Star Wars EP IV: A New Hope (UK FF Stylee)

BERU: Gimme any more of that lip and ye'll be wearin the feckin dinner. Pass the sprouts...

 

Nag...nag..nag yer wee dos bint..all yer cook is blue milky *****..

where's our Luke??

LUUKE!!! git yerself in here now before I give yer da back of me frigginn 'and

 

BERU: Last I saw, he was heading into the garage with those 2 new droids.

You dont think they're...surely not...

Mind you...it wouldnt be the first time I caught you with yer todger in a moisture tube.

 

I WASS COLLECTING CHEESE!!!

LUKE!! LUKE!!!

Tha boy is not mee own...he's too poncified

 

<walks into dining room fastening fly>

Ahm here ye cranky aul bitch. Fits fer tea? Nae mair o that fecking blue gunk. Gads min that's boggin! Onywy, since ye got those new droids Owen, ye winna be needing me ony mair. That Threepio is specially good < @ Owen> So Ahm gan tae the Academy this year instead!

 

SH!TE YER ARE..ME BOY..

I needs yah for the harvest..how am I supposed to fix those sodden vapour generators with me bleedin' hands???

I don't give me that..'I don't belong here look' or yer'll get the back of my bloody hand...

//farts

Look what yo've made me do...I've gone and shat myself

Owen goes to the toilet to 'freshen up'

 

//Beru goes with him to help

Look...we cant keep him here for ever, Owen. And we cant sell him or kill him...

There's too much of that damn father of his in him...

 

No so hard woman!!

Aye yer right..that boy is too much like his dad..

Who was his dad again??

 

Umm...

Well it wisnae you cuz you're a jaffa.

I cant really remember - it was the 60s, coulda been anyone.

All I know, is that he's no a farmer.

Mind you...there wuz that guy... ... had a go of all the women...

And some of the men, I think

 

I bet he missed you out though..

you look too much like a man

 

I bet he DIDNT miss you out though

Right...you better go talk to Luke.

 

When he get's back from looking at the twin sunset and wishing he not born on this sandy rock....I'll have a word..

Now c'mon here and give Owen some good lovin'

 

//does a runner as fast as his little wheels can take him

fuzzzbeeeptootnarfpopwhinefping
(free at last)

 

<walks into garage and hears a buzzing noise. Luke uses remote control to turn of Beru's vibrator and 3PO pops up from behind the speeder>

Fit th Hell are YOU daein back there?

 

Threepio lets out a short yell and pops up from behind the Skyhopper spaceship.

 

Oh my Sir...I'm soooo sorry...it's R2 you see...he just left...muttering something about a mission...I couldn't stop him..it's his 3rd leg you see...when that's down..you just can't stop him

 

<Luke runs up to his bedroom to grab the binoculars that he had been using to peep on Camie>

Feck th wee 4$!t is naewhy tae be seen! Uncle Owen'll mak me wash his soiled undies fir ages noo. The wee ****!!!

 

Shall we go and look for him now??

//gets excited

In the dark!!??

 

//trundles away

fuzzzbeeeptootnarfpopwhinefping
(hahahah, theyll never catch me)

 

Nah min it's too dark. We cid end up bein gang raped by the Sandfolk. We'll hifta ging lookin fer him in th mornin! Feck feck FECK!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm sorry about him sir...between you and me he's a stubbon little sh!t

 

<Driving along the desert in his banged up mini with 3PO in the back seat>

Feck, Ah've found the wee bugger!

 

BERU: (Hearing Owen shout for Luke) He's away out. Dont know where he is. Probably away for a skive.

I think he took the new droids with him.

 

Oy YOU!!!! Ye wee fecking sh!te! I'm gonner kick yer sorry arse fae here tae th deep core. Ye think Ahm jokin?! If mah uncle hid found oot ye wis gone Ah'd've had tae wash his skiddy undies fir a month! Plus I wanted tae see the rest o that porn film ye hid

< @ Artoo>

Fit's at? Creatures comin at us fae the Sooth East? Feck, it must be th' Stepsfans, th' evil folk that bide oot here! Quick cummon an hide ye daft fecks!

 

vroottootbloopblingdigdongspongvroottootbloopblingdigdongspong
(damnation they found me, why am i cursed with these feeble wheels)