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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends Star Wars: Disciple of the Force (original characters)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by darthmace7, Jan 3, 2004.

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  1. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    This story is set around 2000 years before Episode I. It will feature (almost) entirely original characters. This is the first post in what will be a fairly lengthy action-packed story. Please read and post reviews. Enjoy!


    The High Tide rocked under the mounting pressure, swaying side to side. Its engines began to give out, leaving it an easy target for the Sith that were attacking it. The ship seemed to strain and small explosions could be heard from the inside. The High Tide would not hold out for much longer. The Jedi inside could literally feel the strain of the ship, its hull laboring to stand up to the beating that it was taking.

    In a long, wide corridor within the High Tide, a teenage boy walked, covering his ears and stumbling. Two Jedi stood in front of him, both of them sure-footed and able to ignore the noise. Their lightsabers were ignited and they were in prepared stances, moving slowly forward towards the hangar bay.

    As the Jedi approached the blast doors that were an entrance to the hangar, they suddenly became very alert. One of the Jedi at the front frowned at turned back to the others.

    ?He?s in the hangar,? he said in an almost frightened tone.

    ?Do not fear,? the Jedi in the back said, ?if we hold together we may be able to defeat him.?

    ?We have to,? the third Jedi proclaimed.

    Suddenly, the blast doors opened. A black-cloaked figure walked forward, towards the Jedi and the teenager that they were protecting. The figure wore black knee-high metallic boots, barely visible where the cloak parted at the bottom. His mouth and nose were covered by a breath mask. His face was unnaturally black, and his eyes were deep blue points of light.

    The Sith Master put both arms out and gestured. The two Jedi at the front gasped as their lightsabers exploded in their hands. The Sith gestured again and they were thrust backward and into the corridor walls. They both passed out.

    Before the Sith could reach the teenager, the Jedi in the back leaped over the teenager and in front of the Sith. His purple lightsaber was ignited and there was a solemn look on his aged face. He had short white hair, and a goatee that was white as well. He swung his lightsaber at the Sith.

    The Sith?s hands crackled with energy and he blocked the lightsaber thrusts with his hands. In between blocking the thrusts, he emitted Force lightning with his hands, slowly weakening the old Jedi.

    ?Run, Tamlis!? the old Jedi yelled, desperately holding off the Sith, ?I can?t hold him for much longer!?

    Tamlis, the teenager whom the Jedi had been guarding was unable to move. He was awed by the Sith and his power. Tamlis had been around Jedi all his life, learning and training. Still, he had met no Jedi whose power even rivaled that of the Sith. It was clear that the old Jedi would not prevail.

    Tamlis watched in awe as the Sith finally tugged the lightsaber out of the Jedi?s hand using the Force. He then ran the blade through the Jedi?s chest with the saber. The Jedi fell to the ground, limp and dead.

    The Sith stepped forward, tossing the Jedi?s blade to the ground.

    ?Do you see the power that I wield?? Tamlis was unable to reply, ?Do you see the power of the Dark Side.?

    Tamlis cowered in fear, afraid for his life.

    ?You are afraid. The Jedi do not allow you to even imagine the kind of power that I wield. But I do. Come with me, and you will become so powerful as to surpass the skills of me or any other Jedi or Sith before me. I guarantee this.?

    ?I cannot run from you.? Tamlis replied.

    ?No, you cannot.? The Sith said, ?Follow me.?

    Tamlis groaned. He found his body drawn to the Sith by an invisible force. It was clear that the Sith would take him by force if needed. Tamlis resisted valiantly, gritting his teeth. He began to sweat, laboring and trying to get free of the Force-bonds which had drawn so tightly around him.

    The Sith Master cackled.

    ?You cannot resist me, Jedi. No Jedi can.? Th
     
  2. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003
    Good start DarthMace!
     
  3. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks a lot KOS.
     
  4. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Here's the second post. Enjoy. Please post a review.

    He called upon the Force to strengthen him, and he began mesh with the Force, becoming one with it. His blows became faster and more powerful, each one causing the Dark Lord to back up a step. Finally, the Sith Lord unexpectedly threw a huge blast of lightning at Tamlis. He struck viciously, turning the tables on Tamlis.

    ?You have the potential to become far greater than I, Tamlis,? the Sith Lord rasped, ?but the Jedi will not allow you to reach your potential. If you were to come with me, I would show you the power of the Dark Side. The Dark Side is an infinite reservoir of power for those who learn to harness it.?

    Tamlis was swiftly gaining confidence, flowing with the Force. He was no longer being forced back; he was standing his ground. His motions were a maddened blur, blocking and attacking, stroke after stroke. The Sith Lord still seemed unshaken, as though he were not afraid at all that Tamlis would overcome him.

    The Sith continuously generated small bursts of lightning, weaving through Tamlis?s defenses. Tamlis was unable to stop these bursts, and he simply tried to accept them and continue his frantic slashing.

    However, it was becoming increasingly evident that Tamlis could not continue on for much longer. He was running out of strength, perspiring heavily. Even as he continued to draw upon the Force, his motions were becoming more and more sluggish. The Sith Lord was getting more and more bursts of lightning through his depleting defenses, shocking him and slowing him down even further.

    Finally, the Sith Lord broke through completely, thrusting Tamlis? lightsaber aside using the Force. He sent continuous lightning coursing around Tamlis? body, bringing him to the ground. Tamlis writhed in pain.

    The Sith Lord chuckled.

    ?You will join me now,? he said finally, ?or I will torture you until you die.?

    Tamlis groaned.

    ?I will come with you, Sith.?

    The Sith Lord smiled grimly.

    ?Good. I will show you the ways of the Dark Side. You will come to embrace it, no matter how resistant you are at first. The power of the Dark Side is completely irresistible.

    ?I come of my own free will. I will leave of my own free will.? Tamlis replied boldly, knowing that he did not have the means to back up his statement.

    The Sith Lord smiled, you are bold, young Jedi. Few would address me as though they were my equal.

    ?You have already told me that I am more powerful than you.?

    ?You are not powerful yet, Tamlis. But you will be, in good time. The Dark Side is a quick, easy path to power. The Jedi would preach that it is too easy and too fast. However, I believe that power is power, no matter how you come by it. You will come to see that this is true.?

    Tamlis followed him grudgingly, the ship still rocking back and forth from huge impacts. The entrance ramp leading into the large, black ship came down right before the Sith Lord?s feet, apparently called by the Force. The Sith Lord strode up and into the ship. Tamlis followed him, wondering what in the galaxy he was getting himself into.

    Just seconds later, the dark ship departed from the hangar. Tamlis was put into a holding room in the back of the craft. Through a small window in the back, he watched as the High Tide exploded as though triggered by the ship?s departure. He wondered for a moment if the Sith Master had been holding the ship together. It seemed impossible, but Tamlis was sure that if anyone could have done it, the Sith Lord was the one.

    He continued to watch through the window until the ship took off into hyperspace, leaving the system in which the High Tide had exploded behind.

    Tamlis lay down on a small cot that was one of the few furnishings in the cold, metal room. He tried to relax, but quickly found that he could not. The startling events in the minutes before made it extremely difficult for him to rest at all.

    His room contained nothing more than the wind
     
  5. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003

    Lots of dark side themes here.

    Good post!
     
  6. MasterP

    MasterP Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    if it was just another 1,850 years earlier, Ajin would be alive to be in it! :D

    But good work anyway!


    MasterPower :cool:
     
  7. AC-91

    AC-91 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2004
    It was great.Ilove the battle at the begining.Tamlis is cool too.
    When is the next one coming out?I cant wait to read it!
    :D
     
  8. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks everyone.

    AC: Hopefully by Monday. But don't count on it.
     
  9. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Here's a third post. Enjoy.

    Tamlis had made no such plot. His mind was too occupied, too caught up trying to figure out why he had conceded to the Sith Lord, to focus on anything else. He had been trained for so long to resist the Dark Side, and yet he had followed the Dark Lord as though he were his apprentice. Perhaps the Dark Side was even more powerful than the Jedi had hinted at.

    ?Do not worry. I realize that it would be foolish for me to attempt escape. Even if I were to get out, your ship would have me vaporized within seconds.?

    ?I am glad that you have realized this. A wise man knows when he has been defeated.?

    ?A wise man also knows when his victims pose a major threat to him.?

    ?Perhaps. Anyways, I am growing tired of these mind games. You should return to your quarters. We are about to exit hyperspace.?

    ?Where are we coming out at??

    ?You will see.?

    Tamlis grudgingly went back to his quarters. By the time that he reached the window, the ship was out of hyperspace. Still, he could see nothing but the starry sky from the back of the ship. He tried to reach out with the Force in order to find out where he was, but he found that he was too weary to use the Force extensively. Realizing that his efforts were futile, he sat back down on his cot and waited.

    Within minutes, Tamlis could feel the ship rock as it entered the atmosphere. Soon, even in his weary state, Tamlis would be able to feel the details of the planet that they were headed for. Sure enough, as Tamlis reached out with the Force, he could feel surface features of the planet.

    He could feel that the terrain was mountainous and rocky. There were lush forests in areas of low elevation and millions of creatures big and small roamed the jungles. Tamlis could detect no human life. With his limited range, however, that did not mean that there was no human life on the planet.

    Suddenly, the Sith Lord entered his quarters.

    ?As I?m sure you have detected, we are approaching the surface. We will be landing within a few minutes. I am excited to show you my home. This planet is where I live. There are no other sentient beings here, so my base of operations remains undisturbed. I live in a quiet, peaceful solitude.?

    ?Quiet and peaceful are not normally words used to describe a Sith Lord.?

    ?You misunderstand me. I am not quiet and peaceful; my home is quiet and peaceful. There is a difference.?

    ?I see.?

    ?We are beginning to land. I will pilot the craft into the hangar. You may watch our approach from the control room if you wish.?

    Tamlis followed the Sith into the control room, hoping to get a glimpse of the world that they were approaching.

    As the surface became viewable, Tamlis was awed by the sharp features of the jungles and mountains. The jungles were lush and full of life; the mountains were giant gray peaks, reaching above the clouds and into the heavens. He could hear and feel huge amounts of life all around the ship, pulsing in the jungles.

    The Sith Lord was a great pilot. He worked the craft seamlessly towards the foot of a particularly high mountain. Tamlis wondered where the hangar could be hidden. The ship headed steadily towards the foot of the mountain. Tamlis reached out with the Force and felt an opening at the foot of the mountain, just big enough for the Sith Lord?s ship to land in. This must be where they were heading.

    Sure enough, the craft drew closer and closer to the opening. It finally grew so close that Tamlis could see it. The opening was not as big as he had originally thought. Tamlis realized that it would be extremely difficult for the Sith to even fit the ship inside. However, the Sith never let up. He zoomed right into the hangar, fitting perfectly due to his deft flying.

    The ship slowly came to a stop. The Sith Lord led Tamlis out of the ship and into the hangar.

    The hangar was small, appearing to have been built to house no more than a single ship. The floor was stone
     
  10. AC-91

    AC-91 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Great!!!!!
    Keep up the good work!
    Can't wait for duel with Tamlis and the apprentice.
    Whats the sith's name?
    Or is it a surprise?
     
  11. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003

    Wonderful dialogue. Especially these parts:


    This planet is where I live. There are no other sentient beings here, so my base of operations remains undisturbed. I live in a quiet, peaceful solitude.?

    ?Quiet and peaceful are not normally words used to describe a Sith Lord.?

    ?You misunderstand me. I am not quiet and peaceful; my home is quiet and peaceful. There is a difference.?

    ?I see.?



    And


    ?I doubt it. Where would you get an army to usurp the throne and keep order among the galaxy? You have none.?

    ?The Force is my army.?

    ?The Force is strong, Sith. But not so strong as to allow two men to destroy armies and conquer galaxies. You overestimate your power.?




    The jungles were lush and full of life; the mountains were giant gray peaks, reaching above the clouds and into the heavens. He could hear and feel huge amounts of life all around the ship, pulsing in the jungles.?.good description.

    His black robes flowed behind him, creating a very eerie rustling sound?..nice. Liked this a lot.

     
  12. MasterP

    MasterP Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    Good job as always! :D


    MasterPower :cool:
     
  13. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks for the feedback. I can't wait to get this duel out, I'm really enjoyign writing it. I think that means you'll probably enjoy it more too.
     
  14. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Here goes the duel. I hope you enjoy. Please post a review.

    ?You speak of foresight. It is an extremely difficult power to master, and often impossible even for the strongest of Jedi. Are you telling me that you have mastered it??

    ?Do you doubt that I could??

    ?Yes. I doubt that anyone can.?

    A shadow passed over the Sith Lord?s face. Tamlis was puzzled, but he did not ask about it. He doubted that he would receive a straight answer. The Sith seemed to enjoy talking in riddles, never revealing his true meaning.

    ?There are those that? are talented in that area. They have this talent from birth, but they have to be taught how to unlock it. I am marginally talented in this area.?

    ?How is it that none of the Jedi have this talent??

    ?It is very rare. I am sure that many who have that talent are simply never taught it. There are those among the Jedi who see flashes of the future, but they cannot be taught in order to refine their powers.?

    ?I see.?

    Tamlis noticed that they were coming to large metal doors. The Sith Master turned to him, smiling.

    ?We are about to enter the room where my apprentice waits. I warn you, he is wiser and more experienced than you. You, however, have more potential. Engage him in battle. Strike him down and you will have earned your place at my side. I will observe the duel.?

    ?What if I do not fight??

    ?I have explained this. If you refuse to fight, my apprentice will strike you down with no hesitation. Then he will take his place at my side once more.?

    Before Tamlis had time to reply, the doors opened up. Behind them was a large circular room with a stone floor and high metal walls. There was a catwalk on the next level up overlooking the arena-like area.

    In the center of the room stood a dark figure in a crimson robe. His face was hidden by the hood of the robe. He wore black boots and gloves. His arms were covered in some black material.

    ?Is this my challenger?? the figure asked in a raspy, deep voice.

    ?Yes. Fight him.?

    The figure reached to his belt, beneath his robes. His robes rustled as two lightsaber were called to his hands by the Force. He ignited both of them and struck a battle-ready pose. The lightsabers? crimson blades blazed brightly, illuminating his sneering, malicious face. The figure behind the robes was a man, but his face was strange. His eyes blazed a startling dark red, which contrasted with the startling and randomly patterned Sith tattoos that made his face extremely menacing. His head was shaven and covered in the Sith tattoos.

    ?Jedi fool,? the Sith?s words were still raspy and filled with hatred. He crouched, ready to strike at any moment.

    Tamlis did not mean to give into the Dark Side, but he did not see what good he could do dead. In response, Tamlis drew out his purple lightsaber and ignited it with a snap-hiss. He brought himself into a defensive stance.

    His Master, Jaron Kelpo, had been killed holding off the initial Sith boarding party on the High Tide. Kelpo had favored a very aggressive style that he had taught Tamlis. Tamlis had modified the style slightly to fit his own abilities, but it was mostly the same. Master Kelpo had taught him well, training him to be a strong and assertive Jedi. Some of the less active Jedi felt that Kelpo?s ways were too close to the Dark Side. However, Tamlis had felt that Kelpo was very intelligent and very far from meddling in the Dark Side.

    Tamlis focused himself on the duel at hand. The Sith was still standing there, as if waiting for Tamlis to move. Tamlis held his ground, sending the message that the Sith apprentice would have to make the first move. The Sith simply smiled.

    Suddenly, Tamlis found himself hurtling towards the Sith, unable to control himself. His lightsaber was pinned to his side and the Sith was holding both of his lightsabers directly forward, ready to intercept Tamlis. Tamlis began to fight the Force-hold that the Sith had on him in the same way that h
     
  15. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003
    Another well written post.

    I liked this part especially... The lightsabers? crimson blades blazed brightly, illuminating his sneering, malicious face. The figure behind the robes was a man, but his face was strange. His eyes blazed a startling dark red, which contrasted with the startling and randomly patterned Sith tattoos that made his face extremely menacing. His head was shaven and covered in the Sith tattoos.

    The duel was well co-ordinated. I liked the way you referend to the Force during it. Also the last line was chilling

     
  16. AC-91

    AC-91 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Great new post!
    I liked the battle,especially where the Sith used the force to make the lightsabers hover.Also liked how when he kills him he uses the force to make him crash against the wall.
     
  17. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks everyone. I'm elated to have two people that will follow my fanfic. Remember to remind me when you update, KOS.
     
  18. MasterP

    MasterP Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    SWEET LIGHTSABER BATTLE! And an briliant job :D


    MasterPower :cool:
     
  19. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks MP. I enjoyed writing it.
     
  20. Calandria

    Calandria Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2003
    cool story :D

    I loved the fighiting scene. It could also just be that am a sucker of evil :p

    :D

    keep it coming...
     
  21. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Here's another post. Thanks for the reviews. Prepare to be wowed! Don't forget to post a review!

    The next few weeks were used by the Sith Master to train Tamlis and lure him to the Dark Side. Tamlis grudgingly accepted the Sith?s training, believing that he would have to train hard and get stronger before he could attempt to escape from the Sith?s planet. He hoped that when the time to run came he would know what to do.

    The Sith did not focus much on lightsaber training. Though he stressed that skill with a lightsaber was important, he made it clear that he believed the mind was a more effective weapon. Tamlis worked hard to refine his ability to move things with the Force. He also worked on healing with the Force and altering the minds of his opponents. He found that he was very good at Force persuasion, a technique that was often good for getting a Jedi out of a tight spot without any violence or expense of energy.

    The Sith also made sure that his defense with a lightsaber improved greatly. The Sith explained that most enemies he would ever face used a blaster and not a lightsaber. He used this to rationalize the need to be very good at deflecting blaster bolts. Tamlis soon became good enough to deflect the bolts of twenty remotes at a time. Tamlis was instructed to block their fire and not destroy them. This training was solely for defense and nothing else.

    Tamlis was surprised that the Sith wanted him to focus on defense. He had expected that the Sith Master would teach him about aggressive actions, hoping that he would give in to his anger. Instead, the Sith was teaching him even more passively than the Jedi had.

    Three weeks into his training, Tamlis decided to ask the Sith about his so-called Force Army.

    ?What did you mean by ?the Force is my army??? Tamlis asked questioningly.

    ?It would have been more accurate to say that those who use the Force are my army,? The Sith replied puzzlingly, ?I have begun a New Sith Order which will wipe out the Jedi and claim rule over the entire galaxy. Their numbers are growing numerous. I have been recruiting Force users right under the Jedi?s nose. I have even been able to persuade some Jedi to leave the Jedi Order and join me. I am hoping that more Jedi will side with me when I reveal our Sith Order to the Jedi.?

    ?The Jedi Order is stronger than you think, Sith. There may be a handful that will side with you, but you will find that most of us are fully loyal to the Jedi Order and the Jedi ideals.?

    ?The Jedi ideals?.? The Sith Master trailed off thoughtfully, ?Are a lie.? He concluded.

    ?The hope for peace is a lie??

    ?There will never be peace. There will always be enemies, Jedi. You should know this by now. You can never please everyone. There will always be those that are opposed to your opinions.?

    ?Like you.?

    ?I agree with much of what the Jedi teach. I do not agree on their methods for getting what they want, however. The Jedi need to become more assertive. They need to meditate less and act more. They are rotting away in their Council Chambers while the rest of the galaxy crumbles around them. They are blind to this.?

    ?You refuse to give the Jedi credit. Were you to open your eyes, you would see that the Jedi are in control now.?

    ?I grow weary of your dedicated support of the Jedi. I have decided that it is time to show you what compels me to have so much confidence in my ability to defeat the Jedi Order.?

    Tamlis was puzzled. He had simply assumed that the Sith had been lying about his ?army.? Tamlis began to reconsider what the Sith had said. He wondered if it was possible that the Sith had assembled some kind of army of Force users or simple soldiers. The very thought of it was extremely disturbing. Tamlis could hardly bear to think about what terror the Sith Lord would wreak with an army at his command.

    The Sith lead him down winding, narrow passageways. Over the weeks, the sheer size of the Sith?s base was becoming clear to Tamlis. It se
     
  22. MasterP

    MasterP Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2003
    On the floor of the chamber and on the catwalks, tens of thousands of red, blazing lightsabers ignited

    I liked that. It shows how plentiful the Sith were back then.


    MasterPower :cool:

     
  23. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003

    More good work.

    I liked these parts most:

    The Sith did not focus much on lightsaber training. Though he stressed that skill with a lightsaber was important, he made it clear that he believed the mind was a more effective weapon.

    The corridors were dark and dreary. Tamlis was forced to feel the Sith Lord with the Force and follow him this way. He found that even with Force-enhanced vision, he could not see through the impenetrable darkness of the labyrinth.

    Tamlis gaped. On the floor of the chamber and on the catwalks, tens of thousands of red, blazing lightsabers ignited. They were all raised high with pride. The army was chanting, raising their lightsabers above their head. The Sith Lord just chuckled.

     
  24. Calandria

    Calandria Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2003
    ooooooo nice

    that little bit with the sheer mass of people willing to follow the Sith lord made me shiver. Just plain awesome.

    Also the way Tamils slowly seems to bend to the sith lord's point of view is very well made. He seems to doubt not only the sith lord's "ideals" but his own as well.

    This has great potential :D
     
  25. darthmace7

    darthmace7 Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Thanks everyone. A new, very exciting post is in the works! Be prepared.
     
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