Star Wars Characters Try out for the Galactic Talent Search!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Mr. P, Apr 12, 2000.

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  1. Mr. P FanFic Archive Editor, Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    OK. I think I just had a brilliant idea for a run-on tread. The idea is that tommorow is the Galactic Talent Search, and all our favorite SW characters are readying to try to win. They do all sorts of stuff. I'll start the ball rolling with Mace Windu and Yoda, and hopefully, you can add more characters and AU, also. I hope this is going to be a serious thread. Feel free to join in.

    --Mr. P

    ----------------------------------------

    It is the night before the Galactic Talent Search. Yoda is chit-chatting with Mace Windu.

    "Strong in the force am I, but a good actor I am not. Besides the Force, what other talent have we?"

    "We can do impressions, Master Yoda. I could be Muhammad Ali."

    "And I would be whom? Kermit?", Yoda replied.

    "Hmmm. That could work. You could also do your impression of that soup of yours." Uggh! I hope I don't have to watch that, his soup is horrid.

    "WHAT! Good is my soup. For the skin it is good, hmm! Judge me by my soup, you will not!"

    "I know, I know. 'Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter'. Can't you do your impression of Darth Sidious?"

    "How I survive, not know do I..."

    Jump in, please!
  2. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Hidden in another room, decorated by a tasteful (and very glittery) star was Qui-Gon Jinn. He paced about the room, rather glaring at his apprentice.

    "For the last time, Obi-Wan," he said gruffly, "I will NOT sing the Pokemon Rap with you!!" The Jedi Master folded his arms, his stance clearly stating that the subject was closed for all eternity.

    The latter looked crestfallen, but recovered and planted his hands on his hips.

    "Well, it was better than YOUR idea," he huffed, adding a quick "Master", "Who wants to hear us sing the epic of Nomi Sunrider? It was written thousands of years ago!"

    Qui-Gon sighed in frustration.
    KIDS! Anything new and different... Pokemon my sainted AUNT! Next he'll be going for whats-her-face Spritz and the Queenies!

    "Years are irrelevant, my young Padawan," he said calmly, "That it has survived this long says something for its worth."

    "But its so long!"

    Qui-Gon gave up. Whatever. If Obi-Wan couldn't think of anything besides Pokemon, that was his kettle of sand spiders. The Jedi Master had his own backup plan.

    A knock sounded on their star-decked door. Ah! There she was now.

    "Ready, Qui-Gon?" said Adi Gallia, poking her head in the dressing room, hand over eyes. "You guys decent?"

    "Are we ever?" Qui-Gon replied. Adi came fully into the room. She was decked out in full Alderaanian ballroom duds, from a few centuries ago when the skirts were enormous and the hair matched.

    "You look simple dashing, M'Lady," Qui-Gon said, giving her a melodramatic bow. Then he disappeared into the bathroom

    Obi-Wan eyed the Jedi woman warily, as if afraid she might bite him. What in the seven hells of Charubah was she doing in that getup?

    "Sorry, Padawan," came Qui-Gon's voice as he emerged from the bathroom, "But I'm afraid you'll have to sing the Rap yourself."
    The Jedi Master was likewise deckout in a male version of said ballwear, consisting of a bright tourquoise jacket and white blouse, snug (but not overly tight) black pants, and boots to match the jacket.

    He bowed again to Adi, gave his Padawan a flourished salute, and swept his partner out of the room to practice their dance moves.
  3. Mr. P FanFic Archive Editor, Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Darth Sidious watched his holovid carefully in his quarters on Coruscant. Tommorow would be the Galactic Talent Search! What would he do? He was certain that he would win this year. He always lost. Last year, it was to that stupid fool Han Solo and his cartpet of a friend Chewbacca.

    But he would not be there to compete this year. Oh, no! I must, must win. It is my lifelong goal!, said a small voice in the back of Sidious' head, but he blocked it ot for now.

    The Dark Lord of the Sith knew that powerful galactic celebrities would be there, all in one place, just like it had been with the Outbound Flight Project. All too easy.

    [This message has been edited by Mr. P (edited 04-13-2000).]
  4. Nomi Jade Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2000
    star 4
    Pokemon is an INSULT!!!!

    *****

    " But I like the green one better!" Sabé said to Yané, who had picked out a yellow dress for the handmaidens to wear in the Galactic Talent Search.
    " Eirtaé, what do you think?" Yané said and handed her the gown.
    " I like the yellow one."
    " Urrr!" the frusterated Sabé growled.
    " Rabé!"
    " Um- the green one."
    " Ha!" Sabé laughed." Just then, Saché came into the room.
    " Which one do you like best, Saché?"
    " I like the yellow- um, green- I don't know..."
    The Queen marched in wearing a lovely white gown, her peace calming down the handmaidens.
    " Your Highness, what will we be wearing tonight?"
    " You will not be wearing one of those dresses, that's for sure."
    " What?" the Handmaiens asked in stereo.
    " There has been a change of plans. I will be singing a duet with Anakin tonight..." she looked dazed.
    " Man!" the Handmaidens mumbled.

    When Amidala was gone, they gathered together.
    " Okay," Sabé said. " We will be in the show, but will be doing a different act...hehe..."

    *****

    Boba Fett looked into the mirror at his armor. It had been waxed and now shone in the light. He opened his mouth:

    " Strangers in the night," came a Frank Sinatra-like voice. Adi Gallia looked at him through the door.

    " Sorry," he said in his normal voice and shut the door.
  5. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Can I do Sabe? PLEASE????? I know you started out with one, but can I do her??? I would think you would do Mara or something. . . if not, then can I do her?
  6. Mr. P FanFic Archive Editor, Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Sorry, badf post

    --Mr. P

    [This message has been edited by Mr. P (edited 04-13-2000).]
  7. Nomi Jade Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2000
    star 4
    Sure, Amidolee! I shall do Nomi Sunrider and Boba Fett, and you can have Mara!
  8. Opie Wan Cannoli Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 1999
    star 3
    Meanwhile, at the Solos' house;
    "Daaaaaaaad, do I have to wear this?"
    "Yes, Jacen. I've spent nine kriffing hours cutting it to fit you, so you'd better wear it!"
    "But why can't Anakin?"
    "Because Jaina's got him juggling lightsabers with her- something about the blades being the same color. Besides, you know Chewie's part better than he does!"
    "But the part was written for a Wookiee!"
    "So? No reason why you can't do it in Basic. Granted, the costume looked funnier on Chewie than you, but only because it was originally designed for a Twi'lek."
    "Aw, daaa-aad, I don't want Danni to see me in this get-up!"
    "You can mess around with your friends when our act is done. Right now, we've got a show to put on! Speaking of which , could'ya tell a few of those jokes that used to make everyone groan when you were at the academy?
  9. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Ok, I'm still writing Obi-Wan for now... but anyone who wants him is welcome.

    ****************

    A scant hour before the show, Obi-Wan Kenobi sat in his dressing room, doing something very un-Jedi-like. Pouting. His lower lip stuck out until it threatened to fall off. He folded his arms and stamped his foot. It simply was FAIR! Qui-Gon would rather dance with Adi Gallian than sing with his own Padawan.

    Hmph

    He left his dressing room, deliberately keeping his arms folded and a glower on his features.

    *******************

    AARRRGHH!! Thought a very frustrated Qui-Gon Jinn. A whole frelling hour had passed, and they hadn't gotten anything done yet. Adi was still deciding about the costumes. First this rediculous getup, he thought of the ballwear....

    Now she thinks something that'll show what our feet are doing! FEMALES!

    Half an hour ago, he'd stopped trying to understand what the woman was complaining about, and simply began to smile and nod whenever she said something.

    "QUI-GON!"

    "What?" (smile and nod)

    "You're not listening to a word I'm saying!"

    "Of course I am, Adi." (smile and nod)

    "No, you're not. I just told you you had a third arm growing out of your forehead and you just smiled and nodded!"

    "Oh. I thought you were... uh... speaking metaphorically." (DON'T smile and nod)

    The dark-skinned Jedi glared at him, then displayed her latest (and, please please, hopefully final) decision. They were Correllian. Short dress with a swinging skirt for the woman. Black trousers and suspenders for the guy, with a white shirt.

    At least its not tourquoise.

    Lastly, Adi brought out a cute black bowlers hat and placed it firmly on Qui-Gon's head.

    "There," she giggled, "Perfect."

    The Jedi Master rolled his eyes and went to change into the latest ensemble.
  10. Purp Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 1999
    star 1
    "I WILL NOT!"

    Maul's bloodshot eyes flared, threatening to engulf Sidious in their fury. The Sith Master calmly regarded his fuming apprentice and repeated, "Yes, you will."

    "How dare you ask me to humiliate myself in front of the Jedi like this?!" Maul snarled. "It is a disgrace to our order! We will never live this down!"

    "Correction, Maul," Sidious said, brushing a piece of lint off his cloak, "you will never live this down."

    "But . . . but . . . why?" he finally managed.

    "To tell you the truth, you just aren't very angry lately. When was the last time you slew somebody?"

    Maul paused. Come to think of it, it had been a while.

    "Exactly," Sidious concluded, his point made. "This act of yours shall help hone your anger to a fine edge, and you will once again be ready to take on the Jedi."

    Maul let out a most un-Sithly whimper. "Couldn't I do some other act? Something not quite so humiliating?"

    "Oh, I'm afraid not, my apprentice." Was it Maul's imagination, or was Sidious smirking at him under that hood? Probably. "I expect you to be ready for your performace. You had best start practicing now. Oh, and make sure you get the gestures right. They're of the utmost importance."

    Gathering his cloak about him in a dramatic swirl, Darth Sidious left his apprentice before another word could be uttered. For a moment, Maul considered taking the opportunity to rise up and slay his master, but it just seemed like too much effort. Maybe Sidious was right. Maybe his anger did need honing. Sighing, Maul went to the nearest mirror and began to practice.

    "I'm a little teapot, short and stout . . ."
  11. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    An entire platoon of stormtroopers passed Xanatos as he thought of what to do. He heard every single trooper complain about sore feet from rehearsing their can-can-chorus-line number.
    He looked around. Luke Skywalker or Leia Organa Solo were figuring out how they would adapt their duet of "Anything you can do, I can do better."
    The Ewoks had formed cheerleader structures- now a furry, living pyramid rushed toward him before collapsing.
    R2 and 3PO had come up with a Vaudeville-like comedy team act.
    That's when the thought hit him- stand-up comedy!

    [This message has been edited by Ty-gon Jinn (edited 04-14-2000).]
  12. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Jabba, Zorba, and Gardulla walked down the hall looking at posters people were putting up for the Talent Show.
    "SEE XANATOS- STAND UP COMEDIAN!"
    "FASTEST ALIEN ALIVE CHALLENGE! SEBULBA vs. GASGANO IN FOOTRACE TONIGHT!"
    "JAR JAR BINKS EATS WEIGHT IN SHELLFISH IN RECORD TIME!"
    "COME AND WATCH THE LEANING TOWER OF EWOKS!"
    "ADMIRAL ACKBAR'S RECORD HIGH DIVE JUMP!"
    "What are you doing, Jabba?" Zorba asked in Huttese.
    "I'm not telling," Jabba insisted.
    "Come on, Jabba, you have to tell us," Gardulla wailed.
    "Okay," Jabba regretfully agreed. He picked up a microphone, and began to sing in English.
    "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to have fun with anyone!"
    Zorba and Gardulla cracked up.
    "It's not unusual, to see me cry! Oh, I wanna die!"

    Xanatos ignored the sound outside, and turned back to his jokes. "Top Ten Reasons Star Wars Is Better Than 'The X-Files'" was corny. He needed something original.
    That's when it hit him- knock-knock jokes!

    [This message has been edited by Ty-gon Jinn (edited 04-14-2000).]
  13. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    One. Two. Backstep. Left foot, right foot. SUBDIVIDE! Do it again. Twirl, lift. Good grief. Quick, catch her!

    Force, I'd forgotten how hard the Correlian linndi is!

    Qui-Gon's brain had become a mush of information long before... now he ran on autopilot. But whenever the thought of giving up struck him, he remembered the Pokemon Rap. And redoubled his efforts to be absolutely perfect. At least the bowler's hat hadn't fallen off yet, and it was actually growing on him. But the rainbow suspenders... ick. He sent Adi into a series of complicated spins in revenge.

    "That's great, Qui-Gon," Adi beamed when the music ended, and she had recovered from dizzyness, "I told you it would be just like riding a bike! But..."

    "I know I know... subdivide."
  14. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Meanwhile, Obi-Wan accidentally walked into a rehersal of Kyp Durron's Dozen and Two squadron.

    "We're men!" they sang most manfully, "We're men in TIGHTS...!!"

    Obi-Wan ducked out of the door and retreated. He still didn't have an act. Time was running out, and he absolutely would NOT stoop to rythemic gymnastics.

    "Hey, kid," came a voice from behind him, "Can you sing?"

    He turned to face a tall man with black hair. It was tied behind his face. There was a tatoo of a black sun on his forehead.

    "Sort of," he said warily, "What's it to you?"

    "Well," the aparition said, rather sheepishly, "I'm rehersing my Massasi choir to sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat', and none of them can sing the descant."

    "There's a descant to 'Row Row Row your Boat'?"

    "Oh yes. You'll learn quick."

    "Well... alright."

    "YESSSS!!" shouted the man, pumping his arm up and down. He composed himself and stuck his had out. "Exar Kun... and you are?"

    "Obi-Wan Kenobi."

    Kun grabbed the Jedi apprentice's hand and shook it firmly. "Come on, then!"

    He lead Obi-Wan into a huge room where the 100 voice Massassi choir was waiting to sing "Row Row Row Your Boat".

  15. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    As Obi-wan walked by with Exar Kun toward the Massassi chorus, he cought snatches of Master Yoda's voice. If he didn't know better, the young man would have sworn that the low, scratchy voice was belting out a tone-deaf rendition of 'It's not easy being green'.
  16. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Wedge Antilles posed in front of the mirror. Timing would be everything. He couldn't afford to mess up. He and rogue squadron had been practising in secret for well over two weeks for the big event.

    "Are you sure about this, boss?" Asked Janson hesitantly. "There's going to be an awful lot of people out there...all that staring can be mighty, well, distracting."

    Wedge looked his friend up and down. "Of course we can do this. Think Corellian." He went back to the mirror.

    "I believe in miracles, since you came along...you sexy thing." He purred.
    "Pardon, boss?"
    "Not you! It's the words of the song!"
    "Oh!" Janson said nonplussed. He watched as Antilles smoothed his hair back. "You can leave your hat on..." He crooned.
    "Boss, I don't want to do this!"
    "What? You don't want to do the full monty in front of all these people? Son, Rogue squadron is depending on you!"
    "Then why are you nicknamed horse, and I'm called shrimp?" Janson wailed.
    "Don't worry." Antilles smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just remember at the end to place your helmet over your bits and pieces something lively, and you'll be fine."

    "But I've been working on another act!" Janson said enthusiastically. "Here, let me show you boss!"

    Antilles frowned as Janson whipped a large, glittery cloth from off a knife throwers wheel, with a live Ewok strapped to it.

    "I've been practising very hard." Janson said, placing the blindfold over his eyes and fingering the knives carefully.
    "Could you spin the wheel?"

    Antilles stepped forward and give the wheel a push with his hand. The Ewok made terrified little squeals as it went round, and round, and round...

    "Stand back, boss!" Janson said enthusiastically, as he hurled the knife at the wheel.

    There was a sickening squelch.

    "Boss?" Janson asked nervously, "Wwwhat happened?"
    Antilles walked over to the deceased Ewok with the knife embeded in its chest.

    "Good shot, Janson." He said.
  17. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Wedge Antilles posed in front of the mirror. Timing would be everything. He couldn't afford to mess up. He and rogue squadron had been practicing in secret for well over two weeks for the big event.

    "Are you sure about this, boss?" Asked Janson hesitantly. "There's going to be an awful lot of people out there...all that staring can be mighty, well, distracting."

    Wedge looked his friend up and down. "Of course we can do this. Think Corellian." He went back to the mirror.

    "I believe in miracles, since you came along...you sexy thing." He purred.
    "Pardon, boss?"
    "Not you! It's the words of the song!"
    "Oh!" Janson said nonplussed. He watched as Antilles smoothed his hair back. "You can leave your hat on..." He crooned.
    "Boss, I don't want to do this!"
    "What? You don't want to do the Full Monty in front of all these people? Son, Rogue squadron is depending on you!"
    "Then why are you nicknamed horse, and I'm called shrimp?" Janson wailed.
    "Don't worry." Antilles smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just remember at the end to place your helmet over your bits and pieces something lively, and you'll be fine."

    "But I've been working on another act!" Janson said enthusiastically. "Here, let me show you boss!"

    Antilles frowned as Janson whipped a large, glittery cloth from off a knife throwers wheel, with a live Ewok strapped to it.

    "I've been practicing very hard." Janson said, placing the blindfold over his eyes and fingering the knives carefully.
    "Could you spin the wheel?"

    Antilles stepped forward and give the wheel a push with his hand. The Ewok made terrified little squeals as it went round, and round, and round...

    "Stand back, boss!" Janson said confidently, as he hurled the knife at the wheel.

    There was a sickening squelch.

    "Boss?" Janson asked nervously, "Wwwhat happened?"
    Antilles walked over to the deceased Ewok with the knife embeded in its chest.

    "Good shot, Janson." He said.

    [This message has been edited by Jemmiah (edited 04-14-2000).]
  18. R2RUOK Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    LOL. THat's all I have to say.
  19. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    Evil, Jemmiah, just plain (ROFL!) eviiil.

    ****************

    "That is IT!" Qui-Gon barked as Adi Gallia accidentally (or was it?) pulled his hair for the 103rd time. He planted her down on the floor and went in search of a hairstylist.

    "Fly me to the moon," he sang softly to calm himself.

    ~I'll be back~ he told Adi.
  20. Lyf Mantoe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2000
    star 1
    "Do we HAVE to play girls?" Nield and Mawat whined. Cerasi nodded, along with Roenni and Deila. Cerasi threw two dresses with two halved coconuts to the boys and pointed to the bathroom.
    "Change now!" Cerasi barked. Neild opened his mouth, but was stopped by Deila.
    "Go, NOW!" Reluctantly, the two boys went into the bathroom to change. About ten minutes later, they came back out, a very bad lipstick job as well as eye shadow. The girls shook their heads and fixed the boys up.
    "Now, Neild, pull your coconuts up! It looks like your boobs are sagging!" Roenni said. Neild fixed the coconuts up. Cerasi handed the two boys a wig.

    "Now, one two three, and.... Twinkle twinkle little stars! No, no no! Not up up down! Down down up!" Cerasi cried out.
  21. RogueJai Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2000
    star 4
    Vader stared mournfully at the suit. "You wouldn't, Master."
    Palpatine didn't even turn around. "I would. I am. Go change."
    Vader came back 15 minutes later, head hung in shame.
    "Are you ready?"
    "Yes, Master."
    Emperor Palpatine finally did turn his throne around, to reveal a green and white striped cloak that nicely matched Vader's purple and white one. "On three. One. Two. Three."
    "We represent, the Lollipop Land, the Lollipop Land, the Lollipop Land. We represent, the Lollipop Land . . ."
  22. Padawan Chiaru. Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 1999
    star 1
    Chancellor Valorum, paced his room. ( what am I going to do? Everythings been taken... I know!) He rushed to his wardrobe and pulled out a big fluffy purple suit. He went behind a screen and chucked to himself as he swung his tail... 'he he he Hi kids! I'm Barney! tee hee hee"
    ______________________________________________________
    LOL you're all soooo funny.
  23. RogueJai Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2000
    star 4
    After the third round of "Lollipop Land," Vader sighed. "Master, this isn't going to work. It's just too . . . . . happy."

    "That is what makes it so evil, Darth."

    "But what if someone . . . laughs?"

    "Do unto them as you do unto incompetent commanders. If that idiot Sidious blows up the stage with his act, I will do as I've been meaning to do for years --- kill him, even if he is myself."

    "Master . . . wouldn't that cause a galactic problem?"

    "Vader, you died five years before your grandchildren were born. You will see them perform tonight. Do not question me again, Darth Vader. You are still the apprentice--I am the Master."

    "Yes Master."

    "On three. One. Two. Three. . .."
  24. Opie Wan Cannoli Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 1999
    star 3
    Jar Jar Binks and Borsk Fey'lya gathered up their props in the increasingly crowded rehearsal space in the parking lot. "Whatty weesa got, Borskie? Clownie noseys?"
    "Check."
    "Makeup?"
    "Check."
    "Waddymelons?"
    "Check."
    "Chainysaw?"
    "Check."
    "All righty. Gibben meesa...da chainysaw!"
    Jar Jar pulls the cord to the chainsaw, elbowing Anakin Solo in the back in the process, causing him to miss the lightsaber thrown by Jaina, which narrowly misses beheading both Jar Jar and Borsk before neatly holing the fender of Corran Horn's brand new squad car.
    "Weesa goin inta da hall now, okeyday?"
  25. Maelisaandii Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2000
    star 2
    "Rooo-oooo-ooo-w your boooaaaaat!"

    Obi-Wan sang with all his heart and soul, his youthful voice floating above the rather earthy sound of the Massassi. The effect was charming. Now if only Kun would show an inclination for a song besides this insipid round. Ah well, thought Obi-Wan.

    The black-haired Sith was likewise getting into the music, hopping up and down with the music and waving his baton faster than Obi-Wan's eye could follow. That didn't matter, Kun didn't have any sense of time whatsoever anyways.

    The choir's collective voice rose to an emotional crescendo and cut off, leaving their sound ringing off the rafters.
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