this is no ordinary droid. It wont hurt you. But it will cut your hair to my specifications. And it will make sure your clothing is to my liking as well.

    Leia
    Dad, you wouldnt, Please I beg you dont cut my hair. I promise I will tell just dont cut it. And Leave my clothes alone please. I need them to attract the guys.

    DV
    After I am done no guy will touch you. Just the way I want it. In fact I am sure the other officers with teen girls will follow suit. I will make an example of you.

    Leia
    Noooooooooooooooo!

    As the interrogation droid enters.
  4. beezel26 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2003
    star 7
    different scene with Leia and Darth Vader but this time before the desctuction of Alderaan.

    Darth Vader
    Her resistance to the interrogation is incredible.

    Governor Tarkin
    What do expect Vader she is a woman. No matter what you try it wont phase her. If only you had given her that Pony all those years ago she would be ours. Heck she would have been an excellent double agent.

    Darth Vader
    I know Tarkin I just was busy at the time. I wanted to give it to her in person.

    Tarkin
    Seriously Dont you realize if you had she would have screamed and cried. I mean you remember the first time she saw you right. She didnt think you were her father until you took the DNA Test on that show.

    DV
    I know what a mistake that was. I was so Ambushed on that show. But I got my revenge. I had the audience executed and sliced thru the host right there in front of her.

    Tarkin
    And now you see why she rebelled. I mean seriously you went on a show titled My dad is an evil dictator.

    DV
    Well I wasnt I wanted to prove that. And prove I was her father.

    Tarkin
    Right Vader, I warned you not to. Heck there are still copies of that show floating around this very station for amusement.

    DV
    Yeah I know the Daddy Vader Tapes I heard of them

    Tarkin
    well your lucky this space station has another weapon. A larger weapon. This way she will talk or else.

    DV
    Good, it will be good to finally put my foot down and take away some of her goodies. Especially all of her clothes and stuff on Alderaan. And the Makeup she wears. Its down right disgusting. Shes almost a child for gods sake. Shes not an adult.

    Tarkin.

    Shakes head.

    When will you ever learn Vader.

    Bring in the prisoner.

    Leia
    Oh Governor Tarkin I thought I smelled your foul stench when I was brought onboard.

    Tarkin
    charming to the last. You dont how easy it was for your dad to choose a target for this battlestation.

    Leia.
    No not Alderaan, please, My clothes my friends. My car.

    Tarkin
    Then name the system.

    Leia
    Dantoine there on Dantoine

    Vader
    Really, Well shut my mouth. I mean really. I knew you were always traveling a long distance and my spies told me you were putting alot of parsecs on the Ship your stepdad gave you but I wouldnt of guessed Dantooine.

    Tarkin
    Ahh! Its easier not to be a parent sometimes.

    Your far to trusting princess.

    You may fire when ready.

    leia
    Daddy no dont do this. I wont forgive you ever.

    Vader
    Sorry Pumpkin. Not Daddys choice anymore. Its his boss choice. Daddy needs to keep his job.

    Tarkin.
    Pumpkin! Seriously Vader just because she is your daughter doesnt mean you should be nice to her. Your a fearsome Dark Lord. I mean you are always killing someone that calls you Daddy Vader and here you are now talking sweet to your daughter. I mean You need to keep your image up all the time. You may fire when ready.

    Leia
    Nooooo!

    Tarkin
    Vader take a lesson from that. Children that disobey a parent need to be disciplined severly sometimes.

    Vader
    hey give me a break. we dont get much father/daughter time.

    Tarkin
    OHhhhhhhh! Sigh!
    Execute her please.
  5. DARTH2-D2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 4
    hey old buddy, why is this here, this seems to be a saga thing.
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